Yet Another Sick Day

Still not mine.

J is sick this time, but it seems like only a low grade fever (can't find the stupid thermometer) and cough. She woke me up this morning around 7, which meant I couldn't write up specific plans, but the preschool director said she would take care of it.  I mean, I did have my plans for the week written up, but it doesn't specifically say what I was planning to do today. 

So while J lays on the couch relaxing, here's what I plan to accomplish:

• Laundry, laundry, and more laundry - I have done so much laundry today that I literally have lost track.  I'm thrilled to say that I only have two baskets waiting to get washed left.
• Sorted every piece of laundry in the house.  Now have HUGE piles on my bed, but will work through them all through out this day.  And YES, I had to add it to my To Do list so I could now say this - TA DA
• 5 minutes in the LR, DR, and Kitchen  TA DA
• Chop up veggies for soup  TA DA (And the soup was delicious!!!)
• Cut up the chicken
• Rearrange the kitchen cabinets - plates and cups
• Create world peace
• Work on our budget (hmmm...maybe I should just stop at world peace)
• Once again tackle the mountain of papers

I hope I can get more than this accomplished, but for now, this is my TO DO list, which I hope will soon turn into my TA DA list.  I will add in italics what I actually do today.

Just a Pinch and Then It's Over

Before we left for school this morning, I gathered the kids around me. "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is I'm picking you up from school early today and taking us all over to Dunkin Donuts!"

Cheers erupted through the dining room. Only one child, after jumping up and down a few times out of sheer joy, realized something must be up and suspiciously asked, "Why?"

"Well," I began slowly, "the bad news is that we first have to swing by the doctors' office to get our flu shots."

Cheers were soon replaced with loud sobs.

I got them calmed down, sent them off to school, went to my own school to teach, but their appointment got closer and closer and I couldn't put it off any longer. I picked up the kids and drove to the office. Tears started as soon as the van doors closed.  I repeated our shot mantra over and over:  "It's just a pinch and then it's over," but A screamed, "But some pinches are longer than others!"  I tried to redirect by asking for descriptions of the donut they were going to get afterwards, but A cried, "I just can't think about that now!"

Side note - While I try as a rule to not reward/bribe children with food, especially desserts, sometimes nothing else will do.

The actual time inside the examining room was fifteen minutes, but somehow once we entered the small room (the better for our screams to bounce off the walls and deafen Mommy) all time stopped. By the time we left, all the children were semi-calm once again, but I still ended up having to physically restrain all three of them while they each wailed at the top of their lungs. A jumped out of my arms three different times until I finally had to sit in a chair and hold him on my lap with both arms AND a leg, only to have him begin to laugh through his tears as soon as the shot was over, explaining, "It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would!"

Great, buddy.  I'm so glad it's didn't hurt YOU as much as you thought it would.  It sure hurt ME just as much as I thought it would!  I hate having to hold them down so some scary doctor or nurse can inflict pain.  I feel like I'm betraying any and all trust you have in me.  I know it's a necessary evil, but it still breaks my heart each and every time.

Sick Day

Not mine. B has been sick with a fever and asthmatic cough, so we've been taking turns staying home with him. Today is my day. His fever was down this morning and is now gone (woohoo!) so he is now off the computer/not watching tv/done with the Wii and is tackling the mountain of schoolwork his brother brought home for him. Wasn't that nice of him? (sarcasm, in case you couldn't tell)


So now that he's not really, really sick, I really, really have no reason to still be sitting at the computer, ignoring the state of this house.  Really.  Since I wasted the morning:

B, I'm going upstairs to take a nap.  Here's the intercom if you need me, a big glass of juice with a silly straw, a bagel with margarine.  Enjoy watching the episodes of Fetch with Ruff Ruffman you just found on the computer.  Mommy needs to sleep.

Hmmm...does that make me a bad mom?  Or just one that was really, really tired?

I have to get my butt in gear so I at least feel like I accomplished SOMETHING!

Here's the plan, which I will attempt to complete in between helping B not get overwhelmed with his work:

1. Fold and put away the laundry in the dryer, transfer laundry in the washer into the dryer, and put the blanket B threw up on into the washer.  Yuck!   - DONE
2. Attack the kitchen - empty dishwasher - DONE, reload dishwasher - DONE, wash by hand the large dishes that will not fit in said dishwasher, clear off and clean off counters (including throwing away last week's CSA vegetables that I never got around to cooking - yes, I am hanging my head in shame as I throw my money away)
3. Clear off the dining room table
4. Resort and organize my many plastic containers and stock up on individual portions of snacks to make lunches easier to prepare
5. Fold and put away laundry in the dryer, transfer blanket to the dryer, put in yet another load of laundry that clearly seems to multiply whenever I turn my back
6. Find a face painting face template to print out so I can show what I am able to paint.  I volunteered to face paint at the school district's PTO carnival this weekend, and it sure makes it easier when I have faces for kids to pick
7. If I'm still standing at that point - tackle the Paper Pile threatening to fall on and crush anyone who breathes on it wrong.

Sigh.  It's pretty sad that just typing that list was the highlight of my day so far.  Okay, okay, before B moves on to his math, I better get up and go.

Last Day of Freedom

Or is it that freedom begins again tomorrow?

Tomorrow is our first day back to school!

DH actually started last week, which might be part of the reason I can't wait for school to start up again for the rest of us.  We have had a great summer, went to tons of fun museums, saw some good movies, bowled, mini-golfed, saw some fabulous children's theater, went to my sister's community pool, played with the neighbor kids, even enjoyed a week down the shore with my parents, my sister and her family, my mom's cousin, and us.  And we are all sooo ready to get back into our regular routine.

I have been working hard on getting the kids and me (mainly me) into a good back-to-school routine.  Since getting out of bed in the morning is really hard for me (I am the Snooze Alarm Queen), I bought this fabulously annoying alarm clock to force myself to get up.  I have set it to begin ringing and moving simultaneously, so when the alarm goes off, the clock actually jumps off my night table while making the most obnoxious noises (but also loud and unusual enough that they do not get incorporated into my dreams).  To turn it off I have to get out of bed, find the clock (which by now is rolling all around my bedroom), and fiddle around with it to find the small alarm button to get it to shut up before the kids all hear it and come running into my room to watch it roll around the floor.  Hey, whatever it takes, right?

What I've been attempting to do is to get up about 45 minutes before the kids do so I can get downstairs first and work out with my Wii Fit Plus.  It works out so much better for everyone if I can finish my workout before the kids become my audience and begin commenting on every move I make.  Even though all three kids wake up ungodly early no matter what time they go to bed, we have trained them to stay in bed until their clock radios begin playing music at 7-3-0.  It usually works. 

Today I was out of bed by 6:45 and downstairs by 7, though I didn't actually start working out until 7:25.  By the time I was finished my 30 or so minute workout, the kids were all down, watching, and waiting for their breakfasts.  If I were to do the same thing tomorrow, we would be late for school, so I think I need to make sure all their breakfasts are on the table BEFORE I begin working out.  I'm trying to re-establish the routine that before they come downstairs in the morning, they dress (down to their shoes - no more last minute tears because "I don't know where my shoes are!") and make their beds (with their pjs under their pillows - I'm so sick of the boys not being able to find the pjs they wore the night before so they simply grab a new pair every single night!).  The other part of their routine is that they eat breakfast, clean up from breakfast, and then brush their teeth BEFORE anyone turns on the TV.  This might mean no TV in the morning, but at least it provides an incentive to get a move on.  Maybe I should just dictate no TV in the morning period, but I think I'll see how this week goes first.

This year all three kids are taking the bus to the same school and not coming home until 3:30.  I love my children, and have had a wonderful time with each and every one of them this summer, but . . . happy, happy, joy, joy!  I have meetings and prep time tomorrow and Wednesday, no school Thursday due to Rosh Hashana, and a "Meet the Teacher" day on Friday before school starts for real next Monday.  I will be working again until 1:00 every day.  Did you notice the time difference of the when the kids get home from school and when I get home from school?  Oh yeah, that's two and a half hours.  Monday through Friday.  Well, I'll be watching my DN-J one of those afternoons, but still - two and a half hours!!!  Whatever will I do with myself?!!

And so tomorrow, it begins again.  And I, for one, cannot wait!

Summer Plans

I love this time of year. The weather is great - warm, sometimes hot, but no humidity yet. We can spend lots of time outside (both my family and my preschool class). We're winding down in school and I'm thinking of ways to celebrate the fun we had this year. My thoughts are also turning to next year and how I want to do things differently, better. And the summer hasn't even started yet, so it's completely ahead of us, endless possibilities, fun in the making.

We opted not to do camp this summer, except for a theater camp DH and I both teach that the kids attend for free. That meets at night (6 - 8) twice a week, so it's fun, but not a major time commitment. The boys both qualified for ESY (extended school year) for the first time, which I was excited about, thinking they would be getting much needed services that will keep them both from regressing over the summer. Then I spoke with the people who run and found out that B would only be getting a 1/2 hour of Speech and a 1/2 hour of OT once a week, which would come to one hour once a week. A qualifies for more, one hour of Speech, one hour of OT, and a 1/2 hour of PT. I don't know what I was envisioning when I got the paperwork and it said Tuesday through Thursday, 9-12. I guess it was that they would be attending school Tuesday through Thursday, 9-12! No, what it actually means is that B will be attending one hour on one of those days, some time between 9 and 12 and A would be attending for one hour on Tuesday, one hour on Wednesday, and for half an hour on Thursday, any time between 9 and 12. I should be thrilled that the qualify for school-sponsored services, but it sounds like it will cut into anything we plan to do with the kids. And we STILL don't know when they would be going, and I can't stand waiting for someone else to schedule us for me to be able to schedule the rest of the summer. I know, I'm a control freak, but I've accepted that.

The biggest thing the boys need over the summer (and it wouldn't be a bad thing for the little girl either) is to have structure. They can't have unlimited electronic time, they can't stay up late every night, they can't just "hang out" day after day. With that in mind, we have come up with a loose structure for our summer days:

Museum Monday - Every Monday we will venture to a different museum. We live outside of Philadelphia, so there are tons to choose from. Let's see, we have:

1. The Franklin Institute
2. Please Touch Museum
3. Garden State Discovery Museum
4. Art Museum
5. Acadamy of Natural Sciences
6. The Zoo (not technically a museum, but I think it counts)
7. Brandywine River Museum
8. Delaware Children's Museum
9. Morris Arboretum (I've never been there but I've heard good things)
10. The Helicopter Museum
11. Crayola Factory
12. The Elmwood Park Zoo (another that I've not been to but have heard good things)
13. Independence Seaport Museum
14. Philadelphia Insectarium (can't say I've ever been here either but I think the kids would love it)

Hmm, that's a pretty good list, especially considering that there are only about ten weeks in the summer!

Totally Terrific Movie Tuesday - Free family movies at Regal Cinemas. Can't beat free!

Wacky Wednesday - This will be our day to try out silly stuff. I'm not sure exactly what those things will be yet, but I have a hunch if we were to have, say, a water balloon fight, it will take place on a Wednesday.

Theater Thursday -We have a fabulous children's theater program nearby, where teenagers work to put together a different, high-quality, children's theater production each week. We all (kids and grown ups) have loved every show we have seen. When I was in high school I did the program for a year or two, and I would not be surprised if our kids end up doing it when they get older. Here's a link to last year's shows. I can't wait to see what shows they'll be doing this summer!

Fun with Friends Friday - As the name implies, every Friday we will attempt to set up playdates for the kids either at our house, at some neutral location (like a park), or at a friends' house.

Sleepy Saturday - Don't know if this one will work every week, but this will be our day to stay in our PJs and make some kind of more labor-intensive breakfast (together) and watch some extra tv.

Super Slide Sunday - Sunday will be our day to seek out different parks in the area. Maybe we'll even create our own playground guide, so we'll first decide how to rate each park and then I'll let them work on the computer to publish something (A is an expert on computers so he can be in charge of this).

And there we have it. We will be creating our Rainy Day alternatives for days when needed, which I will work on later. With the exception of Mondays, and possibly some Fridays, most planned activities will be for the mornings. That will leave the afternoons for the kids to each have their alloted electronic time (normally 15 minutes/kid, may increase somewhat for the summer) and a little down time before heading outside to play with the neighbors, in the sprinkler, riding bikes - basically some regular, unstructured, freeplay time. I'll probably work in some OT activities and Math games designed to have each kid practice their basic facts, but I'll figure out ways to do that where it doesn't seem like work (at least that's my plan).

Do you have plans for the summer yet? What are you doing with YOUR kids?

If It's Not One Kid, It's Another

J is back in school today, just in time for Pajama Day.



Now it's B's turn to stay home sick. On the plus side, his stomach is fine! My nephew was diagnosed with strep earlier this week, so when B came to me this morning complaining that his throat hurt, I made an appointment immediately for him to get a strep test this morning. It took a looooong time for him to be seen (and they didn't seem that busy, but what do I know), but the nurse told us pretty quickly that his test was positive. They fax prescriptions right over to Rite Aid for us now, so the nurse told us just to head over and wait, that as soon as the doctor is finished with the patient she is currently seeing she would fax it over for us. So after spending an hour (!) at the doctors', we headed to Rite Aid.



And then we waited. And waited. And waited some more. It seems that the doctor had typed B's birthday incorrectly into the computer and when the pharmacist called to find out what was taking so long, the office staff couldn't find any record that we had even been there this morning. They finally found the mistake and corrected it, but needed to wait for the doctor to once again be finished with her current patient to be able to fax it. After waiting another hour (!!) with a little boy who was feeling increasingly worse, we finally got the prescription and headed home.



It's almost 12 o'clock now, so we ended up wasting the whole morning!



Thinking about everything I was able to accomplish while home with J yesterday I'm very disappointed, especially since we are going to have to leave in an hour to pick up both J and DN-J and bring them back here, so I doubt I'll be able to get too much more accomplished with all three home, and then at 3:45 A comes home too. In any case, here's what I'm hoping to do in fifteen minute increments:

1. More Laundry
2. Finish the comments of my Religious School Progress Reports
3. Make those vegetarian lunches I was trying to make yesterday
4. Clean out the fridge, which somehow got super crowded all of a sudden
5. At least begin my Preschool Progress Reports

I will once again be updating this as the day goes so I can feel a small sense of accomplishment.

J and the 15 Minute Day

Sometimes when I have so much to write about I end up writing nothing. I plan the posts in my head as I'm falling asleep or driving in the car, but don't take the time to actually write them. It's foolish of me, because I know how much better I feel to put my thoughts in writing, plus I know how little I remember day to day of my life, so if I don't write it down, it's as if it didn't happen.

This is not an exciting post, but it is what it is.

J is home sick today. She woke yesterday complaining that her stomach hurt. DH's stomach didn't feel so great either so he was already planning on staying home. I doubted if her stomach actually hurt or if she was just hungry (the girl must be going through a growth spurt - she keeps waking up STARVING!) but she was really upset so I told her she could stay home. She vegged on the couch all day with Daddy watching TV, and had to run to the bathroom a couple times with the runs (get it - run/runs? I crack myself up). I got home from school a little after one, and soon after that she threw up. I was very proud - she actually made it to the bathroom! I went to the store to go grocery shopping for the week (a benefit of them both being home together) and she threw up again while I was gone. Things got a little scary after that. She agreed to shut her eyes (!) and actually fell asleep for about an hour (!) on the couch. Out of all three kids, she consistently wakes up miserable from naps, but I figured if she actually agreed to take one, she must REALLY need it. Anyway, she woke up crying (as usual) and soon started screaming in pain, complaining her stomach hurt. This kept up for almost an hour before we called the doctor for advice. Everything worked out okay, it was just "typical" gastro-intestinal pain, but it sure was scary!

Which all brings me to today: J is feeling better, but still needs to be home today just to be sure. And I'm home too. I convinced her that today should be a "fifteen minute day," that we would make a list of what we want to accomplish around the house, set the timer for fifteen minutes and start hitting the list, fifteen minutes of work, five minutes for a break. So far she's excited about it, especially since I have her focused on organizing her room. Is she my daughter or what?!!

Just to make this post super exciting for anyone reading it, here is my list for the day, which I plan to update throughout the day to keep me focused:

1. Laundry - 3 loads folded and put away, more in both the washer and the dryer
2. Post three items from J's room on Freecycle done, arrangements have been made for two items to be picked up
3. Kitchen - unload dishwasher done, clean off counters done
4. Write sign for DH's b-day for J to color done
5. Dining Room table - loaded with all kinds of stuff, so let's see if I can clear it all off done
6. Living Room - it's a mess done
7. Progress Reports for Religious School - J is one of my students this year, so I told her she can help me write the comments for her report, something like, "J is an amazing student, one of the best this teacher has ever seen...." only have comments left
8. Progress Reports for Preschool - This will take a while
9. Go to Dollar Store to get balloons to celebrate DH's birthday (J wants to decorate) not going to happen today - will do on Saturday
10. Go to produce store to get fruits and vegetable maybe tomorrow?
11. Make meatloaf for DH's birthday dinner tonight done - made 16 mini loaves (some for tonight and some for lunches) and one big one (for Saturday dinner with the extended family here to celebrate)
12. Make birthday cake done
13. Make some vegetarian lunches for myself, like Brown Rice Lentil Salad and Avocado Quinoa Salad - I'm trying to eat more healthy in an effort to lose weight, and I really like vegetarian meals.
14. Work out with the Wii Fit (I just told you, I'm trying to lose weight!) Ha - not happening today!

I'll be amazed if I get this all accomplished, but we do have until 3:30 when the boys get home to try. It's 10:15 now - here goes!

The boys are now home doing their homework. All in all, I'm really impressed with what I accomplished! Now I'm off to finish washing the dishes I used to make the cake and meatloaves.

I love my timer

I talked a good talk in my last post, didn't I? Oh yeah, I'm committed to writing every day. Blah, blah, blah. Oh well, I missed yesterday, I'm writing today!



Thought I'd share what my afternoons are like. I teach until 1 and then drive home with DN-J, picking up J at whatever house she is at for the day. We have a real piece meal kind of coverage for her until 1, somewhere different every day. Next year when she is in school all day long things will be a lot easier! Any way, after I bring the girls home, I usually give myself some time to read the mail, (both paper and electronic), catch up on FB a little, and then I usually set the timer to allow myself a little time to play my favorite FB games (currently Word Challenge and Tetris are at the top of my list). And then on good days, I get moving.



Today has been a timer kind of day, which seems to be the most efficient for me. I set the timer for me to work for ten minutes and take a break (at the computer) for five minutes.



Here's what I accomplished during each ten minute segment:

1. Unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher with stuff in the kitchen and around the house


2. Cleaned off the counters


3. Cleaned out the fridge (yuck!)


4. Washed all the mini plastic containers that have been piling up (I consider myself the container queen!)


5. Made the kids' lunches

And then everything came to a screeching halt when the boys got home. They were whispering about when to tell me something. I knew that either meant that they started making a Mother's Day present at school that was supposed to be kept secret (awww) or one of them had done something wrong. I reminded them that the most important thing is to be honest, that if they're worried about telling me something it's best to just get it over with instead of worrying about it, and finally B cracked. Apparently during science today he had taken a pair of tweezers that had been holding steel wool inside of vinegar and stuck it in his mouth to be silly. It must have tasted awful so he ran to the back of the room to get a drink of water and told the kids around him who saw to not tell the teacher. Of course, one of them did. She found him in the back of the room crying. Understandably, she was angry - not just because he had a problem and tried to hide it from her, but because he put something from a science experiment into his mouth. Luckily it wasn't dangerous this time, but it could have been, so she really wanted to drive home the importance of NOT putting stuff in his mouth. She told him, "You're done," and made him stop the experiment and sit down at his desk. He was sobbing as he told this to me, thinking this meant he was not going to be allowed to do science for the rest of the year.

I decided to call his teacher to hear exactly what happened. She had told him he was finished science for the year (but also pointed out that this is really one more lesson) but asked for me not to let him know what this really meant. She wanted (and I agree) to drive home the mistake he made and make the significance stick.

After that crisis was resolved, then A remembered (with a little help from me) that he lost his electronic time for today because he was on the computer when I came downstairs this morning. Yes, my son is obsessed with Power Point presentations at the moment and every moment wants to make a new one. Lots and lots and lots of whining later, that crisis was resolved.

And now we're off to meet up with my parents for dinner to celebrate the one year anniversary of my mom quitting smoking. What a day!

Triskadekaphobia

Driving DN-J home most every day creates an amazing opportunity to talk with all three kids. The other day the boys started telling me what they learned this week about Chinese New Year. B described that one custom was to sweep the dust on the front step or porch away from the house in order to get rid of bad luck.

"That's a superstition," I explained, only to be bombarded with the question of what a superstition was by all the kids at once. "A superstition," I began, "is something that some people believe to be true and it usually involves good luck or bad luck." I tried to think of an easy example for them. "For example, some people think the number 13 is unlucky, and that Friday the 13th is especially unlucky."

"Do you mean triskadekaphobia?" B asks.

Yeah, I know. My jaw dropped, too.

"Um, what does that mean?"

"The fear of the number 13," B replied matter-of-factly. Yeah, of course, should have guessed.

Now before you get too impressed, when I asked B where he had learned such a big word, he answered the same way he has been answering every time some one asks him where he learned something really impressive. School? His parents? No, of course not.

"Watching Fetch with Ruff Ruffman." You know, the tv show. On the one hand, I'm thilled he remembered and was able to apply this interesting fact to our conversation. On the other hand, what, his father and I are both teachers - do we teach him NOTHING?!!

Valentine's Day

I don't believe in Valentine's Day.



There. I've said it.



I know it's pretty ironic if you read my last post, but that was all about my kids and wanting to make sure they kind of fit in at school. They couldn't be the ONLY one in each of their classes to NOT have cards to give out.

A few days ago I decided to spell it out to DH. "Honey," I said, "I love you and I know you love me. I don't need a bunch of overpriced flowers on Valentine's Day for you to prove it to me. We can still be lovey-dovey on that day, if you really want, but let's not really celebrate it this year."

He was fine with it, but still needed to clarify, "That means no cards either, right?"

"Absolutely. However - if you want to get me flowers any other day of the year, I'll fully support the gesture."

While I don't really think he is going to pick up on that hint (but if by chance he's reading this, please remember that you can get the best deal on flowers at Produce Junction, not pre-packaged at the grocery store) he did figure out a very romantic way for us to celebrate. Currently he is at McDonald's with all three kids feeding them Happy Meals. I am enjoying this momentary silence (ahhh) by blogging, reading other people's blogs, and of course, playing Tetris on Facebook. When he brings them home, I will get them ready for bed while he goes out to pick up Chinese food for the two of us to enjoy after the kids are in bed. He even picked out some romantic comedy for us to watch to watch together. Do I have a good guy or what?!!

Crafty Cards

I hate boxed Valentine's Day cards. It's just a personal pet peeve of mine. I just can't stand how commericalize and impersonal they are. So this year I was thrilled that I managed to convince all three kids (and DH, who is always concerned that the kids will end up doing something so different from everyone else they will end up getting picked on) to pick a Valentine card to make to give out to their class.

J selected an idea from Family Fun magazine. We started working on it last week since she wanted to trace and cut out all the hearts (3 per Valentine) and leaves herself. I put the flowers together while J wrote the to and from on each and every leaf.

A found a different idea in the same magazine. I gave him some of my old scrapbooking paper to use and he started writing "We're Two of a kind!" on every card. After many mess-ups we soon realized that we could print out labels for him to peel and attach, which made life SO much easier. In the picture below he is giving a thumbs up to the camera.

B adapted a couple different ideas to create his splatter paint hearts.

I love that they all picked something different. I also love that we had a snow day yesterday (oh yeah, another two feet on top of the two feet we got on Saturday) so I got the chance to work with each child one at a time (something that unfortunately rarely seems to happen). I don't love the fact that we have another snow day today, the day that their Valentine's Day parties were supposed to happen (oh yeah, it was LOT of snow) but at least the parties have all been rescheduled for Tuesday, the next day the kids are in school.

I feel so crafty!

Where's My Sticker Chart?

Last night as I shed my clothes and crawled into bed, feeling the warmth of the down comforter and my sleeping husband soon envelope me, I gave a huge sigh of relief to finally be in bed and at the same time began cursing myself for once again staying up way too late. It doesn't matter what I tell myself; I do this every night. It's a really vicious cycle and I'm (excuse the pun) tired of it.

After the kids are in bed and dinner is cleaned up, I finally get the chance to sit on the couch, turn on the TV, play some more Tetris on Facebook, and just relax. And that's fine. There is nothing wrong with relaxing. The problem comes when it becomes time to stop simply "relaxing" and actually go upstairs to bed.

I just don't do it.

Hmmm....I wonder what else is on TV.

I am just soooo comfortable right here on the couch.

I just have to beat her score in Tetris. Just one more game.

And before I know it, it is midnight. Or later. And we all have school in the morning.

I fall asleep quickly (hey, narcolepsy does have some benefits!) but way too soon I hear the kids talking in the hallway or in their rooms. The official rule is they have to stay in their beds until the clock radio turns on, our solution to the three of them waking up WAY too early every day, but they have been really testing the limits of that rule, and the sound of them playing before any alarm goes off in the morning has been getting louder and earlier every day. Because I was up so late I don't want to get out of bed. I'm legitamitely tired, and sleep deprivation definitely does not help, so I try to put the covers over my ears and go back to sleep. I usually can do this immediately (again, narcolepsy, not all bad) but only for bursts of five to ten minutes when my personal snooze alarms walk in and out of my room: "I'm dressed!" "Can I watch TV before breakfast?" "He hit me!" "I can't find my shoes!" I wake enough to address each issue (Good. No. Tell him NOT to hit you. Where did you leave them?) and then go back to sleep before needing to handle the next emergency.

When I wake up again, it's late, which means the kids are late, which means I'll be late, which means I have to run around like a crazy person to get everyone out the door, drive all three to school, and then get myself to my school where I now have to run around in half the time I need to prep my classroom before all the kids come rushing in, eager to have my complete and total attention.

I don't like this at all. It's not fair to my kids, it's not fair to my body, and it's definitely not fair to my sanity.

Thinking like a teacher, I believe I need some kind of behavioral modification. Maybe some kind of positive reinforcement system, like every night I'm in bed by ____ I can ____. Just don't know what that should be yet.

And of course, after teaching until 1, picking up J at my parents' and helping her with her Kindergarten homework before guiding J and my niece into some kind of cooperative play, I'm just too tired to think about it anymore.

Fresh Start

One of the things I love about being Jewish is the fact that we get two New Year's. Rosh Hashana normally comes in September, which, as a teacher, is a fresh start too. So I've got September, I've got January 1st, and I've got my birthday in April. Three fresh starts every year. It should be enough. It never is.

I'm trying, I really am. Since December I have been working out on my Wii Fit Plus almost every day. I am so proud of myself for that! I come home from school every day about 1:30 with the girls in tow. And then I go upstairs, put on my workout clothes, come down, pull out that balance board and get moving. I work out between thirty minutes to an hour every day. Considering that it has been a long, long time since I have done any exercising, I figure even if I'm not working out hard enough, anything is better than nothing. And I really LIKE it - I have fun doing the different activities, even if they make me end up sweating like a pig. Unfortunately, I still have only lost about two pounds. Don't get me wrong; I'm finally feeling the difference in many of the muscles in my body. Even my stomach is starting to feel toned! But I'm still really big. When I take J to dance class and walk by the wall covered with mirrors, I'm always horrified when I catch a glimpse of myself. I look so much bigger than I feel. The Wii measures my BMI every time I workout. I am significantly overweight. I need to lose more than thirty pounds. Clearly just working out is not cutting it. So I need to start focusing on what I eat more and more. I have used Sparkpeople before to keep track of what I eat, watching the calories and making sure I get enough protein, and even though I'll do great during the day, it seems that by the evening I will always do something to sabotage myself. I have to stop doing that!

Looking back at how things were growing up, I think it is so ironic that I have a weight problem. I was anorexic from seventh grade until eleventh grade. I ate just enough to survive, made sure I could always see my ribs when I stepped out of the shower, did what I could to keep my weight below one hundred. I can remember how it felt in tenth grade to not be able to sit on the wooden stage because the bones in my butt were not cushioned enough. Suffice it to say I don't have that problem anymore.

Some days I wish I could just go back to the way things were back then. It sure is the easiest way to lose way - just don't eat. But I'm a mom now, and my kids, especially my daughter, watch what I eat. How could I explain what I was doing to them? I need to show them how to eat in a healthy way. Which means I need to be eating in a healthy way and I need to get to a healthy weight. I don't want that Wii Fit voice to say, "That's overweight." anymore.

So this is my fresh start. I know, it's not any of my regular times during the year to get that fresh start, but I'm declaring it here and now. My goal is to lose the weight. At one pound a week, I should lose ten pounds by my birthday in April, two pounds a week would be a twenty pound loss. I'm ready. Here I go.

On a Date with Myself

I am enjoying a night alone at a local Border's - do I know how to live it up or what?!!



Lots of rambling thoughts tonight; I apologize in advance if this post goes all over the place.



The first two nights of Hanukkah have been quite successful. Check out the pictures below to see B's reaction to the homemade science kit we gave him tonight:

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The boys have been listening to B101 (local radio station that plays only Christmas music this time of year) at night as they fall asleep, causing B to comment one morning, "It's a shame B101 has never heard of Hanukkah." The two of them decided to create their own Hanukkah song based on The Twelve Days of Christmas:

On the first night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me

One Lego Set. But of course!

On the second night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me

Two books a reading, and

One Lego set. I'm so impressed at how they managed to keep the rhythm of the original song in the new lyrics!

I'm sure you know how the song goes, so I'll just type what their "true love" gives them each night.

Three Wii games

Four Kitty Cats

Five Golden Latkes

Six dreidels spinning

Seven candles burning

Eight menorahs glowing

When they sing it to us, they take turns back and forth to name the presents. I love it!

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As we drove to the mall the other night for our annual picture with Santa for my ILs to use with their Christmas card (you know, just like every other Jewish family) the kids began discussing what the purpose of Christmas actually is. It was one of the first times we ever really talked about the fact that we are Jewish and that other people are not, and I tried to listen carefully and simply answer the questions being asked.

A mentioned that the radio just had the "Ask the Experts" segment (the experts being the kids) about why people celebrate Christmas, and he announced that it was to celebrate the birth of "that baby" (his words).

B corrected him by saying that it was to be together with family.

J piped up to name "that baby" as Jesus.

I explained that we celebrate Christmas with DH's family, and the reason they celebrate it is to have a special time when the family gets all together. I then explained that many other people celebrate it as the day that Jesus was born.

J told us that Jesus was Christian and then asked why people celebrate the fact that he was born.

I was very careful going forward with this, very aware of the fact that we never really talked about differences in religion and the fact that a neighborhood boy had recently told her (my five-year-old baby) that if she did not have Jesus in her heart she would burn in Hell and be all alone forever (a post for another day). I said that Jesus was actually Jewish, just like us, and grew up to be an amazing teacher that many people followed, so amazing that many people now say he is the son of God and they pray to him as well as God. This was my simplified five and seven year-old version, please don't leave tons of comments trying to explain the life of Jesus and why I'm wrong to be Jewish or anything like that.

At this point, B announced, "But we only pray to God!"

I smiled and said, "Exactly. We know there is one God. Other people are different religions, and they believe different things. And that's okay."

A then began spouting off a commercial for a new game he hopes to get this month (he often will do this whether it is connected to what anyone else is saying or not) which prompted B to begin talking about a new game HE hopes to get this month.

Okay, guess the conversation is over. DH glanced over and mouthed, "Good job." I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding, relieved that the conversation was over and that it seemed to go so well. I loved listening to their ideas and hearing their perspectives.

And then we went in the mall to talk to Santa.

No Pressure

I'm back.
I'm ready and willing to write again.
Apparently I took an unplanned leave of absence from the blogging world.

I've gotten really into using Facebook, which, as any of you who also use it know, is incredibly addicting. I update there frequently, and get comments on what I write, so I haven't felt the urge to blog like I used to. But I'm coming back to you, my blog.

One of the reasons is the Philly Blogger get-togethers, usually organized by Bossy and attended by lots of other local bloggers. We organizing our next get-together for November and I'm kinda feeling like a fraud if I don't start writing again.

And the other reason is the anonymous comment I just received. Wow.

So let's see, what's going on?

DH is teaching at the Middle School this year instead of the high school and loves it!

I'm teaching Pre-K instead of the two year olds and love it!

J is in Kindergarten in the mornings and loves it! [Wow, we're just such a positive family.] Things were pretty complicated for a while there since her school doesn't start until 9:00 AM and there is no bussing for Kindergarteners and I have to be at school by 8:30. We ultimately ended up paying for before school care at the community center - so frustrating when we only need it for about 45 minutes maximum each day. We had to do piece meal after school care for her since she is finished at 11:45 and I have school until 1, but at this point it's all taken care of.

A and B are both in second grade. A still has a 1:1, but has also been having lot more trouble staying focused in school and has definitely been having lots more tantrums. B was just finally diagnosed with ADD and we are working on creating a school plan for him.

And that's all I have to say for now because I have lots of work to do. It's not much, it's definitely not brilliant or inspiring or incredible writing, but that's just the way it is.

Gearing Up

So much to do and I'm just so unmotivated to do it.

DH had surgery to repair a small hernia on Friday. He could have waited longer but since we have no idea if and when his weird neurological symptoms may return and how much time he may end up needing to take off from school, he scheduled the surgery for before school started.

Fortunately they were able to squeeze him in.

Unfortunately we both had to miss some of our week at the shore (my parents rented a place for all of us, including my sister and her family, for the week).

Fortunately they were able to watch the kids so we could deal with the surgery ourselves.

Unfortunately the doctors were not able to do it laproscopically since they had already done that twice before.

Fortunately they sent him home with good drugs.

Unfortunately he's nearing the end of the bottle and he still hurts.

Fortunately he's doing better.

Unfortunately it's not soon enough for either of us.

But that's enough of that.

I still have so much to do to prep for school, to make sure all three kids are ready for school, to figure out how J will be getting to and from school (no bussing for Kindergarten and it's only half day), to sort the mountain of paperwork that is always looming, to do massive amounts of grocery shopping, and to finish organizing the entire house.

And maybe figure out how to bring about world peace.

Not so fast with this feeling good stuff!

I tried to take it easy. I felt well enough to move around without clutching the cute little pillow the night nurse (who really should be working days because he just talked WAY too much each and every time he came in my room at night to check my vitals) made me at the hospital. I could even walk without being hunched over. That's progress, baby!

So I came up with a small list of things to do. Easy stuff, nothing too strenuous. And I set the timer so I would be up and about for ten minutes at a time before sitting down to rest. And I was doing pretty good. I cleared off the dining room table, put away stuff that was on the kitchen counters, wiped down both of those areas, even sorted and washed a load of laundry. And between each item I took a break.

But...then the boys were dropped off right when I was about to take a break. We have had so much help the last week and a half it has been amazing, but alas, no one was able to host a playdate for A and B (J, on the other hand, went home from camp with a friend for the afternoon). DH had a doctor's appointment, as usual, so it was up to me. I sat down with them and wrote up a schedule for the afternoon (they do better when it's in writing) (so do I) and they started their Wii time. So it was a good time for me to take that break I had missed.

But....then the potential housekeeper knocked at the door so we could walk through the house and talk about what I wanted her to do. Ever do that before? I'm soooo glad I had a chance to wipe down some surfaces, because as I walked with her I kept seeing things through her eyes, especially as she talked about how she would need to do a deep cleaning the first time she comes out to do things like "degrease the dining room lighting fixture" (wow, it is pretty filty!) and "dust the baseboards" (hadn't really looked at the in a while - they're disgusting!). Don't get me wrong - I got a really good vibe from her; didn't at all feel like she was looking down on my housecleaning skills. And I'm excited to get started with her after I talk with my sis about how much she's going to charge me to see if she thinks that's fair in exchange for me watching her daughter four aftenoons a week (she better!). I am REALLY looking forward to someone to clean once a week, and cannot WAIT for the "deep cleaning" she promised. After we walked through the house, I made sure we ended up at the dining room table so I could sit down. I wasn't feeling too good by then.

After we talked about the nitty gritty details and she left, I realized that I now needed more than just a little sit-down on the couch. Luckly DH had just arrived home from his doctor's appointment, so I went upstairs to lay down.

Today I woke up pretty uncomfortable. In the interest of full disclosure (because I know what a stickler for honesty all my loyal reader are - ARE there any readers at this point?) I have been trying to avoid taking the pain meds so I can just deal without them. Thinking about it today, I have no idea why I thought that was a good idea. The doctor had told me it would take two weeks until I felt better. Yesterday was one week. I have to just suck it up and accept that I'm not going to feel perfect this week and allow myself to take it a little easier. I'm thinking up lots of productive things I can do sitting down, things like sorting and filing household paperwork, cleaning out and restocking the medicine closet (if DH can bring me what's in there one basket at a time and then go out and buy all the stuff I put on the list), sorting through all my teaching stuff that is currently residing in the basement (even if I WAS feeling 100% I would still need DH to go down there and get me one box at a time - I can't stand basements) - you get the idea.

Right now DH took the kids to "the good Barnes and Noble" (the one in DE that has a train table and small stage in the kids' section) with the promise that he would buy them each one book. I have quiet in the house. I believe I will take another dose of pain medicine, take five minutes (and no more) to put away some dishes drying on the counter, and then start working on the basket of papers that are right next to me. It's not the most exciting way to end this blog post, but that's the way it is.

Streamline

Welcome back!



What? You mean you've still been here? You mean, I'm the one who has been gone, the one who hasn't posted in over a month.



Oh.



Well, welcome back to me, then.



For those of you just joining the party, let me introduce myself:

I have always felt that you can tell a lot about a person by how they choose to describe themselves first. With that thought running through my mind, I can't decide how to start my description. I guess since the kids are at theater camp and I'm sitting on the couch next to my DH ("dear husband"), I'll start there.



I'm a wife. I've been married to my best friend for fourteen years. We met in high school when we both auditioned for and were cast as romantic opposites in Harvey. We were "just friends" for two years and dated for four, so we have been together for twenty years.



I'm a mom. I have three kids - seven-year-old twin boys (A and B) and a five-year-old girl (J). A loves anything electronic, Legos, and music. He also has Aspergers Syndrome, which is a form of Autism. B loves his daddy, creating crazy obstacle courses like on Wipeout, and Star Wars. He also probably has A.D.D. and we are working on getting him evaluated this summer. J loves coloring and arts and crafts as well as teaching "dog school" to all her stuffed animals and dolls. DH and I agree that she has P.P.M.S. (pre-pre-menstrual syndrome).



I'm a teacher. I currently am running a preschool summer camp at the Jewish preschool I teach at during the school year. I also teach Hebrew and Religious School at my synagogue. Before I had kids I was an elementary teacher. After I had kids I found lots of ways to bring in money while I stayed home with the kids. I provided full-time childcare for my now six-year-old nephew and for my now three-year-old niece. I ran a Moms' Morning Out from my house two days a week. I even had my own Kids' Birthday Party Business, providing theme-based entertainment/crafts/activities at different people's houses.



I'm also CEO and CFO of this household. I am sure I could come up with lots of other words to describe the various jobs I have with relationship to the house (chauffeur, laundress, cook, etc.) but I think Chief Executive Officer and Chief Financial Officer kind of sums it up.



My blog used to be named "My Life as a Stay-At-Home-Mom" but once the boys were in school I started teaching nearly full-time (J was at the same preschool) and that name just didn't seem right any more. I renamed it "Keeping My Head Above Water" because most days that's just about all I can do, keep treading water so I don't drown.



Before last year, my life felt really, really full teaching preschool, attempting to run our household, and taking care of all three of my children's individual needs. And then things got interesting. July 10th of last year we began DH's bizarre medical journey, which, unfortunately, still has no end in sight. In a nutshell, DH has been experiencing Left-Sided Hemiparesis that comes and goes with no obvious explanation. He has been hospitalized five or six times at four different local hospitals, been seen as an out-patient by two different neurologists, a rheumotologist, a neuropsychiatrist, a Lyme Disease specialist, an Infectious Disease specialist, a neuro-opthamologist, his general practioner, a gastrointerolgist, a psychiatrist who specializes in Conversion Disorder, two different physical therapists, an occupational therapist, a speech therapist, including two different doctors at Johns Hopkins. Each relapse lasts anywhere from as little as two days to as long as three months. Twice now the symptoms have affected both sides of his body. At its worst, he is unable to move independently and cannot be understood. At its best, he needs a cane and can lift his left arm about as high as his shoulder. And then sometimes, for no reason that we can determine, the symptoms vanish completely. We cannot predict when a relapse will hit, how long it will last, or how bad it will be. And even though he has undergone every test that every doctor can think of, we still do not have any idea what is causing his condition.

And that's my life right now.

I decided to name this post what I did because "streamline" is my new favorite word. A colleague recently told me she was working on streamlining some things at school for all of us and I instantly fell in love with the idea. My goal is to figure out how to streamline my life. I don't exactly know how, but I do know that I plan to blog about it, so YOU are invited to join me on this adventure. I would love to hear any ideas on ways that you have streamlined any area of your life; who knows - maybe I can apply it to mine!

Juggling Lessons

My husband's crooked smile might be permanent.

His visible muscle loss in the calf of his left leg might not improve.

The cognitive function that he has lost might not return.

And we still do not know the cause.

We cannot predict his symptoms from day to day. Every time I see him I surreptitiously examine him to determine if his speech is more slurred, if his limp is more pronounced, if he is using his left arm or relying on his right. We used to have a pattern - it would get bad, suck for a few days, and then improve. We seem to be stuck at the suck stage with no end in sight.

He saw a Lyme Disease specialist this week who told him that this still could be Lyme Disease, even though that was ruled out three different times before. The results from his tests will come back in two weeks.

DH will see a NeuroOpthamolgist next week, and I'm optomistic (or at least I'm trying to be) that she will at least be able to help his double vision and headaches. At this point, even though he is not allowed to drive or teach, he still is trying to grade all of his seniors' research papers. We finally discovered that using a magnifying sheets allows him to read more than two without getting a severe headache, but his new cognitive difficulties are making it hard for him to focus and follow what the kids are writing, which obviously makes it harder to grade.

The fatigue seems to be one of the hardest symptoms for DH to deal with. He is not a napper - something that I never understood since I could take a nap at the drop of a hat, but that's a story for another day - but now after the smallest exertion he gets so tired that he has to take a nap for a couple hours, in addition to sleeping on average of ten hours each night.

Another direction we're going to try is seeing a Rheumotologist at the suggestion of the neuropsychiatrist from Johns Hopkins. She mentioned the possibility of some kind of auto-immune disease. That appointment is in a few weeks.

I am trying to stay focused on the present, but it's really tough not to think ahead. Will he be able to drive again? Is he going to be able to go back to work come August? Will he be able to handle working this summer? And if the answer to all this is no, will we be able to get by on my preschool teacher's salary? Will we be able to continue paying our mortgage, or will we have to sell our house and move somewhere smaller? Or, thinking smaller, will we be able to afford to pay for J to go to the camp I'm running this summer? We have enough in savings to cover the fact that he didn't really get a paycheck this time around, and the "sick bank" will kick in for his next paycheck (other teachers can donate sick days to cover the rest of the year), but we have no idea how long this is going to last. What if he has to be hospitalized again? We are so grateful to have medical insurance, but the cost of all the extras adds up quickly - parking, meals and drinks while visiting, tv and phone for him, ER copays, hotel rooms, gas, and food if we have to go back to Hopkins or the Mayo Clinic, the list goes on and on. And then there's the copays of the PT that he currently has to do three times a week.

It is really tough not just to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head. I indulged that desire a little on Thursday, begging DH to take over when he came home from whatever doctor's appointment he was at that afternoon. I went upstairs at FOUR, shut the door, and got in bed with a book. I read for half an hour and then went to sleep. For the night. I woke at midnight to pee, get a little bit to eat, read for a little bit more, and then go back to sleep again. Escapism at its best?

Obviously I can't do that every day. There are just so many balls to keep up in the air - and pretty soon I'm going to remember that I don't know how to juggle! It's not a matter of not liking all the different things going on right now. Some of the really important things are parts of my life that I absolutely love, like teaching. Spending time in the classroom each day forces me to be completely present, even if it is just for those three hours every day. The hugs, the smiles, the joy at hearing a new story or learning a new song, it just fills me with an energy. And to have my daughter across the hall from me, to be able to see her at lunch, or let her hang out in my office coloring in the afternoons if she has a bad day, it's a huge perk.

But there's the house upkeep, the bills and paperwork (which I swear multiplies and scatters around the house every time I turn my back like a warped version of Red Light Green Light), the groceries and meals, the laundry (oh, the laundry), the maintenance of both cars, the yard.

And did I mention I have two boys in first grade? We had conferences with both kids' teachers this week and it just ended up giving me such mommy guilt. We have been concerned that B might have ADD since before he entered Kindergarten. This is a kid who would lose focus while writing his own name so the first two letters looked okay and the rest of the letters end up scrawled across the page because he turned to look at what someone next to him was doing. His Kindergarten teacher didn't see it too much, but acknowledged that they move around a lot, ten minutes on the rug, fifteen minutes at the desk, and so on, so it might just not really be coming out too much. His first grade teacher saw it from the beginning but really wanted to try lots of different strategies before we started working with a doctor. She gave it her all. At our conference this week she looked at me and sighed, explaining, "I have been teaching for forty years and tried every trick I had in that forty-year-old bag of tricks, and nothing has worked. I truly believe this is not something he can control." The thing is, I knew this, I've known this for a while - I've been a teacher for a long time and know the symptoms - I've tried so many strategies at home without success. But have I pursued getting him seen by a specialist? No. Did I research how to make homework time for a child with ADD easier? No. Did I make more of an effort to work with his teacher to ensure success for B at school? No. Every year that I taught elementary school I would invariably have a student who reminded me of Pig Pen, not due to the child's personal hygine but because the child's possessions seemed to end up in almost a cloud around him or her, spilling from the desk/cubby/school bag at all times. This week I found out that B is that child in his class. His teacher had told me half way through the year that B is having so much trouble getting and staying organized that I have to do it for him. Did I? No. And here we are, at the end of first grade, and we have gone no further than filling out the basic parent/teacher rating scale to show that we all see the same concerns.

After B's conference we proceeded to A's IEP meeting. On the plus side, he is showing improvement. He no longer needs special warning about fire drills or to sit near a door for assemblies so he can make a quick escape if necessary. He is handling changes in his schedule without throwing himself to the floor and crying, though he does need someone to answer his persistant "Why" or he will keep asking. He definitely will need a PCA again next year, which is a personal care assistant that helps him stay on task, organize, and help him cope if he gets overwhelmed or upset. One of the biggest things that came out of this meeting is that his whole team feels that A would also benefit from ADD testing. All the teachers feel that both A and B are capable of doing so much more in school and that there is something getting in their way.

And why didn't I do something about this earlier?

Okay, don't start, I KNOW why. I know that DH's illness and unexpectedly ending up working full-time kind of took more attention that I anticipated, but still - these are my CHILDREN. How did I allow them to slip through the cracks like this? They needed more from me and I didn't give it to them. I'm a teacher and I didn't do more to help my children deal with this major learning obstacle. There is so much more I could have done at home with organization and structure, but I simply did not have it in me by the time I got home from work each day. I can't let that happen next year. Appointments with pediatric specialists take so long to get, but we received the paperwork and will fill it out and send it back tomorrow and call often to try to get in when someone cancels. Or maybe two people will cancel back to back so we can take both boys at the same time?!! Okay, now I'm just getting crazy.

So let's see, if I really was juggling, how many balls would I have up in the air right now? Hmmm...

1. DH's health
2. Teaching
3. The school
4. Our finances
5. J
6. A
7. B
8. Paperwork
9. Housework
10. My own health (really have to start focusing on that more!)
11. Summer work (two different camps)
12. All the other stuff I'm not thinking of right this second

Anyone out there actually know HOW to juggle? Maybe that would help. A little. Maybe?

Wishing and Hoping and Praying and Thinking . . .

I wish I remembered to bring my coat with me tonight.

I wish I had actually brought the mini powdered donuts TO the fabulous spaghetti dinner I just got back from, a get together of lots of Philly Bloggers like Bossy and DG and MemeGRL and her and them and . . . lots more but I'm too tired to link to them all, hosted by Lora. But instead I ended up eating most of them myself on the way there and on the way back.

I wish our trip tomorrow to Maryland was actually a vacation, and not because we finally got a neurologist at Johns Hopkins to see DH.

I wish we could have afforded to take the train tomorrow.

I wish that DH was feeling well enough that we could walk around the Inner Harbor if/when he is not seeing doctors.

I wish the house would magically clean itself.

I wish the house would magically clean itself. No, that's not an accidental repeat, I just really, really, really wish this one would happen.

I wish my boys weren't having trouble at school.

I wish I could figure out how to divide my focus between all thre kids and their various issues/needs, DH's major medical crap that has been going on since July, work, our finances and trying to figure out how we can afford everything when we both have used up all our sick days (thus don't get paid for every day we don't work anymore, including Thursday and Friday when we're at Hopkins) and still have to pay for the hotel and food and whatever else while we're there, the house, and . . . what did I forget? Oh yeah - my sanity!

I wish DH's health crisis never started.

I wish that any one of the many, many doctors came up with a reason this keeps happening.

I wish any of the many, many, many tests that DH has now undergone have given any indication of why this keeps happening.

I wish DH's health crisis did not escalate to where he is now in constant significant pain in his head and left arm and must use a cane all the time because his left leg gives out with every step - and it's been like this for over a month straight.

I wish I could blink my eyes and just make everything stop for a week - a full week where I didn't have to do anything, didn't have to be anywhere, didn't have to talk to or be responsible for anyone, a week where I could sleep as late as I wanted and escape into cheesy romance novels, one after the other, without even leaving my bed.

I pray that the doctors at Johns Hopkins will look at DH and KNOW what is going on. I pray that this trip will result in answers and help. I pray that someone has finally put a new bulb in to that light at the end of the tunnel and someone else has figured out how to finally flip the switch and that sucker is staying on for good!