Sunday, June 11, 2006

The road less traveled

Two roads diverged in the woods.
And I . . . am going nuts trying to see all the way to the end of both of them!

Uncertainty was never something I handled very well. I've always liked to know exactly what I'm getting into before I step, let alone leap. I know this has been an issue all my life. I never looked at colleges - there were too many to think about. I knew I had to pay for it myself, so I picked a state school that was relatively nearby that had a great reputation for music and education. Done. Graduating college and not knowing the next step nearly killed me. I survived because I knew that DH and I were going to be married in a year, so I had the wedding and marriage to think about, plus I threw myself wholeheartedly into day to day subbing. I had even been a vegetarian for awhile, one of the reasons was it limited the choices for me on the menu!

Right now, looking at our options of possibly moving to a neighboring town or staying here and expanding is really tough. I want to just pick one, either one, and start wholeheartedly thinking about and planning for it. I know that is not smart decision making, and I know that I really need to think through both options because there are pros and cons with both of them. I know, I know, I know. But I want to take the easy way out, which in reality is what we've been doing for the past eight years that we've lived here. We haven't been happy with lots of elements of this house, but except for converting the garage into a playroom that also houses our computer armoire, we haven't done anything about it. So at least now I'm moving forward, but each time I take a few steps down one path, something calls out to me about the other, like I come up with a great painting idea for our current living room, or our real estate agent just e-mailed us pictures and details for a bunch of houses that are in the price range we decided on Wednesday we could handle that seem great on the computer. We're setting up a time to see three of them that DH and I both liked. And on Monday I will call a few contractors to come out and give us estimates on building an addition. Of course, since I don't have a perfect idea of what I want in an addition, only a fairly vague sense (a powder room, an open kitchen/great room, possibly a second floor addition as well as is being recommended to us by the real estate agent), I'm not sure how they can really give us an estimate, but I figure it can't hurt.

I want to move forward NOW. If we're moving, I need to get new carpeting in the living room and dining room. I need to paint the stairway/hallway a nice neutral color. If we're staying, I need to find out how much it would cost to open up the archway dividing the living room and dining room and at the same time rip up the carpeting and get the hardwood floors sanded and stained. If we're moving, I need to do something about the awful linoleum in the kitchen. If we're staying we will be ripping it all up anyway to build the addition so it's no big deal. Either way, I'm trying to get DH on board with at least getting in the mind set that we're moving and will be packing up everything, so we need to start flinging more and more, like the boxes that have been in the attic for eight years now. Or the junk that is all around the basement. One way or another it will feel so great to go through all that stuff and fling most of it.

Okay, I have a direction, a job: to find out as much info as I can about both choices so I can make an informed, grown up decision.

And going back to bed is not an option.


wrigley said...

hi. i can totally relate to your feelings. i hate decision-making. the uncertainty frightens me and weighing each situation's pros and cons can be daunting or can easily move me back to zero. i guess we need our husbands to help us decide on some tough choices.

anyway, good luck with your decision. i hope you arrive at the best one. and whether or not it is the best, i hope you'll make the most out of it.

cheer up!

Anonymous said...

Rachel - For what it is worth, I say move. I don't think the things you dislike about your house will ever go out of your mind, no matter what you do to the house. Besides, construction is no way to live. Go out and pick out a house that has all your wants. Go for it. Lucy

Heather said...

MOVE NEAR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

M-j said...

This is such a tough one.
I know what sealed it for us, the schools. We just couldn't get the services we wanted for the boys where we were. And, we couldn't expand on that house more, it was a twin with no place to expand TO.
I agree with Lucy. And heather. It sucks either way. But once things calm down, you will look back and think "WOW! I love this place!!"

Chaotic Mom said...

I HATE DECISION MAKING, TOO! And I have to make MAJOR decisions all the time with military moves and the boys' needs. But when you have everything in front of you, I think the decision will be much easier and you'll feel better about it.

Crap, I'm betting you'll move closer to "them" instead of me. ;)