I told my sister yesterday that as of January I would not be able to watch her kids anymore. It did not go well. After telling her, it was clear that the possiblity had not even occured to her that I might even be contemplating this dramatic change. She chose to leave soon after I told her, after we had sat in silence for some time waiting for my mom to come back from the bathroom. I had been hoping we could brainstorm together some alternatives. My sister made a hasty retreat mainly because she is totally not okay with public shows of emotion. I clearly have no such compunctions because by the time my mom came back to the table I was crying. I know that this is what I need to do for my family, I know it's what I need to do for me, but it just kills me that I am adding to my sister's stress and making her life harder right now.
I went home and put my head under the covers until I had to take over with the kids again.
That night, the entire family went out to dinner to celebrate my step-niece's birthday. I could barely look my sister in the face because her eyes were all swollen and I know I caused it.
I guess I just have to continue to remind myself the reasons I made this choice. My mom's birthday is today, so we will again all be getting together to celebrate. Hopefully her eyes won't be as swollen tonight and we can talk a little on what she's contemplating.
I hope, hope, hope she is able to come up with a solution that she's happy with, and soon, so we can move forward. I HATE that I'm causing her pain!