Sunday, November 19, 2006

It's Done

I told my sister yesterday that as of January I would not be able to watch her kids anymore. It did not go well. After telling her, it was clear that the possiblity had not even occured to her that I might even be contemplating this dramatic change. She chose to leave soon after I told her, after we had sat in silence for some time waiting for my mom to come back from the bathroom. I had been hoping we could brainstorm together some alternatives. My sister made a hasty retreat mainly because she is totally not okay with public shows of emotion. I clearly have no such compunctions because by the time my mom came back to the table I was crying. I know that this is what I need to do for my family, I know it's what I need to do for me, but it just kills me that I am adding to my sister's stress and making her life harder right now.

I went home and put my head under the covers until I had to take over with the kids again.

That night, the entire family went out to dinner to celebrate my step-niece's birthday. I could barely look my sister in the face because her eyes were all swollen and I know I caused it.

I guess I just have to continue to remind myself the reasons I made this choice. My mom's birthday is today, so we will again all be getting together to celebrate. Hopefully her eyes won't be as swollen tonight and we can talk a little on what she's contemplating.

I hope, hope, hope she is able to come up with a solution that she's happy with, and soon, so we can move forward. I HATE that I'm causing her pain!


Heather said...


Abbe said...

Oh, Rach, I know this is hard for you and for your sister. But you know that you NEED to do this and she'll understand that too, in time. Give her a chance for the shock to wear off. I'm sure once she sees how your time after January is spent in seeking out and receiving various therapies and how much progress your kids make, she'll see how necessary your decision was.

{{{{{{{ Hugs }}}}}}}}

Trace said...

I'm with Heather and Abbe. You need to do this for yourself and that is OK!!! It's not really any of my business, but is there a reason why she can't use a daycare? Or is it that she had a really sweet deal going with you and is dreading having to deal with a normal daycare situation?

M-j said...

you are not causing her pain. The situation is causing her pain. Please do not take the blame for this, it will make things worse.
I know you didn't want to hurt her and that this was difficult for you. I also know that you care very much for her and her two children. But your needs and the needs of your children have to come first. Even though it is going to be financially difficult for you you need to do this.
Time heals all wounds.

Anjali said...

Rachel, This was incredibly brave of you, and necessary. I'm betting that in the end, your sister will not only understand, but thank you for it.

Chaotic Mom said...

Okay, wow again. YOU are an amazing person and I am in awe that you've made this decision and are sticking to it. You and your family first.

I was watching three amazing kids, they were like family, when Big Boy was diagnosed deaf. I watched them a while longer then realized I had to cut back and take care of us first.