Fresh Start

One of the things I love about being Jewish is the fact that we get two New Year's. Rosh Hashana normally comes in September, which, as a teacher, is a fresh start too. So I've got September, I've got January 1st, and I've got my birthday in April. Three fresh starts every year. It should be enough. It never is.

I'm trying, I really am. Since December I have been working out on my Wii Fit Plus almost every day. I am so proud of myself for that! I come home from school every day about 1:30 with the girls in tow. And then I go upstairs, put on my workout clothes, come down, pull out that balance board and get moving. I work out between thirty minutes to an hour every day. Considering that it has been a long, long time since I have done any exercising, I figure even if I'm not working out hard enough, anything is better than nothing. And I really LIKE it - I have fun doing the different activities, even if they make me end up sweating like a pig. Unfortunately, I still have only lost about two pounds. Don't get me wrong; I'm finally feeling the difference in many of the muscles in my body. Even my stomach is starting to feel toned! But I'm still really big. When I take J to dance class and walk by the wall covered with mirrors, I'm always horrified when I catch a glimpse of myself. I look so much bigger than I feel. The Wii measures my BMI every time I workout. I am significantly overweight. I need to lose more than thirty pounds. Clearly just working out is not cutting it. So I need to start focusing on what I eat more and more. I have used Sparkpeople before to keep track of what I eat, watching the calories and making sure I get enough protein, and even though I'll do great during the day, it seems that by the evening I will always do something to sabotage myself. I have to stop doing that!

Looking back at how things were growing up, I think it is so ironic that I have a weight problem. I was anorexic from seventh grade until eleventh grade. I ate just enough to survive, made sure I could always see my ribs when I stepped out of the shower, did what I could to keep my weight below one hundred. I can remember how it felt in tenth grade to not be able to sit on the wooden stage because the bones in my butt were not cushioned enough. Suffice it to say I don't have that problem anymore.

Some days I wish I could just go back to the way things were back then. It sure is the easiest way to lose way - just don't eat. But I'm a mom now, and my kids, especially my daughter, watch what I eat. How could I explain what I was doing to them? I need to show them how to eat in a healthy way. Which means I need to be eating in a healthy way and I need to get to a healthy weight. I don't want that Wii Fit voice to say, "That's overweight." anymore.

So this is my fresh start. I know, it's not any of my regular times during the year to get that fresh start, but I'm declaring it here and now. My goal is to lose the weight. At one pound a week, I should lose ten pounds by my birthday in April, two pounds a week would be a twenty pound loss. I'm ready. Here I go.