Friday, February 05, 2010

My Eyelids are Heavy

First of all, even after baring my soul (so to speak) in my last post, I still failed. Another frantic morning ensued.

Secondly, I have been messing with the look of this blog a lot recently. I even went so far as to set up a blog on wordpress because I heard so many good things about how much easier they are to customize, but I still can't get the look I really, really want with either of them. I spent many, many, many, many hours searching through Wordpress forums and FAQs and websites that offered free headers and templates before I finally discovered that I had to go to (not dot com) to be able to customize the blog to fit my needs and wants precisely, and that would cost money. As you can see, I'm back here at Blogger. I realized that it doesn't really matter what my blog looks like as much as what it says. Even after all the hours and hours I put into a new look, I still had not posted anything new. And that kind of defeats the whole purpose of having a blog in the first place. So, back to the basics for me.

Thirdly, today we got snow. LOTS and LOTS of snow. So much snow that when J went outside she sunk in it up to her waist. And that was before it had finished snowing. I think our final total is around 27 inches. I had all day stuck inside today. And I did nothing. Well, I played a lot of Tetris. But that's about it. I had so much I could have worked on, so much that needs attention, but instead I sat on my butt on the computer for most of the day. Part of the problem is I skipped taking all my meds this morning. One of the most important things I take is a medication that helps with my Narcolepsy. You can always tell when I haven't taken it; I crave sleep more than you'd think is possible. All I want to do is go back to bed. And it doesn't really matter how much I sleep. I wake up and will do anything I can to get five more minutes. I'm sure many of you are reading (all right, I know the "many of you" part is optimistic, but I think I still have at least a few readers out there) this thinking that this sounds like you. And maybe it does. But I know one of the defining aspects of my Narcolepsy is the fact that if you give me those "five more minutes" I will be back asleep in under ten seconds. And when I wake (be it five minutes or two more hours) I will still do anything to be able to go back to sleep.

I was describing to a friend recently the difference in being tired after teaching all morning with the meds and without. As I drive home now I can acknowledge how tired I am and still think about how much I'm craving my can of Coke (I allow myself one a day) at home and how I need to throw in that load of laundry before I work out so it'll be finished at the same time as I am. Before I had the meds, or if I skip a day, I would sometimes have to close my eyes at the red lights and tell my daughter to let me know when it turns green. I know, I'm not proud of that, but I never fell asleep while driving - I always waited til the red lights.

In any case, I'm heading upstairs to bed now. Tomorrow is a new day and I will not waste it.

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