Monday, June 04, 2007

I Keep Fighting

Depression is just kicking my butt.

It's such a Catch-22: I don't do well with time on my hands. I find I typically don't get done what I had planned to get done, instead escaping in a book or sleeping. It's really hard to get the energy to fight through the veil that depression pulls me down with, even harder when I'm by myself. So I keep myself busy. And in doing that, I end up getting overwhelmed by the stuff around the house that I don't get to and all tha I have to do. I can't seem to find a happy medium.

And so. I have written a very detailed to do list for today (at my new favorite site: and will keep the computer open to my list. I really need to push myself today because I once again did not go to bed when I should have and am extra tired today. I think if I allowed myself I could go back to bed and sleep all day. Real productive, right? The state of the house is driving me crazy, so I know I'll feel so much better if I tackle it.

I just want to get to the point where I'm NOT playing constant catch-up. How do I get ahead? I know my Flylady friends would say "babysteps" but I want instant results.

I checked out another website yesterday called Messies Anonymous and they suggested if the house was REALLY bad (which mine is not) you should buy six white cardboard storage boxes and go through each room picking up everything and putting it in one of the boxes (marked Papers, etc.). At least then everything would be out of sight. Then you can tackle one box at a time. I've tried variations of this, but don't usually end up getting to the box or basket for a long, long time so I end up with baskets of clutter just sitting around for weeks and weeks. But what if I could do this and actually tackle them in a timely manner? Heck, what if I could do this once and then not need to do it again?!

Alright enough complaining. Boy, you guys who do read my bog regularly must be so sick of hearing about it: I'm depressed, blah, blah, blah, I can't get my butt in gear, blah, blah, blah, I don't have my eating under control, blah, blah, blah, my house is a mess, blah, blah, blah. I'm sick of thinking it - you must be sick of reading it. It would be so much easier to just say forget about it all and just escape in some way (reading, sleeping, etc.) but clearly I can't do that.

So here we go, fighting through another day.


Perky said...

Yeah!!! And you know what my response is?????

We still love you .... blah blah blah..... we know exactly how you feel ....... blah blah ...... your life isn't so different from ours ..... blah blah blah blah ..... we're all in this together .... blah blah ...... how can I help you??????

Hang in there!!!!!

Heather said...

I am so with you. Being off meds doesn't help me. depression S.U.C.K.S. and once all the clutter takes over.....

Domestic Goddess said...

Babe, we are with you.
Depression hits us all in different ways. You've had so much to deal with the past few months. Give yourself a break!
If you get all caught up, then what? Will you suddenly be NOT depressed? I know it will help to get things cleaned up but remember that it isn't going to cure everything. Work on you first, it is the most important!

luvsJesus said...

Why cant you get caught up??? BECAUSE YOU HAVE 3 LITTLE KIDS!!!! Relax. I DO know what you are going thru. It seems you are making WAY too hi goals for yourself daily. Seriously. I DARE you to just do each thing for a few min and then rest. Go read for 15 min since you like to do that! or lie down for 15 min! YES! Do these things!!!! We are all in it with ya, Sweetie. We are ALL struggling or we wouldnt be on the list!!!!!

Also, you KNOW depression is serious-especially when you have small children.

One idea- you are a very creative person. So is my DD. She gets depressed if she doesnt have a REGULAR outlet for it. I know you do parties, but maybe you HAVE to look into being in a play. I mean it. Think it over.