Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Wedding

We survived the weekend away.
Car ride to VA was a little challenging with J, but overall she did a great job. I packed a TON of snacks for her, and every time she started fussing, I offered her one. I know, great mothering, but you do what you have to do!

The wedding itself was fabulous with a big casual dinner on Saturday night so we all got a chance to catch up, a terrific day on Sunday that started with a one o'clock before wedding ceremony (for the bride and groom to sign the ketubah, the wedding contract) complete with food/drinks/music. J fell asleep in my arms towards the end of that and proceeded to sleep through the entire wedding ceremony, which probably ended up for the best. The reception was incredible - the band played every style imaginable and played them really well. J LOVED dancing with me. She seemed to think that the dancing time was kind of her special time, and even walked out on the dance floor and sat down to watch while the bride and groom had their first dance. I was going to go get her but everyone told me to leave her there, that it was cute.

There was a casual breakfast the next morning, and then we hit the road. J still had moments of whining and fussing, but overall she did great! I was so incredibly relieved.

And now we're back to life, back to reality . . .

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Friday Wrap Up, One Day Late

I'm been a bad blogger.

I'm trying to focus on positive stuff, but it's been tough this past week, so I ended up not writing anything. Not a great plan.

Last weekend A regressed some and started decorating with the contents of his pull-ups again. Three times. He has done this since he was little and we always ended up figuring out a way to stop him from getting into his diaper (putting on a onesie over his diaper, putting a zippered sleeper over top of his onesie and diaper, pinning shut the zippered sleeper). Each thing we did worked for a few weeks, give or take, until he figured out how to get to his poop again. Since he has learned to FINALLY use the potty, he has mostly stopped pooping at night, but when he does, he just can't stop himself from putting his hands in it. Friday morning I woke up to him calling me from the bathroom. Because he was trying to clean up, the sink was now covered with poop along with the toilet, the rug, some of the walls (from him shaking his hands) and the blinds. It was a great way to wake up - NOT. When he did it again that night, I held it together enough to call DH (who had just left the house) and tell him to get home immediately because I was too angry to deal with this again. Sunday night A did it again. So the action plan from all this is I clearly need to up his experiences with squishy types of things, which means more shaving cream play, finger painting, etc. And if one gets to do it, the other two want to do it too!

J and I are getting ready to go to a family wedding in Virginia, about a five/six hour drive from here. DH will stay home with the boys. J is SO excited about it - she's been asking all week if we're going to the wedding NOW? Of course I procrastinated, so in the next two hours I need to: shower and dress, pack all our clothes and toiletries, finish packing stuff for J to do in the car (I stopped at the Dollar Tree last night and bought a bunch of neat stuff for her), go to Target to buy her dress up shoes and a cardigan to go with her sleeveless dress, go to Acme to pick up stuff for preschool for Monday (I have a sub and forgot to buy the food supplies), drop off said stuff at school, go to friend's house to drop off MORE stuff for the MOMS Club yard sale tomorrow (nothing like an upcoming yard sale to encourage me to purge lots of stuff!). I think that's it. Man, that's a lot!

I'll be back Monday night. Please wish me luck to get all the above stuff done and that bringing my three year old to a grown-up wedding does not become a total fiasco.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Tackle It Tuesday and other stuff

Okay, I'm thinking ahead to tomorrow. Today I was able to go to Gentile's (local produce store) with the kids and buy a whole bunch of fruits and vegetables. I made a big vat of vegetable soup with black beans and endamame in it for protein. So good I ended up eating two helpings for dinner instead of what I had planned. I forgot all about a meeting after school that I needed to attend, so I ended up not eating my salad (I hadn't made it yet and it was all at home) but came home so starving that instead I ate another helping of the fabulous oatmeal I had made in the crockpot (foolishly had left the crockpot on this morning and so the house was filled with the incredible smell of it, even if it was all dry by then - nothing a little milk didn't solve). So bottom line, while I didn't stick to my plan today for food, I did stick to my calorie range.
My job(s) to tackle for Tuesday is to finish ordering my groceries on-line/planning my meals for the next few weeks. I know that to have any success with my diet I need to plan out my meals and snacks, so this is important.
Today was a little tough because B didn't feel well for a good portion of the afternoon (at least until he FINALLY went to the bathroom - sorry if that's TMI) and when B doesn't feel good, everybody knows it. He was moaning and whining so much. I kept having to stop what I was doing to sit with him and rub his back and his head. Luckily the other two played nicely outside (for the most part) so I could focus on B and my soup. I had started planning for him to come to work with me so he could sit on a couch in the director's office and veg on videos, but he made a total recovery once he went to the bathroom. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
Alright, if I want to stick to my plan, I need to get to bed.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Menu Plan Monday

I really worked on planning low-fat/fat-free meals for this week. I can't figure out how to link to my SparkPeople menu plan page, but the menus are mostly from my Fix It and Forget It Lightly book.
Breakfast - Overnight Apple Oatmeal p.267
Snack - Apple
Lunch - Salad with endame
Snack - Chai Tea Latte
Dinner - Orange Chicken p. 14
Breakfast - Oatmeal
Lunch - Black Bean and Corn Soup p. 187
Dinner - I'll be going to a dinner at my synagogue. I'll leave frozen raviolis for the babysitter to make for the kids.
Lunch - Salad with leftover chicken
Dinner - Eggplant Italian p.223
Lunch - Leftover Eggplant Italian
Dinner - Fruited Flank Steak p. 48
Lunch - Salad with leftover flank steak
Dinner - Shabbat dinner at my parents' house
Dinner - Vegetable Lasagna
Dinner - Dinner at my in-laws' house
I'm usually a cereal addict, so I'm going to be working on higher protein breakfasts to see if they satisfy me.

Talk's Cheap: Here's my Action Plan

I'm ready for my fresh start. No more just talk - I'm taking action now.
My birthday is in six months. I'm giving myself until April to lose my weight and adopt a healthier lifestyle complete with exercise and eating right.

I bought a cookbook yesterday that looked like it would help me cook more low-fat foods. And I plan on consistently using Sparkpeople to help me plan my meals/calorie intake. Plus I got what looks to be a good exercise book to use every morning when I get up (provided I DO get up when I need to).

I'm also going to focus on going to bed when DH goes to bed instead of allowing myself to get caught up in other stuff. I think that will really help with getting enough sleep AND giving DH and I time to connect, which is so hard to do with the hours he works.

I can't focus on everything that I want to acheive all at the same time, but I'm hoping by focusing on these areas will be managable.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

I'm Sick of It All!

I don't want to write anymore about how tired I am.
I don't want to write anymore about how I'm kicking myself for staying up too late the night before. Or about my other self-destructive habbits involving overeating, not exercising, not taking care of myself in general.

I'm sick of it all.

I need to stop bellyaching and start DOING something about it all.

I just read through a bunch of old posts and am shocked at how often I am repeating myself. I'm overwhelmed by the mess in the house. I'm tired. I'm upset about my weight. Blah, blah, blah. I'm just sick of it all!

So here we go: this is my blog and my life and I can choose what I want to focus on.

Fresh start. Here goes.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Saturday, October 06, 2007


Yesterday night I watched a TIVOed episode of Oprah in which Sinead O'Connor talked about her diagnosis of Bipolor disorder and how much her childhood played a part in that. While I know I don't have Bipolor (I have the lows but where are the highs?!!) I could relate to so much of what she said about her childhood and living with the constant feeling of fear and tension.

My brother was the cause of most of the tension in our household growing up. "I" used to take out much of his aggresion on me. Lucky me. My mom was constantly on guard when we were little to protect me from my brother - leaving him alone with me generally did not end well. As we got older the physical assaults mostly ended, but the psychological assaults never did. And the fighting between my brother and my parents never ended. My parents insisted on family dinners, a great idea, in theory, but these dinners ultimately ended in yelling and screaming due to "I". The tension was intense. So intense that despite everything my parents (mainly my mom) did to create happy memories, I really remember very little of my childhood. Except the scary parts, which are pretty clear.

The "footprints" of my childhood left their inprints on my soul. I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic-Stress Disorder in my twenties. It explained a lot to me. It explained why I had such difficulty making friends, why I had such anxiety most of my life, why I had such trouble with emotional attachments all my life, with staying in the moment. It actually made me feel such relief to have a name, a reason.

But it also makes me so overly aware of how important it is to make sure that our attention to A and his Asperger's does not overshadow the other kids. Yesterday in the car B told me, "I wish I had Asperger's Syndrome." That broke my heart. I tried to get him to talk more about that, and after a little bit I told them how much I wish I was as good at blowing up balloons as B was, and as good on computer as A was, and as good at picking out clothes as J was (what can I say, it was spur of the moment) and how wonderful it was that we all have different things that are special about us.

I need to pay attention to how negative I am with B. I have to focus on "catching him being good" instead of constantly telling him not to whine and not yell and not to hit himself on the head ..... the list goes on. I need to make sure he gets equal attention. And I need to make sure that when A is having a rough day (or J - she can throw a tantrum like nobody's business) I do what I can to keep things peaceful, to not allow the screaming of one affect the rest of us.

A tall order, I know, but one that is too important to ignore.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Feeling so much better

Hormones suck.

PMS sucks.

Depression sucks.

That being said, I feel so much better now. For those of you who read yesterday's post and took the time to respond, thank you. You reallly made my day and help me put things in perspective.

Today is a new day, PMS is over (if you get what I mean), J and I have no school tomorrow, the kids and I have eaten lunch and they are now having "quiet time" on the couch - I'm ready to take on the second half of the day. Clean up from lunch (usually make the kids do it before quiet time begins, but . . .), take a chunk out of Mt. Washmore, do some 5-minute-Room-Rescues downstairs - here I go!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

My Pity Party

I've been really down on myself recently.

I know part of that is just from being tired. And maybe I'm PMSing (really have to keep track of all that again instead of guessing).

I just feel like I have too much on my plate and therefore am not doing anything really well.

When I'm in the classroom I love what I'm doing, except I feel like I could be doing so much more. Free play is really important for two-year-olds, but any time I sit down and relax for a moment in the classroom, I see so many opportunities where I coud be building language skills, increasing the kids' awareness of each other, moving them from parallel play to actual interaction, the list goes on and on. It's just tough to be "on" for three full hours. But that's the job!

When I'm with my kids I feel like I could be doing so much more. I have great ideas but no energy to follow through. I would love to have the boys start a journal at home, drawing a picture of something they did at school and then they could "write" a little bit about it. I would love to read with them more, even having a set reading time each day. I would love to take daily walks with them. I would love to go to the park with them a few times a week and teach them how to play soccer or basketball or baseball. The list goes on and on.

When the kids are playing outside I look around the house and am just disgusted by all that I could/should be doing around here. Mt. Washmore keeps piling up, as do my paper mountains, no matter how much I take away from them.

I would love to be in contact with the people I consider friends more often, making "playdates" (with the kids or without). I feel like I could be in isolation over here with the kids if I don't push myself to get together with others. I think that's a whole post unto itself.

I'm really frustrated. I know part of it is I'm being too hard on myself. The sprained ankle has thrown me - it's hard enough to do everything I have to do, doing it while limping and ignoring the ankle pain makes it even harder. And the fact that I'm tired all the time doesn't help either! I just feel like there has to be a way to do all that I want to do, and I just can't wrap my head around it.

Monday, October 01, 2007

She's screaming and she won't shut up!

Last night I almost got up from my tossing and turning to warn everyone about the evils of devouring two bowls of Fruit Loops (a special treat left over from a project on Sunday in which my class created edible Sukkot) at 10 o'clock at night, but around the time where I was reaching my frustration point, J's screams gave me something to do with my time. We couldn't get her to stop crying/complaining (she comes up with all kind of creative reasons when she just doesn't want to go back to sleep) so finally after threatening her with sleeping back in her own room (she sleeps on her matress on the floor next to the boys' bunk beds) we had to follow through. What a disaster. I tried everything to get her to stop crying in bed (SupperNanny's "stay in bed technique", gradually moving out of her room, ignoring her, etc.) and ultimately we gave up (teaching her only that if she cries long enough we'll give in!) and let her go back in the boys' room as long as she went to sleep and didn't make another sound.

To be fair on DH and I, it was 2:30 AM by the point we made this decision. She had started screaming around 11.

I welcome ANY suggestions on how to get her to stay in bed and quiet all night. I suppose I could try the whole sticker chart thing, just not sure if that's enough incentive and if it will really help when she starts screaming in the middle of the night.