My sister called me last night to talk about the current kid situation. She's not planning on giving her notice at work for another couple weeks due to some financial stuff, and plans on giving four weeks notice, so it's not looking like I'll be down to just my three kids until mid-to end of January. Anyway, she called because she feels bad that this is taking so long, knowing that I wouldn't have told her that I couldn't do this anymore unless it was really tough. Soooo...she offered to have her niece, visiting from St. Lucia, watch the baby each day so that I would only have to focus on the other four kids. Today was my first day without her. All the other kids were in school for the morning. Aaaaaahhhh...
I met up at Starbucks with two great friends, totally unencumbered, able to give my full attention to their stories of their sons without having to keep the baby happy.
I then went to Staples to do a bunch of copying and I did not need a cart or have to talk baby talk to appease a cranky baby even once.
Afterwards I went to the produce store and did not have to juggle with the stroller or comfort a child who, if she had been with me, would have been miserable due to missing her morning nap.
It's a nice feeling to be free for a little bit!
Tonight I hosted a Moms' Night Out for the MOMS Club (Hi, Beth and Jean!) at my house - a wedding theme. We all brought our albums, had some champange and cake, I had my video playing in the background, we all shared our "how we met" stories - a great time was had by all. I just finished cleaning up and am now upstairs about to get ready for bed. I'm glad that I got it all cleaned up - it's always so much nicer than leaving it for the morning. Morning is going to come way too soon anyway. I decided to leave our old coffee table back in the living room (we had moved it into the playroom for the kids to use as an activity table and had left the living room free of extra furniture to give the kids more room to play). I hope it won't throw A off too much when he goes downstairs in the morning.
DH is out of town until Sunday. I sincerely hope that J stays in bed all night tonight. Last night she got up five times. Luckily we "take turns" getting up to put her back in bed, but I always am the one to wake up and nudge him when it's his turn. Tonight, on the other hand, it's just me. And I'm tired!
Okay, enough writing, I've got to get to bed. I plan to write a belated Thursday Thirteen because SOME people gave me grief tonight about not posting one. :) Stay tuned!!!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Works-For-Me Wednesday
I got a great dieting tip that I've been using like crazy. As soon as you are done eating, go brush your teeth. Not only will your dentist be pleased, but most of the time, the taste of the toothpaste will remind you not to snack. Works for me! And did you see my weight ticker up top? Yes, I lost 2.5 pounds this week, even with Thanksgiving. Go!!! :)
Friday, November 24, 2006
Last Straw
When I joined Weight Watchers about a week and a half ago, the leader asked me what was the "last straw" that had brought me there. I didn't really have an answer. There really hadn't been a defining moment for me - I'd been trying to lose weight for awhile, had tried a variety of things, and thought doing WW in person (instead of trying it online again) would be a good idea.
Well, today was my last straw.
After having a "family day" walking around a big mall and playing at the train table at a large Barnes and Noble, DH decided to drop me off at a Kohl's so I could buy some clothes for myself, something I haven't done in about a year. I walked around, marveling at the incredible deals, picking up a few stylish (for me) shirts and then even a few not so stylish but practical bras, something I don't usually wear but need to wear certain shirts that I own, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I just guessed at my size, thinking that I was at least up from last year. Well, after trying on a variety of things, I realized that I really didn't guess high enough. At all. Nothing fit. At all. Nada.
Boy, do I feel big.
Now, I do know that it's just a size, a letter on a shirt, a number on a bra, it's really not that big a deal, but to me, it was huge (pardon the pun).
If ever I needed a splash of cold water to my face to wake me up, it was now and I got it. So, that was my last straw. And I'm using it for mucho motivation. As of this afternoon, I'm journaling what I eat, making better choices, and drinking lots of water. I'm getting to the gym as much as I can. And I'm rewarding myself: for every five pounds I lose, I earn a new shirt.
Next time I enter that scary dressing room, there will be a little less of me hanging over my waistband as I try on the clothes. And this time I will go straight for the "large" size without even looking at anything else. And if it doesn't fit, I'll know that it obviously was marked wrong.
Well, today was my last straw.
After having a "family day" walking around a big mall and playing at the train table at a large Barnes and Noble, DH decided to drop me off at a Kohl's so I could buy some clothes for myself, something I haven't done in about a year. I walked around, marveling at the incredible deals, picking up a few stylish (for me) shirts and then even a few not so stylish but practical bras, something I don't usually wear but need to wear certain shirts that I own, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I just guessed at my size, thinking that I was at least up from last year. Well, after trying on a variety of things, I realized that I really didn't guess high enough. At all. Nothing fit. At all. Nada.
Boy, do I feel big.
Now, I do know that it's just a size, a letter on a shirt, a number on a bra, it's really not that big a deal, but to me, it was huge (pardon the pun).
If ever I needed a splash of cold water to my face to wake me up, it was now and I got it. So, that was my last straw. And I'm using it for mucho motivation. As of this afternoon, I'm journaling what I eat, making better choices, and drinking lots of water. I'm getting to the gym as much as I can. And I'm rewarding myself: for every five pounds I lose, I earn a new shirt.
Next time I enter that scary dressing room, there will be a little less of me hanging over my waistband as I try on the clothes. And this time I will go straight for the "large" size without even looking at anything else. And if it doesn't fit, I'll know that it obviously was marked wrong.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Thursday Thirteen
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1. My Husband He is letting me sleep in for all four mornings of this four-day weekend. Of course, I had to promise certain ... favors, but it's not like I mind! 2. My children It took us five years to finally conceive the boys, and then J just "happened" - and I couldn't imagine my life without them. 3. My faith I LOVE that I am delving more and more into my Judaism, committed to reading the Torah and attending services as often as I can. It makes me feel so good. 4. TiVo A fabulous thing! 5. Medical confirmation/diagnosis for A It's so nice to have a name for the behaviors he has, and to be able to research it and understand why, for example, I can't just ask him, "What are you supposed to be doing right now?" but instead, get his attention by getting in his face and telling him, "Eyes on me." and after he repeats it and is actually looking in the direction of my face, tell him with as few words as possible what he is supposed to be doing and encourage him to repeat it as he does it. I think if I had never read about Asperger's I would be going out of my mind right now trying to figure out his impulsivity and inability to follow directions and a whole lot of other things. 6. The internet I don't know if I could have kept my sanity staying home if I did not have my "internet friends." 7. My friends And you all know who you are. I love you. 8. My sister She should really be higher on the list, but I don't feel like editing right now. When I decided that I needed to focus on my three and that I couldn't keep watching her two, she could have made me feel guilty, she could have wallowed in self-pity, but instead she used it as an opportunity to explore new options in her life. I'm so proud of her! 9. MOMS Club/Mothers and More I DEFINITELY would have lost it a very long time ago if I had not found these two organizations. So nice to be able to talk with other moms and have playdates to go to so I could get out of the house with the kids. 10. Library storytimes LOVE looking on-line for which local library is offering a (FREE) storytime the next day and planning our day around it. 11. The fact that I will soon only have to be in charge of my three children Enough said. 12. My local FLYfriends What an amazing group of women! So fabulous to know that support is only a few keystrokes away. 13. My mom My sounding board, my first friend, my role model Links to other Thursday Thirteens! |
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
The Take Five Pose
It's pretty sad when your four year old has to teach you what to do when you lose your temper, isn't it?
I feel I'm a very patient person. I work really hard on maintaining an even tone with the kids, knowing that yelling or getting angry will simply confuse them, not teach them anything, and ultimately make me feel stressed and angry all the time. So I usually manage to keep my cool with them. But there are those moments . . .
On Monday, I treated myself to my favorite McDonald's Asian salad. I had set it on the counter and then went back out to the car to shut the door and hurry the last of the kids in. When I got back I saw the J had reached up and in an attempt to get her Apple Dippers which I had left in the bag, had managed to dump my entire salad on the not so clean kitchen floor. I saw that and lost it. I knew I had to get her out of the room or I would start screaming, so I yelled at her to leave the kitchen, which of course caused her to burst into tears as she left. I started working on seeing if I could salvage any of the salad when B called my name. I said in a relatively calm voice not to talk to me yet, knowing that I couldn't handle being nice right then. He persisted, so I turned around and yelled at him to leave the kitchen and not talk to me right then. Surprised, since I rarely yell, he also burst into tears. Yay - I'm the mother of the year.
After a few minutes I calmed down enough to explain to B that I was not mad at him, I was mad at what J had done and that I was just to angry to talk to anyone right then. He explained to me that I should have done the Take Five pose that they learned in yoga that morning at school. He showed it to me right then and there: Take five breaths and count each one. He told me that you should do this everytime you get angry or grumpy. He's so smart. :)
Since then he has reminded me of this incident at least eight times.
I bought another salad today (I splurged!). As we waited to pay, J piped up from the back seat that she won't dump it on the floor today. B then quickly chimed in that if she did, Mommy would just do the Take Five pose. Thank you, B, lesson learned.
P.S. Check out the weight tracker up above! Did you see it? Yes, I actually lost half a pound. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I feel I'm a very patient person. I work really hard on maintaining an even tone with the kids, knowing that yelling or getting angry will simply confuse them, not teach them anything, and ultimately make me feel stressed and angry all the time. So I usually manage to keep my cool with them. But there are those moments . . .
On Monday, I treated myself to my favorite McDonald's Asian salad. I had set it on the counter and then went back out to the car to shut the door and hurry the last of the kids in. When I got back I saw the J had reached up and in an attempt to get her Apple Dippers which I had left in the bag, had managed to dump my entire salad on the not so clean kitchen floor. I saw that and lost it. I knew I had to get her out of the room or I would start screaming, so I yelled at her to leave the kitchen, which of course caused her to burst into tears as she left. I started working on seeing if I could salvage any of the salad when B called my name. I said in a relatively calm voice not to talk to me yet, knowing that I couldn't handle being nice right then. He persisted, so I turned around and yelled at him to leave the kitchen and not talk to me right then. Surprised, since I rarely yell, he also burst into tears. Yay - I'm the mother of the year.
After a few minutes I calmed down enough to explain to B that I was not mad at him, I was mad at what J had done and that I was just to angry to talk to anyone right then. He explained to me that I should have done the Take Five pose that they learned in yoga that morning at school. He showed it to me right then and there: Take five breaths and count each one. He told me that you should do this everytime you get angry or grumpy. He's so smart. :)
Since then he has reminded me of this incident at least eight times.
I bought another salad today (I splurged!). As we waited to pay, J piped up from the back seat that she won't dump it on the floor today. B then quickly chimed in that if she did, Mommy would just do the Take Five pose. Thank you, B, lesson learned.
P.S. Check out the weight tracker up above! Did you see it? Yes, I actually lost half a pound. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
An update on my sister
My decision to stop watching my sister's kids might actually turn out to be a really good thing for her. She is looking into ways that she might be able to stay home full time. So right now she has started researching refinancing and ways to make money part-time.
Just had to update.
Just had to update.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
It's Done
I told my sister yesterday that as of January I would not be able to watch her kids anymore. It did not go well. After telling her, it was clear that the possiblity had not even occured to her that I might even be contemplating this dramatic change. She chose to leave soon after I told her, after we had sat in silence for some time waiting for my mom to come back from the bathroom. I had been hoping we could brainstorm together some alternatives. My sister made a hasty retreat mainly because she is totally not okay with public shows of emotion. I clearly have no such compunctions because by the time my mom came back to the table I was crying. I know that this is what I need to do for my family, I know it's what I need to do for me, but it just kills me that I am adding to my sister's stress and making her life harder right now.
I went home and put my head under the covers until I had to take over with the kids again.
That night, the entire family went out to dinner to celebrate my step-niece's birthday. I could barely look my sister in the face because her eyes were all swollen and I know I caused it.
I guess I just have to continue to remind myself the reasons I made this choice. My mom's birthday is today, so we will again all be getting together to celebrate. Hopefully her eyes won't be as swollen tonight and we can talk a little on what she's contemplating.
I hope, hope, hope she is able to come up with a solution that she's happy with, and soon, so we can move forward. I HATE that I'm causing her pain!
I went home and put my head under the covers until I had to take over with the kids again.
That night, the entire family went out to dinner to celebrate my step-niece's birthday. I could barely look my sister in the face because her eyes were all swollen and I know I caused it.
I guess I just have to continue to remind myself the reasons I made this choice. My mom's birthday is today, so we will again all be getting together to celebrate. Hopefully her eyes won't be as swollen tonight and we can talk a little on what she's contemplating.
I hope, hope, hope she is able to come up with a solution that she's happy with, and soon, so we can move forward. I HATE that I'm causing her pain!
Saturday, November 18, 2006
This Is It
In less than an hour I'm meeting with my sister (and my mom) to tell her that I can't watch her kids anymore. I gave my mom a heads up last night. I know my sister is going to be disappointed, but I hope we can just brainstorm ideas together and come up with alternative plans without laying too much additional stress on her.
To say I'm apprehensive does not even begin to cover it, but I've been feeling such a sense of relief about this decision I know it's right.
Now if we could only figure out how exactly we're going to pay all the bills each month without this additional income . . .
To say I'm apprehensive does not even begin to cover it, but I've been feeling such a sense of relief about this decision I know it's right.
Now if we could only figure out how exactly we're going to pay all the bills each month without this additional income . . .
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Thursday Thirteen
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1. If the kids request to watch the Disney sing-a-long video for Disneyland one more time I'm going to scream. It is a half hour commercial for Disneyland!!! 2. With just my three kids here, I would not have to be rushing downstairs every two minutes to comfort DN-J or to stop DN-A from telling someone else what to do. 3. I'm meeting with the boys' teacher today because, "January conferences are coming up but I want to talk to you about B before then." Ack! 4. I called several places yesterday to inquire about obtaining Sensory Integration Therapy for A and haven't heard back yet. Boy, it would sure be easier to drive him to the therapy once a week or so if I didn't have to juggle two more kids' nap schedules. 5. My guess is that I'm going to hear that B's drooling and increased "mouthing" (he has been chewing on his shirt constantly now) are a concern, along with his sometimes garbled speech, and we should get him evaluated for speech and possibly OT. 6. That's one more kid to drive to therapies. See #4. 7. J is going to start going to school THREE mornings in January. Imagine how much more I could get done if I didn't have the baby to care for. 8. After talking it through with DH last night, I would be willing to still watch DN-A before school, drive him there, and then drive him to where ever he would need to go after school, if necessary. Just trying to think of anything that will make this easier for my sister. 9. I have to sit down and talk with her about this, without kids around. Maybe Saturday ... 10. Started WW yesterday. Planned out my meals for today last night. I really need to get my weight under control! 11. I'm going to the gym today. See #10. 12. I hope I can stay committed to WW. 13. I just had to run downstairs and fast forward through the song that scares A on the tape. He runs from the room moaning and saying incoherant things in the playroom, all with his hands on his ears. Poor guy. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! |
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Time to watch my weight
Yes, I joined Weight Watchers today. And yes, my weight has gone up from what it was before again. I need to get my eating under control - it's driving me crazy! I've never actually tried belonging to WW and going to the meetings. I had done it six years ago (before I got pregnant with the boys) but did it with my mom and she never wanted to stay for the meetings. We usually weighed in and then went to brunch. Not the healthiest way to approach losing weight. But now I'm serious. I can't stick to anything and my weight keeps going up.
I didn't have enough time to read over everything today, so will get a fresh start tomorrow. I know that sounds like an excuse, but it really isn't. So...tomorrow is the first day for me!
I didn't have enough time to read over everything today, so will get a fresh start tomorrow. I know that sounds like an excuse, but it really isn't. So...tomorrow is the first day for me!
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Simplification
I get asked a lot how I do it. How do I manage to keep my sanity (or at least give the appearance that I've kept my sanity) while watching five kids under the age of five? How do I get them all in the car (uh...five car seats), how do I do anything with all of them?
When A got his diagnosis of Asperger's this summer, I knew life had changed. There was an explanation finally for most of his troubling behaviors, but now there were all kinds of things that I had to research, things I had to find out so I could be his advocate, therapies I had to implement with him, routines I had to establish, potty training techniques I needed to try. I'm not complaining, but it is a lot of work and it is time consuming.
I love my niece and nephew. I love that the kids are all growing up with each other. It's so fun to watch DN-A and J in particular play together. They will come up with the best imaginative play I've seen in a while. One day I came down and the two of them were sitting on the rug in the living room, pillows all around them, with the stick of the toy riding horse over their laps representing the oar and they were rowing to an island. They're on a kick now where they want to "take a nap" together. Somehow in their minds, this means sitting on J's bed with a box of crayons, two coloring books, and three stuffed kiddy chairs coloring away. Very sweet.
So like I said, they play really well together, except when they're not. And then it's ugly. The screams, the cries, the shouts of "NO!" can be heard throughout the house. It gets bad. And DN-A is going through a stage (and has been for awhile now) where he is very contradictory about everything. On Monday we were all getting in the car and J said, "It's raining." DN-A responded, "No, it's not." He was actually right, it had finally stopped raining, so I confirmed it, telling him, "You're right, DN-A, it isn't raining." He turned to me and said, "Yes, it is!" AARGH!!! He is also having a very tough time with major, major kicking and screaming temper tantrums. I don't put up with that at all, but even being firm, non-confrontational, and calm takes a tremendous amount of energy.
Bottom line, looking for ways to simplify my life, it seems the only thing is to stop watching my niece and nephew. Now there are numerous negatives to this, like the fact that this will put my sister in such a tough place, and the fact that as much as I looked at our budget and cut back everything I could, we're still short each month. But the positives, having time with just my three, being able to much more easily deal with A's therapies both in the home and driving him to sessions, not having to deal with the tantrums, having my mornings when all three are in school totally free instead of being responsible for the baby, all very very very good.
First thing first - I have to figure out ways to make up that extra four hundred a month we would be short that don't involve me working a street corner or swinging around a pole. We might be able to change DH's deductions for his paycheck to make a difference on his take-home pay, so we'll be looking into that tomorrow.
Of course, if this works out and I stop watching the extra kids, I will miss the looks on people's faces when the "clown car" pulls out the kids just keep coming out of the car. But aaaahhh, the stress reduction of only watching three kids would surely make up for it.
When A got his diagnosis of Asperger's this summer, I knew life had changed. There was an explanation finally for most of his troubling behaviors, but now there were all kinds of things that I had to research, things I had to find out so I could be his advocate, therapies I had to implement with him, routines I had to establish, potty training techniques I needed to try. I'm not complaining, but it is a lot of work and it is time consuming.
I love my niece and nephew. I love that the kids are all growing up with each other. It's so fun to watch DN-A and J in particular play together. They will come up with the best imaginative play I've seen in a while. One day I came down and the two of them were sitting on the rug in the living room, pillows all around them, with the stick of the toy riding horse over their laps representing the oar and they were rowing to an island. They're on a kick now where they want to "take a nap" together. Somehow in their minds, this means sitting on J's bed with a box of crayons, two coloring books, and three stuffed kiddy chairs coloring away. Very sweet.
So like I said, they play really well together, except when they're not. And then it's ugly. The screams, the cries, the shouts of "NO!" can be heard throughout the house. It gets bad. And DN-A is going through a stage (and has been for awhile now) where he is very contradictory about everything. On Monday we were all getting in the car and J said, "It's raining." DN-A responded, "No, it's not." He was actually right, it had finally stopped raining, so I confirmed it, telling him, "You're right, DN-A, it isn't raining." He turned to me and said, "Yes, it is!" AARGH!!! He is also having a very tough time with major, major kicking and screaming temper tantrums. I don't put up with that at all, but even being firm, non-confrontational, and calm takes a tremendous amount of energy.
Bottom line, looking for ways to simplify my life, it seems the only thing is to stop watching my niece and nephew. Now there are numerous negatives to this, like the fact that this will put my sister in such a tough place, and the fact that as much as I looked at our budget and cut back everything I could, we're still short each month. But the positives, having time with just my three, being able to much more easily deal with A's therapies both in the home and driving him to sessions, not having to deal with the tantrums, having my mornings when all three are in school totally free instead of being responsible for the baby, all very very very good.
First thing first - I have to figure out ways to make up that extra four hundred a month we would be short that don't involve me working a street corner or swinging around a pole. We might be able to change DH's deductions for his paycheck to make a difference on his take-home pay, so we'll be looking into that tomorrow.
Of course, if this works out and I stop watching the extra kids, I will miss the looks on people's faces when the "clown car" pulls out the kids just keep coming out of the car. But aaaahhh, the stress reduction of only watching three kids would surely make up for it.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
My Random Thoughts (13 of them, to be precise)
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1. Met up with M-J for coffee this morning - nice to talk about OT and PT and ASD and ABA with someone else who is going through it. 2. Missed going to the gym, so I worked out at home, even built up a sweat. 3. My eating/diet has been so out of control it's not even funny. 4. I'm contemplating using Slim Fast again. 5. I did it before my wedding and it worked, but it's hard - I was hungry! 6. I probably should join WW and do it in person this time. 7. I know it comes down to just watching what I eat. 8. And I know it's obviously not that simple or NO one would be overweight. 9. I have a tough time feeling the least bit hungry - I need to eat to fill that empty feeling immediately. 10. Wonder if that's connected to being anorexic (in the past) and feeling hungry all the time? 11. Was so tired at Hebrew School last night and one of the aides walked in and asked if anyone wanted a Chai Tea Latte (my current all-time favorite drink). Uh...yeah!!! 12. I could beat myself up over not going to bed on time the last two nights, but that doesn't seem to work. Just have to go to bed early tonight, maybe by 9? 13. And I'm hungry. Alright, need to take a shower, fold the laundry, make lunch for the kids AND something healthy for me, all in the next 25 minutes. No problem (insert sarcastic tone here). Links to other Thursday Thirteens! |
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Shaving Cream Fun
The youngest three were napping and I found a time to let A play with shaving cream (an OT idea for his tactile seeking). A and B are now playing in the tub. I sprayed shaving cream on the walls and they're having a blast spreading it all over themselves and the tub. Soon I'll turn the shower sprayer on and clean them off (and the walls). And that's two birds (four birds?) with one stone - A gets his therapy in and they both get their baths for the day done.
Woohoo!
And I did my Organizational Challenge yesterday and today, fifteen minutes on my chosen project. What a difference just thirty minutes has made!!! I love knowing that I'm going to be working on this for the whole month. That means there is no pressure to push myself to keep working past the timer, possibly burning out before a week has even gone by. I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow to decide how to use all my baskets that I got to organize my cabinets.
Woohoo!
And I did my Organizational Challenge yesterday and today, fifteen minutes on my chosen project. What a difference just thirty minutes has made!!! I love knowing that I'm going to be working on this for the whole month. That means there is no pressure to push myself to keep working past the timer, possibly burning out before a week has even gone by. I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow to decide how to use all my baskets that I got to organize my cabinets.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Organizational Challenge
I'm accepting the challenge. I got a new memory card for my camera, I've taken pictures of my laundry room (I decided that was more pressing than the pantry), went out and bought baskets at the dollar store, I'm ready to work fifteen minutes a day to organize it. The only problem is I can't figure out how to load the pictures on my new memory card onto the computer. I'll try to get DH to do it/show me how to do it tomorrow (he's at work until late tonight).
So...here goes!
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Deep Thoughts with J
Driving home tonight we all watched the full moon very closely, exclaiming when we saw it appear and disappear and then reappear through the trees. I told the kids that the moon was following us, and they seemed to love that idea.
J then announced that the moon was talking to her.
Intrigued, I asked her what she heard the moon saying, wondering where her imagination was taking her.
Very seriously, J states, "The moon is saying, 'Leave me alone!'"
Clearly, the moon needed to go to bed, too.
J then announced that the moon was talking to her.
Intrigued, I asked her what she heard the moon saying, wondering where her imagination was taking her.
Very seriously, J states, "The moon is saying, 'Leave me alone!'"
Clearly, the moon needed to go to bed, too.
My Miracles
I just got back from the Supplemental Jewish Educators' Conference that our religious school teachers from my synagogue attended instead of teaching classes today. The conference was all about engaging with text (specifically the Tanach) more in our teaching and our personal lives. One thing that really has stuck with me was a story that the Rabbi teaching our first session relayed. He had patients that would say to him that they were planning to do everything they could and be the model patient and get out in half the time they were prescribed, they always ended up staying extra time, mainly because they felt that they must remain in control. But the patients who prayed every day and had learn to give the control to God would often be able to leave early.
It reminded me of our long journey to conceive. It took us five long years until we finally conceived our twin boys. After trying all kinds of things on our own, including religiously (ha - good word) taking my temperature and charting ovulation, using various ovulation kits, trying different positions after sex (holding your legs in the air, putting a pillow under your butt, lying still for an hour at least), even just "giving up" since so many people end up conceiving when they stop trying, we finally sought out a specialist and began various treatments.
After three rounds of IUI with Clomid and one round of IVF with injectable hormones (fun, fun, fun), I felt the need to give it up to God. I went to a Mikvah, which is a Jewish bath house used for spiritual cleansing. For very traditional Jews it is used often, at least once a month, but for me, I had only been there once before when my husband converted (using the Mikvah is part of the process). He had told me that being in the Mikvah was the closest he ever felt to God, so I thought if there was ever a time I needed that closeness, this was it. So I went. As I immersed myself in the water, saying the traditional blessing for doing so, I added my own private prayer telling God that I was ready, but that I know it is in His Hands, and if it is His Will, I will get pregnant this next time, and if not, than it was not meant to be. I emerged feeling at peace, and feeling renewed. I put behind me all the years of being poked and prodded that brought me to that point, and I was ready to start a fresh cycle of IVF. I bought a book on Jewish spirituality and infertility which I read a lot, I even had our Rabbi write me a prayer to bring with us and recite during the egg retrieval and the embryo transfer.
And thank God, it worked. Not only did I conceive my two boys, I also ended up with a third ectopic pregnancy on my tube (very rare with IVF, but obviously can happen). They had to perform emergency surgery when I was seven weeks pregnant to remove the tube and the ectopic pregnancy, and still my boys held on. The next week my dad had a severe reaction to some of his chemo that he was getting at the time and nearly died, spending over a week in the ICU. My husband would have to come to the hospital to give me my injections of Progesterone (to increase the chances of me sustaining the pregnancy) since I stayed there with my mom in my dad's room every day and much of the night. And still they survived.
They are my miracle children and were clearly meant to be.
And J is my miracle child in a whole other way, considering that she was God's way of telling me that my body actually could work the way it was supposed to all on its own without and medical interventions and obviously I was meant to have more than two children.
It reminded me of our long journey to conceive. It took us five long years until we finally conceived our twin boys. After trying all kinds of things on our own, including religiously (ha - good word) taking my temperature and charting ovulation, using various ovulation kits, trying different positions after sex (holding your legs in the air, putting a pillow under your butt, lying still for an hour at least), even just "giving up" since so many people end up conceiving when they stop trying, we finally sought out a specialist and began various treatments.
After three rounds of IUI with Clomid and one round of IVF with injectable hormones (fun, fun, fun), I felt the need to give it up to God. I went to a Mikvah, which is a Jewish bath house used for spiritual cleansing. For very traditional Jews it is used often, at least once a month, but for me, I had only been there once before when my husband converted (using the Mikvah is part of the process). He had told me that being in the Mikvah was the closest he ever felt to God, so I thought if there was ever a time I needed that closeness, this was it. So I went. As I immersed myself in the water, saying the traditional blessing for doing so, I added my own private prayer telling God that I was ready, but that I know it is in His Hands, and if it is His Will, I will get pregnant this next time, and if not, than it was not meant to be. I emerged feeling at peace, and feeling renewed. I put behind me all the years of being poked and prodded that brought me to that point, and I was ready to start a fresh cycle of IVF. I bought a book on Jewish spirituality and infertility which I read a lot, I even had our Rabbi write me a prayer to bring with us and recite during the egg retrieval and the embryo transfer.
And thank God, it worked. Not only did I conceive my two boys, I also ended up with a third ectopic pregnancy on my tube (very rare with IVF, but obviously can happen). They had to perform emergency surgery when I was seven weeks pregnant to remove the tube and the ectopic pregnancy, and still my boys held on. The next week my dad had a severe reaction to some of his chemo that he was getting at the time and nearly died, spending over a week in the ICU. My husband would have to come to the hospital to give me my injections of Progesterone (to increase the chances of me sustaining the pregnancy) since I stayed there with my mom in my dad's room every day and much of the night. And still they survived.
They are my miracle children and were clearly meant to be.
And J is my miracle child in a whole other way, considering that she was God's way of telling me that my body actually could work the way it was supposed to all on its own without and medical interventions and obviously I was meant to have more than two children.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Things I Need to Do Each Day
Every day, I have to:
1) Get out of bed before the kids do. This is so hard and I've really been struggling with it, but life is so much easier when I get, shower, and dress before I have to function with them.
2) Do one load of laundry. That's it. Just one. If I don't, I develop huge piles that take forever to get through, and J runs out of clean underwear since she still has lots of accidents.
3) Shine the sink. This is my habit I'm trying to develop for this month.
4) Pick up everything off the floor. When I don't we just end up starting the day with the house a mess and it just escalates.
5) Get to bed early. It will make getting out of bed early SOOOO much easier. And I won't feel this complete and utter sense of fatigue wash over me at this time of day.
6) Take the time to reflect on what is truly important to me and act accordingly. It's not tv. It's not surfing through other blogs on the computer (gasp!). I need to focus on the kids.
Okay, now that I wrote that out, I'm going to sneak in a quick nap since J is finally staying in bed after fighting this nap for about half an hour and the boys are watching a video they just got from the library. I don't have much time!
1) Get out of bed before the kids do. This is so hard and I've really been struggling with it, but life is so much easier when I get, shower, and dress before I have to function with them.
2) Do one load of laundry. That's it. Just one. If I don't, I develop huge piles that take forever to get through, and J runs out of clean underwear since she still has lots of accidents.
3) Shine the sink. This is my habit I'm trying to develop for this month.
4) Pick up everything off the floor. When I don't we just end up starting the day with the house a mess and it just escalates.
5) Get to bed early. It will make getting out of bed early SOOOO much easier. And I won't feel this complete and utter sense of fatigue wash over me at this time of day.
6) Take the time to reflect on what is truly important to me and act accordingly. It's not tv. It's not surfing through other blogs on the computer (gasp!). I need to focus on the kids.
Okay, now that I wrote that out, I'm going to sneak in a quick nap since J is finally staying in bed after fighting this nap for about half an hour and the boys are watching a video they just got from the library. I don't have much time!
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Thirteen Things I'm Wondering Today
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1. Where was my Thursday coffee buddy today? I waited for her but she never showed up. 2. How long will it take my children to adjust to the time change so they will stop getting up at the crack of dawn? 3. How many ways can I say it before my kids realize they will NOT be eating candy for breakfast? 4. How does my laundry mate and multiply when I'm not looking? 5. Who knew that laundry detergent with bleach would bleach the sinks every bit as much as pure bleach? It's looking good. 6. Does everyone else trying to lose weight just count the days around Halloween as a pass? I'm looking for a do-over, or at least a start over, starting today. 7. Is my scale EVER going to move again? After all the candy I ate I'm actually scared to step on it this week, so I'll try again next week. 8. How long will it take me to order my groceries on line today? 9. Just like my laundry, how do all the papers in the house increase in random piles all around the house? 10. Why are all the inanimate objects in my house so darn frisky? 11. If the deadline for summer camp registration to get last year's prices was 10/31, and I sent it today, do you think they'll cut me some slack? 12. Who knew I was wondering so many things? These just came pouring out! 13. DN-J's down for a nap, the other four are at preschool, it's only 10:30 - what should I get done next?!! Links to other Thursday Thirteens! |
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I'm Flapping my Wings
I think I could handle the regular routines of life, like doing the laundry, buying the groceries, stuff like that, if the other stuff would just stop for a little bit. I probably could even get on top of it all. Aaaahhhh....that would be so nice.
But no, we all know that life does not work that way. As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens when you're making other plans." And as I like to say a lot, quoting someone, but I don't know who, "Man plans, God laughs."
Okay, so enough philosophy.
I managed today to get up out of bed before the kids. Woohoo! I've been hitting the snooze alarm over and over in the morning, letting the kids get in bed with me and watch a little PBS (one of the only channels that come in clearly on the upstairs rabbit-eared TV) so I can sleep (kind of) a little longer. Today I managed to convince A to go back to bed (Man, this time change has been HARD on the kids!) and then I showered. I did let the boys come in my room to watch Buster while I got dressed, but then brought them into their room to help them get dressed. J "slept in" until 7:15. In any case, getting up before they are allowed to get up is huge. On the other end of that, getting to bed on time is huge, too.
I need to start focusing on FLYlady more. I know the philosophy would work for me if I just stuck to it! So here goes. It's a brand new day. I'm starting fresh. I'm going downstairs to shine my sink. Even though I don't have a pretty stainless steel one, it does make a huge difference walking into my tiny kitchen if the white sink actually does look white. And it makes you think twice about putting anything in it. And it inspires me to keep the counters clean. So here I go. If I move fast, I might even have time to come back and post a Thursday Thirteen!
But no, we all know that life does not work that way. As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens when you're making other plans." And as I like to say a lot, quoting someone, but I don't know who, "Man plans, God laughs."
Okay, so enough philosophy.
I managed today to get up out of bed before the kids. Woohoo! I've been hitting the snooze alarm over and over in the morning, letting the kids get in bed with me and watch a little PBS (one of the only channels that come in clearly on the upstairs rabbit-eared TV) so I can sleep (kind of) a little longer. Today I managed to convince A to go back to bed (Man, this time change has been HARD on the kids!) and then I showered. I did let the boys come in my room to watch Buster while I got dressed, but then brought them into their room to help them get dressed. J "slept in" until 7:15. In any case, getting up before they are allowed to get up is huge. On the other end of that, getting to bed on time is huge, too.
I need to start focusing on FLYlady more. I know the philosophy would work for me if I just stuck to it! So here goes. It's a brand new day. I'm starting fresh. I'm going downstairs to shine my sink. Even though I don't have a pretty stainless steel one, it does make a huge difference walking into my tiny kitchen if the white sink actually does look white. And it makes you think twice about putting anything in it. And it inspires me to keep the counters clean. So here I go. If I move fast, I might even have time to come back and post a Thursday Thirteen!
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