I Did It!

I have now completed the very time-consuming job of removing the names of all family members from this blog. PLEASE let me know if you notice any names I missed. I'm so glad I finished this!

The Zzzzz's Had It

Not such a great day.

Got everyone out the door remembering J's "Pair and Share" and Shabbat Bag, B's "Show and Tell" (but forgetting the boys' snack for today - oops!), ran to Giant to buy a case of water for B's contribution to his class since he was "Star of the Week" this week and needed to bring the case to school today, dropped the boys off at the friend who brings them to school today (they walk), brought said case of water to the boys' school since they can't carry it with them, brought J with me to school and immediately went to work helping get things ready for a special "Big Guy Breakfast" today, taught, came home from school, made lunch for everyone, cleaned up, took them back to the boys' school for an assembly (wasn't as great as I expected), came back home and collapsed on the couch.

Yes, I forgot my pills this morning AND had stayed up way too late last night. Not a good combination.

I ended up dozing on the couch for about three hours while the kids played around me, answering them and dealing with them when they came to me but tuning them out the rest of the time.

Bad Mommy.

Wasted the afternoon.

Could have been doing so much more with the kids and around the house, but the fatigue was too great. I should have ried to work through it more, but I could barely keep my eyes open as I drove them home from their school.

I'm not going to beat myself up about it anymore. It's 10:00. I'm going to bed.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Bad Blogger

What a bad blogger I have been. If you didn't know any better, based on my last entry, you might have thought that A succeeded in burning down the house and therefore I have not been able to blog since my laptop would have gone up in flames. Luckily, NO, that did not happen.

This afternoon the kids and I will be traveling to the mall to get a replacement battery for DH's cell phone battery. Hopefully it will be replaced for free, but if not, that's the way it is.

I have so much to write about, but no time to do it! Preschool is over in two weeks, the boys' school goes one week more, DH is finished a week later (I think), so I've really been thinking a lot about things to do with the family for the summer.

"Quiet Time" is over and it is now "Electronics' Time" so I must end this post and let A and B get on the laptop.

Where There's Smoke

"I smell smoke," A mumbled as he stood in the living room with his hands over his ears. He was in the posture he takes when either he did something wrong or he's really scared. This time it was both.

I couldn't help it. I normally am able to stay calm around children, even when they do something wrong. Sure, I've had my moments, like when A smeared the contents of his diaper all over his room, paying close attention to his books and the rug. But even then I had the "luxery" of telling him to stay there (in a tone of voice that left NO room for doubt) while I removed myself from the situation long enough to get myself together. But this time, with images of the house catching on fire, my voice raised in volume automatically.

"What do you mean! Where do you smell smoke? What were you doing?" I yelled at A.

Knowing he had really done something wrong and not used to me acting so out-of-control, he does what makes sense to him and throws himself to the floor in a ball with his hands over his ear. Oh, no, I needed the answers to these questions, so I carry his limp body upstairs.

It took many frantic minutes on my part while A stood frozen in the hallway, but eventually I found DH's new phone (had still been in the box) on the floor with the back pulled off and in my room found the source of the burning smell - did you know phone batteries can catch on fire if handled incorrectly? We do!

While the battery never actually caught on fire, it became very hot very quickly (enough to burn A's fingers some) and began to smoke. I carried it and A outside to examine both the battery and his fingers better. His fingers were red but fine. When I tried to move the part of the battery that he had pulled out back to where it had originally been, it became extremely hot very fast and again started smoking.

Not knowing what consequence to give A, I knew I didn't want him playing inside anymore, so I sent him in to at least get his shoes on. When I followed him in a couple minutes later (had to sit and wait for the nausea to pass) I found him on my laptop.

He was on the AT&T website looking for a new phone for Daddy. Good thing I got to him when I did - my credit card was right next to the computer.

I'm Tired of it All!

As you know I have been spending a lot of time going through my old posts to make them more anonymous, replacing the kids' names with initials. I've gone all the way back half-way through 2006 - not bad. As I go through a post looking through specific names to replace I, of course, end up re-reading what I had written. And I've noticed some disturbing themes that keep repeating themselves no matter what year or what month or what is going on in my life:

1) I'm tired. Whether related to depression, narcolepsy, or just my crazy-busy life, I'm forever tired. And I know and freely admit that one thing I have to do is get to bed on time. And yet, year after year, I just don't do it. Plus I end up staying in bed until the latest possible moment, resulting in all of us running around the house like crazy people in an effort to get out the door on time.

2) I'm overwhelmed with everything involved with running the house and am fed up with the clutter that seems to be everywhere. Even when I write how proud I am that I cleaned out ____, several months later I am again fed up with what a mess the same area is. Clearly, I need routines in place that I will stick with.

3) I'm very upset with my weight (close to forty pounds overweight), clearly related to my out-of-control eating and lack of exercise.

I recognize this, I'm tired of this, I need to change this.

I've started a new incentive to get me out of bed on time. DH leaves the house around 6 AM, a time that I've now decided would be good for me to get up and moving. I KNOW if I was up and ready to go earlier than the kids get up it would make a HUGE difference. So for the last two days when DH has come back to our room to say good-bye, I've asked him to turn the shower on for me. If I don't get up immediately I will end up wasting all that water, something the environmentalist in me can't stand. And if I'm too tired to care about that first thing in the morning, then the knowledge that if I don't get up soon I will need to take a cold shower will surely get me moving.

Today I showered, dressed, made my bed, got the kids' breakfast on the table, at my breakfast while quietly reading a book, drank my cup of Chai Tea Latte while checking my e-mail, folded the load of laundry in the dryer and put it away, AND put a new load in the washer. I had the energy to encourage the kids to get dressed and cleaned up (we have a series of to do lists with incentives for completing each list) without yelling or getting stressed.

We will be walking out the door in five minutes. We are all 100% ready (well, I still have to do J's hair, but I'm about to do that) and amazingly, I don't feel as sluggish as when I end up hitting the snooze alarm twenty times.

I think I'm going to work on this goal for a while, and then start focusing more on the others. But as for today, woohoo!

Mother's Day Vacation

Thank you to all of you who felt my pain and offered suggestions for where the TiVo remote was. I believe one of the boys (it truly could have been either one) put it behind the couch. When I was looking around the living room for the third time I noticed the couch was pulled out a little, which prompted me to look behind it and - POOF - there it was!

This weekend was good, but long. My DNs (dear niece and nephew for those of you not up on internet lingo) slept over Friday night and all five kids actually DID go to sleep okay and stayed in the room until the clock radio turned on in the morning. Not bad. That afternoon we had a surprise party for my FIL. Whether he was surprised or not is debatable, but I know he was pleased. It was the first b-day party he EVER had, and my MIL worked really hard to get people from his past to come. My MIL was so cute in planning this - she had REALLY wanted to surprise him, so she started planning it six months ago, which is also when she sent out the invites. I received the RSVPs and I heard from a number of people that they had never received an invitation that early. She just wanted everything to be just right. As it turns out, it was.

The party took place at an Irish restaurant that my ILs go to every Saturday, in a private room upstairs. A soon discovered a video game (one that sits on the bar) and sat watching it for pretty much the entire time (all FIVE hours). I thought he was just watching the sample games go by, but then I learned that the bartender had given him his code and he was able to play lots of games too. I knew it would be near impossible to pull him away from the game, so I didn't really try, though I knew we would pay for it that night and the next day, and we sure did. But overall, the party was great.

On Mother's Day the kids woke me with breakfast in bed (made by DH). J sang her special song to me, to the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star": Mommy, Mommy, I love you. Yes, I, Yes, I, Yes, I do. You're so sweet, and oh, so kind. I'm so glad that you are mine. Mommy, Mommy, I love you. Yes, I, Yes, I, Yes, I do.

The song was adorable. And it is adorable the first two times she sings it each day. When she sings it non-stop, over and over again, it's not QUITE so cute, but still, she is so proud of the fact that she knows it all she sings it to everyone. And I do mean EVERYONE - the other teachers, other moms, even the pharmacist at Rite Aid!

The kids were really off (see above) on Sunday, which made me SOOOO glad it was Mother's Day and DH was in charge. Everytime the sounds of their screaming and whining got too loud, I just snuggled down into bed some more with my book and asked DH to shut the door. Sweet.

Religious School ended yesterday, and for the first time we combined the two sessions into one, which meant it went from 10-11:30, meaning I could sleep in some and still have time to do stuff in the afternoon. DH had the kids out with his mom, so I took advantage of the time alone in the house by reorganizing the entryway. Yeah, I know I'm an organizing dork, but that's what sounded like fun to me.

We ended the day with a BBQ at my parents with everyone invited (my ILs + my FIL's mom, my sister and her whole family which includes her two kids + her two step-kids + her niece + her SIL + her DH - all the people who live in her house, my parents, two of the three foreign students who are currently renting rooms from them, and us), just small, intimate party.

DH and I are good at giving presents to each other that we don't buy in the store. For Mother's Day in 2005 he gave me this, in 2006 he did it again, and in 2007 he gave me a WHOLE week to myself over the summer. By the third day of that week, he told me that he hoped I enjoyed my gift because he would never ever give me an entire week again. Which is why I was amazed to see this year's gift: three WHOLE weeks (7-4 each day) to myself in the middle of July to do whatever I want. I noticed the time limit of each day that DH included will hopefully allow him to keep his sanity this year. I'm not even totally sure if I WANT three weeks like that, but it's a fabulous gift one way or another.

So...any ideas about what I could do for those three weeks. Keep in mind I can't go away (I'll have from 7-4 each day). What would YOU do with three weeks of daytime freedom?

TiVo Remote

I was REALLY looking forward to sitting on the couch and watching one of the shows that I Tivoed from last night, but one of the children has lace the remote somewhere that I can't find it which means that not only can I not watch a good show, I can't even watch LIVE TV right now!!! So, please, use your powers for good and leave me a comment on where I should look. Thank you.

Experimenting with something new

Just read Because I Said So's Sunday Shout Out and she explained how the really cool bloggers cross things out within their blog. I'm going to try it now now. OOoooo, I DID IT!

Now I have to go scream at lovingly encourage my children to get in bed since Mommy needs to blog some more clean up from dinner and create a beautiful, peaceful home for all of us to enjoy.

I'm Proud of . . .

1. I bought four reusable grocery bags today. Can't believe I put it off for so long, thinking that it was too expensive or that I would need too many to make it practical. They were 99 cents each and four of them held all my groceries!
2. I got Mother's Day presents for the kids in both of my classes to make for their moms and for my three kids to make for their two grandmothers and great-grandmothers and my sister. Go me for being ahead of the game - I usually wait until the VERY last minute.
3. I went to Gentile's (a local produce store) and stocked up on fruits and vegetables to snack on. I'm really trying to get my weight under control.
4. With that in mind I set up new goals at SparkPeople again. I'm sticking to the "fast break" stage - I created three small goals to work on: To drink 8 glasses of water a day, To get 8 hours of sleep, and To journal (blog) every day. I really think just sticking to those three things will be a great start to getting my weight under control. Here's a link if you want to check it out: Free Calorie Counter at SparkPeople.com
5. I took B and J to an allergist today, a very time-consuming process. We found out that B does not have seasonal allergies (good to know) and now have a new plan in place for dealing with his asthma. We also found out that J is allergic to trees (I guess that falls under the category of seasonal allergies) and to cats. The truly ironic thing is that I had JUST decided YESTERDAY that we should just bite the bullet and get a cat. Good thing I didn't tell the kids that yet! Guess we'll be scrapping that plan.
6. I took care of myself today and saw the midwives at The Birth Center for my regular check-up. I know, not that exciting, but still important. One of the best things about continuing to use midwives for my well woman visits is I did not have to worry about shaving my legs. I'm sure many if not most of the clients there do not shave and that no on there would even notice! Not the only reason I'm going there, but today, it was nice to not have to worry about trying to squeeze in one more thing.
7. I sorted through the kids' clothes yesterday, put together a bag of girl clothes and a bag of boy clothes that the kids have outgrown, and then listed them on Cheapcycle for $5 each. It appears that I actually have found two buyers for them and will be making a little bit of cash for things that I normally would have given away.
8. I also rearranged the rest of the kids' clothes, consolidating them all to the one bedroom (something I should have done as soon as we offically allowed J to move in with the boys). And I got DH to clear out J's "house" - a.k.a. the box the new stove came in - from the upstairs playroom - a.k.a. J's old bedroom.
9. I went to a fundraiser with the family yesterday, one that I had donated a gift certificate for $100 towards a b-day party from me. Not only am I proud that people put a lot of tickets in the bag for the b-day party package (that contained my g.c.), but one of the volunteers approached me just to tell me how much she and her daughter had enjoyed my performance at the elementary school fundraiser I did last week. Wow, that felt so good!
10. I finally figured out how to send links in my e-mails!!!
11. The fact that I will be going to bed soon, which means that I will be able to get the eight hours of sleep I'm shooting for!

Drugs

I love my husband.
He took over with the kids yesterday as soon as he got home, not giving me any grief about the fact I needed to crawl under the covers at 4:30 in the afternoon. Since I started crying when he later came up to find out what triggered this and told him that nothing triggered it and I don't want to talk about it, he let it go, just what I wanted.

I love medication.
I missed refilling my anti-depression meds when I should have, so yesterday was a result of missing three days in a row. I functioned fine at school yesterday, but ran into trouble when I got home. As soon as he made dinner for the kids and got them sitting down to eat it, DH ran out to pick up my prescription and also picked up some soup (all I felt like eating for dinner) and Good and Plenty (one of my favorite comfort foods). This morning I took both my anti-depressant AND my narcolepsy med (which I had ALSO missed yesterday). What a difference!

Life is much better when I don't have to muddle through the fog that becomes my mind when I don't have drugs.

Depression Sucks

I hate that I wasted this day, the one semi-free afternoon I had this week.
I hate that I was too tired to make myself get off the couch.
I hate the way the house looks.
I hate clutter.
I hate our bedroom.
I hate the mess that we call the playroom.
I hate the way the "upstairs playroom" looks.
I hate that the kids' room is not set up well.
I hate the way I look.
I hate how out of shape I am.
I hate the laundry I still have to do.
I hate that even though I had a whole bunch of stuff on the to do list for today and I didn't get to any of it.
I hate that I had something really fun planned for tonight but needed to "check out" as soon as DH got home at 4:30. I've been upstairs ever since.

I hate depression.