Domestic CEO

New Address

2011-03-27T18:56:00.000-04:00

Alright, alright, enough people have pestered me to give them the address of my new blog, so here it is:

http://teachermomcrazylady.blogspot.com/

Feel free to come on over and visit!

That's It.

2010-12-09T14:49:00.000-05:00

I can't do it anymore.

After being reprimanded again for writing about something someone was uncomfortable with, I've decided I can't do this anymore. This is my last entry in this blog. I have done everything I can to make this blog anonymous, but people that know me still know this blog and I can't keep censoring myself anymore.

I have started a brand new blog. I'm not telling anyone the address. I even got a new email address so there is no connection to me. I am disappointed I had to do this, but I want to have the freedom to express what I want.

Thank you to anyone who has read this blog. I appreciate that you were along for the journey.

Yet Another Sick Day

2010-10-26T08:47:00.005-04:00

Still not mine.

J is sick this time, but it seems like only a low grade fever (can't find the stupid thermometer) and cough. She woke me up this morning around 7, which meant I couldn't write up specific plans, but the preschool director said she would take care of it. I mean, I did have my plans for the week written up, but it doesn't specifically say what I was planning to do today.

So while J lays on the couch relaxing, here's what I plan to accomplish:

Laundry, laundry, and more laundry - I have done so much laundry today that I literally have lost track. I'm thrilled to say that I only have two baskets waiting to get washed left.
Sorted every piece of laundry in the house. Now have HUGE piles on my bed, but will work through them all through out this day. And YES, I had to add it to my To Do list so I could now say this - TA DA
5 minutes in the LR, DR, and Kitchen TA DA
Chop up veggies for soup TA DA (And the soup was delicious!!!)
Cut up the chicken
Rearrange the kitchen cabinets - plates and cups
Create world peace
Work on our budget (hmmm...maybe I should just stop at world peace)
Once again tackle the mountain of papers

I hope I can get more than this accomplished, but for now, this is my TO DO list, which I hope will soon turn into my TA DA list. I will add in italics what I actually do today.

Scenes from an Italian Restaurant

2010-10-20T19:31:00.000-04:00

Okay, so it's not really "an Italian restaurant" so much as my favorite Borders.

And it's not really "scenes" so much as ideas I've gathered from my stack of magazines and books to look at while I'm hanging out which I will return to the shelves before I leave for the night.

But when I tried to think of a good title, "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant" stuck in my head.

Deal with it.

This afternoon was kind of rough, so I jumped on DH's offer to basically take the rest of the day off in exchange for various {ahem} favors.

And now I'm at Border's. Alone. Ahhhhhhhh....

I decided to list all the fabulous ideas I gather tonight. Whether I end up actually USING any of them remains to be seen.

Lay a Tray - create a decoupaged tray using egg shells that have been thoroughly cleaned and broken into small pieces.
Go Gaming - make a centerpiece kind of tray thingy by gluing misfit game pieces on a plain charger. Note to self - figure out what a "plain charger" is.
Check out DSIRE.org to figure out if we can get a free home energy audit.
This one woman featured in this magazine had no room for a separate pantry, so she opened one kitchen wall to expose the studes and added 2x4s cut to size for shelving.
Go to diyadvice.com/paintcabinets for some much needed advice on how to hopefully paint my kitchen cabinets. Or maybe we should just remove the doors altogether?
I need to replace the awful, huge, fluorescent light in the kitchen - maybe with a "chic pendant lamp" from IKEA and one of those pot holder thingies.
IF (and this is a big IF) we had an "extra room" that could be used as a guest bedroom, there's an article here on how to make it do double duty as a craft room by using a Murphy bed.
Oh my goodness - I cannot IMAGINE taking the time to wrap presents so they will look as fancy-schmancy as these do in this craft magazine!
Hmmm...these rooms with white, shoulder height paneling look great. And by layering different styles of molding on top of the paneling leaves a nice sized ledge to use for display stuff.
I want to take everything out of our shed, apply painted pegboard to the walls, and hang everything from the walls. Install hooks and buckets to the insides of the shed doors to hang lots of stuff.
You can use a kazoo to blow bubbles!
Use a six-pack carton as a car caddy to hold tissues, hand wipes, granola bars, whatever.
Go to ginseystore.com to buy a $3 sippy straw cleaner! We don't use sippy cups anymore, but all three kids love silly straws - I wonder if it would work for them.
Volunteerspot.com to set up help for J's school party (I'm the homeroom mom for the first time).
I want to install an indoor swing or hammock seat in the kids' playroom. It appears that IKEA sells an Ekorre swing kit and mounting hooks for a total of $17. Sweet!
To make a pegboard to use in the entryway, paint it first with a base coat. Trace the objects you want to hang with a pencil, and then use a paintbrush to paint inside the lines with the second color. It looks really cool.
$20 canopy for J's room: Buy tulle ($2.50 for a nine by three feet sheet), hang it over her bed with four small nails or sturdy pushpins - it's that easy!
Preschool idea - find vintage rotary wall phones and hang them on the wall
Just as I have always said - you will NOT catch a cold simply by going outside with wet hair.

Okay, the person sitting next to me is eating vegetarian sushi and it smells SOOO good, but they don't sell that here, so now I have to ask him where he got it from so I can immediately go there, buy some, and head home. Of course, he's deep in conversation, so I probably should at least wait until there is a slight lull, but before he throws the packaging away.

I hope you enjoyed the ideas I found as much as I did!

Just a Pinch and Then It's Over

2010-10-20T18:29:00.000-04:00

Before we left for school this morning, I gathered the kids around me. "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is I'm picking you up from school early today and taking us all over to Dunkin Donuts!"

Cheers erupted through the dining room. Only one child, after jumping up and down a few times out of sheer joy, realized something must be up and suspiciously asked, "Why?"

"Well," I began slowly, "the bad news is that we first have to swing by the doctors' office to get our flu shots."

Cheers were soon replaced with loud sobs.

I got them calmed down, sent them off to school, went to my own school to teach, but their appointment got closer and closer and I couldn't put it off any longer. I picked up the kids and drove to the office. Tears started as soon as the van doors closed. I repeated our shot mantra over and over: "It's just a pinch and then it's over," but A screamed, "But some pinches are longer than others!" I tried to redirect by asking for descriptions of the donut they were going to get afterwards, but A cried, "I just can't think about that now!"

Side note - While I try as a rule to not reward/bribe children with food, especially desserts, sometimes nothing else will do.

The actual time inside the examining room was fifteen minutes, but somehow once we entered the small room (the better for our screams to bounce off the walls and deafen Mommy) all time stopped. By the time we left, all the children were semi-calm once again, but I still ended up having to physically restrain all three of them while they each wailed at the top of their lungs. A jumped out of my arms three different times until I finally had to sit in a chair and hold him on my lap with both arms AND a leg, only to have him begin to laugh through his tears as soon as the shot was over, explaining, "It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would!"

Great, buddy. I'm so glad it's didn't hurt YOU as much as you thought it would. It sure hurt ME just as much as I thought it would! I hate having to hold them down so some scary doctor or nurse can inflict pain. I feel like I'm betraying any and all trust you have in me. I know it's a necessary evil, but it still breaks my heart each and every time.

Sick Day

2010-10-14T12:38:00.003-04:00

Not mine. B has been sick with a fever and asthmatic cough, so we've been taking turns staying home with him. Today is my day. His fever was down this morning and is now gone (woohoo!) so he is now off the computer/not watching tv/done with the Wii and is tackling the mountain of schoolwork his brother brought home for him. Wasn't that nice of him? (sarcasm, in case you couldn't tell)

So now that he's not really, really sick, I really, really have no reason to still be sitting at the computer, ignoring the state of this house. Really. Since I wasted the morning:

B, I'm going upstairs to take a nap. Here's the intercom if you need me, a big glass of juice with a silly straw, a bagel with margarine. Enjoy watching the episodes of Fetch with Ruff Ruffman you just found on the computer. Mommy needs to sleep.

Hmmm...does that make me a bad mom? Or just one that was really, really tired?

I have to get my butt in gear so I at least feel like I accomplished SOMETHING!

Here's the plan, which I will attempt to complete in between helping B not get overwhelmed with his work:

Fold and put away the laundry in the dryer, transfer laundry in the washer into the dryer, and put the blanket B threw up on into the washer. Yuck! - DONE
Attack the kitchen - empty dishwasher - DONE, reload dishwasher - DONE, wash by hand the large dishes that will not fit in said dishwasher, clear off and clean off counters (including throwing away last week's CSA vegetables that I never got around to cooking - yes, I am hanging my head in shame as I throw my money away)
Clear off the dining room table
Resort and organize my many plastic containers and stock up on individual portions of snacks to make lunches easier to prepare
Fold and put away laundry in the dryer, transfer blanket to the dryer, put in yet another load of laundry that clearly seems to multiply whenever I turn my back
Find a face painting face template to print out so I can show what I am able to paint. I volunteered to face paint at the school district's PTO carnival this weekend, and it sure makes it easier when I have faces for kids to pick
If I'm still standing at that point - tackle the Paper Pile threatening to fall on and crush anyone who breathes on it wrong.

Sigh. It's pretty sad that just typing that list was the highlight of my day so far. Okay, okay, before B moves on to his math, I better get up and go.

Last Words

2010-09-30T11:56:00.000-04:00

My friend M had a wonderful habit of ending almost every conversation by giving whoever she was speaking to a hug and telling them, "I love you and I care." It always made me feel so special to see her and simply feel that love exuding from her.

M and her husband A have been members at my synagogue since the synagogue began. My parents joined the synagogue right after I was born, and I have been an active member since then, now teaching there six days a week, four different classes. When I was twelve I was given permission to finally join the Adult Choir (there was no other choir to join at the temple at that time). M was one of the two original members of the choir. I was the youngest member of the choir, but having grown up with all of the choir members, really felt like I had lots of additional sets of parents and grandparents. M and A, out of all of these, were my favorite set of extra grandparents.

Every time the choir performed, M would sit in the front row and A would sit at the end of his row so the two of them would end up basically sitting next to each other. You rarely saw one without the other. M and I would often chat about her grandson after services. She usually laughed as she described that her grandson had no idea she was as old as she was since she got on the floor with him to play all the time.

Tuesday was a bad day. J started the day by tantruming that she hated school and didn't want to go anymore. All three kids ended up missing the bus because of it, so I had to drive them to school. As I pulled out of their school's parking lot, the van started making an unsual noise that got a little louder as I continued driving. The synagogue is only about five minutes away, so I slowed down and just kept going. The noise began sounding almost rhythmic, sounding like maybe a tire was becoming flat. I pushed through, hoping to just make it to school before I couldn't drive anymore. As I got closer the sound got louder until I just pulled into a parking lot nearby. When I got out I looked at the tires, expecting to see one of the tires totally flat. Nope. They were all perfectly fine. Hmmm. I walked the rest of the way to school, arriving past my contractual start time, received a reprimand for not at least calling (oops - my cell phone's not charged), called my auto body mechanic BIL who happened to be around the corner and was able to check out the car before returning with the bad news: it's probably the transmission. Oh, crap.

And then the kids arrived, so I threw myself into teaching, putting the van to the back of my mind. Most of my class left that day at 12 (I stay until 1 with any kids sticking around for Lunch Bunch), so I called my mom to see if she could do me a favor and call our mechanic to have the van towed. I know, I'm old enough to make these calls myself, but I didn't have the number on me and couldn't leave my classroom to find the number and call.

As soon as she picked up the phone, she said, "I heard."

Wow. I can't believe that my BIL called my sister who then called my mom all within the three hours I was teaching. Just to clarify, I asked, "You heard about my car already?"

"No, I heard about M and A. About the car accident. They were both killed."

Silence. I heard a buzzing around my head as I stepped back to lean against my desk. My mom hadn't meant to blurt out this horrible news to me like this, she truly thought I knew and was calling to make sure that SHE had heard. And she definitely didn't know I was still responsible for kids. I struggled to make sense of what she had just said, and finally pulled myself together enough to sigh, "Oh my gosh. Woah. I hadn't heard that, but I still have kids here," at which point my mom began profusely appologizing for telling me like this, but I couldn't focus on that yet, knowing that I was seconds away from losing it and needing to keep up a front for the kids in my room. "Um, I was calling about my car. Can you call Billy's and get it towed there? I'll talk to you later." I hung up, stuck my head out into the hallway and in a very stiff voice asked for someone to step into my room for a moment, thinking to myself, "Keep it together, keep it together, keep it together..." As soon as someone started heading down, I left the room, locked myself into a bathroom, and let loose.

After a couple minutes I forced myself to calm down and headed to the Cantor's office, the woman who has been the choir director since before I joined. My red eyes told her instantly that I had just found out, and she wrapped me in a hug. I couldn't help myself; I stiffened and pulled away unintentionally, knowing that I couldn't allow myself to fall apart again since I still had to go back to my classroom. She pointed out one thing that helped: at least this loving couple basically went together. There was no long, drawn out time in the hospital for either of them; neither was aware of what happened to the other. And as horrific as the situation is, that is a blessing.

The funeral for M and A is tomorrow.

I keep going back to M's words, "I love you and I care." For most people, these will be the last words, the last interaction they had with her. What an amazing memory for so many people. And it made me begin focusing on the interactions that I have with other people. Do I make them feel loved? Do I show them that I care? And what can I do to make sure they know?

The only thing I can think to do for now is to try to be in the moment, to be present. When I'm with someone, I need to look at them and listen to them. And I need to go outside my comfort zone and reach out to my beautiful friends and make plans to get together with them.

And to anyone who cares enough to read about my little life, I sincerely have to say:
I love you, and I love that you care.

P.S. In case you're curious, the van is dead. We have to get a new one (well, new to us), and since the transmission is totally dead, we can't even use it for a trade in. This will make our finances even more strained than they currently are. I'm taking a deep breath now. Let's get through the funeral tomorrow, and then we'll focus on car shopping Saturday.

Last Day of Freedom

2010-09-06T15:20:00.001-04:00

Or is it that freedom begins again tomorrow?

Tomorrow is our first day back to school!

DH actually started last week, which might be part of the reason I can't wait for school to start up again for the rest of us. We have had a great summer, went to tons of fun museums, saw some good movies, bowled, mini-golfed, saw some fabulous children's theater, went to my sister's community pool, played with the neighbor kids, even enjoyed a week down the shore with my parents, my sister and her family, my mom's cousin, and us. And we are all sooo ready to get back into our regular routine.

I have been working hard on getting the kids and me (mainly me) into a good back-to-school routine. Since getting out of bed in the morning is really hard for me (I am the Snooze Alarm Queen), I bought this fabulously annoying alarm clock to force myself to get up. I have set it to begin ringing and moving simultaneously, so when the alarm goes off, the clock actually jumps off my night table while making the most obnoxious noises (but also loud and unusual enough that they do not get incorporated into my dreams). To turn it off I have to get out of bed, find the clock (which by now is rolling all around my bedroom), and fiddle around with it to find the small alarm button to get it to shut up before the kids all hear it and come running into my room to watch it roll around the floor. Hey, whatever it takes, right?

What I've been attempting to do is to get up about 45 minutes before the kids do so I can get downstairs first and work out with my Wii Fit Plus. It works out so much better for everyone if I can finish my workout before the kids become my audience and begin commenting on every move I make. Even though all three kids wake up ungodly early no matter what time they go to bed, we have trained them to stay in bed until their clock radios begin playing music at 7-3-0. It usually works.

Today I was out of bed by 6:45 and downstairs by 7, though I didn't actually start working out until 7:25. By the time I was finished my 30 or so minute workout, the kids were all down, watching, and waiting for their breakfasts. If I were to do the same thing tomorrow, we would be late for school, so I think I need to make sure all their breakfasts are on the table BEFORE I begin working out. I'm trying to re-establish the routine that before they come downstairs in the morning, they dress (down to their shoes - no more last minute tears because "I don't know where my shoes are!") and make their beds (with their pjs under their pillows - I'm so sick of the boys not being able to find the pjs they wore the night before so they simply grab a new pair every single night!). The other part of their routine is that they eat breakfast, clean up from breakfast, and then brush their teeth BEFORE anyone turns on the TV. This might mean no TV in the morning, but at least it provides an incentive to get a move on. Maybe I should just dictate no TV in the morning period, but I think I'll see how this week goes first.

This year all three kids are taking the bus to the same school and not coming home until 3:30. I love my children, and have had a wonderful time with each and every one of them this summer, but . . . happy, happy, joy, joy! I have meetings and prep time tomorrow and Wednesday, no school Thursday due to Rosh Hashana, and a "Meet the Teacher" day on Friday before school starts for real next Monday. I will be working again until 1:00 every day. Did you notice the time difference of the when the kids get home from school and when I get home from school? Oh yeah, that's two and a half hours. Monday through Friday. Well, I'll be watching my DN-J one of those afternoons, but still - two and a half hours!!! Whatever will I do with myself?!!

And so tomorrow, it begins again. And I, for one, cannot wait!

Funnies

2010-07-11T17:49:00.000-04:00

DH has OCD. I always learn new things about his OCD, different thoughts he has that he logically knows are not rational, but must address in some way or he fears something bad will happen. We were in the car the other day and he told me that even numbers are very important for him and it's hard for him when things are made up of odd numbers.

Me: You do realize that having "only" three kids means we have five people in our family - which is an odd number.

DH: I have OCD, but I'm not CRAZY!

************************************************
I took B, J, and DN-J to a concert by Allison DeSalvo, a favorite children's performer of ours. When it finished, B turned to me, sighed, and stated, "I understand now why these shows are geared for preschoolers. I just don't have that kind of energy anymore!"

Wasn't sure whether I should laugh or cry.

*************************************************
We were all on the Blue Route and saw my dad's van. My dad stores EVERYTHING in his van, so much that he doesn't keep the seats in the van because there is so much junk in there. Eventually he pulled off at an exit. One of the kids wondered aloud where he might be going. Another quickly piped up, "Maybe he's going to the dump!"

*************************************************
Driving home from some trip or another we spied the Goodyear Blimp up in the sky.
J: Look - an airplane!
DH: No, it's actually a blimp.
DN-J: No, it's not. (She is at such a pleasant stage right now.)
J: You don't even know what a blimp is!
Me: Do you?
J: (after a brief pause) No.

New Blog

2010-05-24T15:34:00.002-04:00

No, I'm not abandoning this one, but I just started a new blog to document my journey from CHAOS to inner peace (or something like that). It's called Come FLY With Me!

Check it out and let me know what you think!

My Kids are Funny

2010-05-20T16:46:00.004-04:00

We were having a problem with the computer. Despite A's suggestions, I tried my own idea which, unfortunately, didn't work.

A: Well, I am the computer wiz! W-I-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z!

Me (trying to teasingly show that I'm good at some things): Oh yeah? Well, "wiz" only has ONE Z in it!

B (defending his brother): Mommy, he never said he was a SPELLING wiz!!

2010-05-09T14:14:00.004-04:00

We have been reading and enjoying a wonderful book named Roxaboxen in preschool, all about the imaginary village a bunch of neighborhood children create, and it has inspired many different activities. In the book two of the kids set up an ice cream shop, and the rest of the kids use the black pebbles they found to buy ice cream (because in Roxaboxen, you can eat as much ice cream as you want), trying to determine which they like best. Can you guess one of the things we will be making this week? I uploaded my rebus recipe to Scribid and am attempting to embed it for the first time. I hope it works!

ice cream

Summer Plans

2010-05-08T17:23:00.007-04:00

I love this time of year. The weather is great - warm, sometimes hot, but no humidity yet. We can spend lots of time outside (both my family and my preschool class). We're winding down in school and I'm thinking of ways to celebrate the fun we had this year. My thoughts are also turning to next year and how I want to do things differently, better. And the summer hasn't even started yet, so it's completely ahead of us, endless possibilities, fun in the making.

We opted not to do camp this summer, except for a theater camp DH and I both teach that the kids attend for free. That meets at night (6 - 8) twice a week, so it's fun, but not a major time commitment. The boys both qualified for ESY (extended school year) for the first time, which I was excited about, thinking they would be getting much needed services that will keep them both from regressing over the summer. Then I spoke with the people who run and found out that B would only be getting a 1/2 hour of Speech and a 1/2 hour of OT once a week, which would come to one hour once a week. A qualifies for more, one hour of Speech, one hour of OT, and a 1/2 hour of PT. I don't know what I was envisioning when I got the paperwork and it said Tuesday through Thursday, 9-12. I guess it was that they would be attending school Tuesday through Thursday, 9-12! No, what it actually means is that B will be attending one hour on one of those days, some time between 9 and 12 and A would be attending for one hour on Tuesday, one hour on Wednesday, and for half an hour on Thursday, any time between 9 and 12. I should be thrilled that the qualify for school-sponsored services, but it sounds like it will cut into anything we plan to do with the kids. And we STILL don't know when they would be going, and I can't stand waiting for someone else to schedule us for me to be able to schedule the rest of the summer. I know, I'm a control freak, but I've accepted that.

The biggest thing the boys need over the summer (and it wouldn't be a bad thing for the little girl either) is to have structure. They can't have unlimited electronic time, they can't stay up late every night, they can't just "hang out" day after day. With that in mind, we have come up with a loose structure for our summer days:

Museum Monday - Every Monday we will venture to a different museum. We live outside of Philadelphia, so there are tons to choose from. Let's see, we have:

The Franklin Institute
Please Touch Museum
Garden State Discovery Museum
Art Museum
Acadamy of Natural Sciences
The Zoo (not technically a museum, but I think it counts)
Brandywine River Museum
Delaware Children's Museum
Morris Arboretum (I've never been there but I've heard good things)
The Helicopter Museum
Crayola Factory
The Elmwood Park Zoo (another that I've not been to but have heard good things)
Independence Seaport Museum
Philadelphia Insectarium (can't say I've ever been here either but I think the kids would love it)

Hmm, that's a pretty good list, especially considering that there are only about ten weeks in the summer!

Totally Terrific Movie Tuesday - Free family movies at Regal Cinemas. Can't beat free!

Wacky Wednesday - This will be our day to try out silly stuff. I'm not sure exactly what those things will be yet, but I have a hunch if we were to have, say, a water balloon fight, it will take place on a Wednesday.

Theater Thursday -We have a fabulous children's theater program nearby, where teenagers work to put together a different, high-quality, children's theater production each week. We all (kids and grown ups) have loved every show we have seen. When I was in high school I did the program for a year or two, and I would not be surprised if our kids end up doing it when they get older. Here's a link to last year's shows. I can't wait to see what shows they'll be doing this summer!

Fun with Friends Friday - As the name implies, every Friday we will attempt to set up playdates for the kids either at our house, at some neutral location (like a park), or at a friends' house.

Sleepy Saturday - Don't know if this one will work every week, but this will be our day to stay in our PJs and make some kind of more labor-intensive breakfast (together) and watch some extra tv.

Super Slide Sunday - Sunday will be our day to seek out different parks in the area. Maybe we'll even create our own playground guide, so we'll first decide how to rate each park and then I'll let them work on the computer to publish something (A is an expert on computers so he can be in charge of this).

And there we have it. We will be creating our Rainy Day alternatives for days when needed, which I will work on later. With the exception of Mondays, and possibly some Fridays, most planned activities will be for the mornings. That will leave the afternoons for the kids to each have their alloted electronic time (normally 15 minutes/kid, may increase somewhat for the summer) and a little down time before heading outside to play with the neighbors, in the sprinkler, riding bikes - basically some regular, unstructured, freeplay time. I'll probably work in some OT activities and Math games designed to have each kid practice their basic facts, but I'll figure out ways to do that where it doesn't seem like work (at least that's my plan).

Do you have plans for the summer yet? What are you doing with YOUR kids?

If It's Not One Kid, It's Another

2010-04-29T11:47:00.005-04:00

J is back in school today, just in time for Pajama Day.

Now it's B's turn to stay home sick. On the plus side, his stomach is fine! My nephew was diagnosed with strep earlier this week, so when B came to me this morning complaining that his throat hurt, I made an appointment immediately for him to get a strep test this morning. It took a looooong time for him to be seen (and they didn't seem that busy, but what do I know), but the nurse told us pretty quickly that his test was positive. They fax prescriptions right over to Rite Aid for us now, so the nurse told us just to head over and wait, that as soon as the doctor is finished with the patient she is currently seeing she would fax it over for us. So after spending an hour (!) at the doctors', we headed to Rite Aid.

And then we waited. And waited. And waited some more. It seems that the doctor had typed B's birthday incorrectly into the computer and when the pharmacist called to find out what was taking so long, the office staff couldn't find any record that we had even been there this morning. They finally found the mistake and corrected it, but needed to wait for the doctor to once again be finished with her current patient to be able to fax it. After waiting another hour (!!) with a little boy who was feeling increasingly worse, we finally got the prescription and headed home.

It's almost 12 o'clock now, so we ended up wasting the whole morning!

Thinking about everything I was able to accomplish while home with J yesterday I'm very disappointed, especially since we are going to have to leave in an hour to pick up both J and DN-J and bring them back here, so I doubt I'll be able to get too much more accomplished with all three home, and then at 3:45 A comes home too. In any case, here's what I'm hoping to do in fifteen minute increments:

More Laundry
Finish the comments of my Religious School Progress Reports
Make those vegetarian lunches I was trying to make yesterday
Clean out the fridge, which somehow got super crowded all of a sudden
At least begin my Preschool Progress Reports

I will once again be updating this as the day goes so I can feel a small sense of accomplishment.

J and the 15 Minute Day

2010-04-28T09:51:00.012-04:00

Sometimes when I have so much to write about I end up writing nothing. I plan the posts in my head as I'm falling asleep or driving in the car, but don't take the time to actually write them. It's foolish of me, because I know how much better I feel to put my thoughts in writing, plus I know how little I remember day to day of my life, so if I don't write it down, it's as if it didn't happen.

This is not an exciting post, but it is what it is.

J is home sick today. She woke yesterday complaining that her stomach hurt. DH's stomach didn't feel so great either so he was already planning on staying home. I doubted if her stomach actually hurt or if she was just hungry (the girl must be going through a growth spurt - she keeps waking up STARVING!) but she was really upset so I told her she could stay home. She vegged on the couch all day with Daddy watching TV, and had to run to the bathroom a couple times with the runs (get it - run/runs? I crack myself up). I got home from school a little after one, and soon after that she threw up. I was very proud - she actually made it to the bathroom! I went to the store to go grocery shopping for the week (a benefit of them both being home together) and she threw up again while I was gone. Things got a little scary after that. She agreed to shut her eyes (!) and actually fell asleep for about an hour (!) on the couch. Out of all three kids, she consistently wakes up miserable from naps, but I figured if she actually agreed to take one, she must REALLY need it. Anyway, she woke up crying (as usual) and soon started screaming in pain, complaining her stomach hurt. This kept up for almost an hour before we called the doctor for advice. Everything worked out okay, it was just "typical" gastro-intestinal pain, but it sure was scary!

Which all brings me to today: J is feeling better, but still needs to be home today just to be sure. And I'm home too. I convinced her that today should be a "fifteen minute day," that we would make a list of what we want to accomplish around the house, set the timer for fifteen minutes and start hitting the list, fifteen minutes of work, five minutes for a break. So far she's excited about it, especially since I have her focused on organizing her room. Is she my daughter or what?!!

Just to make this post super exciting for anyone reading it, here is my list for the day, which I plan to update throughout the day to keep me focused:

Laundry - 3 loads folded and put away, more in both the washer and the dryer
Post three items from J's room on Freecycle done, arrangements have been made for two items to be picked up
Kitchen - unload dishwasher done, clean off counters done
Write sign for DH's b-day for J to color done
Dining Room table - loaded with all kinds of stuff, so let's see if I can clear it all off done
Living Room - it's a mess done
Progress Reports for Religious School - J is one of my students this year, so I told her she can help me write the comments for her report, something like, "J is an amazing student, one of the best this teacher has ever seen...." only have comments left
Progress Reports for Preschool - This will take a while
Go to Dollar Store to get balloons to celebrate DH's birthday (J wants to decorate) not going to happen today - will do on Saturday
Go to produce store to get fruits and vegetable maybe tomorrow?
Make meatloaf for DH's birthday dinner tonight done - made 16 mini loaves (some for tonight and some for lunches) and one big one (for Saturday dinner with the extended family here to celebrate)
Make birthday cake done
Make some vegetarian lunches for myself, like Brown Rice Lentil Salad and Avocado Quinoa Salad - I'm trying to eat more healthy in an effort to lose weight, and I really like vegetarian meals.
Work out with the Wii Fit (I just told you, I'm trying to lose weight!) Ha - not happening today!

I'll be amazed if I get this all accomplished, but we do have until 3:30 when the boys get home to try. It's 10:15 now - here goes!

The boys are now home doing their homework. All in all, I'm really impressed with what I accomplished! Now I'm off to finish washing the dishes I used to make the cake and meatloaves.

I love my timer

2010-04-15T14:55:00.007-04:00

I talked a good talk in my last post, didn't I? Oh yeah, I'm committed to writing every day. Blah, blah, blah. Oh well, I missed yesterday, I'm writing today!

Thought I'd share what my afternoons are like. I teach until 1 and then drive home with DN-J, picking up J at whatever house she is at for the day. We have a real piece meal kind of coverage for her until 1, somewhere different every day. Next year when she is in school all day long things will be a lot easier! Any way, after I bring the girls home, I usually give myself some time to read the mail, (both paper and electronic), catch up on FB a little, and then I usually set the timer to allow myself a little time to play my favorite FB games (currently Word Challenge and Tetris are at the top of my list). And then on good days, I get moving.

Today has been a timer kind of day, which seems to be the most efficient for me. I set the timer for me to work for ten minutes and take a break (at the computer) for five minutes.

Here's what I accomplished during each ten minute segment:

Unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher with stuff in the kitchen and around the house

Cleaned off the counters

Cleaned out the fridge (yuck!)

Washed all the mini plastic containers that have been piling up (I consider myself the container queen!)

Made the kids' lunches

And then everything came to a screeching halt when the boys got home. They were whispering about when to tell me something. I knew that either meant that they started making a Mother's Day present at school that was supposed to be kept secret (awww) or one of them had done something wrong. I reminded them that the most important thing is to be honest, that if they're worried about telling me something it's best to just get it over with instead of worrying about it, and finally B cracked. Apparently during science today he had taken a pair of tweezers that had been holding steel wool inside of vinegar and stuck it in his mouth to be silly. It must have tasted awful so he ran to the back of the room to get a drink of water and told the kids around him who saw to not tell the teacher. Of course, one of them did. She found him in the back of the room crying. Understandably, she was angry - not just because he had a problem and tried to hide it from her, but because he put something from a science experiment into his mouth. Luckily it wasn't dangerous this time, but it could have been, so she really wanted to drive home the importance of NOT putting stuff in his mouth. She told him, "You're done," and made him stop the experiment and sit down at his desk. He was sobbing as he told this to me, thinking this meant he was not going to be allowed to do science for the rest of the year.

I decided to call his teacher to hear exactly what happened. She had told him he was finished science for the year (but also pointed out that this is really one more lesson) but asked for me not to let him know what this really meant. She wanted (and I agree) to drive home the mistake he made and make the significance stick.

After that crisis was resolved, then A remembered (with a little help from me) that he lost his electronic time for today because he was on the computer when I came downstairs this morning. Yes, my son is obsessed with Power Point presentations at the moment and every moment wants to make a new one. Lots and lots and lots of whining later, that crisis was resolved.

And now we're off to meet up with my parents for dinner to celebrate the one year anniversary of my mom quitting smoking. What a day!

I Should Be Committed

2010-04-13T14:31:00.004-04:00

The cat is loudly purring at my feet, banging his entire body into me every once in awhile so I will stop what I'm doing and pet him. J and DN-J are playing together upstairs, and neither is crying or screaming for me at the moment. And so my work time begins.

I have been writing so many wonderful posts in my head. You'll have to take my word for them since I never wrote them down in this blog and now they're gone forever. One of the biggest problems with having very little memory is that if I don't write it down, it's out of my head. I might remember for a week, sometimes more if I retell the event or funny thing that happened to one or two other people, but that's about it. So once again I am reminded how important it is for me to write things that happen in this blog.

I feel like I have to keep reminding myself that this is, first and foremost, for me. Yes, I love having all of you read (and comment!), but the main purpose is for me to have a place to record my life so I can look back and remember what happened.

With that in mind, I'm recommitting to writing in here every day. It won't be exciting all the time, it might not even be interesting, but it needs to happen if I'm to get back in the habit.

As for today, the main thing I'm thinking about is how crazy this time of day is. I'm caught up on email and FB, have eaten my lunch, the girls are playing, and I have exactly one hour before the boys get home. One hour to: sort and put in some laundry, clean out the fridge and pick something to make for dinner, unload and reload the dishwasher, clear off the dining room table, and . . . fill in the blank. It's a lot to do, and I know there's not much time to do it, so I better push myself to get moving NOW!

A Typical Day

2010-03-16T14:08:00.002-04:00

7:00 Alarm goes off.
I hit the snooze as it continues to go off in nine minute increments.

7:45 Stumble out of bed. All three kids are playing in the boys room - I open the door and tell them to hurry up and get dressed. Throw clothes on myself and hurry downstairs. Make the kids' breakfast. Make the kids' lunches. Go back upstairs three more times to physically remove things from A's hands so he can remember that he is supposed to be getting dressed. Remind J that she is not to pull the cat on her lap and then when he scratches her, clean the cut.
Make breakfast and lunch for myself and eat said breakfast while pushing the kids to eat, clean up, and brush their teeth.

8:10 Go into hyper mode to get the kids out the door.

8:22 Pull car out of driveway. We missed the bus yet again, so I rush the boys to their school and then rush J to her school so I can then rush me to my school.

8:35 Arrive at my school and begin setting up classroom for the day ahead.

I will not go into all the details of the day - that's a post for another time - but here's the quick summary:
Journals, paint, trains, Passover, songs, Circle Time, calendar, Matzah and bread comparisons, bathroom journeys, snack, clean up, coats, outside, school bags, dismissal, lunch, play, clean up, dismissal number 2.

1:05 Drive DN-J over to my friend's house to pick up J (she picks her up from kindergarten and watches her on Tuesdays until I'm done work) and then drive both girls home.

1:45 Arrive at home. Direct J to go through her After School Routine (hang up coat, lunch box in kitchen, bring papers to me, do homework if she has any) and push them outside to play (it's finally a nice day).

2:00 Take a break! I drink my one can of Coke for the day and get caught up on FB.

2:15 Blog this post (and help J with her belt buckle, redirect an escalating fight betweent the girls, answer ten questions, and "ooo and aaa" over J's picture for me)

2:30 Tackle as much of the following To Do List as I can:

Put in a new load of laundry and transfer yesterday's load into the dryer.
Start tonight's dinner (Beef Stir Fry) cooking on the stovetop.
Unload and reload dishwasher.
Clear off kitchen counters.
Prep tomorrow night's dinner (J's birthday! We will have family over for dinner, my ILs, my parents, my BIL, my niece and nephew, a total of about thirteen or so - J's pick of chicken nuggets for the kids, my pick of Thai Chicken for the grownups. Hope it's good!)

3:15 Put girls in car so we can drive to Giant and pick up J's birthday treat to share with her class tomorrow (Jello - don't ask me, it's what she wants), chicken nuggets for dinner, cake mix and icing (yeah, I'll make it, but not quite from scratch)

3:35 Pick up boys from their bus stop. Give all four kids a snack and then drive DN-J home (about 25-30 minutes round trip).

4:20 J's dance class - While J dances, A and B do their homework and I do everything short of standing on my head to keep them doing their homework.

5:40 Home. Eat dinner and then allow the boys to have some electronic time (they get 15 minutes a day).

6:30 (or so) Begin getting everyone ready for bed.

7:00 (hopefully) Everyone in bed/Quiet Time (they can read or talk quietly in bed)

7:30 (give or take) Lights Out

7:31, 7:33, 7:35, 7:37, etc. Send J back up to her room

8:00 Collapse on couch to watch some TV and fold the laundry and . . . whatever else I am able to do that requires little thought or energy.

Lullabies

2010-03-11T20:41:00.004-05:00

I like to sing. When the kids were a lot younger, they used to look up at me adoringly while I sang to them. It was heaven - a captive audience who loved every note I sang.

Then they got a little older. Suddenly my operatic voice made them hold their ears. Luckily I knew not to take it personally (some people have paid to hear me sing) but it still was frustrating to not be able to sing things I wanted to sing. I sucked it up and picked new things to sing, but slowly began introducing some of my favorite songs into our bedtime routine.

Being around kids all the time (both my own and in my preschool class) I find myself singing ALL the time. And it doesn't have to be a real song - I'm forever changing words to fit the situation. Sometimes the words work out, sometimes they don't, but singing, "It's Circletime. Oh, yes, it's Circletime" to the tune of "Suppertime" seems to always get the kids moving to our circle rug.

I've taken my songwriting "abilities" and applied them to our bedtime lullabies.* Here are some of our favorites:

Dreamland (Sung to "Over the Rainbow")

Somewhere out there in Dreamland

Dreams do come true

If you want to go to Dreamland

Hush, I'll tell you what to do

Just lay your head and close your eyes

And soon you'll be flying high in Dreamland

Close your eyes and go to sleep

Even if you count some sheep

You'll be flying high in Dreamland

Somewhere out there in Dreamland

Dreams do come true

Go to sleep so you can discover

How to make all your dreams come true

************************************************************

Sing Me A Song (Sung to "Piano Man")

One night J looked up at me and said, "Sing me a song, Mommy" and "Piano Man" just popped into my head.

I'll sing you a song

I'm your Mommy

I'll sing you a song tonight

It's short and it's sweet and it'll lull you to sleep

So close your eyes and start to doze

La, di, da, di di da, etc.

Repeat

**********************************************************

Sleepytime (Sung to "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess)

I have always loved this song and have sung it in concerts and at auditions many times, long before Fantasia sang it on American Idol.

Sleepytime

It's time to go to sleep now

Yes, it's gettin' dark

It's time to close your eyes

So lay your weary head

Right on your pillow

'Cause morning will come soon

So go to sleep

***********************************************************

Go To Sleep (Sung to "Lullaby" - I'm not sure what the real name is, but it's the traditional lullaby song, "Lullaby, and good night ....")

This is my desparate song, the one I sing on the days I begin counting down for bedtime by noon, the one I sing when my head is pounding, they're all still talking, I still have a load of laundry to fold and lunches to make before I collapse; I'm sure you know the kind of nights I'm talking about.

Go to sleep

Go to sleep

Please, please, go to sleep now

Close your eyes

Close your mouths

Please, please go to sleep

If you don't

I don't know

But I might start to scream

So go to sleep

Go to sleep

Please, please go to sleep.

* In case anyone is actually still reading this blog and actually likes my lyrics, you're welcome to use them and/or link to them on your blog. Just please remember to make note of the fact that I am the author. Thanks!

Menu Planning

2010-03-08T16:55:00.003-05:00

I didn't get to begin Menu Planning until now, so dinner tonight is pizza.

Tuesday will be that darn stew that I have all the ingredients for and just haven't made. Yet again.

Wednesday - Thai Chicken (in the slow cooker, of course)

Yes, I know I had this on my plan three weeks ago, and again on my plan two weeks ago when I said I didn't follow my plan three weeks ago. Yes, that means I didn't make it then either. Sue me!

Thursday - Mini Quiche

Made this two weeks ago and all three kids LOVED it!

Friday - Potluck Shabbat Dinner - Vegetarian Entree of Corn and Black Bean Salad

Saturday - Mish Mash/Leftovers

Sunday - Pizza at a fundraiser at our synagogue at which the kids and I will be performing.

Works For Me Wednesday

2010-02-24T17:15:00.004-05:00

Here is a very quick, often requested, kid's lunch.

All you need are:

1 small container of ketchup

1 small container of pretzels

1 small container with a cut up hot dog

And there you have it - make your own "Hot Dog Dippers." Put the lids on each container and pack. The kids will use the pretzels like toothpicks to poke a piece of hot dog, dip it in the ketchup, and eat.

Menu Plan Monday - Take Two

2010-02-21T18:54:00.003-05:00

Apparently, while I am an exceptional menu planner, I suck at menu plan following. I planned out what I considered to be a terrific plan last week. Ask me if I did even one of the recipes? Go on, you know you want to. The answer is: NOPE!

There were lots of reasons. Monday was Presidents' Day and we all had off from school. We had the kids go to a local kids' gym for their "holiday camp" (a.k.a. 5 hours of running around the Fun Factory in an attempt to burn off lots and lots of energy) while DH and I hung out at a local independent coffee house, each of us working on our laptops. It wasn't until we headed home that I remembered my plan had been to make stew, something that should have been cooking all day. Oops. We had pizza bagels on Monday.

Tuesday the boys didn't get off their bus, requiring me to track them down (they were on the bus, just too distracted to notice their stop), causing them to get home late, causing me to have to rush everyone into the car so we could drive DN-J home and come back in time to bring J to her dance class and set up the boys on the floor of the dance studio to do their homework so I could simultaneously watch J dance, keep B focused on completing his math hw, and force A to stop looking at some lady's cell phone as she texts someone else so he could complete his spelling. Because the boys didn't get off their bus, I didn't get to cook the fish that I was planning to make before dance class, which meant when her class was over at 5:30, there was no way everyone would survive me pulling together dinner when we got home. Since the class is right next door to McDonald's, I bet you guessed what we had for dinner that night.

The list goes on. I had a migraine one night so the kids ended up with PB and H (peanut butter and honey for those of you who don't know). DH was late and I was overwhelmed with work, so hello, frozen fishsticks. And on.

However. This is the beginning of a new week. Please refer to last week's menu plan. I'm ending this post now so I can get the makings of the beef stew into the crock pot now so it will be ready to go in the morning. No slacking off this week!

100th Day

2010-02-19T14:58:00.008-05:00

Today was our 100th day of school.

For those of you who do not teach young children, let me tell you - this is a BIG deal!

We've been counting every day of school since our very first day together. It is a favorite part of Circle Time. The "counters" helper for the day will help count the craft sticks: first we count the ones, and when we reach 10 they get bundled together to make a ten which then goes into the tens jar. Then I go to our number line (small index cards stapled to the wall, blank until I write that day's number on it) and write the number while describing to the kids how I'm writing it (ex. for 31 - "A little curve, then another little curve, and now a big line.") Today we counted our ones, bundled the ten sticks together and put that bundle into the ten jar, and THEN counted all of our tens and bundled them together and placed them in our brand new hundreds jar. Very exciting stuff!

I taught the kids a new song, one that I take no credit for as I found it online with no name attached to it:

100 Days of School sung to The Ants Go Marching 1 By 1

We've all been counting 1 by 1 - Hurrah! Hurrah!
We've all been counting, oh what fun - Hurrah! Hurrah!
We've all been counting 1 by 1,
And now 100 days are done,
Hooray! Today's the 100th day of school!

We started counting up to 10 - Hurrah! Hurrah!
To 20, 30, 40 then - Hurrah! Hurrah!
To 50, 60, 70 then, to 80, 90, now is when,
Hooray! Today's the 100th day of school!

How cute is that?!! After we learned it we began marching around the room, parade-style, as we sang, pumping our fists high in the air each time we shouted "Hurrah!"

It just so happened that our 100th day of school ended up on a Friday, a very busy day in a Jewish preschool. One activity we do every Friday is each child makes their own challah to bring home. Today our challahs were the number 100. We cut everyone's dough into three "snakes" like usual, and then everyone used their snakes to create a 1 and two zeroes.

We also had a special snack. Everyone received a quarter of a graham cracker and one Oreo and used them to create the number 100.

Hard to believe it's been 100 days. Some days the 100 days have seemed to drag on, but most days (luckily) they have flown by.

Any other teachers or parents reading this have any 100 day activities to report?

Triskadekaphobia

2010-02-19T14:21:00.003-05:00

Driving DN-J home most every day creates an amazing opportunity to talk with all three kids. The other day the boys started telling me what they learned this week about Chinese New Year. B described that one custom was to sweep the dust on the front step or porch away from the house in order to get rid of bad luck.

"That's a superstition," I explained, only to be bombarded with the question of what a superstition was by all the kids at once. "A superstition," I began, "is something that some people believe to be true and it usually involves good luck or bad luck." I tried to think of an easy example for them. "For example, some people think the number 13 is unlucky, and that Friday the 13th is especially unlucky."

"Do you mean triskadekaphobia?" B asks.

Yeah, I know. My jaw dropped, too.

"Um, what does that mean?"

"The fear of the number 13," B replied matter-of-factly. Yeah, of course, should have guessed.

Now before you get too impressed, when I asked B where he had learned such a big word, he answered the same way he has been answering every time some one asks him where he learned something really impressive. School? His parents? No, of course not.

"Watching Fetch with Ruff Ruffman." You know, the tv show. On the one hand, I'm thilled he remembered and was able to apply this interesting fact to our conversation. On the other hand, what, his father and I are both teachers - do we teach him NOTHING?!!

Menu Plan Monday

2010-02-14T18:25:00.006-05:00

Monday: Vegetable Beef Stew

I got a bunch of meat already cut up for stew last week on sale. This recipe was on the Organizing Junkie's website under "Family Favorite Recipes" so I figured we would give it a try.

Tuesday: Soy Ginger Salmon

Salmon was also on sale last week, but I never got around to making this recipe. I love Allrecipes.com and will often pick recipes from there to make for all kinds of occasions. I make sure to pick out ones that have been reviewed by lots of people AND have at least four and a half stars.

Wednesday: Easy Mini Quiche

Another Allrecipes new one.

Thursday: Thai Chicken

Another one from Organizing Junkie's website.

Friday: Shabbat dinner at my parents' house - we bring a cooked vegetable.

Saturday: Mish Mash (a.k.a. leftovers)

Sunday: Dinner at my IL's

Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T17:39:00.001-05:00

I don't believe in Valentine's Day.

There. I've said it.

I know it's pretty ironic if you read my last post, but that was all about my kids and wanting to make sure they kind of fit in at school. They couldn't be the ONLY one in each of their classes to NOT have cards to give out.

A few days ago I decided to spell it out to DH. "Honey," I said, "I love you and I know you love me. I don't need a bunch of overpriced flowers on Valentine's Day for you to prove it to me. We can still be lovey-dovey on that day, if you really want, but let's not really celebrate it this year."

He was fine with it, but still needed to clarify, "That means no cards either, right?"

"Absolutely. However - if you want to get me flowers any other day of the year, I'll fully support the gesture."

While I don't really think he is going to pick up on that hint (but if by chance he's reading this, please remember that you can get the best deal on flowers at Produce Junction, not pre-packaged at the grocery store) he did figure out a very romantic way for us to celebrate. Currently he is at McDonald's with all three kids feeding them Happy Meals. I am enjoying this momentary silence (ahhh) by blogging, reading other people's blogs, and of course, playing Tetris on Facebook. When he brings them home, I will get them ready for bed while he goes out to pick up Chinese food for the two of us to enjoy after the kids are in bed. He even picked out some romantic comedy for us to watch to watch together. Do I have a good guy or what?!!

Crafty Cards

2010-02-11T11:15:00.005-05:00

I hate boxed Valentine's Day cards. It's just a personal pet peeve of mine. I just can't stand how commericalize and impersonal they are. So this year I was thrilled that I managed to convince all three kids (and DH, who is always concerned that the kids will end up doing something so different from everyone else they will end up getting picked on) to pick a Valentine card to make to give out to their class.

J selected an idea from Family Fun magazine. We started working on it last week since she wanted to trace and cut out all the hearts (3 per Valentine) and leaves herself. I put the flowers together while J wrote the to and from on each and every leaf.

A found a different idea in the same magazine. I gave him some of my old scrapbooking paper to use and he started writing "We're Two of a kind!" on every card. After many mess-ups we soon realized that we could print out labels for him to peel and attach, which made life SO much easier. In the picture below he is giving a thumbs up to the camera.

B adapted a couple different ideas to create his splatter paint hearts.

I love that they all picked something different. I also love that we had a snow day yesterday (oh yeah, another two feet on top of the two feet we got on Saturday) so I got the chance to work with each child one at a time (something that unfortunately rarely seems to happen). I don't love the fact that we have another snow day today, the day that their Valentine's Day parties were supposed to happen (oh yeah, it was LOT of snow) but at least the parties have all been rescheduled for Tuesday, the next day the kids are in school.

I feel so crafty!

I Like to Move It, Move It

2010-02-07T12:54:00.003-05:00

Amazing the difference drugs can make!

Slept in a little this morning (had tons of snow yesterday so did not have to teach today) but came downstairs at a reasonable time. For some reason I put off taking my meds, so the need to sleep soon overwhelmed me and I crept back upstairs to take a nap. I finally got up (okay, with a LOT of prodding from DH), came back downstairs, and took my pills. I was still tired so I decided to read a new book. DH got ready to take the kids to my ILs (their Sunday ritual) so I went back to bed with my book. Had I not taken my medication, I would have been asleep after the first chapter. Since I did take my medication, I was able to finish the whole book (what can I say - I'm a fast reader) and am still wide awake.

Better living through chemistry - I'm living proof!

And now I have three kid-free hours in the house until DH comes back to pick me up and drive me over to the ILs for dinner. The silence sounds incredible. I do not want to waste this time like I did yesterday, so here's my plan:

Pull out the Wii Fit Plus and work out. I have been doing this every day just about, and I truly love it (never thought I'd say that about exercising!), but I HATE doing it in front of an audience. I like to make my own decisions about what exercise or activity to do next and not have to explain myself to the multiple kids sitting on the couch watching me succeed or fail.
Organize the multitude of coupons I have ripped out of various circulars and plan out a detailed shopping list for tomorrow. I really want to get skilled at using coupons to cut down on what we spend at the grocery store. I have found a couple blogs to look to for advice (please share more with me if you have a favorite or two) and am really excited to hopefully get good at this.
Laundry. And more laundry. And then some more laundry.
Write my newsletter for school and send it out. Normally I write up the highlights of what we all did this week in preschool, including things I observed (like a child spontaneously comforting another child, or 3 kids working cooperatively to complete an activity), and include some of the tons of photographs I took as documentation. Unfortunately, I accidently left my camera at school on Friday, so my newsletter will include a simple apology and in theory will be quicker and a little easier to write.
Revise and update my preschool plans. We're in the middle of a three week unit on Fairy Tales ("Fairy Tale February") which began last week with Jack and the Beanstalk, the perfect way to transition from Tu B'Shevat into fairy tales. However with over two feet of snow that fell yesterday, I think we need to figure out some ways to work the snow into the unit.

That's probably all the time I will have, but if I do end up with some extra time (doubtful) I'll be tackling the paper monster that is all around me at the moment. But that is a post for another day. As for now, the Wii Balance Board is calling me, something I can hear very clearly with no other sound in the house.

My Eyelids are Heavy

2010-02-05T14:53:00.004-05:00

First of all, even after baring my soul (so to speak) in my last post, I still failed. Another frantic morning ensued.

Secondly, I have been messing with the look of this blog a lot recently. I even went so far as to set up a blog on wordpress because I heard so many good things about how much easier they are to customize, but I still can't get the look I really, really want with either of them. I spent many, many, many, many hours searching through Wordpress forums and FAQs and websites that offered free headers and templates before I finally discovered that I had to go to wordpress.org (not dot com) to be able to customize the blog to fit my needs and wants precisely, and that would cost money. As you can see, I'm back here at Blogger. I realized that it doesn't really matter what my blog looks like as much as what it says. Even after all the hours and hours I put into a new look, I still had not posted anything new. And that kind of defeats the whole purpose of having a blog in the first place. So, back to the basics for me.

Thirdly, today we got snow. LOTS and LOTS of snow. So much snow that when J went outside she sunk in it up to her waist. And that was before it had finished snowing. I think our final total is around 27 inches. I had all day stuck inside today. And I did nothing. Well, I played a lot of Tetris. But that's about it. I had so much I could have worked on, so much that needs attention, but instead I sat on my butt on the computer for most of the day. Part of the problem is I skipped taking all my meds this morning. One of the most important things I take is a medication that helps with my Narcolepsy. You can always tell when I haven't taken it; I crave sleep more than you'd think is possible. All I want to do is go back to bed. And it doesn't really matter how much I sleep. I wake up and will do anything I can to get five more minutes. I'm sure many of you are reading (all right, I know the "many of you" part is optimistic, but I think I still have at least a few readers out there) this thinking that this sounds like you. And maybe it does. But I know one of the defining aspects of my Narcolepsy is the fact that if you give me those "five more minutes" I will be back asleep in under ten seconds. And when I wake (be it five minutes or two more hours) I will still do anything to be able to go back to sleep.

I was describing to a friend recently the difference in being tired after teaching all morning with the meds and without. As I drive home now I can acknowledge how tired I am and still think about how much I'm craving my can of Coke (I allow myself one a day) at home and how I need to throw in that load of laundry before I work out so it'll be finished at the same time as I am. Before I had the meds, or if I skip a day, I would sometimes have to close my eyes at the red lights and tell my daughter to let me know when it turns green. I know, I'm not proud of that, but I never fell asleep while driving - I always waited til the red lights.

In any case, I'm heading upstairs to bed now. Tomorrow is a new day and I will not waste it.

Where's My Sticker Chart?

2010-02-04T13:41:00.004-05:00

Last night as I shed my clothes and crawled into bed, feeling the warmth of the down comforter and my sleeping husband soon envelope me, I gave a huge sigh of relief to finally be in bed and at the same time began cursing myself for once again staying up way too late. It doesn't matter what I tell myself; I do this every night. It's a really vicious cycle and I'm (excuse the pun) tired of it.

After the kids are in bed and dinner is cleaned up, I finally get the chance to sit on the couch, turn on the TV, play some more Tetris on Facebook, and just relax. And that's fine. There is nothing wrong with relaxing. The problem comes when it becomes time to stop simply "relaxing" and actually go upstairs to bed.

I just don't do it.

Hmmm....I wonder what else is on TV.

I am just soooo comfortable right here on the couch.

I just have to beat her score in Tetris. Just one more game.

And before I know it, it is midnight. Or later. And we all have school in the morning.

I fall asleep quickly (hey, narcolepsy does have some benefits!) but way too soon I hear the kids talking in the hallway or in their rooms. The official rule is they have to stay in their beds until the clock radio turns on, our solution to the three of them waking up WAY too early every day, but they have been really testing the limits of that rule, and the sound of them playing before any alarm goes off in the morning has been getting louder and earlier every day. Because I was up so late I don't want to get out of bed. I'm legitamitely tired, and sleep deprivation definitely does not help, so I try to put the covers over my ears and go back to sleep. I usually can do this immediately (again, narcolepsy, not all bad) but only for bursts of five to ten minutes when my personal snooze alarms walk in and out of my room: "I'm dressed!" "Can I watch TV before breakfast?" "He hit me!" "I can't find my shoes!" I wake enough to address each issue (Good. No. Tell him NOT to hit you. Where did you leave them?) and then go back to sleep before needing to handle the next emergency.

When I wake up again, it's late, which means the kids are late, which means I'll be late, which means I have to run around like a crazy person to get everyone out the door, drive all three to school, and then get myself to my school where I now have to run around in half the time I need to prep my classroom before all the kids come rushing in, eager to have my complete and total attention.

I don't like this at all. It's not fair to my kids, it's not fair to my body, and it's definitely not fair to my sanity.

Thinking like a teacher, I believe I need some kind of behavioral modification. Maybe some kind of positive reinforcement system, like every night I'm in bed by ____ I can ____. Just don't know what that should be yet.

And of course, after teaching until 1, picking up J at my parents' and helping her with her Kindergarten homework before guiding J and my niece into some kind of cooperative play, I'm just too tired to think about it anymore.

Fresh Start

2010-01-21T21:23:00.004-05:00

One of the things I love about being Jewish is the fact that we get two New Year's. Rosh Hashana normally comes in September, which, as a teacher, is a fresh start too. So I've got September, I've got January 1st, and I've got my birthday in April. Three fresh starts every year. It should be enough. It never is.

I'm trying, I really am. Since December I have been working out on my Wii Fit Plus almost every day. I am so proud of myself for that! I come home from school every day about 1:30 with the girls in tow. And then I go upstairs, put on my workout clothes, come down, pull out that balance board and get moving. I work out between thirty minutes to an hour every day. Considering that it has been a long, long time since I have done any exercising, I figure even if I'm not working out hard enough, anything is better than nothing. And I really LIKE it - I have fun doing the different activities, even if they make me end up sweating like a pig. Unfortunately, I still have only lost about two pounds. Don't get me wrong; I'm finally feeling the difference in many of the muscles in my body. Even my stomach is starting to feel toned! But I'm still really big. When I take J to dance class and walk by the wall covered with mirrors, I'm always horrified when I catch a glimpse of myself. I look so much bigger than I feel. The Wii measures my BMI every time I workout. I am significantly overweight. I need to lose more than thirty pounds. Clearly just working out is not cutting it. So I need to start focusing on what I eat more and more. I have used Sparkpeople before to keep track of what I eat, watching the calories and making sure I get enough protein, and even though I'll do great during the day, it seems that by the evening I will always do something to sabotage myself. I have to stop doing that!

Looking back at how things were growing up, I think it is so ironic that I have a weight problem. I was anorexic from seventh grade until eleventh grade. I ate just enough to survive, made sure I could always see my ribs when I stepped out of the shower, did what I could to keep my weight below one hundred. I can remember how it felt in tenth grade to not be able to sit on the wooden stage because the bones in my butt were not cushioned enough. Suffice it to say I don't have that problem anymore.

Some days I wish I could just go back to the way things were back then. It sure is the easiest way to lose way - just don't eat. But I'm a mom now, and my kids, especially my daughter, watch what I eat. How could I explain what I was doing to them? I need to show them how to eat in a healthy way. Which means I need to be eating in a healthy way and I need to get to a healthy weight. I don't want that Wii Fit voice to say, "That's overweight." anymore.

So this is my fresh start. I know, it's not any of my regular times during the year to get that fresh start, but I'm declaring it here and now. My goal is to lose the weight. At one pound a week, I should lose ten pounds by my birthday in April, two pounds a week would be a twenty pound loss. I'm ready. Here I go.

There's No Place Like Home

2009-12-25T20:12:00.003-05:00

I want to go home.

Don't get me wrong - my ILs are wonderful hosts. They do everything they can to make our stay for Christmas comfortable. They clear out their bedroom of anything fragile or electronic so the kids can stay there. They set us up in the other bedroom/office that has a sleeper sofa. They stay on the pull out couch downstairs. DH's grandmother sleeps on the daybed in the second room downstairs. They stock the kitchen with foods and drinks that they think we like.

And Christmas itself is wonderful, too. It's been kind of tough for me, a Jewish girl, getting used to doing anything Christmasy, but after being part of this family for almost twenty years now, I'm finally coming around. We come over in the afternoon of Christmas Eve, drop off our stuff, and then drive together to a family friend's house for Christmas Eve dinner. We come home, the kids change into their new pjs and then carefully put out the cookies and milk for Santa and the carrots for the reindeer, and then my FIL reads the Night Before Christmas (well, this year we go home really late and had to bypass the story) before we put the kids to bed. Then we grown-ups hang out talking and laughing.

We get up early the next morning (Christmas day). I set up breakfast to cook (my food contribution) which, this year, was completely prepped in my crockpots the day before so all I had to do was turn them on when I woke up. We open presents in our pjs, eat breakfast, then open stocking stuffers and cards, and then spend most of the day playing with our new toys (which this year meant trying out the new Wii games). Very nice.

My MIL makes a special dinner for us all, and my ILs buy pies made from a local orchard - so good. And that is where I feel this wonderful sleepover should end.

But . . . . no.

The tradition has now been established that we also spend the night Christmas Day and go home the next day before lunch. Which means one more night on this sofa bed from hell. One more night sitting in front of some random football game hearing family stories that are told every year while trying to get the kids to go to sleep. One more night trying to fall asleep while the other grown ups are still awake in the room directly below me and every word and sound seems amplified back up to me. One more night away from my nice, soft, warm bed with my pillow that is flattened just the right amount for me and my comforter that I can put over my one exposed ear when I fall asleep to block out all extraneous noises. One more night of only thinking about all the stuff around the house that I want to do but can't because I'm here.

This year I tried persuading DH that I go home after dinner tonight so I can get a jump start on cleaning out the playroom and finding spots to put all the kids new toys. He could stay at the ILs for the night and keep the kids there for as long as he wanted the next day. I could get a good night's sleep and have a productive night and morning. He was so upset that I even suggested this, stating how much he wanted me to stay at his parents, blah, blah, blah.

And so I'm still here.

And I feel guilty for complaining. I know plenty of people have no family, or their family is too far away to spend the holidays with. And my ILs are wonderful people. It's nothing against them personally.

It's just . . . well, I want to go home!

Being the Dutiful Daughter

2009-12-15T15:27:00.004-05:00

I love my mom. I really do. And I love that I am right around the corner from my parents' house. We could walk there if we really wanted to.

What I don't love is that I am the closest child. My sister is about fifteen minutes away, so we all get together for Shabbat dinner and all other holidays, and my brother is in Conneticut (we're outside Philly), so I am the go to if there are any big problems. Which, as the middle child, I am fine with - I'm the peacemaker and the caretaker.

Unfortunately my mom has lots of health problems. She has a really bad back (degenerative disk disease) that is made worse by her weight. She has asthma and, even though she finally gave up smoking (YES!), still is very susceptible to respiratory infections. And she gets really bad vertigo every once in awhile, bad enough that she cannot move for fear of falling.

I just got a call from my mom, a "just-in-case call." She had spent a lot of the morning very short of breath, dizzy, experiencing heart palpitations, and raising her arms made it worse. She feels better now (though still short of breath some). I mentioned that maybe the fact that she has had a cold now for a few days is affecting her breathing and that she should call the doctor.

"Don't worry," she reassured me, "I have an appointment for Monday."

Great.

So when I get the next phone call where she can only gasp out my name on the phone and I call 911 and we take her to the ER, I'll be sure to explain to all the doctors there that it's all okay: she is going to see her doctor on Monday.

On a Date with Myself

2009-12-12T18:40:00.006-05:00

I am enjoying a night alone at a local Border's - do I know how to live it up or what?!!

Lots of rambling thoughts tonight; I apologize in advance if this post goes all over the place.

The first two nights of Hanukkah have been quite successful. Check out the pictures below to see B's reaction to the homemade science kit we gave him tonight:

***********************

The boys have been listening to B101 (local radio station that plays only Christmas music this time of year) at night as they fall asleep, causing B to comment one morning, "It's a shame B101 has never heard of Hanukkah." The two of them decided to create their own Hanukkah song based on The Twelve Days of Christmas:

On the first night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me

One Lego Set. But of course!

On the second night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me

Two books a reading, and

One Lego set. I'm so impressed at how they managed to keep the rhythm of the original song in the new lyrics!

I'm sure you know how the song goes, so I'll just type what their "true love" gives them each night.

Three Wii games

Four Kitty Cats

Five Golden Latkes

Six dreidels spinning

Seven candles burning

Eight menorahs glowing

When they sing it to us, they take turns back and forth to name the presents. I love it!

******************************

As we drove to the mall the other night for our annual picture with Santa for my ILs to use with their Christmas card (you know, just like every other Jewish family) the kids began discussing what the purpose of Christmas actually is. It was one of the first times we ever really talked about the fact that we are Jewish and that other people are not, and I tried to listen carefully and simply answer the questions being asked.

A mentioned that the radio just had the "Ask the Experts" segment (the experts being the kids) about why people celebrate Christmas, and he announced that it was to celebrate the birth of "that baby" (his words).

B corrected him by saying that it was to be together with family.

J piped up to name "that baby" as Jesus.

I explained that we celebrate Christmas with DH's family, and the reason they celebrate it is to have a special time when the family gets all together. I then explained that many other people celebrate it as the day that Jesus was born.

J told us that Jesus was Christian and then asked why people celebrate the fact that he was born.

I was very careful going forward with this, very aware of the fact that we never really talked about differences in religion and the fact that a neighborhood boy had recently told her (my five-year-old baby) that if she did not have Jesus in her heart she would burn in Hell and be all alone forever (a post for another day). I said that Jesus was actually Jewish, just like us, and grew up to be an amazing teacher that many people followed, so amazing that many people now say he is the son of God and they pray to him as well as God. This was my simplified five and seven year-old version, please don't leave tons of comments trying to explain the life of Jesus and why I'm wrong to be Jewish or anything like that.

At this point, B announced, "But we only pray to God!"

I smiled and said, "Exactly. We know there is one God. Other people are different religions, and they believe different things. And that's okay."

A then began spouting off a commercial for a new game he hopes to get this month (he often will do this whether it is connected to what anyone else is saying or not) which prompted B to begin talking about a new game HE hopes to get this month.

Okay, guess the conversation is over. DH glanced over and mouthed, "Good job." I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding, relieved that the conversation was over and that it seemed to go so well. I loved listening to their ideas and hearing their perspectives.

And then we went in the mall to talk to Santa.

Hanukkah

2009-12-08T14:20:00.003-05:00

DH and I don't exactly see eye to eye about gift giving. Maybe it comes from the way we both grew up. DH grew up as an only child in a relatively small condo to two parents who were quite comfortable financially. I grew up with two siblings in a big house (which cost a lot to heat and light and . . .) to two parents who, well, we were still considered middle class, but we knew money was not abundant.

Growing up at Hanukkah time each of us had a choice: eight small presents or one big present. And that's just the way it was.

When I first started spending Christmas with his family, I was literaly speechless at the amount of presents they had. It felt like their Christmas tree had thrown up all over their living room. And when the kids came along, it got worse.

Don't get me wrong - I LOVE getting presents. And I love giving presents too. But I don't want our kids to grow up just expecting all of these presents! Personally, I don't think they end up appreciating what they get when they each have five, six, seven presents to open in one morning. I would much prefer they get one or two things each and then time to play with each thing as they open it.

We celebrate Christmas at my IL's house. This is how I am able to wrap my brain around having our Jewish family celebrate Christmas at all. And it is my IL's show. We help them pick out a tree and then whatever presents my ILs get for the kids goes under the tree. DH and I do not buy the kids Christmas presents; instead we buy Hanukkah presents which we give them during the holiday at our house. DH feels very strongly that the kids should open a present for each night of Hanukkah, which translates to us buying six presents for each child (one night will be at my parents' house, so they will get gifts from them and my sister; another night we will be at my ILs and they will give them a Hanukkah present or two that night).

In my perfect world, here's how we would be celebrating Hanukkah this year:

1st Night - Hanukkah dinner at the Temple
There will be games, songs, and activities, plus a little goody bag included in the cost of the dinner, so that is the gift for that night.

2nd Night - two books for each kid

3rd Night - Sunday dinner and Hanukkah at my ILs
Gifts from my ILs

4th Night - special toy for each kid

5th Night - Surprise for the kids!
We have a tradition each year of picking a night where the kids put on their pajamas, get bundled up, and we all go off in the car with Hot Cocoa to go look at the Christmas lights. My thought would be to change this tradition so that it will happen one night during Hanukkah with the kids never knowing which night it will be - we'll wrap up a new pair of PJs for the kids (something that we give them each year for when we spend the night at the ILs for Christmas) and when they open it they'll know it's time to go look at the lights.

6th Night - A home-made kit for each kid
For example, J loves art right now, so her kit would include lots of paper, stickers, fresh markers, and maybe the materials needed for a special project.
B LOVES science, especially watching the reaction when you pour vinegar into baking soda, so his kit would include a huge box of baking soda and large bottle of vinegar (so he could use as much as he wants without having to ask each tim) along with some other household ingredients that he could use independently to create fun chemical reactions.
A's kit would include graph paper and colored pencils along with some kind of Lego design book so he could write down the Lego designs he makes (something he loves to do).

7th Night - Gift certificate to spend an afternoon alone with whichever parent they choose

8th Night - Shabbat/Hanukkah dinner at my parents
Gifts from and for my parents, my sister and BIL, and for my niece and nephew

That's what I would like to do. DH - not so much. Maybe after the holidays this year and I can show him this plan and start laying the groundwork for next year. Probably he still won't go for it. Not because he's a jerk (I know he's going to read this and worry that people will think that) but because he wants them to get more. I realize that marriage is about compromises, so I have been compromising about this every year, but maybe we can move more to my plan a little each year. Maybe.

Menu Plan Monday

2009-11-29T21:43:00.004-05:00

Monday - Easy Chicken Enchiladas

I had cooked up a lot of chicken last week, so this will be using the last of it. Keeping my fingers crossed that A will at least try it.

Tuesday - Slow Cooker Cranberry Roast

Wednesday - Apple-Cinnamon Baked French Toast

Thursday - Baked Pasta Primavera Casserole

I plan on using frozen spinach instead of the Italian vegetables, and again will cross my fingers that A will at least try it.

Friday - Going to my parents' for Shabbat dinner

Saturday - Mish Mash (A.K.A. Leftovers)

Sunday - Dinner at the ILs

Oh so tired

2009-11-18T18:02:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow night I will begin phase two of dealing with Narcolepsy.

I have been on Provigil for a year or two.

Yeah, a year or two. I honestly can't remember which. Did I mention I have no memory? No? Yes? I can't remember!

Last week I started the new, longer lasting form called Nuvigil.

Is it just me or is the new name really funny?

Both medications are for people like me who are constantly tired due to some kind of sleep disorder. It's not a stimulant but works to keep me in an alert stage longer. Don't ask me any more about how it works because that's all I know.

In any case, tomorrow night I will take my first sleep aid. I'm really nervous about this. Any time I have ever taken medication that also makes you sleepy (like Benedryl) I feel drugged and in a fog for the whole next day. My doctor has assured me that this is very, very short acting. In fact, it is so short acting that I take TWO doses during the night. I know, setting an alarm to wake up in the middle of the night so I can take another dose of sleep medicine seems counter-intuitive to me, too, but that's what the doctor told me to do. This medication is not designed to help me fall asleep - trust me, I have NO problem falling asleep - but rather to help me get into a deeper, more restorative sleep. Apparently it's a heavy duty medication: it will be Fed Exxed to me, I had to answer all these questions over the phone from the special pharmacy, talk to the special pharmacist for about fifteen minutes to get all the specific directions on how to take this, PLUS I received a special DVD and information packet from my doctor - which reminds me, I better watch it before tomorrow night.

Oh yeah, nothing nerve racking about any of this!

No Pressure

2009-11-16T14:07:00.004-05:00

I'm back.
I'm ready and willing to write again.
Apparently I took an unplanned leave of absence from the blogging world.

I've gotten really into using Facebook, which, as any of you who also use it know, is incredibly addicting. I update there frequently, and get comments on what I write, so I haven't felt the urge to blog like I used to. But I'm coming back to you, my blog.

One of the reasons is the Philly Blogger get-togethers, usually organized by Bossy and attended by lots of other local bloggers. We organizing our next get-together for November and I'm kinda feeling like a fraud if I don't start writing again.

And the other reason is the anonymous comment I just received. Wow.

So let's see, what's going on?

DH is teaching at the Middle School this year instead of the high school and loves it!

I'm teaching Pre-K instead of the two year olds and love it!

J is in Kindergarten in the mornings and loves it! [Wow, we're just such a positive family.] Things were pretty complicated for a while there since her school doesn't start until 9:00 AM and there is no bussing for Kindergarteners and I have to be at school by 8:30. We ultimately ended up paying for before school care at the community center - so frustrating when we only need it for about 45 minutes maximum each day. We had to do piece meal after school care for her since she is finished at 11:45 and I have school until 1, but at this point it's all taken care of.

A and B are both in second grade. A still has a 1:1, but has also been having lot more trouble staying focused in school and has definitely been having lots more tantrums. B was just finally diagnosed with ADD and we are working on creating a school plan for him.

And that's all I have to say for now because I have lots of work to do. It's not much, it's definitely not brilliant or inspiring or incredible writing, but that's just the way it is.

Gearing Up

2009-08-26T13:41:00.005-04:00

So much to do and I'm just so unmotivated to do it.

DH had surgery to repair a small hernia on Friday. He could have waited longer but since we have no idea if and when his weird neurological symptoms may return and how much time he may end up needing to take off from school, he scheduled the surgery for before school started.

Fortunately they were able to squeeze him in.

Unfortunately we both had to miss some of our week at the shore (my parents rented a place for all of us, including my sister and her family, for the week).

Fortunately they were able to watch the kids so we could deal with the surgery ourselves.

Unfortunately the doctors were not able to do it laproscopically since they had already done that twice before.

Fortunately they sent him home with good drugs.

Unfortunately he's nearing the end of the bottle and he still hurts.

Fortunately he's doing better.

Unfortunately it's not soon enough for either of us.

But that's enough of that.

I still have so much to do to prep for school, to make sure all three kids are ready for school, to figure out how J will be getting to and from school (no bussing for Kindergarten and it's only half day), to sort the mountain of paperwork that is always looming, to do massive amounts of grocery shopping, and to finish organizing the entire house.

And maybe figure out how to bring about world peace.

Not so fast with this feeling good stuff!

2009-07-21T14:15:00.004-04:00

I tried to take it easy. I felt well enough to move around without clutching the cute little pillow the night nurse (who really should be working days because he just talked WAY too much each and every time he came in my room at night to check my vitals) made me at the hospital. I could even walk without being hunched over. That's progress, baby!

So I came up with a small list of things to do. Easy stuff, nothing too strenuous. And I set the timer so I would be up and about for ten minutes at a time before sitting down to rest. And I was doing pretty good. I cleared off the dining room table, put away stuff that was on the kitchen counters, wiped down both of those areas, even sorted and washed a load of laundry. And between each item I took a break.

But...then the boys were dropped off right when I was about to take a break. We have had so much help the last week and a half it has been amazing, but alas, no one was able to host a playdate for A and B (J, on the other hand, went home from camp with a friend for the afternoon). DH had a doctor's appointment, as usual, so it was up to me. I sat down with them and wrote up a schedule for the afternoon (they do better when it's in writing) (so do I) and they started their Wii time. So it was a good time for me to take that break I had missed.

But....then the potential housekeeper knocked at the door so we could walk through the house and talk about what I wanted her to do. Ever do that before? I'm soooo glad I had a chance to wipe down some surfaces, because as I walked with her I kept seeing things through her eyes, especially as she talked about how she would need to do a deep cleaning the first time she comes out to do things like "degrease the dining room lighting fixture" (wow, it is pretty filty!) and "dust the baseboards" (hadn't really looked at the in a while - they're disgusting!). Don't get me wrong - I got a really good vibe from her; didn't at all feel like she was looking down on my housecleaning skills. And I'm excited to get started with her after I talk with my sis about how much she's going to charge me to see if she thinks that's fair in exchange for me watching her daughter four aftenoons a week (she better!). I am REALLY looking forward to someone to clean once a week, and cannot WAIT for the "deep cleaning" she promised. After we walked through the house, I made sure we ended up at the dining room table so I could sit down. I wasn't feeling too good by then.

After we talked about the nitty gritty details and she left, I realized that I now needed more than just a little sit-down on the couch. Luckly DH had just arrived home from his doctor's appointment, so I went upstairs to lay down.

Today I woke up pretty uncomfortable. In the interest of full disclosure (because I know what a stickler for honesty all my loyal reader are - ARE there any readers at this point?) I have been trying to avoid taking the pain meds so I can just deal without them. Thinking about it today, I have no idea why I thought that was a good idea. The doctor had told me it would take two weeks until I felt better. Yesterday was one week. I have to just suck it up and accept that I'm not going to feel perfect this week and allow myself to take it a little easier. I'm thinking up lots of productive things I can do sitting down, things like sorting and filing household paperwork, cleaning out and restocking the medicine closet (if DH can bring me what's in there one basket at a time and then go out and buy all the stuff I put on the list), sorting through all my teaching stuff that is currently residing in the basement (even if I WAS feeling 100% I would still need DH to go down there and get me one box at a time - I can't stand basements) - you get the idea.

Right now DH took the kids to "the good Barnes and Noble" (the one in DE that has a train table and small stage in the kids' section) with the promise that he would buy them each one book. I have quiet in the house. I believe I will take another dose of pain medicine, take five minutes (and no more) to put away some dishes drying on the counter, and then start working on the basket of papers that are right next to me. It's not the most exciting way to end this blog post, but that's the way it is.

Streamlining Cleaning

2009-07-20T11:31:00.004-04:00

No matter what I do the house ends up getting dirty again. I know, I know, there are five people that live here, of course it's going to get dirty. But I keep trying to come up with some system that will somehow make it stay uncluttered. And no matter how good my intentions are, it never gets that way or even if it did get close, it never stays that way. I think I'm just too lazy.

So I came up with a brilliant idea: in exchange for watching my niece after preschool Monday through Thursday (my sister is going to start teaching full-time in September!) from 1 to about 4, I'm asking my sister to pay for someone to come once a week and clean the house. In fact, in an hour a lady is coming over to give me an estimate.

With our budget so tight, I could never justify paying for someone to clean the house. This last year has been crazy - in addition to DH's medical mystery that managed to steal days, weeks, and sometimes months from us with no warning, I started the year teaching many, many hours a week and by December was back to working full-time. When DH was able to work, he was also working full-time. I couldn't work up enough energy to clean.

When I was a SAHM I still was finding lots of side jobs to bring in some income, in addition to raising my three and watching my niece and nephew full-time. I know other people have it harder than I did and still managed to keep the house clean, but I had a hard time maintaining that.

Right now I am home still recovering from this stupid gallbladder surgery. It has been a full week, so today I am attempting to do a little bit around the house. I'm following FLYlady's advice and am using my timer - working for 10 minutes and then sitting down and taking a break for 10 minutes. Don't get me wrong - my DH has been amazing taking care of me and the kids AND the house this past week, and we've had so many other people bringing us meals, groceries, taking the kids for playdates. The support has been incredible. I've been using this great website to coordinate everything we needed and it has been invaluable. But there's still a lot of stuff you end up seeing while you're stuck in bed or on the couch for awhile, stuff that when you're up and about you end up ignoring, stuff that fades into the background after a while, but now it's driving me crazy! I hope my DH doesn't read that and think I'm at all implying that he has not done a good job around the house because that's NOT at all what I'm saying. I'm just kind of excited to feel well enough to finally get up and do a little bit.

And I'm extremely excited to know that a prospective house cleaner will be coming by soon.

My timer has beeped; Time to get my lazy butt off the couch and moving.

And what can I learn from this?

2009-07-16T11:29:00.003-04:00

I got the message on Friday that DH was not doing well and needed me to come home right after camp. His latest relapse started on Tuesday when he decided it would be a good idea to take the boys to the Franklin Institute. He only lasted two hours before he started limping and slurring his words. But on Friday a new symptom began: his eyes stopped moving from side to side. Since I now have my medical degree from Google, and have watched enough neurological exams to consider myself an honorary neurologist, I began doing a basic exam. When I asked DH to follow my finger, I saw that his eye were no longer tracking smoothly. Instead of following my finger like I expected, they moved in an extremely jerky motion, sometimes not even looking at my finger. At that point we decided to head to the ER.

The doctors ran all the usual tests (all of which came back normal) and decided to keep him overnight. On Saturday they ran a couple more tests. While we waited (and waited and waited) for the doctor to come in and discharge him, my stomach started hurting. Then it was my back as well. I couldn't find a comfortable place for myself. I tried laying down flat in his bed (DH was sitting in a chair by then), pushing my back against the wall, going for a walk up and down the hall, but it kept getting more uncomfortable. By the time I had walked downstairs to get the car and pick him up, I was definitely in enough discomfort to agree to go directly to the ER.

After a quick physical exam, the doctors were pretty sure it was my gallbladder, and the ultrasound confirmed it. They admitted me in order to do the surgery on Monday. Yeah, my last meal was lunch on Saturday, and then just clear liquids until they finally did the surgery on Monday around 2 or so. They were able to operate laperscopically, using four small incisions, but it still hurt a lot more than I expected. I opted to stay an extra night to help manage the pain, and I came home yesterday.

And just to show how much my DH totally rocks, I came home to a room that had just been straightened up, to a bed with fresh sheets on it and a huge helium "Get Well" balloon tied to it, and a cleaned off night table that had a big stack of magazines and fluffy new "chick lit" books and two "chick flick" DVDs.

There is so much more I can write about this. I could reflect on the reason this all happened, that maybe I was meant to learn compassion by switching places with DH, that he was meant to get a feel for being the one not in the hospital bed for a little. But my stomach hurts and I'm tired, so that's all I'm writing for now.

Streamline

2009-07-01T18:18:00.006-04:00

Welcome back!

What? You mean you've still been here? You mean, I'm the one who has been gone, the one who hasn't posted in over a month.

Oh.

Well, welcome back to me, then.

For those of you just joining the party, let me introduce myself:

I have always felt that you can tell a lot about a person by how they choose to describe themselves first. With that thought running through my mind, I can't decide how to start my description. I guess since the kids are at theater camp and I'm sitting on the couch next to my DH ("dear husband"), I'll start there.

I'm a wife. I've been married to my best friend for fourteen years. We met in high school when we both auditioned for and were cast as romantic opposites in Harvey. We were "just friends" for two years and dated for four, so we have been together for twenty years.

I'm a mom. I have three kids - seven-year-old twin boys (A and B) and a five-year-old girl (J). A loves anything electronic, Legos, and music. He also has Aspergers Syndrome, which is a form of Autism. B loves his daddy, creating crazy obstacle courses like on Wipeout, and Star Wars. He also probably has A.D.D. and we are working on getting him evaluated this summer. J loves coloring and arts and crafts as well as teaching "dog school" to all her stuffed animals and dolls. DH and I agree that she has P.P.M.S. (pre-pre-menstrual syndrome).

I'm a teacher. I currently am running a preschool summer camp at the Jewish preschool I teach at during the school year. I also teach Hebrew and Religious School at my synagogue. Before I had kids I was an elementary teacher. After I had kids I found lots of ways to bring in money while I stayed home with the kids. I provided full-time childcare for my now six-year-old nephew and for my now three-year-old niece. I ran a Moms' Morning Out from my house two days a week. I even had my own Kids' Birthday Party Business, providing theme-based entertainment/crafts/activities at different people's houses.

I'm also CEO and CFO of this household. I am sure I could come up with lots of other words to describe the various jobs I have with relationship to the house (chauffeur, laundress, cook, etc.) but I think Chief Executive Officer and Chief Financial Officer kind of sums it up.

My blog used to be named "My Life as a Stay-At-Home-Mom" but once the boys were in school I started teaching nearly full-time (J was at the same preschool) and that name just didn't seem right any more. I renamed it "Keeping My Head Above Water" because most days that's just about all I can do, keep treading water so I don't drown.

Before last year, my life felt really, really full teaching preschool, attempting to run our household, and taking care of all three of my children's individual needs. And then things got interesting. July 10th of last year we began DH's bizarre medical journey, which, unfortunately, still has no end in sight. In a nutshell, DH has been experiencing Left-Sided Hemiparesis that comes and goes with no obvious explanation. He has been hospitalized five or six times at four different local hospitals, been seen as an out-patient by two different neurologists, a rheumotologist, a neuropsychiatrist, a Lyme Disease specialist, an Infectious Disease specialist, a neuro-opthamologist, his general practioner, a gastrointerolgist, a psychiatrist who specializes in Conversion Disorder, two different physical therapists, an occupational therapist, a speech therapist, including two different doctors at Johns Hopkins. Each relapse lasts anywhere from as little as two days to as long as three months. Twice now the symptoms have affected both sides of his body. At its worst, he is unable to move independently and cannot be understood. At its best, he needs a cane and can lift his left arm about as high as his shoulder. And then sometimes, for no reason that we can determine, the symptoms vanish completely. We cannot predict when a relapse will hit, how long it will last, or how bad it will be. And even though he has undergone every test that every doctor can think of, we still do not have any idea what is causing his condition.

And that's my life right now.

I decided to name this post what I did because "streamline" is my new favorite word. A colleague recently told me she was working on streamlining some things at school for all of us and I instantly fell in love with the idea. My goal is to figure out how to streamline my life. I don't exactly know how, but I do know that I plan to blog about it, so YOU are invited to join me on this adventure. I would love to hear any ideas on ways that you have streamlined any area of your life; who knows - maybe I can apply it to mine!

Juggling Lessons

2009-05-24T12:08:00.004-04:00

My husband's crooked smile might be permanent.

His visible muscle loss in the calf of his left leg might not improve.

The cognitive function that he has lost might not return.

And we still do not know the cause.

We cannot predict his symptoms from day to day. Every time I see him I surreptitiously examine him to determine if his speech is more slurred, if his limp is more pronounced, if he is using his left arm or relying on his right. We used to have a pattern - it would get bad, suck for a few days, and then improve. We seem to be stuck at the suck stage with no end in sight.

He saw a Lyme Disease specialist this week who told him that this still could be Lyme Disease, even though that was ruled out three different times before. The results from his tests will come back in two weeks.

DH will see a NeuroOpthamolgist next week, and I'm optomistic (or at least I'm trying to be) that she will at least be able to help his double vision and headaches. At this point, even though he is not allowed to drive or teach, he still is trying to grade all of his seniors' research papers. We finally discovered that using a magnifying sheets allows him to read more than two without getting a severe headache, but his new cognitive difficulties are making it hard for him to focus and follow what the kids are writing, which obviously makes it harder to grade.

The fatigue seems to be one of the hardest symptoms for DH to deal with. He is not a napper - something that I never understood since I could take a nap at the drop of a hat, but that's a story for another day - but now after the smallest exertion he gets so tired that he has to take a nap for a couple hours, in addition to sleeping on average of ten hours each night.

Another direction we're going to try is seeing a Rheumotologist at the suggestion of the neuropsychiatrist from Johns Hopkins. She mentioned the possibility of some kind of auto-immune disease. That appointment is in a few weeks.

I am trying to stay focused on the present, but it's really tough not to think ahead. Will he be able to drive again? Is he going to be able to go back to work come August? Will he be able to handle working this summer? And if the answer to all this is no, will we be able to get by on my preschool teacher's salary? Will we be able to continue paying our mortgage, or will we have to sell our house and move somewhere smaller? Or, thinking smaller, will we be able to afford to pay for J to go to the camp I'm running this summer? We have enough in savings to cover the fact that he didn't really get a paycheck this time around, and the "sick bank" will kick in for his next paycheck (other teachers can donate sick days to cover the rest of the year), but we have no idea how long this is going to last. What if he has to be hospitalized again? We are so grateful to have medical insurance, but the cost of all the extras adds up quickly - parking, meals and drinks while visiting, tv and phone for him, ER copays, hotel rooms, gas, and food if we have to go back to Hopkins or the Mayo Clinic, the list goes on and on. And then there's the copays of the PT that he currently has to do three times a week.

It is really tough not just to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head. I indulged that desire a little on Thursday, begging DH to take over when he came home from whatever doctor's appointment he was at that afternoon. I went upstairs at FOUR, shut the door, and got in bed with a book. I read for half an hour and then went to sleep. For the night. I woke at midnight to pee, get a little bit to eat, read for a little bit more, and then go back to sleep again. Escapism at its best?

Obviously I can't do that every day. There are just so many balls to keep up in the air - and pretty soon I'm going to remember that I don't know how to juggle! It's not a matter of not liking all the different things going on right now. Some of the really important things are parts of my life that I absolutely love, like teaching. Spending time in the classroom each day forces me to be completely present, even if it is just for those three hours every day. The hugs, the smiles, the joy at hearing a new story or learning a new song, it just fills me with an energy. And to have my daughter across the hall from me, to be able to see her at lunch, or let her hang out in my office coloring in the afternoons if she has a bad day, it's a huge perk.

But there's the house upkeep, the bills and paperwork (which I swear multiplies and scatters around the house every time I turn my back like a warped version of Red Light Green Light), the groceries and meals, the laundry (oh, the laundry), the maintenance of both cars, the yard.

And did I mention I have two boys in first grade? We had conferences with both kids' teachers this week and it just ended up giving me such mommy guilt. We have been concerned that B might have ADD since before he entered Kindergarten. This is a kid who would lose focus while writing his own name so the first two letters looked okay and the rest of the letters end up scrawled across the page because he turned to look at what someone next to him was doing. His Kindergarten teacher didn't see it too much, but acknowledged that they move around a lot, ten minutes on the rug, fifteen minutes at the desk, and so on, so it might just not really be coming out too much. His first grade teacher saw it from the beginning but really wanted to try lots of different strategies before we started working with a doctor. She gave it her all. At our conference this week she looked at me and sighed, explaining, "I have been teaching for forty years and tried every trick I had in that forty-year-old bag of tricks, and nothing has worked. I truly believe this is not something he can control." The thing is, I knew this, I've known this for a while - I've been a teacher for a long time and know the symptoms - I've tried so many strategies at home without success. But have I pursued getting him seen by a specialist? No. Did I research how to make homework time for a child with ADD easier? No. Did I make more of an effort to work with his teacher to ensure success for B at school? No. Every year that I taught elementary school I would invariably have a student who reminded me of Pig Pen, not due to the child's personal hygine but because the child's possessions seemed to end up in almost a cloud around him or her, spilling from the desk/cubby/school bag at all times. This week I found out that B is that child in his class. His teacher had told me half way through the year that B is having so much trouble getting and staying organized that I have to do it for him. Did I? No. And here we are, at the end of first grade, and we have gone no further than filling out the basic parent/teacher rating scale to show that we all see the same concerns.

After B's conference we proceeded to A's IEP meeting. On the plus side, he is showing improvement. He no longer needs special warning about fire drills or to sit near a door for assemblies so he can make a quick escape if necessary. He is handling changes in his schedule without throwing himself to the floor and crying, though he does need someone to answer his persistant "Why" or he will keep asking. He definitely will need a PCA again next year, which is a personal care assistant that helps him stay on task, organize, and help him cope if he gets overwhelmed or upset. One of the biggest things that came out of this meeting is that his whole team feels that A would also benefit from ADD testing. All the teachers feel that both A and B are capable of doing so much more in school and that there is something getting in their way.

And why didn't I do something about this earlier?

Okay, don't start, I KNOW why. I know that DH's illness and unexpectedly ending up working full-time kind of took more attention that I anticipated, but still - these are my CHILDREN. How did I allow them to slip through the cracks like this? They needed more from me and I didn't give it to them. I'm a teacher and I didn't do more to help my children deal with this major learning obstacle. There is so much more I could have done at home with organization and structure, but I simply did not have it in me by the time I got home from work each day. I can't let that happen next year. Appointments with pediatric specialists take so long to get, but we received the paperwork and will fill it out and send it back tomorrow and call often to try to get in when someone cancels. Or maybe two people will cancel back to back so we can take both boys at the same time?!! Okay, now I'm just getting crazy.

So let's see, if I really was juggling, how many balls would I have up in the air right now? Hmmm...

DH's health
Teaching
The school
Our finances
J
A
B
Paperwork
Housework
My own health (really have to start focusing on that more!)
Summer work (two different camps)
All the other stuff I'm not thinking of right this second

Anyone out there actually know HOW to juggle? Maybe that would help. A little. Maybe?

Question

2009-05-10T15:43:00.002-04:00

What if this is our new normal?

Any Dr. House Wannabes Out There?

2009-05-08T12:37:00.004-04:00

Let's see what you can come up with!

DH's symptoms are officially classifed as Left Side Hemiparesis, which means muscle weakness for his entire left side: facial droop, tongue unable to move to left side (which slurs his speech), arm, hands, fingers, leg, feet, toes - all on left side. On Sunday, just to switch it up a little, the right side experienced the same thing in addition to the left side. At this point the right side is back to about 90% normal but the left side is the worst it has been in a long time.

The symptoms had been coming on for about a week and then going away, usually for around a month, but the time in between kept shortening until in March the symptoms came and have not left. Every time the symptoms left before DH was left with full function, as if nothing had happened. Along with the regular symptoms, he now has severe headaches that never fully go away and double vision (side to side) now for both close up and far away. The doctors do not want him left alone (for fear of falling), driving (because of the double vision), or back at work. He has used up all his sick days, so now we are living on my preschool teacher's salary.

Since every single medical test (MRIs, MRAs, CAT scans, Lumbar Puncture, Blood work, EMG, EKG, EEG, TEE, X-Rays) has come back clean, the doctors keep going back to Conversion Disorder. The problem is that he is NOT under stress (actually removed himself from ALL extra-curricular things he used to do at school) and has not experienced any traumatic event. He does have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and takes Prozac for it, but that has been under control for almost ten years now.

In January he started seeing a psychiatrist that specializes in Conversion Disorder and after working with him for all these many weeks she clearly states that this is NOT psychological. But the neurologists keep going back to that diagnosis because they can't find anything else.

If it turns out to be Conversion Disorder, we do understand that it doesn't mean he's faking this. The symptoms are real and he has no control over it. However, even his regular psychiatrist feels that there is something medical at the bottom of this. We just haven't found it yet.

Please feel free to do your own research, forward this to anyone you think might have some good ideas, post questions in the comments section here. The symptoms have been coming and going since July 10th now. The jokes about Dr. House, Mystery Diagnosis, and all the other medical shows out there really aren't funny anymore. We just want his quality of life back.

2009-05-03T21:56:00.003-04:00

As I drove home from HUP tonight, I tried thinking of a humerous way to write about this, a cute title to put on this post.

And I started crying.

I don't know how much more of this I can take. I can't make light of this. I can't make a joke. I can't put a positive spin on this. I can't keep a smile on my face to make everyone else around me feel better. At least for tonight. Maybe tomorrow I can fake it again. Maybe tomorrow I can smile at the rest of the world, make a joke about how we've been to all the other hospitals in the area so we decided to try one more out.

But for tonight I'm scared.

He's in bad shape. It's bad enough for DH to have lost so much strength on the left side, to have lost sensation in his hand and foot, and not knowing if the mobility and sensation he has lost is permanent or not. It's bad enough that DH has had to use a cane to walk around for the last three weeks, that his head has been hurting him so much since March, that his left arm has been hurting him so much that it's waking him up at night. But today I came home from a camping trip with the kids and my parents and my sister and her family, a trip that DH chose not go on because he needed to rest and try to catch up on his grading since his double vision has been getting so bad that he can only do one or two papers at a time, and DH could barely walk. Or talk.

He holds his cane with his right hand, and uses his right side to push himself up. Only now his right side isn't working right, so he can't push himself up, and his both legs aren't moving too well. His tongue has not been able to move to the left side for about six weeks now, but he clearly figured out how to compensate because his speech has improved drastically. Of course now his tongue won't move to the right side either, making his speech incredibly slurred and hard to understand.

Right now DH just got admitted to the neuro floor at HUP. I was able to get a sub for tomorrow so will head back to the hospital as soon as I get all the kids off to school.

Tomorrow is another day. Let's see what happens.

Another Day, Another ER

2009-05-03T16:06:00.004-04:00

Why stick with left sided hemiparesis when you can add in the right side too? C'mon, after our trip to Hopkins last week at which yet another neurologist shrugged his shoulders and told us he has no idea what's causing all the trouble, we had to figure out a way to step it up a notch. I am now with DH in one of HUP's ER exam rooms. We just came from MRI where first yet another neurologist examined him and then he got yet another MRI and MRA. Based on past experience, we are now waiting for them to come back and tell us that everything looking normal on the scans, so despite the scary new symptoms and severe pain (they just gave him morphine in his IV because his head and right arm/hand hurt so bad) they're going to send us home. Yet again.

Guess Who Has Their Own Blog?

2009-04-26T17:13:00.002-04:00

My husband!

Please check it out and show him some love.

No News is . . . No News

2009-04-24T15:40:00.003-04:00

Newflash ...................

The neurologist at Johns Hopkins didn't have any better idea than the neurologists in Philly.

After a very thorough examine, the doctor here at Hopkins had nothing. I pushed hard for him to do more than simply offer some migraine medicine that might help with his headaches, dizziness, and double vision (all new since the end March) and he finally suggested that we could try getting seen by the Neuropsychology department. Both DH, the doctor, and the receptionist doubted we would be able to get an appointment any time soon, but going with the idea that it never hurts to ask, I called and begged, letting them no we're from out of state and took off both Thursday and Friday so pleeeeease could they see him. Suffice it to say that they scheduled him for a nine am appointment today.

Right now I'm sitting in the waiting room here trying to keep myself occupied and awake while I wait. We had a two hour interview with the doctor and two different students - very in-depth. Then they took DH away for two straight hours of all kinds of cognitive testing (memory, reaction time, word/picture recognition). We had a lunch break at 1 and now he's back in there yet again for another three hours of the same type of testing. If nothing else, we will have a ton of data when today is done.

DH's "relapses" of weakness over his entire left side have become constant - non-stop symptoms for over a month now. He has to use a cane when walking more than a few feet because his left leg gives out with every step. He is no longer able to lift his left arm above shoulder level, even with assistance from his right arm. His left hand now has tremors that may or may not be connected to usage. His left arm goes numb and tingly many times, often waking him from a sound sleep a few times a night. He has lost enough sensation in his left hand that he didn't realize that a bowl fresh from the microwave was piping hot until he switched it to his right hand. His head hurts constantly, ranging from a dull throb to sharp pain that forces him to lay down.

Our hope at this point is to get ANY idea on how to stop this from happening again. When we get home I'm going to push for him to start doing PT and OT yet again before he loses even more mobility in his left arm. Things are bad for him, and they're getting worse. When the doctor yesterday basically shrugged his shoulders in puzzlement over DH's condition, I just went numb. I can only pray that this appointment today helps us learn enough to make a difference, to stop this deterioration and turn it around.

Thanks for reading. I needed to share with friends and get more prayers going. We have to find out what is going on - I don't know how much more of this he or I can take!

Wishing and Hoping and Praying and Thinking . . .

2009-04-22T22:30:00.003-04:00

I wish I remembered to bring my coat with me tonight.

I wish I had actually brought the mini powdered donuts TO the fabulous spaghetti dinner I just got back from, a get together of lots of Philly Bloggers like Bossy and DG and MemeGRL and her and them and . . . lots more but I'm too tired to link to them all, hosted by Lora. But instead I ended up eating most of them myself on the way there and on the way back.

I wish our trip tomorrow to Maryland was actually a vacation, and not because we finally got a neurologist at Johns Hopkins to see DH.

I wish we could have afforded to take the train tomorrow.

I wish that DH was feeling well enough that we could walk around the Inner Harbor if/when he is not seeing doctors.

I wish the house would magically clean itself.

I wish the house would magically clean itself. No, that's not an accidental repeat, I just really, really, really wish this one would happen.

I wish my boys weren't having trouble at school.

I wish I could figure out how to divide my focus between all thre kids and their various issues/needs, DH's major medical crap that has been going on since July, work, our finances and trying to figure out how we can afford everything when we both have used up all our sick days (thus don't get paid for every day we don't work anymore, including Thursday and Friday when we're at Hopkins) and still have to pay for the hotel and food and whatever else while we're there, the house, and . . . what did I forget? Oh yeah - my sanity!

I wish DH's health crisis never started.

I wish that any one of the many, many doctors came up with a reason this keeps happening.

I wish any of the many, many, many tests that DH has now undergone have given any indication of why this keeps happening.

I wish DH's health crisis did not escalate to where he is now in constant significant pain in his head and left arm and must use a cane all the time because his left leg gives out with every step - and it's been like this for over a month straight.

I wish I could blink my eyes and just make everything stop for a week - a full week where I didn't have to do anything, didn't have to be anywhere, didn't have to talk to or be responsible for anyone, a week where I could sleep as late as I wanted and escape into cheesy romance novels, one after the other, without even leaving my bed.

I pray that the doctors at Johns Hopkins will look at DH and KNOW what is going on. I pray that this trip will result in answers and help. I pray that someone has finally put a new bulb in to that light at the end of the tunnel and someone else has figured out how to finally flip the switch and that sucker is staying on for good!

Taking Advantage of the Day

2009-04-05T15:54:00.003-04:00

My head no longer pounds.
I can step outside into the bright sunlight without wincing from the pain.
My cough has (for the moment) subsided enough to allow me to function.
My computer has not kicked me off-line for the last five minutes (something that it has been doing a LOT lately and I don't know why).
I have the house to myself.

I don't know how long any of the above things will last, so I must take advantage of them all immediately.

DH has gotten an appointment with a neurologist at Johns Hopkins. For those of you joining me for the first time, he has been experiencing significant left side weakness of his whole body (head to toes) on and off since July. No doctor has been able to determine why yet, though a lot of scary sounding things have been ruled out. The symptoms have been increasing in frequency and occurence, and for the last two weeks or so have been accompanied by severe and constant head pain. His appointment is for April 23rd. DH's parents have agreed to pick up the kids from school that day and stay at the house overnight if we choose to spend the night in Baltimore. I just sent an email to Hopkins attempting to coordinate additional tests/appointments for the 23rd and 24th so we can make the most of our time there. I will also call them first thing tomorrow to talk with one of their medical concierges (yes, I think that sounds fancy and just a little strange, too) to see what we can arrange, and then I will look into finding us the most inexpensive lodgings. The lengths that DH and I go to in order to have some alone time . . . first it was just trips to the ER to watch better cable than we have at home, but now it's to spend the night in a hotel - woohoo!

And now it is officially spring break. All week. Last "break" I spent almost the entire time at work. This time I have made the decision that I am NOT going to work at all. I plan to spend time around the house gardening, organizing, cleaning, getting the kitchen ready for Passover, cooking, and spending time with my family. For three days this coming week I have scheduled it so two of our three will be at a local kids' gym for their holiday camp and a different child each of those days will spend the morning with me, lunch with DH and I, and the afternoon with DH. We so rarely get to spend any one-on-one time with the kids, and for the two of us to have time with any one child is almost unheard of. I am so excited with this plan. It also will allow DH and I to both have half the day on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday to ourselves to do whatever we want. All in all, a good plan for everyone. Of course, one of the quotes that is so relevant in my life, whether I want it to be or not, is "Man plans, God laughs," so we'll see what will ACTUALLY happen this week, but at least all of you out there in the blogosphere that are still reading my blog (Is anyone out there in the blogosphere still reading my blog?) know that I had a kick-ass plan. And that is all I can do.

That being said, time to tackle Mt. Washmore and my Paper Mountain. Wish me luck!

Want some cheese with that?

2009-04-04T13:21:00.004-04:00

Five minutes after I published my last post, my fabulous friend emailed that she would be bringing over dinner tomorrow. Not only did she bring over dinner for that night, she clearly raided her fridge and brought us half an apple pie. That's a good friend. :)

A few days ago we came home to a plastic bag filled with two boxes of Easy Mac hanging on our front door knob. Still don't know who did that, but again, I have to say that I have really good friends.

I'm not writing now in the hopes of someone else reading this, taking pity on me, and doing the same thing. Really, I'm not. But I do have to complain.

DH is learning to live with the constant, unrelenting head pain. He's not happy about it, but he is learning to suck it up and deal with it. The head pain and the limp. And the left arm pain and tingling. And the slurred speech that now seems to come and go at random, along with the drooping face. Advil and Tylenol are his new best friends, even when they don't seem to be working. And he is still going to work, teaching high school kids how to love reading, and coming home and spending time with the kids (even though he has been removing himself from really loud situations due to his headaches) AND pitching in with the chores. Yeah, I've got a good husband. We even got an appointment to be seen by a neurologist at Johns Hopkins on April 23rd. Not sure yet how we're going to do that (kid coverage, lodging, working with someone there to maybe schedule other appointments/tests for that day or the next to make the most of the visit) but one step at a time.

Today the cold that I have been working really hard to ignore all week came to the forefront stating, "I won't be ignored." It began pounding on my head, jumping in my lungs and the back of my throat so I will cough every minute or two, just making a general nuisance of itself. I stayed in bed as long as I could before beginning to fear that I would go downstairs only to discover complete and total anialation (which still doesn't look right to me but the spell-checker says it is so who am I to argue). I called DH to complain - he was out getting yet another MRI and MRA of the brain (FYI: getting an MRI when your head is pounding is not fun) - and he agreed to come home for a few hours so I could rest. Even though his own head is pounding and his arm hurts and leg keeps giving out.

But wait, there's more. My sister calls this morning virtually in tears, asking if her kids could come over for a play date. She is sick, way worse than me, with a fever and a cough that is probably bronchitis or some such thing, so how could I say no? DH picked them up on the way home. I called my mom to make sure she could go over with some chicken soup and check on her (she was already planning to - I have a good mom, too).

To sum it up: DH is sick with his funky unknown, mystery neurological ailment. My sister is sick with a fever and the chills and a bad cough that might even be pneumonia. And I have a little cold and will have to take over with the kids again in fifteen minutes.

What a whiner I am.

Wonder Why My Head Hurts

2009-03-25T18:21:00.003-04:00

DH is laid up in bed with severe head pain (a new symptom to the on-going medical mystery that has taken over our lives for the last nine months). The intense headache coupled with the increased frequency of his relapses (last one was 3/13-3/18, this one began 3/20!) translated to a "change of symptoms" - which is what every doctor has told us to watch for and head to the ER immediately if it happened. So...on Monday night we were back in the ER. In addition to the head pain, his leg was giving out with every step, causing the triage nurse to insist he remain in a wheelchair while in the waiting room, and his speech was so bad you could barely understand him. Fun. Once again, blood tests and CAT scan were normal, so they sent us home. More fun.

It is 6:30 and I am only NOW getting to making dinner for everyone (Mac and cheese - and no homemade for my kids - they get the blue box. I used to really enjoy trying out new recipes for mac and cheese, finding healthier and tastier versions of the classic. But once the kids tried "Easy Mac" there was no going back. Now I just figure, "Why bother?"). They need baths after dinner (they've all been playing outside in the mud, otherwise I'd have no problem skipping it). And did I mention their normal bedtime is SEVEN?!!

I have a big proposal that I have been working on all afternoon (in between talking to DH's doctors, getting him some better pain medication, keeping the kids from running into our bedroom, making sure the boys do their homework correctly AND put it back in their folder AND put their folders back in their schoolbag - a surprisingly difficult set of tasks, and monitoring everyone's Wii time to ensure that no one goes over their alloted fifteen minutes) that is due tonight. Unfortunately I only found out about it yesterday morning.

I guess it's really no question about why I've been gritting my teeth so much lately, or why my head and back hurt so much. I simply have to grin and bear it and just get through it. Let's just hope my teeth have not been ground into my gums by the end of the month.

Just had to share . . .

2009-02-20T16:28:00.002-05:00

It is not possible to make everyone happy, no matter what you do or even what your intentions are. That is all.

It's Been Awhile

2009-02-15T15:05:00.002-05:00

I've been feeling really conflicted about this blog.

While I worked really hard going back through every single post recently in order to replace actual names with initials in an effort to maintain some sense of anonyminity, many people that know me do read this blog. And that's okay. In fact, that's more than okay. I like that my life is an open book. I like that people can read this and see that even if I sometimes come across as a great big "know-it-all" (as one of my colleagues told me recently in the nicest way possible), that is never my intention.

On the other hand . . . people I know read this blog. People like my husband. And my mother-in-law. And I like to use this blog to vent when I'm upset, to blow off steam and complain. And, as it is for most people, who do I most need to vent about? My husband. Don't get me wrong! My husband is an amazing, wonderful, incredible man. He is truly my life-partner. A superb father. A great human being. But when you are with someone, anyone, day in and day out, for as long as I have been with him, there are times when we make each other upset. They might be minor, they might be big, but that's just the way things are. Being mad does not negate all the incredible, wonderful things he does every day. It does not negate how he helps around the house so much more than he used to. Or that he has cut back on almost all the extra-curricular stuff he used to do at school so he could spend more time with our family. It's just an emotion, usually sparked by something minor.

Side note: As I write this, my stomach is cramping something fierce from some kind of stomach bug that is making me stay close to the bathroom. I had plans to go out this afternoon, but when my stomach started hurting so bad I told DH that my plans changed and that I would be grabbing the laptop and be camping out in our bedroom for the rest of the day. DH, being the wonderful person that he is, just brought me some lemonade and dry toast, between trips up and down the stairs doing loads of laundry and playing with the kids. Yeah, I'm lucky he's mine.

The thing is, since he reads this blog, any time I have vented here, he has read it and been hurt. It doesn't matter if my next post is about how great he is, it doesn't matter if it's a post from last year when he was at school WAAAAAYYY more than he was here, it hurts him to read how bad he made me feel. And it hurts him knowing that other people that know us can and do read this and may think less of him. And no matter how much better it makes me feel to get everything off my chest, it is just not worth it to hurt him like that. And that has made me really uncertain how to proceed.

But what it comes down to is this: my need to keep this blog, to have a place to write down my thoughts and feelings and memories that will soon be forgotten, is huge. We all joke that I have no memory, but it really sucks to not remember so much of my life. I need this blog so I can look back and remember. The blog stays. And I will continue to write in it.

And for those times when I'm just so steamed I have to get away from my incredible DH for fear I will say something I will really regret, those times when if I don't vent and work out my thoughts in writing I might just explode, those are the times I will write in that totally private, completely anonymous blog I started. And I'm not ever sharing that blog with DH.

A girl's gotta have SOME privacy, right?

Right Now

2009-01-20T00:38:00.003-05:00

I can't sleep.
Started using Slim Fast today. I used it before my wedding and it worked. I know it's not the ultimate answer, that it will only do to get me started, but I think I just need a kick start. I'm also trying the Slim Quick Cleanse. Have to start getting serious about my weight!
I'm starting to get sleepy.
Got my Provigil back today. Haven't had it since December due to an insurance mistake. Wow - forgot what it felt like to be totally awake!
This is not a very interesting post.
J is coughing a lot. Took her to the doctor today and he diagnosed her with a sinus infection. We go to a practice of about six different doctors, so as I drove her there I told her she would be seeing Dr. P___. She asked me if they were all named Dr. P___ now, so I explained to her that just the one she was seeing today was named Dr. P____ and the others all had their own names.
Is this post boring enough to make YOU fall asleep?
Maybe it's enough to make me fall asleep. Of course, I know as soon as I lay down J will wake all the way up and start crying and I'll have to go in and help her fall back asleep, thus making it hard for me to fall back asleep. So I might come right back down and continue this post. I'm hoping that this really is the end. Good night.

Quick Update

2009-01-03T21:56:00.003-05:00

So much to say - not enough time to say it!

I have about four different posts running around in my head. They're all excellent (but of course) but I have too much to do to even be fooling around with my blog in the first place, so they will have to wait. Here's the quickest update I can manage:

1) DH - health is fine (now I must spit between two fingers to avoid a kinahera)

2) Kids got a Wii for the holidays plus many many many Legos.

3) Kids are now able to play independently with said presents for extended periods of time.

4) Preschool Director got fired; I am now the Interim Preschool Director.

5) I am in a tough position trying to stay positive at school and focus on the present when many, many, many others want to focus on the details surrounding the change in administration.

6) I am also still teaching my 2-year-old class from 9-12. And Hebrew School twice a week. And Religious School on Sundays (two sessions).

7) The full-day kindergarten is no longer an option for next year. It is a goal for the near future.

8) The camp will (HOPEFULLY) be approved very soon so we can start registering families. I have been working with the Board to make it a reality.

9) I spent much of winter break at school organizing paperwork/files and sorting/organizing books and supplies with the help of fabulous volunteers.

10) I'm trying to remember to breathe.

It's Over

2008-12-15T22:45:00.002-05:00

And just like that, it's gone.

DH's symptoms progressed since Wednesday night, making him very hard to understand this weekend. His left leg was buckling with every step. But we kept with the strategy of not "babying" him and having him just work through it.

Amazingly . . .

it has seemed to work!

He came home from work today actually better than he was yesterday. And by the time I came home from Hebrew School tonight, he was about 98% back to normal.

DH is now able to lift his left leg up normally. His knee comes up to the same height as his right one. The fingers on his left hand move apart as far as the ones on his right. His smile is almost not lopsided anymore.

We still have no idea why it sarted again, but we're so glad it's almost over!

It's Back

2008-12-12T21:06:00.001-05:00

DH's symptoms came back Wednesday night.

When he came home (he had a meeting after school and then went out to do work) around 7:15, the left side of his mouth was visably drooping, his left hand was not working well, and he could not raise his left arm too high. We debated what to do for a little but by 8:30 we were on the road to Jefferson Hospital's ER (as per the neurologist instructions when he was discharged from Jeff in September). By the time we got there he was limping again. We didn't leave there until around 3 AM after getting neurological work ups from numerous doctors and a bunch of tests that again all came back negative.

Yesterday we went to his general practitioner who did a few more tests (all negative, of course) and we all decided that this time we are going to try to have him work through it.

He went back to work today, and while he survived the day, he had to go to bed at 7. His speech is much more slurred now due to all the talking he had to do at school (mainly because the righ side of his mouth is doing ALL the work), but we both think that it will be better by morning. Walking up the stairs tonight was tough for him. Yesterday he was able to go upstairs alternating his feet; tonight, not so much.

I don't know if it will get worse before it gets better or if we're making it worse, but this is one strategy we haven't tried before so who knows?!!

Old Habits

2008-12-02T14:16:00.002-05:00

I didn't plan it.

Yes, I'm very aware of my weight, and yes, I've been trying to lose about 30 pounds pretty much since J was born, but it was not a conscious decision I made.

But I've noticed it now. I can't go on pretending that oops, I just didn't have time to eat breakfast and oops, I forgot my lunch and oops, I have to run out at dinner time.

I was anorexic for about five years growing up. As an adult I used to joke, "What I wouldn't give for that kind of willpower now!" It was simpler then, just an easier way to lose weight: don't eat. But not the healthiest. And, of course, it wasn't all about weight - it was about control.

Hmmm...could I be feeling a little out of control recently? Time to take control again - let's go get some lunch!

The Nutshell

2008-11-29T21:18:00.003-05:00

My life in a nutshell:

I teach preschool from 9-1 Monday through Friday. I work with two-year-olds, which I love, but can often be compared to attempting to herd cats. I teach Hebrew on Monday night and Tuesday afternoon, which I also love. On Sundays I teach Religious School to Kindergarteners, which I also love. This summer I will be the director of a brand new camp at my school, so I am working on creating a budget, advertising, and setting that up. In the fall I will be teaching Kindergarten (my DREAM grade) at a brand new full-day kindergarten we are starting at my school, so I am also working on creating a budget, advertising, and setting that up.

Oh yeah, and my three kids come home from school between 3 and 3:30. Then there's homework, dinner, laundry,bills, household paperwork, and all that other stuff.

I'm tired.

I know it's too much. I love what I do, but I know it's too much.

I'm working on finding time for myself (ha!) and to get everything accomplished, though my DH, reading over my shoulder, laughs at the idea that I have trouble finding time for myself. I'm having a lot of trouble trying to balance everything.

Tomorrow is another day, time to finish my plans for the next few weeks, time to finish my holiday card, time to update my address list to send out holiday cards, time to create a Hannukah present on Shutterfly for my niece and nephew, time to do some more planning for both the camp and the kindergarten.

And for now, I sit on the couch with my husband watching Get Smart.

I'll Be Back . . .

2008-11-21T14:10:00.005-05:00

An anonymous commenter gave me the kick in the butt I needed. She or he wrote: "I hope you are posting somewhere, and it didn't just stop. Your writing deserves it."

I haven't been writing anywhere. I've been allowing myself to get so caught up in everything going on in my life that I am barely giving myself a chance to take a breath. And that's what this blog has always been for me: a chance to stop what I'm doing, even if it is just for a moment, and take a breath.

Of course, I don't really have time to breathe right this moment (I'm off to parent-teacher conferences at the boys' school then back to my school to pick up all 3 kids then home to finish laundry and . . .) but I just wanted to stop back in and make a promise to myself and anyone else who reads this that I will be back again soon.

Privacy

2008-10-26T17:13:00.002-04:00

I haven't been posting much recently. I'm sure you noticed.

Maybe you noticed.

Did you notice?!!

Probably not. I've probably lost all my readers by now. But I will continue posting, and hopefully you will find me again.

I've been so conflicted on what I can post on here and what I can't. I've made this blog "anonymous", removing my name and the names of the other people in my life, but I know that's not enough. I know that in reality, anyone who knows me and knows my blog can figure out who and what I'm writing about whether I mention names or not. And therein lies my problem.

There's been a lot going on in my life that affects way more than just me that just isn't okay for me to put out there into the big bad blogosphere.

While MY life is an open book, I know that not everyone feels that way about their own lives, which has, at times, made blogging challenging. I don't know how you other bloggers handle this. I've gone back and forth, but finally came up with a solution that I think will work for me.

I just created a brand new blog.

And, no, I'm NOT going to tell you where it is!

My anonymous blog will allow me a place to ramble on and on about everything without needing to censor myself.

Don't worry! (I could tell, you were worried, weren't you? You - I'm talking to YOU! Is ANYone still out there?!) This blog will still exist. And I will still write about my life, even though I'm hardly a SAHM anymore.

Just had to tell you how I resolved this problem. And now I'm REALLY curious: how much do you hold back in your blog? What do you do with all that stuff going on in your life that you need to get off your chest?

Always a Bridesmaid . . .

2008-10-16T21:02:00.003-04:00

Or not.

My brother got married last weekend. I'm so happy for him. I really, truly, sincerely am. He seems in love and she seems really good for him.

The wedding was in New Hampshire, which required very complicated childcare and travel arrangements, but it was worth it because DH and I were able to spend a weekend away - the first time in THREE years. My sister and I drove for ten hours (yes, you read that correctly) Friday, leaving at 9:30 in the morning and having to end up driving directly to the rehearsal dinner at 7:30 instead of checking in to the hotel to wash up and change as we had expected. Both of our DHs couldn't miss work so they ended up flying out Friday night (we only hate them a little) and then we all drove back together Sunday afternoon ("only" took us seven hours coming home). Other family members were able to join us for the weekend and it was fabulous spending quality time hanging out and laughing with family that I don't see that often. The rehearsal dinner was at a crab place (No comments on spending Shabbat eating shellfish!) and was delicious. The reception was so nice - worked with the bartender to find a drink that I liked and looked pretty (a Cosmo which he made with less alcohol than usual for me since I'm such ~~an easy drunk~~ a lightweight), ate incredible food, got to slow dance with my DH, and laughed more than I had in a long time with the other at our table. The brunch the next day was also fabulous - delicious food, amazing company.

The ceremony itself just made me sad. I've mentioned before how my brother and I have never been close, how we didn't have much of a relationship growing up and that's it's even less now, but that was never more apparent than sitting at my brother's wedding and observing how he chose to not involve my sister and I in any way what so ever. At all. Not even to pass out programs, or read something, or even sing (not to brag, but I have sung professionally so know I'm at least somewhat decent, and my new SIL's cousin sang two different songs). I feel so petty feeling this way, but it's just the way it is. My brother was an usher in both my sister's and my weddings, and when he had gotten married before my sister and I were both bridesmaids (and I sang). Now I could understand if he was trying to make this ceremony completely different from his other one, but to not be included in any way made me feel like I was not even related to him. And that made me so sad. I tried to talking to J about this, but she will only look at it as proof that she needs to try even harder to pursue a relationship with him and his wife. I don't quite know how she could do that since she has called and e-mailed him many times before without getting responses. I have sent gifts/cards for holidays and his birthday before but have never received any type of acknowledgement that he even received it, let only any reciprocation.

So I'm left feeling so strange, so ambivalent, so conflicted. I DO want to have a relationship with him. The few times I have talked with my new SIL I have really enjoyed it. But every attempt I have made in the past has been rebuffed. They will be coming to PA on the 25th for an informal reception my parents are throwing to welcome my SIL to the family. My sister and I both invited them to spend the weekend as a way for us to have time together, but the response was very lukewarm at best, a "maybe" and "we'll see" tossed out. I plan to send them an e-mail with a more official type of invitation, maybe inviting them to brunch before the party or the next day. And if that is rebuffed as well, I really don't know where to go. He hasn't come home for family events or holidays in a while - he came to our grandfather's funeral but left almost immediately afterwards. He's in CT, so I know that it's not too conveniant to come home too often, but it would be great if he did once in a while.

The weekend away was great, but the wedding left me feeling sad. And I just don't know what to do about that.

Baruch Ata Adonai . . .

2008-10-05T18:12:00.003-04:00

Thank You, God.
Every morning my two-year-old class sings this song. After becoming familiar with this phrase (in the Hebrew and English) we begin thinking of things to for which we could say Thank You.

Here's my list:

The members of the preschool PTO where I teach who chipped in and bought us an extremely generous amount of gift cards for three different local grocery stores
The faculty and staff at DH's school who took up a collection and ended up with an incredible amount of cash to offset all of our medical expenses. It is enough to pay off what we owe to the hospital for July (we're still waiting to hear what we need to pay for September) plus all of the remaining PT and OT co-pays. We're so grateful we have insurance - can't even imagine how much we owe if we didn't - but the co-pays still add up very quickly!
The department that DH works in that gave him a Visa gift card to also help with co-pays.
My amazing cousin who organized donations from my dad's side of the family and ordered groceries from Acme that were delivered to our house last week and pizzas which were delivered yesterday night. She also organized a collection of frozen meals for us which, even though I was so grateful, I begged her to deliver to my other cousin who recently injured both her legs causing her to be off her feet for a while so I could feel like I was helping in some small way.
The huge number of people who made and delivered meals so I could have one less thing to think about. We still have enough meals in the freezer for the next two weeks.
The people who brought over convenience type foods (like Uncrustables, Granola Bars, Juice Boxes, etc.) for me to throw in the kids' lunch boxes each night.
The numerous people who were able to watch the kids on different days and times so I could go to the hospital with DH or so I could go to work and not leave DH in charge of the kids by himself.
My sister and mom who have been searching thrift stores and even sales at various clothing stores in the area to find long pants for my boys, since I have not been able to get out and do that and they had outgrown all pants from last year.
My parents who were able to pay for the first three months of my dues for the boys to attend Religious School.
The incredible Rabbi at my synagogue who was able to work with me to help relieve other financial burdens we have for the year.
The amazing number of people contacted us to tell us about a friend of a friend who had similar symptoms as DH only to discover that it was ______. We have really appreciated all the ideas and theories. For the record, and to relieve all the people who continue to call and offer this diagnosis: it is NOT Lyme Disease. He had three negative blood tests, did not respond to IV antibiotics, AND there was no evidence of Lyme Disease in his spinal tap.
The friends and family who allowed DH and I to make light of this whole scary situation by participating in our betting pool we had going on things like when he would be discharged from the hospital, what the eventual diagnosis would be, if he would relapse yet again, when he would return to work, just to name a few. We know we're sick people, but if you can't laugh, you cry.
The father of one of DH's students who happens to be a landscaper - he came out yesterday with a partner and took care of our lawn.
Our next door neighbors who have mowed our lawn the previous weeks.
The prayers, good wishes, e-mails, phone calls, get well cards, and visits.
DH's health continues to improve every day.

I'm sure there is more to add to this list, but that's all I can think of right now. Don't I have a lot to be thankful for?!

DH worked half days last week while continuing to do PT and OT four times a week. He seems virtually symptom free, though his left arm is still sore from the weakness. Tomorrow he will begin teaching full days PLUS PT and OT. I am quite nervous that this will cause a relapse again (teaching two full days at the beginning of September had caused this latest relapse) but am trying to stay optimistic. To make matters worse, he has developed an abcess on the tooth that was knocked loose last year when he broke up a fight at school, so must see the dentist right after school tomorrow. His whole face is swollen and he's in a lot of pain.

Please continue to pray!

Update on DH

2008-09-23T13:50:00.003-04:00

For everyone checking the blog to see updates about DH, here's the scoop:
DH continues to improve. Tonight he goes back to OT and tomorrow he has PT. He is supposed to do both twice a week ($15 a pop - woohoo!) and is supposed to do all his exercises at home as well. His goal is to ease back into work next week, teaching one or two blocks (each block is one and a half hours) a day. Hopefully he'll be able to begin teaching again withOUT relapsing.

I have one hour of non-kid time before I have to go back to teach Hebrew School, so I'm scooping up all my papers and the laptop and heading to Starbucks.

Home

2008-09-20T12:02:00.002-04:00

I worked hard on Wednesday trying to find a doctor at Jefferson (big university hospital in Philly that has a great reputation for neurology). I put the word out that we needed anyone who knew anyone who might be able to help, and the outpouring of support and offers of help was amazing. Ultimately I got his hospital doctor (HMS doctor) to contact a particular doctor at Jeff and the transfer took place on Thursday night. They work through the night there, and doctors were in to see him that night and around six Friday morning. They took him for a few tests that night and even drew some blood for another test at one in the morning.

Ultimately they agreed with what the doctors at Bryn Mawr said: since nothing at all is showing up on any of the tests, they are calling it Functional Neurological Disorder, which basically means that it is medically unexplained. All tests continue to be clean and physically he has improved so much that had we not been transferred from another acute facility, the doctors probably would have looked at us like we were crazy.

Early yesterday evening they sent him home. We won't mention how I brought his clothes that he wore to the hospital home when we were cleaning out his first hospital room, so I had to go to the gift shop and buy him a shirt so he wouldn't look like an escaped mental patient, though he did still have to were their pajama pants and special socks home. We also won't mention how the sleep deprivation caught up with me so much on the ride home that I had to keep begging DH to talk with me so I could stay awake. Or how I fell asleep around 6 o'clock and pretty much slept through until around 5:30 this morning when my sister called to tell me that J's coughing has been pretty bad and she's not sure what more to do. I drove out, picked her up, brought her home, did a neb treatment for her, then let her sleep in bed with Mommy and Daddy. At least she slept in with us!

I took her to the doctor this morning who basically, after listening to how the last seven days had gone, prescribed time together as a whole family.

Time together as a family, hmmm? I know my new found medical degree is only from Google, but I agree with his prescription.

Sorry for the cliched quote, but . . . "there's no place like home."

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

2008-09-15T16:33:00.003-04:00

This is my 500th post. I had planned to do something special for this milestone. But the old quote always comes back to haunt me: "Man plans, God laughs."

Those of you who know me IRL know that I try to be very positive. I generally keep a smile on my face to go along with the attitude of fake it until you make it, and usually it works - I smile and trick my body and mind into thinking that everything is okay, at least for the most part. So I'm going to try to focus on staying positive with everything happening with DH.

The good news:

The radiologist WAS able to perform a spinal tap today.
The spinal fluid was clear, so at least we know there is no major infection or whatever it would be that would make it cloudy and therefore bad.
OT, PT, and Speech were all in today to do evaluations. Even though he is much worse than he was last time this all happened in July, they will all try to start him doing at least some rehab tomorrow.
The neurologist thought of another test for DH (a CT angiogram or something like that) which they performed this afternoon.

And that's all the news I have.

Because Things Weren't Interesting Enough

2008-09-14T18:14:00.002-04:00

I'm finally online here at the hospital. Our fabulous friends B and N came to visit and B was able to figure out how to make it work. Thank you, B!!! And thanks N for the magazines and chocolates - exactly what I need.

The MRI of DH's brain was once again clean. Good.

DH began losing strength on his RIGHT side, which is a brand new symptom. Bad.

The neurologist who had already seen him this morning and was planning to do a spinal tap tomorrow was still here, so he rushed back to DH's room to do the tap. Good.

DH's vitals went totally haywire the two times the neurologist tried it, which caused him to pass out during the first attempt and for his heart rate to drop significantly during the second attempt. Bad.

The dr. will try to do another spinal tap tomorrow or Tuesday with Radiology, which (in theory) should make it easier. PT, OT, and Speech will be in tomorrow to do an eval and start therapy. And that's the update. We're trying to focus on one day at a time because the "What Ifs . . ." are too hard to deal with right now.

I Spoke Too Soon

2008-09-13T21:37:00.002-04:00

While I was working on my plans at Burlap and Bean, DH walked in to pick me up. He had been hanging out with me there all morning, but had eventually gotten bored and decided to go to the library for an hour or two. The way DH's knee buckled with every step he took warned me that something was way wrong.

I tried driving him to the ER myself, but couldn't go fast enough, plus he was scaring the cr*p out of me with how bad he looked. When I gave him a drink of water it wouldn't even stay in his mouth. I stopped at home to pick up the medical records of this bizarre journey (that I just got a chance to organize yesterday) and made the decision to call 911. They sent an ambulance and we were on our way.

And now we are back in the mystery world of unknown diagnosis. They did a CAT scan of his brain, which revealed that he did not have a major stroke. He was admitted (of course) and will be seen again by the neurologist in the morning. They'll be doing a whole bunch of other tests tomorrow. Hopefully we'll be able to figure out what is causing all this now.

This journey has been so incredibly frustrating and scary I don't even know what to do. I wish we could find an answer. I wish he hadn't lost ALL the progress he had made in PT and OT. I wish he wasn't WORSE now than he was the last time. I wish it was still summer so we didn't have to figure out how to do all this AND deal with my school and the kids' school.

I wish . . .

You Asked For It

2008-09-13T08:57:00.008-04:00

Oh, Blog, how I've abandoned you. I've ignored you, I've cheated on you (with Facebook), and I'm so sorry. I know I've said it before (and I'll probably say it again) but things have been crazy. Really, really crazy. As crazy as they were this summer but with all of us at home. I'm going to try to make up for it with a long post filling you in on what has been going on, complete with links and everything.

DH went back to school the last week of August. He had no students until Thursday, and had nothing to do each morning but plan and prep for school. Each afternoon he had meeting to sit through. I know, really taxing, right? But since he was only back to about 85% normalcy (if he ever actually was normal, but that's a WHOLE other post), he came home each day completely exhausted, actually barely able to make it through the entire school day until he could crawl into bed or onto the couch and sleep.

The following week school started for real the day after Labor Day. He had students for the whole day and taught. And because he is the incredible teacher that he is, he couldn't do it halfway. He had to walk among the desks, stay on his feet as he moved around the room to help keep the kids' interest (hey, they're seniors, what do you expect?) and maintain discipline. He taught two full days and had a relapse on Thursday. His mouth started drooping on the left side, he began limping because he his left leg lost so much strength, he started having trouble writing (he's left handed). And, because he is who he is, he continued teaching all day, only going to his doctor after school and only because he already had an appointment scheduled.

DH has been out of work since that day. The doctor had hoped with rest he would begin to improve, but unfortunately he has gotten a little worse each day. His speech is slurred because the left side of his mouth is pulling downward. The progress he had made since his hospital stay has diminished significantly. AND NO ONE KNOWS WHY!

His general practioner (forever more to be known as GP) took multiple gallons of blood (give or take) and ran every viral test known to man (or at least, that he could find in his big doctor book). The results told us nothing, but did show that, like 99% of the population, he had the antibody for Epstein-Barr, which just indicates that he had the virus once before.

Thursday morning he had yet another MRI of the brain. It was clear. That afternoon we saw an infectious disease specialist. He was very thorough and after taking a complete history and examining him, he acknowledged that he has major weakness over his whole left side but does not feel it is related to some kind of infectious disease.

Friday he saw his neurologist and they scheduled a spinal tap (why not - they've done everything else!). That afternoon we saw his GP again who is referring him to get a second opinion from another neurologist and wrote a note for DH to be out of school for at least two more weeks (and then we'll go from there).

While that has been going on, the boys started first grade. They are in different classrooms for the very first time, which I think will be fabulous for both of them. A has a new assistant and seems to be doing okay. Pull-out begins next week, and he will see his Asperger's Support teacher three times a week, a counselor who will work on social skills once a week, speech twice a week, and PT and OT both once a week. B will also begin getting pulled out for OT (FINALLY) and speech. I am so concerned with both his attention/focusing skills and his fine motor skills, but I've told his teacher my concerns already and will e-mail his OT this weekend so she's up to speed with what I've been seeing. We may need to revisit his IEP to create some more specially-designed instruction for his classroom work. Yesterday his teacher sent home a paper that he had written his name on and nothing else. She wrote on the top "Independent Work" and "25 minutes" and "Please finish and return." When I questioned B about it, in between all kinds of excuses, I got out that he had sat at his desk for the 25 minutes and had not even started the paper. WTF?!! It was a handwriting/ABC paper, so I rewrote the worksheet onto a special paper that his OT had given us to make it a little easier for him, but even with that he needed me to sit right next to him to refocus him after almost every other letter. So I'm concerned.

And while that has been going on, school started for me. I'm now teaching almost thirty hours a week. I love it. Preschool began on Monday, though we were in the week before for staff meetings and "Meet the Teacher" days. I'm teaching five mornings plus staying for lunch

(8:30-1:00). Hebrew School started on Monday too. I am teaching all the "Alef" kids, the ones that are just beginning. I worked last year and this summer on rewriting the curriculum, applying everything I know about how kids learn to read to teaching Hebrew. And I actually got paid for it! Good thing I didn't tell them that I am so excited about making all the changes I would have done it for free. I teach two different Alef classes, one Monday night, one Tuesday afternoon. And tomorrow Religious School begins. I was able to take the year-long plans I had used last year (which I had really liked and had spent a lot of time working on last summer) and revise them for this year, but still have more prep to do before the first day. Normally, while I'm on top of each class, I would have so much more plans completed for at least the full month. I had hoped to create monthly newsletters to go home for both Hebrew and Religious School over the summer with what I had planned, revising them a little if I needed to. That's not done. Oh well, there's still time. But just getting my classroom ready and prepping everything that I needed so far has taken so much more time than I thought it would, especially since I had to juggle DH, the kids, and the house at the same time.

Which brings me to the house. While everything else has been going on, I've been trying to work out a new budget (which has been messed up due to all of DH's medical co-pays), stay on top of all three kids' school papers/notices, do the laundry enough so the kids have clean clothes to wear to school, buy enough groceries so I can pack their lunches and have something on hand to make for dinner, keep the floor picked up enough so no one trips, etc.

It got tough enough that I set up a "community" at this incredible website that allows me to type in what kinds of help we need and when and for people we know to join up and sign up for what they will do. We've got dinners coming in for the next week, which is such a relief. My incredible cousin sent out an e-mail to all her friends and family inviting them to a "meal making party" to create dinners for us to freeze and have on hand AND is setting up her paypal account to collect enough money to buy groceries for us for two weeks (at least, that's the goal). Even if it doesn't work, what an incredibly thoughtful plan! And she lives in New Jersey! We've had people join the community that we don't even know really well, friends of friends or connections through various groups we are involved with, all signing up to show support and offer help. And we've had friends that don't live too close or have too much going on in their own lives contact us to let us know they're thinking of us or praying for us. Thank goodnes DH's GP has completely okayed DH helping out around the house (especially since he has been since he's been home despite me nagging him constantly to rest). My sister volunteered to take the kids overnight last night and keep them today until dinnertime, which is allowing us to hang out at a great coffee place while I catch you up and work on plans for school. Plus we got to watch our friends film a music video here for her first CD. The support from everyone has been overwhelming, which, considering up until I started asking for help all I've been feeling is overwhelmed but in a totally different kind of way, is a huge relief.

So that's it. You're now officially caught up. Now quite bugging me so I can get some work done! Just kidding, I've really missed writing here. It's very theraputic for me to get it all out, especially since a) I'm working really hard on pushing through any and all emotions I have about the whole DH medical situation since I have too much to do and b) everyone (okay my mom and someone at work) has been reminding me how important it is to take some time for myself. This was it. I took time for myself to update my blog.

I hope you're happy.

Planning

2008-08-27T09:54:00.003-04:00

Got a call the other night from one of our favorite babysitters who told me that she doesn't have to work today and could I use her. Uhhhh....YEAH!!! So now I'm at the best independent coffee houses in the area getting focused, ready to get organized and prepared for the start of school.

I've been trying to get the kids (and me) on what will be our schedule beginning next week, but am having such an incredibly hard time getting my a$$ out of bed. The sleep doctor is sending away for this special nighttime medication for me to take that will make my sleep more productive, which in theory sounds like I would be able to get out of bed rested in the morning. However every medication I've ever taken that has the tiniest "may make you drowsy" warning on it has left me drugged the whole next day. But the doctor pointed out that due to my weight gain (Ow . . . just rub a little more salt in that wound, Doc!) my minor apnea may have increased some causing me to not sleep well. As if I hadn't already decided that I needed to focus on my diet and exercise. Sheesh!

And going along with all that is the understanding that I HAVE to get at least eight hours of sleep. Which means I have to head upstairs at nine so I can wash up and relax some so I can be asleep by ten, because I HAVE to get out of bed at six so I can be dressed and awake when the kids get up at seven so we can be ready to leave the house a little after eight. Which means that no matter how much my bed beckons, no matter how much my eyes begin to close again on their own, no matter how much I want to pull up the covers again and go back to sleep, I have no choice but to GET UP!

And now, that being said, I have to end this post so I can get started working on my plans for Preschool. NOW!

I'm Not Dead Yet!

2008-08-26T14:24:00.002-04:00

I'm baaaaaaaaaaa--aaaaack!!!

I know you've all been worried, wondering where I was and why I wasn't blogging. Every day I said to myself, "Make some time for ~~your public~~ ~~your readers~~ the one or two people who check in to see what you're rambling about now." And yet I didn't. There's a few good reasons, like:

I discovered Facebook, which is so much more addicting then I realized!
We went on vacation down the shore for a whole week with my parents and my sister and her whole family.
School is starting all too soon and I am so frigging behind in all that I need to do to prep for Preschool, Hebrew School, and Religious School.
As I do every year around this time, I'm trying to find the most efficient way to handle household things like bills, groceries, meals, laundry so things will run smoothly once the school year begins.
I'm planning a big "Thank you" party for this Friday for all the people that helped while DH was sick (Sorry, Anjali, I'd invite you but the plane fare might not be worth it!)

But even though I'm just a tad overwhelmed, I just wanted to pop on to show that I'm not dead yet (Monty Python reference anyone?) and to mention the fact that I just went to my sleep doctor today (I'll be trying some new drugs in addition to the drugs I'm on now) and was weighed: in one year I've gained TEN pounds. That is so wrong. Yeah, so now, in addition to all the stuff I listed above, I have to REALLY start working on my diet again.

Well, at least ~~no one is in the hospital~~ - oh, man, I almost went and did it! I'm not superstitious, but I know better than to put a kinahera on my life right now. I better just publish this before I end up spitting all over the computer through two fingers to get rid of the evil eye.

The Whirlwind in my Head

2008-08-12T14:36:00.004-04:00

Sorry.
This is going to be a boring post. I can feel it even as I start. I just have so many thoughts ~~wrestling for dominance~~ floating around in my mind that ~~I can't hear over the voices shouting in my head~~ it's hard to focus.

Aren't you so glad that I figured out once again how to ~~show off the one cool blogger trick I've learned~~ cross things out?

July pretty much sucked for us. There were good moments, such as having so many friends and family and people that DH works with step up and offer support in so many different ways. But spending so much time in and out of the hospital really screwed up our summer plans leaving DH and I so far behind the eight ball that I can't even take the time to create a good pool reference to finish the metaphor - if it is in fact a metaphor at all really complicated all the plans we had to get ready for each of our school years.

But now it's August. I had managed to find a babysitter to do stuff with the kids for today, tomorrow, and Thursday so DH and I would both have the time to plan, set up our rooms, do all the stuff we need to do to get ready. HOWEVER, the babysitter for today called early this morning that she has strep. Did you hear the sobs from your house? She started antibiotics already and will be ready to sit for the kids tomorrow, but boy did it mess up my plans for today! Ultimately, DH and I worked it out so he's at school all day (I keep checking in with him to remind him to take it easy) getting his classroom library set up (he teaches English using reading workshop and has spent a ton of his own money buying young adult literature). We will have a babysitter (keep your fingers crossed) Wednesday and Thursday and DH will be in charge of the kids on Friday.

And then there's Saturday. My parents have rented a house for all of us (us, my sister and her family, and them) to spend the week down the shore. What an incredible gift and I'm really looking forward to an amazing week. I'm going to do what I can so DH can REST as much as possible. He's freaking out a little that he won't have the energy to last through the whole day of teaching once school starts (he goes back the last week in August), so I keep stressing to him how much rest he will be getting. Hopefully helping him rest won't end up causing me too much stress to enjoy the week!

I took the kids and my laptop to Chick-Fil-A today (it has a terrific indoor play area and I had coupons for free kid meals). I was able to get some planning done, mainly listing the projects I want to do for each holiday for the year and revising my plans for religious school. I still need to rewrite the Hebrew School curriculum and plan out an overview for the year, finish revising my religious school plans, work on my plans for the beginning of the year for preschool as well as a detailed overview for the whole year, and try to work on getting low-cost/free publicity for my business. And set up my preschool classroom. And pack for the shore, which includes cleaning out the fridge of perishables. In three full days. I can do it. Really. No problem.

I think I can.

I think I can.

I think I can.

I Can SEE!!!

2008-08-07T09:33:00.002-04:00

I don't have time for a real post right now, but just had to share:
A is my favorite person in the whole wide world right now. Even though DH and I searched for my glasses high and low, apparently we never moved the couches. A just screamed out, "I found Mommy's glasses!" Don't know (or want to know) why he was looking there, but they were under the couch. YAY!!

Just in time for me to pay $250+ for my replacement pair (which we will be putting directly into my night table drawer for the next time I lose them).

I Can't Read!

2008-08-04T17:25:00.002-04:00

If I could create some kind of system for glasses, something that all of us absent-minded glasses wearers could attach to our glasses so we could just touch a button or clap our hands and then we could instantly locate said glasses, I could make a fortune. Or maybe I'm the only one that does this over and over again. In any case, my glasses are gone, we've searched all day, I have finally ordered a new pair (which won't be in until Thursday at the earliest). That means no updates until then. No reading, no computer, no writing, no paperwork, nothing close up until I get the new pair. Yeah, I won't be going through withdrawal or anything. Nahhh....piece of cake.

Life is Good

2008-07-29T12:45:00.004-04:00

I finally have good things to share.

DH is now using a cane instead of the walker. He had his first PT appointment yesterday and did great. They found some residual weakness, but it was amazing watching them test him and comparing it in my mind to how it had been just last week at this time. They gave him some moist heat on his left shoulder and leg and then he was able to do a few exercises that actually involved him lifting his left arm all the way above his head, and extend his left leg straight out, things he has not been able to do in over a week. Wow! Right now he is out on his own for the first time since the 21st. This morning we went to see a free movie together as a family - he drove and did fine, so this afternoon is a test to see how much he can do. His plan is to go to school and to his favorite book store and then come home. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's not too much for him, but I told him when we came home that I would not be questioning him all the time about if he was sure he was up to anything, that he would have to listen to his body and judge. I'm just biting my lip and hoping he's doing that.

The kids right now are having a picnic with our next-door-neighbors in a "clubhouse" they've all created between some trees. My sister and I had a "hideout" in the space created between a row of evergreen trees that lined our driveway growing up, so this make me feel all warm inside.

When all this medical stuff got to the acute stage last week and DH was hospitalized indefinitely, I turned all the coordination of the kid-care and meals over to my incredibly organized and amazing sister, after I stared at the computer and my cell phone for about fifteen minutes trying to figure out how to work all this stuff out so I could spend as much time as I could at the hospital. That night she reported back to me all the different things she lined up for us, exclaiming, "You've got some incredible networks of friends!" It's funny, I go through chunks of time where I wish I had more close friends, friends that would call me up and invite me to go out for coffee with them or for a night out. But times like this make me realize that I have friends, I have people that love me or that can only imagine the situation we were in and want to reach out to support us however they can.

My sister worked out a shift system and had people picking up the kids from the hospital after they visited Daddy in the morning (shift one) to take them out in the morning and then dropping them off at someone else's house for the afternoon (shift two) and then someone picking them up from that person's house to take them somewhere for dinner (shift three) and then back to my house so someone else (shift four) could come and help me get them ready for bed (I wanted them to stay here in their own beds each night to give them SOME sense of routine) and stay with them once they were asleep so I could go back to the hospital if needed (I never ended up doing that, but it was great to know I could I wanted). First of all, isn't that incredibly organized? I would have written anal and crossed it out but right now I can't remember how to do that and don't want to take the time to look it up. Second of all, isn't that amazing that she found enough people to volunteer for that?!!

I've had people bring us meals, pick up groceries without me even asking (things like snacks for the kids, bread, peanut butter, jelly, random stuff that families need), pick up stuff at my request (healthy snacks for DH and I to eat in the hospital - that person also picked up two slices of packaged Oreo pie for me!), call, visit, e-mail. My local Mothers and More group stepped up; some members helped with the kids, some tooke care of meals, one member who I hadn't even met brought a meal and groceries - incredible! I even had my cousin (Michelle's SIL) who lives in Jersey call - she's going to be sending us some pizza for tomorrow night's dinner! Our neighbors have mowed the lawn, pulled the weeds, even taken out our trash. And now the kids have moved from their clubhouse in the backyard to another neighbor's house across the street to try out a great big frisbee that one of them got.

And all the people who have prayed for us - I don't talk about faith too much on this blog because it is so deeply personal for everyone, but I am a very spiritual person. It has meant so much to me to hear people tell me that we are in their prayers, or even that they are sending good thoughts our way (the non-religious person's way of praying, in my mind). On Tuesday I was driving back to the hospital after dropping the kids off somewhere and running home to get some stuff. I had seen my neighbors and tried to update them some, but got somewhat emotional and had to stop. I do great in a crisis. I can tuck my feelings away like the best of them (I know, not exactly healthy, but helpful at times like this), but once I start to cry it's really hard to start. I didn't want to bring that back to the hospital with me, so I knew I had to pull it together somehow. I found myself pulling into my synagogue's parking lot almost without thinking about it. I walked in, bypassing the office and all the people I know that work there, and walked into the sanctuary on my own. And I prayed. At first, I didn't really know what to pray for, my mind was such a jumble of concerns and doubts and guilt for not bringing him back to the hospital sooner, so I finally just stopped and listened to my heart. And then it was clear: I thanked God for the medical care that is available to us, and prayed for strength to get through this crisis. And I gave it all up to God. I knew that I had no control over this situation, that things would work out as they are supposed to, so I reminded myself that it is in God's hands. And I left there feeling such peace, something I hadn't felt since all this started on July 10th when we first went to the hospital thinking he was having a heart attack. And now that he's been released, everything bad ruled out, improving every day, I still feel it.

I'm still tired (sleep deprivation + narcolepsy are not a good mix), still trying to get the paperwork and the house back in order, still opening cabinets and finding things in strange places due to all the different people who have been here to help, but it's all okay.

Life is good.

HOME!

2008-07-26T13:08:00.003-04:00

Yep, I brought him home this morning. He needs to use the walker for a while, and can't be left alone in case he falls (plus I have to "spot" him as he goes up and down the stairs), but he's HOME!!!

2008-07-24T08:36:00.002-04:00

Here's the latest:
Everything has now been ruled out (stroke, MS, any central nervous problems, tumors, lyme disease, any heart defects or infections). The doctors feel this is something viral that will have to run its course and we need to focus on rehab to build his strength back up and retrain his brain to move his left side.

He is actually going to be discharged today, either going to an in-patient rehab facility or home to do intensive PT. We are waiting for the rehab doctor to examine him to determine where he is going.

Yesterday and today he is actually showing small signs of improvement. He is now able to lift his left arm a little higher and when he squeezes with his left hand you can actually feel a little squeeze. Yesterday he was able to walk down the hall to the special shower (it has a bench) they have with assistance, limping all the way. Once we got there he was too exhausted to do much more then sit on the bench and hold the shower head while scrubbed him down. He then needed a wheelchair to get back to his room. As the day went on he went on three more "walks" to try to build up his strength - each walk was no more than two minutes, but it's a start. I'm a little concerned about them sending him home since we just have the one bathroom UPSTAIRS, but I'm going to get dressed so I can head back to the hospital with the kids so they can see Daddy but also so I can be there when the rehab doctor is there so I can voice my concerns.

Thank you all for the amazing support you have shown me through comments and offers of help. It has helped so much to know that so much is taken care of.

Yes, His Smile is Still Drooping

2008-07-22T21:52:00.002-04:00

Two neurological exams and two MRIs of the brain later, a stroke has been ruled out. An EMG of his left side has ruled out nerve damage. MS has been ruled out, along with a bunch of other letters I don't remember right now. Tomorrow they will do a PCR test for Lyme disease even though the two blood tests have come back negative just to be sure. They will also do a TEE test on his heart, for which he will have to be knocked out. The doctor has also talked about bringing in an infectious disease specialist to see if there is something viral going on. They have also made it clear that when they do eventually discharge him from the hospital, he will be sent to an in-patient rehab so he can work on using his left side again.

Watching the different doctors and therapists evaluate his strength has been scary. The loss of strength is so significant, and it is still declining. Yesterday, before we made the decision to go back to the ER, he took the kids to his school for a little and then to IKEA for a little. He was limping some, but felt okay to do all this (though when I called him while he was finishing up at IKEA he told me he was exausted). Today after the PT and OT evaluated his strength they had him walk a little bit. Not only is the limp much more prominent now, he became quite fatigued by the time he got to the hallway!

So that's all I have to report for now. If you're local and are able to help out with childcare/meals, my sister is coordinating all of that. Leave a comment and she'll get back to you. If you know my DH in real life, please consider visiting him at Bryn Mawr Hospital. There is a lot of down time between tests and therapies.

I sincerely hope I have something to report by tomorrow night, some kind of answer, but for now I'm trying to just focus on one day at a time.

From Bad to Worse

2008-07-21T23:21:00.002-04:00

DH was readmitted to the hospital again tonight. The weakness on his left side has progressed so that the left side of his mouth now droops down and he started limping somewhat. They plan to keep him indefinitely until they get to the bottom of the weakness. I am kicking myself for not bringing him to the ER on Saturday when I first saw his lopsided smile, but they had ruled out a stroke on the 12th when he was last in the hospital with an MRI of his brain, so I didn't realize that was even still a possiblity. Apparently there is such a thing as a slow stroke (or something like that) which would present like this. There are a ton of other things they're also considering, so in addition to the new MRI they did of his brain tonight (with contrast this time) they will be running a whole bunch of scary sounding tests tomorrow and the next day.

I'm going to try to go to bed now. I'm trying to take this one day at a time. The kids are at my sister's right now, but I don't know how long that can last, so I'm looking for people to take them for chunks of time tomorrow and the next few days, so feel free to comment if you can help at all.

Escape

2008-07-20T15:50:00.003-04:00

I guess I just got what I wanted the only way I can.
DH took the kids to his parents' house at 10:30 this morning. I was being given the whole day (had to join them at 4:30) and had a huge to do list for both the house and my show to get accomplished.
And what did I do?

ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Yep, as soon as they left I took what was supposed to be a half hour nap. Despite the alarm clock (which I got up to hit snooze a few times before I turned it off) I slept the entire day. Just woke up. It's 3:45. Yeah, I have thirty minutes to shower, dress, and attempt to do something around the house? Maybe?

So the microwave just beeped telling me that my chai tea latte is ready. I figure at this point I need the caffiene boost (I took my narcolepsy meds this morning but I guess since I was ASLEEP I can't really tell if it was working or not). I'm going to drink my tea, shower and get dressed, go to my IL's to have dinner with them, get the kids ready for bed, and then drive them home.

DH will be driving to our community theater for what should be his first rehearsal for the dream play that he has wanted to direct for years. Instead he has made the gut-wrenching decision to step down as director due to all this health crap (yeah, his smile is a little lopside now and he has started limping some - his whole left side is losing strength - naaaaahhhh, we're not concerned at all!). He will tell the cast that tonight, announce the new director, and then he's done. So hard. But I'm so proud of him for making the decision that will ultimately be best for him.

I'm hoping that just maybe the kids will go to bed right away and DH will stick around the theater and I will move with superhuman speed around the house and at least clean up all the stuff on the floor, tables, counters, flat surfaces . . . .

Stop the World, I Want to Get Off!

2008-07-18T14:51:00.003-04:00

I know it's such a cliche, but that's the way I'm feeling right now. I just want to get off for a little bit, maybe a couple days, get caught up in everything, and then I'd be ready to step back on and start being part of the rest of the world again.

We found a large, dark bruise on the right side of DH's stomach - don't know where it came from at all. He's at the doctor right now to see if they can figure out where it came from and if it's significant. Of course, he had remembered the wrong appointment time so when they called at 1:30 today saying he missed his 1:00 appointment (he thought it was for 3) and now will not be able to be seen, he was fairly pissed that they would not work with him at all to squeeze him in (he had called yesterday hoping to be seen but today was the earliest they could see him, even knowing all that's been going on recently). We decided he needs a new primary and after calling around found someone who COULD see him today. That's where he is now.
DH's pain had come back Monday night (he had been released Saturday morning) so I made him go back to the hospital despite his objections. Yeah, I'm just mean like that. The ER doctor decided (and the MRI of his neck kind of confirmed) that it was a bulging disk in his neck pinching a nerve that is causing the pain that is shooting down his left arm causing his hand to be somewhat numb and definitely not work very well. Of course, the bulging disk is on the right side of his neck and all the pain he is feeling is on the left side, but . . . He started DH on steroids and high doses of Alleve. The ER doc felt that the pinched nerve could also explain the chest pain as well (but did another EKG just to make sure it wasn't cardiac related).
We went to see a neurologist this morning about the neck. We even took the kids with us so I could go too and they were INCREDIBLY well behaved, even when the Gameboy's batteries died. The neurologist was the same one who had seen DH in the hospital; he had done an MRI of his brain just to make sure the pain was not being caused by something there. He never suggested ANY other possible cause. Anyway. He looked at DH's MRI report and also thought it was strange that the pain he is experiencing is all on the left side, but prescribed 8 weeks of PT to take care of it. He also told DH that he should definitely NOT be taking the steroid and the Alleve at the same time since they're both anti-inflamatories and they will hurt his stomach (which would explain the stomach pain DH has been feeling recently). The main thing he did NOT do is examine DH. Yeah, guess that would have taken too long or something?!!
DH just called from this new doctor, who actually DID a thorough examine and discovered that the entire left side of DH's body is significantly weaker than his right (yes, that includes his foot, leg, stomach, arm, and hand). The new doc is right now calling the neurologist from this morning to try to consult with him and impress upon him the significance of these new findings.
So, we have all that going on, which is scary and a lot to deal with. But life goes on no matter what, so there are still bills to be paid and laundry to wash (just enough so we have clean underwear and towels for the kids to bring outside and dry off) and meals to make and kids to occupy and strange smells to find the source of (well, I haven't really been keeping up with too much around the house so . . .) and then there's the whole show that I'm directing (for the children's theater camp I'm working at as head teacher) that needs to be performed at the end of the this month and the sleep I'm lacking and the weight I'm NOT losing and the paperwork I'm still trying to sort through. Not to mention the new Hebrew curriculum I was asked to write (something I'm so passionate about and will get paid for and will be the only teacher teaching it), the revisions and planning I still want to do for my preschool class, the work I want to do with my business to attract more customers. Plus the various activities/therapies I want to do with the kids to help them with various skills. Plus the fact that all this cardiac stuff has convinced DH he needs to eat better, which would be great for me too, but I haven't been able to organize myself enough to really get the food to prepare the meals for us to help with this new resolution.

I know that I have SO much going on right now, especially with this major uncertainty with DH's health, but I'm just so friggin' overwhelmed I feel like my head is spinning. And so I'm just asking, if it's possible, let's just stop the world for just a couple days, maybe just let me say FREEZE and stop everyone and everything right where they are, let me get caught up with the house and the paperwork and my show and the food and cleaning out the fridge (maybe that's where that funky smell is coming from), maybe even get caught up on my sleep too, and then we can start everything up again. That's all I need. Not too much to ask, right.

So . . . .

FREEZE!

The Last Few Days

2008-07-13T14:22:00.004-04:00

That was really scary.

Thursday night, I finally got the kids in bed and staying there, poured myself a bowl of cereal, and the phone rang. DH, sounding out of breath, telling me that's he's driving home and is having a lot of chest pain and it's shooting down his left arm and making is fingers tingly. And HE'S DRIVING! All I could picture was him crashing into a telephone pole and me trying to tell the ambulance where they can find him. I, as calmly as I can, find out where he is (he happened to be pretty close to his parents'), and tell him to drive there so they can drive him to the ER. I would be there as soon as I could.

I must admit, I pride myself in keeping calm in an emergency. But this was a little much for me. I did feel panic creeping in as I called everyone that lived near by to come sit with the kids so I could go. No one was home. I went next door and, trying to keep calm, relayed what I knew to my neighbors and they told me to go, they would sit with the kids. I went back in the house and felt like I was going around in circles. I got DH a book and one for me (we've done ER trips for the kids MANY times and know how long they normally last) and then found myself straightening up the house. Like it mattered. But I did.

Then I left the door open (one neighbor was coming over right then) and began driving to the hospital. I called him and started talking to him on his cell (he still sounded really bad) and soon realized that I was right behind his mom's car following them. We parked at the ER and he was able to get out of the car himself, though he was somewhat hunched over and grabbing his chest. We got to the counter, which DH needed to lean on to hold himself up, and I heard myself say in a low, tight voice I did not recognize to the woman whose back was towards us, "He's having chest pain." She took one glance at him and whipped a wheelchair around for him. She wheeled him to the room right behind her and had me stay to register him. Since he's in the computer (yeah, we're ALL in the computer there) it didn't take long, maybe two minutes, but by the time I got back to him the EKG was almost finished. It was normal, but his pain was still extreme.

The nurse left and others soon filed in - blood tests, more registration info (that's right, when it's bad enough, they come to you), a PA to take more info. All this time, the sharp stabbing pain directly above his heart was coming every minute or so, the amount of pain deemed a "10" on the pain scale by DH. He was losing feeling in his left hand so much that he was no longer able to squeeze as strongly as he could with his right. If he moved the pain escalated. Or laughed. Or turned his head. Or took a somewhat deep breath. It got to the point that I was reminding him how to find a focal point and focus on his breathing, the tricks I learned in preparing for natural childbirth.

They moved him to another room down the hall and started treating him as if he was having a heart attack, giving him four baby aspirins and a nitroglycerin tablet under his tongue. Apparently just about anyone with severe chest pain is treated this way, just in case. They wheeled him off for some test, and by the time he came back the pain was better, down to an "8". Another tablet, more relief. After the third tablet under his tongue, the pain was down to a "1". That sure seemed significant to me! The nurse said that he would definitely be admitted. The doctor came in and told him that if he were a betting man, he would say this is NOT cardiac related (all the tests were coming back clean, including the blood test looking for excess cardiac enzymes), but he was staying just in case. Apparently the fact that this was Thursday night and that we would still have a day in the hospital for them to run tests was good. They gave him a nitro patch (that would give him a steady amount of nitroglycerin) and admitted him. And I drove home.

I was so tempted to pick up one of the kids and bring them to bed with me so I could have a warm body next to me, but didn't want to wake any of them, so I didn't. It worked out since J came in around 4 in the morning and was then amazed because I didn't make her go back to bed, instead told her to go get her "Mine" and come back in bed with me. She did, no questions asked. DH called around 6:15 or so, to tell me that the pain came back during the night, though not as bad as it had been, and that a doctor and a PA were in already to tell him they would be running all kinds of tests today and would not discharge him until they got to the bottom of it. By 7 all three of them were in bed with me (I guess they woke, saw J not there, and figured out where she must be) though I don't really remember the boys joining us, and I took a breath and started to tell them what as going on.

I explained that last night Daddy's heart starting hurting him so we took him to the hospital and the doctors are helping him feel better. B, who has a hero worship thing going on with his Daddy, teared up immediately asking if the doctors gave him a shot that made him go to sleep. I had to think for a moment before I realized he was asking if the doctors gave him anastesia so they could operate on him. For some reason the idea of being put to sleep like that (no, we don't have a pet and he has never heard of an animal being "put to sleep") terrifies him. I assured him that Daddy is being given medicine so his heart doesn't hurt right now but he is wide awake. I didn't want to tell him that Daddy won't be having an operation because at that point I really didn't know. The other two asked questions, but didn't seem as upset. I explained to them what our day would be like today since it was changing (and that's really hard for A). We had planned to see Peter Pan that day as a family (a local children's theater camp performs different kids' shows each week) so of course we had to do that (couldn't change things THAT much - it had been on the kids' calendar all week). My sister agreed to take the kids after that and keep them overnight, so I told them the order of the day: we would eat breakfast, go visit Daddy, see Peter Pan, and then go to Aunt J's for lunch and to have a sleepover, and I kept repeating it as the day progressed so all of them (A) would remember it.

DH called me twice while I was getting the kids ready to leave the house. Once to tell me that a doctor had just been there and told him that he would be going home a little later that morning (?!!) despite that fact that he still had significant pain and they hadn't figured out what was causing it and then again to tell me they just gave him something for the pain and that he wasn't sure when he would be going home and he didn't really care anymore. Yeah, they gave him some good stuff, but at least then I knew he wasn't really going home any time soon - they wouldn't have given him something so strong if he was going home.

I finally go them out the door and to the hospital. Major miscalculation - I forgot to prep them for how DH would look. He was hooked up to all kinds of monitors, had an Oxygen tube in his nose, and was receiving saline through an IV. B kept looking everywhere but DH, asking him questions all the time (especially about the needle they used to give him the IV and whether or not they gave him something to make him go to sleep - apparently Mommy's word was not enough). A was excited about all the electronics he saw around DH and had to find out what each number and line meant. J was the first to agree to go up and give DH a hug, which made something start beeping, which caused A so much panic that he couldn't even look at DH. I encouraged him to give Daddy a hug (if he wanted) and he approached Daddy so tentatively, hands flapping, that I reasurred him that he didn't have to hug him if he didn't want to, to which he replied, "Okay!" and backed away completely. My MIL was there and volunteered to take the kids for a walk so DH and I could talk. She found some monitors in the hallway that were not hooked up to anything and let the kids touch them some so they could see that they were not so scary. I went out in the hallway and tracked down DH's nurse to find out if his perception that he would be released soon was accurate (of course it wasn't) and gave him some more info that she needed. As soon as I went back in the room, DH was laughing at me that I had to go "rat him out." Hey, just doing what I had to do!

And with that, I took the kids to see Peter Pan, again reminding them of the new schedule a few times as we drove. We sat down and watched the AMAZING production - professional quality entertainment all performed by KIDS! A was definitely off through most of the show, needing to sit on my lap about 1/4 of the way through (he often craves pressure so seeks out hugs a lot), at times turning in to me for a tight hug, at times turning to the show but staying on my lap. J, not to lose her Mommy's lap, insisted on sitting on my lap too (luckily I have two knees and lots of experience sharing my lap), cuddling into me to rest. B sat with his hands over his ears (two years ago we had attempted to watch another production of Peter Pan and B had gotten two scared about the idea of the crocodile eating Captain Hook's hand so we had to leave) pressed up against my right side. When the show was over and I repeated the schedule for the rest of the day (go out and meet the characters, go to Aunt J's for lunch and then for a sleepover while Mommy went back to see Daddy) A broke down completely, sobbing that he thought we were having lunch at home (see why I repeat the schedule so often, even though it still didn't work this time?). Luckily we were in the absolute top row so I was able to pull him onto my lap and rock him as he cried. The other two, almost oblivious to A's hysteria, began pestering me to go out so we could see Peter Pan and Tinkerbell, anxious we would miss them. It got to the point that I started looking around the auditorium, desparately searching for anyone else that I knew who could help. Never mind all the people we saw before the show started that we knew, I couldn't find anyone now. I finally was able to get A to verbalize WHY he wanted to have lunch at home (yes, I'm so grateful he is verbal) and then reasssured him that he could have his electronic time on Aunt J's computer just like he does at home, but not if he kept crying. That stopped him quickly enough, and we went out to say hi to the various characters. I then drove them to J's, went home to get a couple things for DH, pack the kids' stuff for their sleepover, and put together some things for me to do while waiting in his room, and then drove back to the hospital.

Part two will come later - my time is up and I have to get home so I can join everyone at my IL's for dinner. I am so behind in paperwork (which I was planning to be doing this afternoon) but writing seems to help me process things, so that's what I chose to do instead, and I think that did help.

DH's update

2008-07-11T22:51:00.002-04:00

Just left the hospital. DH seems to be virtually pain free at this point, but they're keeping him overnight again for observation. The doctors plan to discharge him in the morning. We still don't know what caused the pain, but they did a ton of tests which ruled out life-threatening stuff. I will be talking with his doctor tomorrow morning to find out what we do next. I have more to say, but I'm tired and need to go to bed.

Just had to note how incredible my neighbors are:
One neighbor came over no questions asked last night to sit with the kids so I could meet DH at the ER.
While I was at the hospital all day, two of my other neighbors came over and weeded and weedwhacked the yard.
Aren't they amazing?!!

Useful knowledge

2008-07-11T07:52:00.002-04:00

Wanna know the quickest way to be seen when you go to the ER? Just mention "chest pain." Yup, they wisked DH back so fast by the time I finished with the very fast registration they already had him hooked up to the EKG machine.

His pain responded to the nitro tablets they put under his tongue, so they decided to admit him to run more tests. He's there now. All the tests are showing no cardiac problems, but the chest pain has come back (just not to the same extent). He just called me to say the last doctor to come in made it seem like he was going to be discharged this morning, which really surprises me since he's STILL IN PAIN and they DON'T KNOW WHY!

Food Choices

2008-07-01T21:51:00.002-04:00

I don't think the way we lose weight is really fair.

I understand how it all works - burn off more calories then you take in. But I really think the food choices you make should really count a whole lot more than they do. For example, J and I were at Starbucks tonight (the boys are taking a drama class from 6-8 so it's easiest for J and I to hang out instead of going home and coming back out). I was hungry, and quite tempted by all the incredible pastries they still had in the display case. But I was good and selected the fruit and yogurt parfait they had.

This morning I had a bowl of Curves cereal - one bowl of a good cereal, not two or three with lots of added sugar. I had half a Coke at lunch time (wasn't really hungry and decided not to eat just because it was lunch time) and then a nonfat yogurt and some grapes around 3 when I was hungry - instead of buying the kids and I snacks at the pool snack bar we were visiting. I had a homemade "steak sandwhich" (toast, low fat salad dressing, leftover steak sliced up - now you see why, as someone living so close to Philly, I had to write the name of my sandwhich in quotations) for dinner - instead of driving thru McDonalds like I really wanted. All those great food choices, I should be dropping the pounds so easily.

I guess that big bowl of ice cream after I put the kids to bed didn't help too much, huh.

Happy Anniversary

2008-06-28T22:20:00.002-04:00

Nineteen years ago I met the man I would spend the rest of my life with. I just didn't know it at the time. We were in high school auditioning for a show - the first for him, I'd lost track of how many it was for me by that time. His hands shook as he read from the copied paper the director had prepared. He swears I laughed at him; I can't imagine doing something like that. We became friends, especially as rehearsals began and we worked on our on-stage relationship as romantic opposites in Harvey.

Time passed, I went away to college, and came home that summer to reconnect with old friends. I found out that my good friend was going to attend the same college as me when he graduated - wasn't that great! Later that summer, after his girlfriend didn't feel like dancing, he asked me to dance with him while at a party, another friend's sweet sixteen. That first time we slow danced, I felt sparks flying. By the third time, dancing to "After All," the electricity between us felt so strong I felt everyone must see it. I went home that night trying to talk myself out of my feelings. I couldn't be falling for him; he was just a friend. And every time we got together with our group of friends I found myself making excuses to be near him, sit next to him, share a big pillow when we all watched a video together. Even after he broke up with his girlfriend, we still didn't acknowledge any change in feelings. It actually took us until the end of that summer to finally acknowledge what we both knew, that we were no longer just friends, but something much more.

We dated for four years, though got engaged after two. We got married right out of college, knowing that we wanted to spend our lives together so figured we'd might as well get married. That first year was tough, especially since neither one of us had lived on our own before, but we stuck it out. And it's honestly gotten better every year.

All relationships have their ups and downs, but every time we have a dip in ours, I have faith we'll be heading up and out of it soon enough. I heard this song on the radio a year or two ago that, in my mind, seemed to sum up a lot of our relationship. It might sound crazy, but I feel that's the foundation of our relationship. No matter what problems we go through, no matter how frustrated I get over the little things (and sometimes the big things), I know that, "I'll never leave, I'll never stray. My love for you will never change . . ." and that he could say the same thing back at me (even though I am perfect and he could NEVER get frustrated at me).

Happy anniversary, DH. And here's to many more.

New Business Website

2008-06-26T15:30:00.002-04:00

Just met up with my fabulous friend who tried to help me get the site I designed up and running for my party business but we finally realized that it could only be published using Yahoo. Frustrating, but not the end of the world. However, Yahoo won't let me get in right now. She just left, and I'm still at Starbucks (I have thirty more minutes before I need to meet up with the kids and DH) working on staying calm (I'm so impatient) until I can try it again.

The Dark Side

2008-06-25T08:54:00.003-04:00

I've crossed over to the dark side.
I set up a Facebook account - who knew how addicting that was?! I'm finding people I haven't seen in years!
And I also set up a Twitter account (see it there on the right) but can't figure out how to fix it. I posted something, didn't see it, posted it again, and now they're BOTH there! I even deleted one of them from the Twitter home page, but it's still there on my blog. ARGH!

Edited to add: Well, sure, NOW it's fixed. All on it's own. Guess I just had to be patient. Yeah, patient. Piece of cake. No problem.

Website help needed

2008-06-23T16:41:00.002-04:00

I have been working on a brand new website for my business. It is finished finally, I love it, now I just have to figure out how to publish it so it replaces my current website (that a fabulous friend made and uploaded for me when I first got started). PLEASE contact me if you have any experience with this kind of thing.

BlogHer

2008-06-19T08:21:00.005-04:00

Okay, all my local blogging friends, anyone else interested in going to BlogHer when it comes to DC in October? This is a serious question - I really want to go, and not only would I love attending with people I know, I really can't travel that far by myself for fear of falling asleep (darn Narcolepsy).

Soooo....who else is up for a ROAD TRIP?!! That's right, I'm talking to you, DG, Lauren (even if you haven't updated your blog in forever - what's up with that?!!), CryssyeR (I know I don't REALLY know you in real life, but I know your sister really well and I've been reading your blog, so I FEEL like I know you!), Bossy (well, you're probably speaking at it, but still . . .), Mommychicky, Mommy Brain, Ruth, Mama's World, O, Michelle, Motherhood101Aplus, Perky, Trace, "Only Me" (You are so much more than "only" so I must write that in quotes.), Adorable Girlfriend, HG ....
I know I missed some local bloggers in my list here, but it was only because I never bookmarked your blog - sorry!

Bottom line, if you blog, and you are in this general area (and you know who you are), PLEASE let me know if you are interested in going to BlogHer in October in DC. That is all.

Eating Out for a WHOLE Lot Less Money

2008-06-18T12:00:00.003-04:00

Am I the only one who never used Restaurant.com before?

I just purchased $75 worth of gift cards to use at a local restaurant (I've never been there before but it was voted "Most romantic" in my county and I'm making secret plans for DH and I to celebrate our anniversary.) and it only cost me . . .

Wait for it . . . .

I'm still kind of in awe . . .

Fifteen dollars.

Yes, you read that right. I don't know how this works, but I'm not complaining. In addition to the regular discount you get just using Restaurant.com, I went to one of my new favorite sites, iMommies, to get an additional 50% off the cost. This offer is only good until the 22nd, so if you're interested in checking it out, do it soon!

And, no, I'm not getting paid by either website, though wouldn't mind if they're looking for paid spokespeople!

Now if I could just find a babysitter who wouldn't mind watching the kids for free . . .

92.5 xtu ROCKS!

2008-06-16T11:55:00.002-04:00

A is such a fan of our area's country station. We decided to call and request one of his favorite songs, "Our Song" and the dj recorded him and put him on the radio. The song is coming up soon (she had put his request on as a sneak peak of what's coming up) and A has been jumping up and down all around the house since he spoke with her. Thank you, Leigh, for making his day!!!

Recap of Last Week (I know, what a title!)

2008-06-11T10:41:00.002-04:00

I can't believe it has been a whole week since I last posted. So much has happened I just haven't ~~had~~ made time to write. Let's see if I can provide a recap to remember the craziness of the last week:

Thursday was the last day of school for my one class; Friday was the last day for my other class (and for the rest of the school, including J). We had pizza parties both days.
After school on Friday my DS took my three kids (along with her two kids and the infant she is watching) with her to a pool party that one of the moms was throwing to celebrate the end of the year. The mom had hired three lifeguards - what a great idea when having about 30 or so preschoolers in and around your in-ground pool.
While the kids were at the party, I worked to pack up my classroom so it could be cleaned over the summer. Being who I am (anal and obsessed with organization) I of course had to reorganize everything as I packed it up to make the room more efficient for me come September. This is the room in which I teach preschool, religious school on Sundays, and Hebrew school on Mondays and Tuesdays, so I wanted to set up the best way to have all of my stuff readily available. It took me longer than I expected, and even with the window unit going full blast in my relatively small room, I was drenched with sweat by the time I was finished (more on that later), but I was able to leave the room knowing that I wouldn't have to go back until it was time to set up in August - nice! When I used to be a classroom teacher teaching full time, I would end up coming in up to two extra weeks to pack up/reorganize my room. Now that I have kids, that's just not an option!
I started working at a drama camp last week (classes are two hours each, twice a week). This is a fabulous program that a friend of mine started - the focus is on building confidence and allowing each child to shine, NOT on creating the best production possible, which is a philosophy I really love. In fact, I love it so much that not only am I teaching at one of the sites, DH is teaching older kids at another site, and the boys are doing the camp at yet another site. I'm a little nervous about them staying up that late (classes are from 6-8, which means that last night - their first class - all three of them weren't in bed until 9, which is tough for kids who wake up before 7 every day no matter what) but they are so excited about it we'll just see how it goes!
The kids and I started working on presents for them to give to their teachers for the end of the year. They painted pots, which I will modge-podge, which we wil put flowers in and give out on Friday (the boys' last day is actually Thursday, though there is school on Friday, so we'll deliver gifts that morning).
Have to go pick up said boys right now. I LOVE that Starbucks now has free wi-fi - J and I have been hanging out here the last few mornings so I could do work while she pushes her baby around in the high chairs with wheels. Fun for all!

Happy Birthday!

2008-06-04T22:50:00.002-04:00

For some reason my e-mail is not working right now (ARGH!!!) which means I can't e-mail one of my best friends to wish her a happy birthday today. With B being sick (he's totally better now and is going back to school tomorrow) I literally lost track of the date! It wasn't until a little bit ago that I looked at the calendar and saw that it was June 4.

Since I know N and her DH B read my blog, I figured this would be a good way to let her know that I am thinking of her and hope she had a great day. N - we need to get together SOON to celebrate!

It's late and I need to go to bed, otherwise I would write more about the fact that N and I have been friends since the first grade and how now that she doesn't live in the same town we don't get together as often as we want, I still consider her to be my blond sister.

Happy Birthday, N!!!

100%

2008-06-04T13:14:00.002-04:00

Every once in a while I find a quiz that entices me. I have been reading Housewife Hiccups for a couple weeks now and saw "Would you make a good housewife?" I felt the burning desire to have a random quiz determine my worth as a "housewife," a term I don't even use to identify myself at all but still felt curious to see what it would say.

I took the quiz and felt great relief to be declared a "normal housewife" (whatever that means).

You're a normal housewife. You wish you could be perfect, but realize the impossibility. And you really like pizza.

Normal housewife 60%
Perfect housewife 50%
Housewife disaster 10%

Now I know I was not a math major (like my super smart sister), but does anyone else see a problem with these percentages?

I'm Really NOT a Bad Mom, But . . .

2008-06-03T13:01:00.003-04:00

So much to write, only so much time to write it....

B is sick.

No, maybe you don't understand: B IS SICK.

I love all my children, and when they're not feeling well, I want to take all their pain away. And the same holds true for B. But when B is sick, I also want to find some kind of sedative to allow him to sleep it off and wake up when he finally feels better. Does that make me a bad mom?

B's speech is somewhat garbled at times, especially when he is excited about something. When he is sick he becomes almost uninteligible. I truly cannot understand 80% of what he is saying. It's as if when he's sick he decides that moving his lips or tongue is just too much effort. I cannot even count how many times I've asked him to repeat himself.

And then there's the whining. Nonstop. Everything he says is a whine. And when he's not trying to say something, he is just lying there, moaning. Whining. Without end.

He's had a cold for the last two weeks or so, made worse by the fact that he has decided not to use a tissue anymore. His cheeks, nose, chin, even both his wrists, are covered with a bright red rash brought on by wiping his nose without the use of a tissue. I know, gross. Every night we smear his face and wrist with Neosporin and he wakes up looking a lot better, but by the end of the day they're all red again. Sunday night he looked pretty good, probably from DH and I being on him all weekend to use a tissue. Unfortunately by the time he was brought to my classroom Monday, even though his face looked better, he had started whining, his signal of incoming illness.

By bedtime he had a slight fever. I was going back and forth with finding someone to just watch him during the day so I could still go to school (it was my turn to stay home with a sick kid but it IS my last week of school) and just get him checked out in the afternoon, but by 10PM he had already woken screaming from throat pain a few times, so I knew I needed to bring him to the doctor in the morning first thing.

We were up with him just about every half hour. Even though DH and I take turns with getting up in the middle of the night (a great system that works really well, even if I do have to wake DH for his turn each time), we both still ended up awake for most of the night. I had to talk DH down from wanting to drive him immediately to the ER so they could do something to put B out of his misery. I knew it was strep (which the dr. confirmed this morning, go Dr. Mom!), and while the ER could have confirmed that, it would have cost us $50, we would have been up all night, probably not getting home until about 3 AM (based on past experiences), and would have only started him on antibiotics about six hours earlier then normal. Glad he didn't push the issue!

Anyway, the non-stop whining is KILLING me. I have hidden myself downstairs, having set J and B upstairs with a DVD and a tray of chicken soup and juice boxes, A downstairs with another DVD (yeah, if one of them is sick and needs to rest on the couch, they ALL end up with extra tv time - that's just the way it is) eating his sandwich. If I play my cards right, I might be able to hide out for another five minutes. Just don't tell them where I am. Please. I'm begging you!

I Did It!

2008-05-29T20:20:00.002-04:00

I have now completed the very time-consuming job of removing the names of all family members from this blog. PLEASE let me know if you notice any names I missed. I'm so glad I finished this!