Monday, April 23, 2007

Random Bits of Craziness

I finally connected the desire to go to sleep all day if I could, wanting to go back to bed the moment that I get up, craving just lying down and pulling the covers over my head, with the feeling of being overwhelmed and out of control. Yep, I think it's time to up my depression meds. Or something.

I'm depressed. DH started giving me a hard time on Saturday about how stressful it is for him to come home to a messy house. Totally get that feeling - it's stressful for me too! When I explained to him the fact that I have been unable to get off my butt for most of this week except when I had a planned activity due to a flare up of my depression, he backed off immediately. And I did what I usually do to get back on track: I worked on organizing my upcoming week so that I won't feel so out of control. I made a meal plan spreadsheet for me to check off as I go as a way for me not to lose control with my eating. This should help with my weight loss. I finished my resume to hand in today (cross your fingers) to the kids' preschool, where the upcoming job opening is no longer confidential and I am HOPING I will be at the top of the list to get the job. And I sent out an e-mail to all people in my Mothers and More chapter to let them know that newsletter submissions HAVE to be handed in by today at noon so I can put the newsletter together by tonight. I should have sent out that e-mail last week, but kind of got lost in the whole out of control thing.

I had another library realize that they could not live without me providing entertainment for the kids that attend there. So now I'm up to four libraries that I will be performing at this summer, begining next Tuesday. Guess I better finish putting the show together!

I was able to meet with an old theater friend of mine yesterday at a fun fair that Mothers and More had a booth at. She has agreed to be my costume source for any and all parties (woohoo!) which is fabulous since I had a request for an Annie party and want to provide orphan dresses to all the girls and an Annie dress to the birthday girl so they can do a couple of songs from the show. My last communication from the mom was to check on a specific date, so it looks like 95% sure that she will be booking me.

My desktop computer is driving me crazy! Last night I used the laptop to check my work e-mail - totally necessary since this computer literally kicks me off at least a few times a session when I go to check my work e-mail. I know the computer is messed up, and I would like to bring it in to get it checked out. Maybe it won't cost too much to get fixed. DH is pushing to just get a new computer. That seems wasteful to me, but maybe cheaper in the long run. Maybe we would just get another laptop and leave it in the armoire.

Have to run - the kids just informed me that A has gotten the honey. Fun, fun, fun.


M-j said...

Wow! Another Library booking! That is AWESOME!!! Congrats on that, and the Annie party.
I am glad you realized it was depression. Is it connected to your cycle in anyway? Just curious.
Does honey come out of the carpet any easier than hot sauce?

Perky said...

Sounds like life is going a mile a minute at Chez Rachel! What else would anyone expect?

Congrats on the library bookings - I'm sure you'll do fine and the kids will love it! We were at a library show last week and I kept thinking about you! I hope my library books you sometime!

The Annie party sounds fun! I can't help you with costumes, but I can provide a big red dog to play the part of Sandy!!! LOL!

I totally understand the feeling of being so overwhelmed that you don't want to crawl out from under the covers! I think your plan is a good one. Just keep chipping away at everything. Remember - it didn't happen overnight and it won't change overnight. Just take the babysteps necessary to get it done. For me, mealplanning is huge! It really makes me feel like I'm in control.

Manic Mom said...

Hi Rachel, I see you stopped over at Manic Mom's so I came over to see you. When I read that paragraph about the depression and the messy house and the inability to get off the couch, I was like, THAT IS ME!!! Not that I want anyone to be depressed but it was nice to know that these feelings are legit and real!

Also, see you are outside of Philly and involved in Mothers And More. I used to live in Langhorne, and was a part of the M&M in Bucks County--could it be the same one? Do we know/did we know each other when I lived there? I'd ALSO love to know about your weekly meal plan spreadsheet because if I had someone do that for me, I know I could lose weight. I told my husband I just want someone to come into my life, watch me, tell me what I need to do differently to make all the things in my life work. Do you feel the same way?

Wow. Too weird. If you can email me, I would love to figure out more about if we know/knew each other from the same M&M, and also discuss the depressing issue of depression!!
Stephanie aka Manic Mommy

Mommy Brain said...

Congrats on getting another library! And the Annie party sounds cute. Sounds like you're off to a good start with the meal planning, etc. Baby steps!!!