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My husband!

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No News is . . . No News

Newflash ...................



The neurologist at Johns Hopkins didn't have any better idea than the neurologists in Philly.









After a very thorough examine, the doctor here at Hopkins had nothing. I pushed hard for him to do more than simply offer some migraine medicine that might help with his headaches, dizziness, and double vision (all new since the end March) and he finally suggested that we could try getting seen by the Neuropsychology department. Both DH, the doctor, and the receptionist doubted we would be able to get an appointment any time soon, but going with the idea that it never hurts to ask, I called and begged, letting them no we're from out of state and took off both Thursday and Friday so pleeeeease could they see him. Suffice it to say that they scheduled him for a nine am appointment today.

Right now I'm sitting in the waiting room here trying to keep myself occupied and awake while I wait. We had a two hour interview with the doctor and two different students - very in-depth. Then they took DH away for two straight hours of all kinds of cognitive testing (memory, reaction time, word/picture recognition). We had a lunch break at 1 and now he's back in there yet again for another three hours of the same type of testing. If nothing else, we will have a ton of data when today is done.

DH's "relapses" of weakness over his entire left side have become constant - non-stop symptoms for over a month now. He has to use a cane when walking more than a few feet because his left leg gives out with every step. He is no longer able to lift his left arm above shoulder level, even with assistance from his right arm. His left hand now has tremors that may or may not be connected to usage. His left arm goes numb and tingly many times, often waking him from a sound sleep a few times a night. He has lost enough sensation in his left hand that he didn't realize that a bowl fresh from the microwave was piping hot until he switched it to his right hand. His head hurts constantly, ranging from a dull throb to sharp pain that forces him to lay down.

Our hope at this point is to get ANY idea on how to stop this from happening again. When we get home I'm going to push for him to start doing PT and OT yet again before he loses even more mobility in his left arm. Things are bad for him, and they're getting worse. When the doctor yesterday basically shrugged his shoulders in puzzlement over DH's condition, I just went numb. I can only pray that this appointment today helps us learn enough to make a difference, to stop this deterioration and turn it around.

Thanks for reading. I needed to share with friends and get more prayers going. We have to find out what is going on - I don't know how much more of this he or I can take!

Wishing and Hoping and Praying and Thinking . . .

I wish I remembered to bring my coat with me tonight.

I wish I had actually brought the mini powdered donuts TO the fabulous spaghetti dinner I just got back from, a get together of lots of Philly Bloggers like Bossy and DG and MemeGRL and her and them and . . . lots more but I'm too tired to link to them all, hosted by Lora. But instead I ended up eating most of them myself on the way there and on the way back.

I wish our trip tomorrow to Maryland was actually a vacation, and not because we finally got a neurologist at Johns Hopkins to see DH.

I wish we could have afforded to take the train tomorrow.

I wish that DH was feeling well enough that we could walk around the Inner Harbor if/when he is not seeing doctors.

I wish the house would magically clean itself.

I wish the house would magically clean itself. No, that's not an accidental repeat, I just really, really, really wish this one would happen.

I wish my boys weren't having trouble at school.

I wish I could figure out how to divide my focus between all thre kids and their various issues/needs, DH's major medical crap that has been going on since July, work, our finances and trying to figure out how we can afford everything when we both have used up all our sick days (thus don't get paid for every day we don't work anymore, including Thursday and Friday when we're at Hopkins) and still have to pay for the hotel and food and whatever else while we're there, the house, and . . . what did I forget? Oh yeah - my sanity!

I wish DH's health crisis never started.

I wish that any one of the many, many doctors came up with a reason this keeps happening.

I wish any of the many, many, many tests that DH has now undergone have given any indication of why this keeps happening.

I wish DH's health crisis did not escalate to where he is now in constant significant pain in his head and left arm and must use a cane all the time because his left leg gives out with every step - and it's been like this for over a month straight.

I wish I could blink my eyes and just make everything stop for a week - a full week where I didn't have to do anything, didn't have to be anywhere, didn't have to talk to or be responsible for anyone, a week where I could sleep as late as I wanted and escape into cheesy romance novels, one after the other, without even leaving my bed.

I pray that the doctors at Johns Hopkins will look at DH and KNOW what is going on. I pray that this trip will result in answers and help. I pray that someone has finally put a new bulb in to that light at the end of the tunnel and someone else has figured out how to finally flip the switch and that sucker is staying on for good!

Taking Advantage of the Day

My head no longer pounds.
I can step outside into the bright sunlight without wincing from the pain.
My cough has (for the moment) subsided enough to allow me to function.
My computer has not kicked me off-line for the last five minutes (something that it has been doing a LOT lately and I don't know why).
I have the house to myself.

I don't know how long any of the above things will last, so I must take advantage of them all immediately.

DH has gotten an appointment with a neurologist at Johns Hopkins. For those of you joining me for the first time, he has been experiencing significant left side weakness of his whole body (head to toes) on and off since July. No doctor has been able to determine why yet, though a lot of scary sounding things have been ruled out. The symptoms have been increasing in frequency and occurence, and for the last two weeks or so have been accompanied by severe and constant head pain. His appointment is for April 23rd. DH's parents have agreed to pick up the kids from school that day and stay at the house overnight if we choose to spend the night in Baltimore. I just sent an email to Hopkins attempting to coordinate additional tests/appointments for the 23rd and 24th so we can make the most of our time there. I will also call them first thing tomorrow to talk with one of their medical concierges (yes, I think that sounds fancy and just a little strange, too) to see what we can arrange, and then I will look into finding us the most inexpensive lodgings. The lengths that DH and I go to in order to have some alone time . . . first it was just trips to the ER to watch better cable than we have at home, but now it's to spend the night in a hotel - woohoo!

And now it is officially spring break. All week. Last "break" I spent almost the entire time at work. This time I have made the decision that I am NOT going to work at all. I plan to spend time around the house gardening, organizing, cleaning, getting the kitchen ready for Passover, cooking, and spending time with my family. For three days this coming week I have scheduled it so two of our three will be at a local kids' gym for their holiday camp and a different child each of those days will spend the morning with me, lunch with DH and I, and the afternoon with DH. We so rarely get to spend any one-on-one time with the kids, and for the two of us to have time with any one child is almost unheard of. I am so excited with this plan. It also will allow DH and I to both have half the day on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday to ourselves to do whatever we want. All in all, a good plan for everyone. Of course, one of the quotes that is so relevant in my life, whether I want it to be or not, is "Man plans, God laughs," so we'll see what will ACTUALLY happen this week, but at least all of you out there in the blogosphere that are still reading my blog (Is anyone out there in the blogosphere still reading my blog?) know that I had a kick-ass plan. And that is all I can do.

That being said, time to tackle Mt. Washmore and my Paper Mountain. Wish me luck!

Want some cheese with that?

Five minutes after I published my last post, my fabulous friend emailed that she would be bringing over dinner tomorrow. Not only did she bring over dinner for that night, she clearly raided her fridge and brought us half an apple pie. That's a good friend. :)

A few days ago we came home to a plastic bag filled with two boxes of Easy Mac hanging on our front door knob. Still don't know who did that, but again, I have to say that I have really good friends.

I'm not writing now in the hopes of someone else reading this, taking pity on me, and doing the same thing. Really, I'm not. But I do have to complain.

DH is learning to live with the constant, unrelenting head pain. He's not happy about it, but he is learning to suck it up and deal with it. The head pain and the limp. And the left arm pain and tingling. And the slurred speech that now seems to come and go at random, along with the drooping face. Advil and Tylenol are his new best friends, even when they don't seem to be working. And he is still going to work, teaching high school kids how to love reading, and coming home and spending time with the kids (even though he has been removing himself from really loud situations due to his headaches) AND pitching in with the chores. Yeah, I've got a good husband. We even got an appointment to be seen by a neurologist at Johns Hopkins on April 23rd. Not sure yet how we're going to do that (kid coverage, lodging, working with someone there to maybe schedule other appointments/tests for that day or the next to make the most of the visit) but one step at a time.

Today the cold that I have been working really hard to ignore all week came to the forefront stating, "I won't be ignored." It began pounding on my head, jumping in my lungs and the back of my throat so I will cough every minute or two, just making a general nuisance of itself. I stayed in bed as long as I could before beginning to fear that I would go downstairs only to discover complete and total anialation (which still doesn't look right to me but the spell-checker says it is so who am I to argue). I called DH to complain - he was out getting yet another MRI and MRA of the brain (FYI: getting an MRI when your head is pounding is not fun) - and he agreed to come home for a few hours so I could rest. Even though his own head is pounding and his arm hurts and leg keeps giving out.

But wait, there's more. My sister calls this morning virtually in tears, asking if her kids could come over for a play date. She is sick, way worse than me, with a fever and a cough that is probably bronchitis or some such thing, so how could I say no? DH picked them up on the way home. I called my mom to make sure she could go over with some chicken soup and check on her (she was already planning to - I have a good mom, too).

To sum it up: DH is sick with his funky unknown, mystery neurological ailment. My sister is sick with a fever and the chills and a bad cough that might even be pneumonia. And I have a little cold and will have to take over with the kids again in fifteen minutes.

What a whiner I am.

Wonder Why My Head Hurts

DH is laid up in bed with severe head pain (a new symptom to the on-going medical mystery that has taken over our lives for the last nine months). The intense headache coupled with the increased frequency of his relapses (last one was 3/13-3/18, this one began 3/20!) translated to a "change of symptoms" - which is what every doctor has told us to watch for and head to the ER immediately if it happened. So...on Monday night we were back in the ER. In addition to the head pain, his leg was giving out with every step, causing the triage nurse to insist he remain in a wheelchair while in the waiting room, and his speech was so bad you could barely understand him. Fun. Once again, blood tests and CAT scan were normal, so they sent us home. More fun.

It is 6:30 and I am only NOW getting to making dinner for everyone (Mac and cheese - and no homemade for my kids - they get the blue box. I used to really enjoy trying out new recipes for mac and cheese, finding healthier and tastier versions of the classic. But once the kids tried "Easy Mac" there was no going back. Now I just figure, "Why bother?"). They need baths after dinner (they've all been playing outside in the mud, otherwise I'd have no problem skipping it). And did I mention their normal bedtime is SEVEN?!!

I have a big proposal that I have been working on all afternoon (in between talking to DH's doctors, getting him some better pain medication, keeping the kids from running into our bedroom, making sure the boys do their homework correctly AND put it back in their folder AND put their folders back in their schoolbag - a surprisingly difficult set of tasks, and monitoring everyone's Wii time to ensure that no one goes over their alloted fifteen minutes) that is due tonight. Unfortunately I only found out about it yesterday morning.

I guess it's really no question about why I've been gritting my teeth so much lately, or why my head and back hurt so much. I simply have to grin and bear it and just get through it. Let's just hope my teeth have not been ground into my gums by the end of the month.

Just had to share . . .

It is not possible to make everyone happy, no matter what you do or even what your intentions are. That is all.

It's Been Awhile

I've been feeling really conflicted about this blog.

While I worked really hard going back through every single post recently in order to replace actual names with initials in an effort to maintain some sense of anonyminity, many people that know me do read this blog. And that's okay. In fact, that's more than okay. I like that my life is an open book. I like that people can read this and see that even if I sometimes come across as a great big "know-it-all" (as one of my colleagues told me recently in the nicest way possible), that is never my intention.

On the other hand . . . people I know read this blog. People like my husband. And my mother-in-law. And I like to use this blog to vent when I'm upset, to blow off steam and complain. And, as it is for most people, who do I most need to vent about? My husband. Don't get me wrong! My husband is an amazing, wonderful, incredible man. He is truly my life-partner. A superb father. A great human being. But when you are with someone, anyone, day in and day out, for as long as I have been with him, there are times when we make each other upset. They might be minor, they might be big, but that's just the way things are. Being mad does not negate all the incredible, wonderful things he does every day. It does not negate how he helps around the house so much more than he used to. Or that he has cut back on almost all the extra-curricular stuff he used to do at school so he could spend more time with our family. It's just an emotion, usually sparked by something minor.

Side note: As I write this, my stomach is cramping something fierce from some kind of stomach bug that is making me stay close to the bathroom. I had plans to go out this afternoon, but when my stomach started hurting so bad I told DH that my plans changed and that I would be grabbing the laptop and be camping out in our bedroom for the rest of the day. DH, being the wonderful person that he is, just brought me some lemonade and dry toast, between trips up and down the stairs doing loads of laundry and playing with the kids. Yeah, I'm lucky he's mine.

The thing is, since he reads this blog, any time I have vented here, he has read it and been hurt. It doesn't matter if my next post is about how great he is, it doesn't matter if it's a post from last year when he was at school WAAAAAYYY more than he was here, it hurts him to read how bad he made me feel. And it hurts him knowing that other people that know us can and do read this and may think less of him. And no matter how much better it makes me feel to get everything off my chest, it is just not worth it to hurt him like that. And that has made me really uncertain how to proceed.

But what it comes down to is this: my need to keep this blog, to have a place to write down my thoughts and feelings and memories that will soon be forgotten, is huge. We all joke that I have no memory, but it really sucks to not remember so much of my life. I need this blog so I can look back and remember. The blog stays. And I will continue to write in it.

And for those times when I'm just so steamed I have to get away from my incredible DH for fear I will say something I will really regret, those times when if I don't vent and work out my thoughts in writing I might just explode, those are the times I will write in that totally private, completely anonymous blog I started. And I'm not ever sharing that blog with DH.

A girl's gotta have SOME privacy, right?

Right Now

• I can't sleep.
• Started using Slim Fast today. I used it before my wedding and it worked. I know it's not the ultimate answer, that it will only do to get me started, but I think I just need a kick start. I'm also trying the Slim Quick Cleanse. Have to start getting serious about my weight!
• I'm starting to get sleepy.
• Got my Provigil back today. Haven't had it since December due to an insurance mistake. Wow - forgot what it felt like to be totally awake!
• This is not a very interesting post.
• J is coughing a lot. Took her to the doctor today and he diagnosed her with a sinus infection. We go to a practice of about six different doctors, so as I drove her there I told her she would be seeing Dr. P___. She asked me if they were all named Dr. P___ now, so I explained to her that just the one she was seeing today was named Dr. P____ and the others all had their own names.
• Is this post boring enough to make YOU fall asleep?
• Maybe it's enough to make me fall asleep. Of course, I know as soon as I lay down J will wake all the way up and start crying and I'll have to go in and help her fall back asleep, thus making it hard for me to fall back asleep. So I might come right back down and continue this post. I'm hoping that this really is the end. Good night.

Quick Update

So much to say - not enough time to say it!

I have about four different posts running around in my head. They're all excellent (but of course) but I have too much to do to even be fooling around with my blog in the first place, so they will have to wait. Here's the quickest update I can manage:

1) DH - health is fine (now I must spit between two fingers to avoid a kinahera)

2) Kids got a Wii for the holidays plus many many many Legos.

3) Kids are now able to play independently with said presents for extended periods of time.

4) Preschool Director got fired; I am now the Interim Preschool Director.

5) I am in a tough position trying to stay positive at school and focus on the present when many, many, many others want to focus on the details surrounding the change in administration.

6) I am also still teaching my 2-year-old class from 9-12. And Hebrew School twice a week. And Religious School on Sundays (two sessions).

7) The full-day kindergarten is no longer an option for next year. It is a goal for the near future.

8) The camp will (HOPEFULLY) be approved very soon so we can start registering families. I have been working with the Board to make it a reality.

9) I spent much of winter break at school organizing paperwork/files and sorting/organizing books and supplies with the help of fabulous volunteers.

10) I'm trying to remember to breathe.

It's Over

And just like that, it's gone.

DH's symptoms progressed since Wednesday night, making him very hard to understand this weekend. His left leg was buckling with every step. But we kept with the strategy of not "babying" him and having him just work through it.

Amazingly . . .







it has seemed to work!

He came home from work today actually better than he was yesterday. And by the time I came home from Hebrew School tonight, he was about 98% back to normal.

DH is now able to lift his left leg up normally. His knee comes up to the same height as his right one. The fingers on his left hand move apart as far as the ones on his right. His smile is almost not lopsided anymore.

We still have no idea why it sarted again, but we're so glad it's almost over!

It's Back

DH's symptoms came back Wednesday night.

When he came home (he had a meeting after school and then went out to do work) around 7:15, the left side of his mouth was visably drooping, his left hand was not working well, and he could not raise his left arm too high. We debated what to do for a little but by 8:30 we were on the road to Jefferson Hospital's ER (as per the neurologist instructions when he was discharged from Jeff in September). By the time we got there he was limping again. We didn't leave there until around 3 AM after getting neurological work ups from numerous doctors and a bunch of tests that again all came back negative.

Yesterday we went to his general practitioner who did a few more tests (all negative, of course) and we all decided that this time we are going to try to have him work through it.

He went back to work today, and while he survived the day, he had to go to bed at 7. His speech is much more slurred now due to all the talking he had to do at school (mainly because the righ side of his mouth is doing ALL the work), but we both think that it will be better by morning. Walking up the stairs tonight was tough for him. Yesterday he was able to go upstairs alternating his feet; tonight, not so much.

I don't know if it will get worse before it gets better or if we're making it worse, but this is one strategy we haven't tried before so who knows?!!

Old Habits

I didn't plan it.

Yes, I'm very aware of my weight, and yes, I've been trying to lose about 30 pounds pretty much since J was born, but it was not a conscious decision I made.

But I've noticed it now. I can't go on pretending that oops, I just didn't have time to eat breakfast and oops, I forgot my lunch and oops, I have to run out at dinner time.

I was anorexic for about five years growing up. As an adult I used to joke, "What I wouldn't give for that kind of willpower now!" It was simpler then, just an easier way to lose weight: don't eat. But not the healthiest. And, of course, it wasn't all about weight - it was about control.

Hmmm...could I be feeling a little out of control recently? Time to take control again - let's go get some lunch!

The Nutshell

My life in a nutshell:

I teach preschool from 9-1 Monday through Friday. I work with two-year-olds, which I love, but can often be compared to attempting to herd cats. I teach Hebrew on Monday night and Tuesday afternoon, which I also love. On Sundays I teach Religious School to Kindergarteners, which I also love. This summer I will be the director of a brand new camp at my school, so I am working on creating a budget, advertising, and setting that up. In the fall I will be teaching Kindergarten (my DREAM grade) at a brand new full-day kindergarten we are starting at my school, so I am also working on creating a budget, advertising, and setting that up.

Oh yeah, and my three kids come home from school between 3 and 3:30. Then there's homework, dinner, laundry,bills, household paperwork, and all that other stuff.

I'm tired.

I know it's too much. I love what I do, but I know it's too much.

I'm working on finding time for myself (ha!) and to get everything accomplished, though my DH, reading over my shoulder, laughs at the idea that I have trouble finding time for myself. I'm having a lot of trouble trying to balance everything.

Tomorrow is another day, time to finish my plans for the next few weeks, time to finish my holiday card, time to update my address list to send out holiday cards, time to create a Hannukah present on Shutterfly for my niece and nephew, time to do some more planning for both the camp and the kindergarten.

And for now, I sit on the couch with my husband watching Get Smart.

I'll Be Back . . .

An anonymous commenter gave me the kick in the butt I needed. She or he wrote: "I hope you are posting somewhere, and it didn't just stop. Your writing deserves it."

I haven't been writing anywhere. I've been allowing myself to get so caught up in everything going on in my life that I am barely giving myself a chance to take a breath. And that's what this blog has always been for me: a chance to stop what I'm doing, even if it is just for a moment, and take a breath.

Of course, I don't really have time to breathe right this moment (I'm off to parent-teacher conferences at the boys' school then back to my school to pick up all 3 kids then home to finish laundry and . . .) but I just wanted to stop back in and make a promise to myself and anyone else who reads this that I will be back again soon.

Privacy

I haven't been posting much recently. I'm sure you noticed.

Maybe you noticed.

Did you notice?!!

Probably not. I've probably lost all my readers by now. But I will continue posting, and hopefully you will find me again.

I've been so conflicted on what I can post on here and what I can't. I've made this blog "anonymous", removing my name and the names of the other people in my life, but I know that's not enough. I know that in reality, anyone who knows me and knows my blog can figure out who and what I'm writing about whether I mention names or not. And therein lies my problem.

There's been a lot going on in my life that affects way more than just me that just isn't okay for me to put out there into the big bad blogosphere.

While MY life is an open book, I know that not everyone feels that way about their own lives, which has, at times, made blogging challenging. I don't know how you other bloggers handle this. I've gone back and forth, but finally came up with a solution that I think will work for me.

I just created a brand new blog.

And, no, I'm NOT going to tell you where it is!

My anonymous blog will allow me a place to ramble on and on about everything without needing to censor myself.

Don't worry! (I could tell, you were worried, weren't you? You - I'm talking to YOU! Is ANYone still out there?!) This blog will still exist. And I will still write about my life, even though I'm hardly a SAHM anymore.

Just had to tell you how I resolved this problem. And now I'm REALLY curious: how much do you hold back in your blog? What do you do with all that stuff going on in your life that you need to get off your chest?

Always a Bridesmaid . . .

Or not.



My brother got married last weekend. I'm so happy for him. I really, truly, sincerely am. He seems in love and she seems really good for him.



The wedding was in New Hampshire, which required very complicated childcare and travel arrangements, but it was worth it because DH and I were able to spend a weekend away - the first time in THREE years. My sister and I drove for ten hours (yes, you read that correctly) Friday, leaving at 9:30 in the morning and having to end up driving directly to the rehearsal dinner at 7:30 instead of checking in to the hotel to wash up and change as we had expected. Both of our DHs couldn't miss work so they ended up flying out Friday night (we only hate them a little) and then we all drove back together Sunday afternoon ("only" took us seven hours coming home). Other family members were able to join us for the weekend and it was fabulous spending quality time hanging out and laughing with family that I don't see that often. The rehearsal dinner was at a crab place (No comments on spending Shabbat eating shellfish!) and was delicious. The reception was so nice - worked with the bartender to find a drink that I liked and looked pretty (a Cosmo which he made with less alcohol than usual for me since I'm such an easy drunk a lightweight), ate incredible food, got to slow dance with my DH, and laughed more than I had in a long time with the other at our table. The brunch the next day was also fabulous - delicious food, amazing company.



The ceremony itself just made me sad. I've mentioned before how my brother and I have never been close, how we didn't have much of a relationship growing up and that's it's even less now, but that was never more apparent than sitting at my brother's wedding and observing how he chose to not involve my sister and I in any way what so ever. At all. Not even to pass out programs, or read something, or even sing (not to brag, but I have sung professionally so know I'm at least somewhat decent, and my new SIL's cousin sang two different songs). I feel so petty feeling this way, but it's just the way it is. My brother was an usher in both my sister's and my weddings, and when he had gotten married before my sister and I were both bridesmaids (and I sang). Now I could understand if he was trying to make this ceremony completely different from his other one, but to not be included in any way made me feel like I was not even related to him. And that made me so sad. I tried to talking to J about this, but she will only look at it as proof that she needs to try even harder to pursue a relationship with him and his wife. I don't quite know how she could do that since she has called and e-mailed him many times before without getting responses. I have sent gifts/cards for holidays and his birthday before but have never received any type of acknowledgement that he even received it, let only any reciprocation.

So I'm left feeling so strange, so ambivalent, so conflicted. I DO want to have a relationship with him. The few times I have talked with my new SIL I have really enjoyed it. But every attempt I have made in the past has been rebuffed. They will be coming to PA on the 25th for an informal reception my parents are throwing to welcome my SIL to the family. My sister and I both invited them to spend the weekend as a way for us to have time together, but the response was very lukewarm at best, a "maybe" and "we'll see" tossed out. I plan to send them an e-mail with a more official type of invitation, maybe inviting them to brunch before the party or the next day. And if that is rebuffed as well, I really don't know where to go. He hasn't come home for family events or holidays in a while - he came to our grandfather's funeral but left almost immediately afterwards. He's in CT, so I know that it's not too conveniant to come home too often, but it would be great if he did once in a while.

The weekend away was great, but the wedding left me feeling sad. And I just don't know what to do about that.

Baruch Ata Adonai . . .

Thank You, God.
Every morning my two-year-old class sings this song. After becoming familiar with this phrase (in the Hebrew and English) we begin thinking of things to for which we could say Thank You.

Here's my list:

1. The members of the preschool PTO where I teach who chipped in and bought us an extremely generous amount of gift cards for three different local grocery stores
2. The faculty and staff at DH's school who took up a collection and ended up with an incredible amount of cash to offset all of our medical expenses. It is enough to pay off what we owe to the hospital for July (we're still waiting to hear what we need to pay for September) plus all of the remaining PT and OT co-pays. We're so grateful we have insurance - can't even imagine how much we owe if we didn't - but the co-pays still add up very quickly!
3. The department that DH works in that gave him a Visa gift card to also help with co-pays.
4. My amazing cousin who organized donations from my dad's side of the family and ordered groceries from Acme that were delivered to our house last week and pizzas which were delivered yesterday night. She also organized a collection of frozen meals for us which, even though I was so grateful, I begged her to deliver to my other cousin who recently injured both her legs causing her to be off her feet for a while so I could feel like I was helping in some small way.
5. The huge number of people who made and delivered meals so I could have one less thing to think about. We still have enough meals in the freezer for the next two weeks.
6. The people who brought over convenience type foods (like Uncrustables, Granola Bars, Juice Boxes, etc.) for me to throw in the kids' lunch boxes each night.
7. The numerous people who were able to watch the kids on different days and times so I could go to the hospital with DH or so I could go to work and not leave DH in charge of the kids by himself.
8. My sister and mom who have been searching thrift stores and even sales at various clothing stores in the area to find long pants for my boys, since I have not been able to get out and do that and they had outgrown all pants from last year.
9. My parents who were able to pay for the first three months of my dues for the boys to attend Religious School.
10. The incredible Rabbi at my synagogue who was able to work with me to help relieve other financial burdens we have for the year.
11. The amazing number of people contacted us to tell us about a friend of a friend who had similar symptoms as DH only to discover that it was ______. We have really appreciated all the ideas and theories. For the record, and to relieve all the people who continue to call and offer this diagnosis: it is NOT Lyme Disease. He had three negative blood tests, did not respond to IV antibiotics, AND there was no evidence of Lyme Disease in his spinal tap.
12. The friends and family who allowed DH and I to make light of this whole scary situation by participating in our betting pool we had going on things like when he would be discharged from the hospital, what the eventual diagnosis would be, if he would relapse yet again, when he would return to work, just to name a few. We know we're sick people, but if you can't laugh, you cry.
13. The father of one of DH's students who happens to be a landscaper - he came out yesterday with a partner and took care of our lawn.
14. Our next door neighbors who have mowed our lawn the previous weeks.
15. The prayers, good wishes, e-mails, phone calls, get well cards, and visits.
16. DH's health continues to improve every day.

I'm sure there is more to add to this list, but that's all I can think of right now. Don't I have a lot to be thankful for?!

DH worked half days last week while continuing to do PT and OT four times a week. He seems virtually symptom free, though his left arm is still sore from the weakness. Tomorrow he will begin teaching full days PLUS PT and OT. I am quite nervous that this will cause a relapse again (teaching two full days at the beginning of September had caused this latest relapse) but am trying to stay optimistic. To make matters worse, he has developed an abcess on the tooth that was knocked loose last year when he broke up a fight at school, so must see the dentist right after school tomorrow. His whole face is swollen and he's in a lot of pain.

Please continue to pray!

Update on DH

For everyone checking the blog to see updates about DH, here's the scoop:
DH continues to improve. Tonight he goes back to OT and tomorrow he has PT. He is supposed to do both twice a week ($15 a pop - woohoo!) and is supposed to do all his exercises at home as well. His goal is to ease back into work next week, teaching one or two blocks (each block is one and a half hours) a day. Hopefully he'll be able to begin teaching again withOUT relapsing.

I have one hour of non-kid time before I have to go back to teach Hebrew School, so I'm scooping up all my papers and the laptop and heading to Starbucks.

Home

I worked hard on Wednesday trying to find a doctor at Jefferson (big university hospital in Philly that has a great reputation for neurology). I put the word out that we needed anyone who knew anyone who might be able to help, and the outpouring of support and offers of help was amazing. Ultimately I got his hospital doctor (HMS doctor) to contact a particular doctor at Jeff and the transfer took place on Thursday night. They work through the night there, and doctors were in to see him that night and around six Friday morning. They took him for a few tests that night and even drew some blood for another test at one in the morning.

Ultimately they agreed with what the doctors at Bryn Mawr said: since nothing at all is showing up on any of the tests, they are calling it Functional Neurological Disorder, which basically means that it is medically unexplained. All tests continue to be clean and physically he has improved so much that had we not been transferred from another acute facility, the doctors probably would have looked at us like we were crazy.

Early yesterday evening they sent him home. We won't mention how I brought his clothes that he wore to the hospital home when we were cleaning out his first hospital room, so I had to go to the gift shop and buy him a shirt so he wouldn't look like an escaped mental patient, though he did still have to were their pajama pants and special socks home. We also won't mention how the sleep deprivation caught up with me so much on the ride home that I had to keep begging DH to talk with me so I could stay awake. Or how I fell asleep around 6 o'clock and pretty much slept through until around 5:30 this morning when my sister called to tell me that J's coughing has been pretty bad and she's not sure what more to do. I drove out, picked her up, brought her home, did a neb treatment for her, then let her sleep in bed with Mommy and Daddy. At least she slept in with us!

I took her to the doctor this morning who basically, after listening to how the last seven days had gone, prescribed time together as a whole family.

Time together as a family, hmmm? I know my new found medical degree is only from Google, but I agree with his prescription.

Sorry for the cliched quote, but . . . "there's no place like home."