The list of things in my head right now

I know, I know, it's not a very creative title. But I almost published this post without any title at all, so I guess any title is better than none, right? Just nod and smile, make me feel better about my lack of creativity.

I am so bad at this NaBloPoMo thing! The theme for March is lists, so I figured I could at least make a list for today's post. So here it is, the top things I'm thinking about tonight:

1. I worked out a way, looking at all our "extra income" (i.e. the money we both make that is not part of our regular salaries), to pay off the Discover Card debt by the end of the summer! And I did this while also putting aside money to cover the fact that I don't receive a salary over the summer AND allow us to spend up to $100 a week on family activities to do over the summer. I'm SO excited about this fact!! I typed it all up (because I'm a dork like that) so DH can see it in black and white to ensure that we are both on the same page.
2. I finally received the cool storage unit from Target (it's just like the one I linked to except it's white). DH set it up last night and it looks GREAT!
3. I am almost caught up on the laundry, though as my cousin writes, unless we all sit around naked, there will ALWAYS be laundry to do. She has inspired me to institute a "Naked Day" at least once a month so I can be completely and totally caught up, at least for a few hours. I haven't decided if I'm kidding or not yet.
4. I went to see an amazing service last night at my Temple. My friend, Brian, was commissioned to compose an entire service, writing new melodies and arrangements for all the prayers chanted and sung during a Friday night service. In addition to the Temple's choir and other professional singers all volunteering their time to perform, there was also an oboe and bass player from the Philadelphia Orchestra (both Temple members) joining in with Brian on the baby grand as accompianment. It was an incredible experience!
5. I joined my Temple's choir at the age of 12, the youngest member ever. I quit a few years ago, unable to continue attending rehearsals each week what with the kids and all. I miss it. I miss performing. Singing for little kids is great, but it's not quite the same. Last night's service was so amazing, so inspiring, that I am now committed to figuring out a way to be part of the choir again.
6. Tried a new recipe the other day that actually turned out pretty good. Everyone ate it without complaining! Wow, if that now qualifies as a successful meal in my mind, my standards sure have changed. That's kind of sad.
7. The cantor at the Temple developed larengytis this weekend and asked me to substitute for her this morning at services. I was happy to do it, but I forgot the rule about not eating/drinking milk before singing and it took me about two songs to stop working hard to get over the need to clear my throat. And I was also sad to discover that while I've developed my chest voice a lot over the past few years, singing more to capture kids' attentions, I feel like I've lost the lower range of my head voice. Fortunately the last song I sang was Sabbath Prayer, which was perfect for my current range, so at least I was able to end the service well. And, hey, it's always more important to END well so that's what everyone remembers.
8. Obviously I'm having WAY too much fun creating all kinds of links (Well, you just knew I had to find a link describing what a link is!). Since it is now almost midnight, we're now on to the next issue I've been thinking about . . .
9. I've been staying up way too late. This is not good for me, and it definitely doesn't help my narcolepsy. Okay, just ONE more link. I get to sleep in a little tomorrow, but still have to be out the door by 9. I better finish up down here and go to sleep!

And Your Mission Is . . .

Yesterday was my "day off." I LOVE that my DH has the same vacation time as the rest of us! I spent the day napping AND decluttering/organizing my party supplies and the kids' toys. Three large bags of trash and five large toys/toy sets later the playroom (where I store my party supples too) looks SOOOO much better. I still see more that I want to do, but wow, I was on fire!

Today is DH's "day off." I wrote out a schedule with the kids so they would see what we were doing today. As soon as "electronics time" is over (15 minutes/kid) we are going on "Detective Adventures." This is really just running errands with me, trying to return a WHOLE bunch of things that still have the tags on, but I'll try to play up that the kids are my detectives and give them a mission before going in each store. Most of the stores I need to return stuff to is at a local mall, so hopefully I'll be able to move somewhat quickly with them. Hey, a girl can hope!

You say it's your birthday . . .

My birthday is coming up April 7th and I've just thought of the perfect gift for myself. I want an entire weekend for myself. I want to lounge in bed for as long as I want, read a pile of good romance books, order up room service, go to the bathroom and close the door without worrying that someone is going to need to use the potty "right now, hurry, I'm going to pee on the floor!"

Don't misunderstand - I LOVE spending time with my kids and my husband. But I would also LOVE to spend a weekend to myself. With as much quiet as I want. Without having to referee anything, without needing to clean or declutter any part of the house (or feel guilty about NOT doing that).

I decided to put a PayPal button on the side over there ---->
in case anyone reading feels like donating a dollar or two to my cause. No pressure or anything, but just figured it couldn't hurt to share my goal!

So now that I'm a total Blog Whore, I'm off to bed.

Happy Birthday to the Sick One

J turned four today by coming into our room at 1AM burning up with fever. Happy birthday, Baby! I guess I can't really call her a baby anymore - she corrects me everytime I do it anyway. But she will always be my baby!

J has been sick since Tuesday. She's had a runny nose for awhile, but who doesn't this time of year? On Tuesday we determined she had a low grade fever. While she seemed okay the next day, her head was warm so we kept her home. And she ran around the house and played with all her toys. I started guessing that maybe my "mommy sensor" was off. She felt a little warm but was acting absolutely fine. I took her temperature with our thermometer but think we need a new one - it never even got up to normal. So she and I went to school on Thursday and Friday and she had a regular day on Saturday, though she did seem a little more tired than usual and actually took nap on Thursday. Yesterday, however, whenever I met up with the kids and DH in the afternoon I felt her head and there was no question about a fever. We put her to bed early and called all her party guests so we could reschedule her party for later this week. And she joined us in bed burning up.

We actually gave her some medicine to bring down the fever, but eventually I had to carry her back to her room because she was such a furnace I couldn't fall asleep lying next to her. She seems in good spirits today, but still clearly has a fever. I got a doctor's appointment for later this afternoon, and I expect them to tell us her ears are infected or something like that, some cause for the fever.

What a way to celebrate the day she joined our family!

I Want

I just returned from a fabulous in-service for Religious School teachers. We all had a lesson we taught video-taped and had an opportunity to watch it with a peer and analyze it, after we talked about ways to question and non-verbal language and all that other stuff. I am happy to say that I feel very confident about my teaching ability. Even with that confidence, I KNOW there is always room for improvement, so I cannot wait to try to improve the one area that my colleague pointed out (trying to elecit responses from the kindergarten students how they felt after acting out the story of the Tower of Babel). Even if they cannot verbalize their feelings (some could but probably not all) they could at least SHOW me how they felt. It was a good point and I value her input.

I left that in-service and arrived to an empty, quiet house. So rare. The kids are with my DH at my ILs; I'm expected to join them at 3 to watch them dye Easter eggs. It is not necessary to point out the irony of the two different activities I am doing today - I'm already very aware of it. The idea of analyzing what I do and searching for ways to improve it is not new for me. I feel like I'm always looking for that next "great idea", the one that's going to make everything run more smoothly at home, the one that will make the house clean itself, make the meals prep and cook themselves, clean, dry, and put away all dirty clothes, the one that will balance the checkbook, pay the bills, redo my business website, come up with new marketing ideas, all while structuring the time the kids are home to allow appropriate amounts of "down time", exercise, activities to build fine motor skills and develop reading and math skills . . . the list goes on and on.

I KNOW there is no ONE magic solution/strategy that is going to make all that happen on its own. But I also know I need to focus on my vision, on what I want to see, in order to acheive it. The last time I posted I expressed how I needed to sit down with my DH and revisit our list of responsiblities to take some of the burden off of me. Just to clarify for all of you who were so supportive of me, the original list that I came up with has me being in charge of the laundry. I was also in charge of most everything else involved with the cleaning and running of the house, but I did pick some things for DH to do that would help out a lot, like unloading the dishwasher in the morning, taking out the trash, filling up the kids special cups with milk before he left in the morning. He and I together had come up with that original list a few months ago. I take full credit for any inequalities on the list, but set out this week to fix them.

I was quite impressed with how our discussion went. I worked to keep it very focused on the task at hand and possible solutions and not to go back and talk about how you didn't do this or this. I proposed with the laundry, for example, that the two solutions that I saw were for me to focus on no more than ONE load a day from start to finish OR for DH to simply take care of his own laundry, thus ensuring he would have enough clean clothes each day. We agreed on the first idea. I also brought up the idea of wearing his pants more than one time each, but he said they usually got dirty, mainly because he ends up spilling coffee on them during the ride to school. I wrote down the idea that we need to invest in multiple travel mugs (since it's so easy to lose them and/or leave them behind) to hopefully cut down on the amount that is spilled.

With the basic cleaning of the house (vacuuming, mopping, bathroom, dusting) we brainstormed some on how to make this work since just stating that I would be in charge of it was NOT enough. We came up with a plan to involve the kids: each day, each kid and I would be in charge of ONE of those four jobs in one room. We would do the job for about five minutes, cleaning as much as we could in that amount of time, so as not to overwhelm anyone, me included. And the next day we would get a new job. I LOVE this idea - I'm starting it tomorrow so we'll see how it works. DH was concerned with the LR rug, that the kids vacuuming this most days wouldn't allow it to fully get clean (they do snack in the LR and color, so there is a lot of stuff on the rug by the end of the day), so I suggested and he agreed that he would be in charge of vacuuming it one final time at the end of the day. Problem solved (I hope).

I'm really excited about the redistribution of household responsiblities, and I tried typing it out to clearly show the equality of them. It's now posted in the kitchen, front and center.

When I walked into the quiet house today, my main question was what do I want? What do I want to see as I look around the house? I think the main thing that would ultimately make me happy was to have a place for everything and have everything IN its place. Obviously I'm not the first person who has said that, but there is such validity to the statement. I would have such a sense of peace if I looked around the room I'm in right now and did not see piles of "stuff" on the floor, the table, the bookcase.

So then the next question is how am I going to acheive it? That clearly will take more thought. I LOVE the idea of doing a "Clean Sweep" (boy do I miss not having The Learning Channel anymore) but am not sure I could ever have enough uninterupted time to achieve it. This week is spring break and both DH and I have off, as do the kids. Maybe I can work out a plan to focus on some key places around the house. I'll have to think about that and report back. I know how important it is to NOT get the all or nothing mentality that I often get as a perfectionist. I know that even if I can work on one drawer, one pile, it's better than nothing. It just feels that when I do that another pile or hot spot forms almost before I finish with the first one, which is why I think just doing a clean sweep, room by room, and only bringing back in the things that HAVE a home and are used, that might be my answer. Hmmmm...

Any tips? I'd love to hear them!

My sanity has fallen and it can't get up.

As I've written about for the last two days, Monday I fell down my stairs. I feel like a big baby still complaining about this, but I busted my lip open so it's still swollen and gross looking but the worst is that I landed smack on my back on the hard wood floor. My body really hurts. It's getting better, but last night my neck hurt so bad by the time I got in bed I started crying from pain just from putting my head on the pillow. :( I have an appointment with my chiropractor tomorrow, and I know that will help, but for now it doesn't feel good.

Yesterday I had to bring J home from school because she was acting sick. By the time we got home, she seemed fine, BUT today she woke with a fever. I wasted half an hour this morning trying to find a sub - only a waste of time since I couldn't find anyone. Hate missing school but if she's sick, she's sick. Except besides the fever, she's fine! Right now she's downstairs trying to boss her brothers around to set up for a show they're going to perform. I have no idea if this fever is going to stick around or not, so no way of knowing what the deal is for tomorrow yet.

B brought home the class teddy bear yesterday. I was out last night bowling with Bossy and lots of other Philly-area bloggers (more on that tomorrow), and even though I left everything ready to go back in the bag it came home in, at some point last night one of the kids took everything out of said bag and transferred it to the black hole that must exist in every house. When questioned about it, B has NO IDEA where some of the stuff could possibly be, but was very upset about bringing the bag back without all the stuff in it. Since I had to drive them to school this morning anyway and walk them to their classroom, I got a chnace to explain to the teacher that we can't find the folder, but everything else is inside. She was NOT happy. I tried explaining to her that he was very upset about this, which is why we ended up being late for school, and that I would buy her a new folder. Hopefully that will make up for it if we just can't find it. Today the bear came home with A, so we have another day to find it. Cross your fingers. I'm clearly getting a reputation at school since I have forgotten to pack snacks for the boys for their once-a-week snack day sometimes causing my boys to cry (good mommmy) and the boys have gone to school without their folders (I KNOW they were in there at one point; where the boys left them is ANYONE'S guess!) AND with their pants on backwards. Yep, mother of the year over here. Have to figure out a way to make the whole going to school with everything we need run smoother.

Anyway, my point after this whole long list of excuses and whining (sorry!) is that I need some accountability for ALL that I need to do. Here is my list for the rest of the afternoon, to attempt to accomplish between redirecting the kids towards somewhat meaningful opportunities and trying to keep J from running around too much in the hopes that this will make her all better:

1) Laundry (have to get caught up so DH will stop asking if I got a chance to wash his pants - he HAS to learn to wear his pants more than once before washing them)

2) Balance checkbook and pay bills (have been doing great with this but it got away from me this month)

3) Make dinner (something more than grilled cheese)

4) Clean kitchen counters (ewwww...)

5) Clear off dining room table and sofa table (so sick of looking at the piles of crap)

6) Deal with at least SOME of the papers (I was attempting to do that on Monday, had a basket of paperwork that had piled up and my cute file box in my hand as I walked down the stairs. The papers went flying and the file box landed hard on my face. I guess I should be happy it didn't break my nose.)

7) Work with the kids on creating a routine that would make the mornings go smoother.

8) Take them to the library so I can pick up the book I need to read for Book Club tomorrow night (good thing I'm a quick reader but this might be pushing it)

9) I had three different things I wanted to do tonight outside of the house, but think my time would be better spent with DH discussing a better way of dividing up the house responsiblities so I don't lose my mind.

10) Plan out meals for the rest of THIS week at least. My weight has skyrocketed and I need to get it under control. Planning meals (and sticking to that plan) will help, just have to DO it!
This is all I can deal with tonight, but I have a party to do on Saturday, my first tea party, and need to figure out what I can easily make for the tea party portion of it. I also need to finish planning the activities to make sure I have enough and don't wait until the last minute like I did for last week's party.

If you have ideas that pop into your head after reading this, ideas that might help me pull it all together, please share them! I feel like things were kind of in balance but me falling and J getting sick have toppled the precariously piled bits of my sanity off and I'm struggling to pick up all the pieces and put them in their proper places.

Owww

Body so sore.

Bottom lip swollen.

Damn those stairs.



And I'm plan to just suck it up because tonight I'm going bowling with a lot of really cool Bloggers to kick off Bossy's Road Trip. Oh yeah.

Fortunately, Unfortunately

Fortunately, my sister agreed to take the kids home with her after school so I could have a couple hours to myself before my doctor's appointment today.

Unfortunately, I just fell down the last five of my stairs while carrying a big basket of papers to sort through down the stairs, landing on my back on the hard wood floors, on which I slammed my head.

Fortunately, I have a really cute file folder box with handles and a hard case that protects every paper inside.

Unfortunately, I was also carrying this file folder box when I was walking down the stairs. When I hit the floor, it hit me on my face and split my lip.

Fortunately, the kids weren't here to see me get hurt.

Unfortunately: OWWW!!!

I'm on Bossy's Road Trip!

So it's way past my bedtime (can't take this Daylight Savings Time stuff), but I just saw a video I wanted to share:


Oh, did I mention I'm meeting Bossy Tuesday night? Oh, yeah, I'm one of the Philly area bloggers who will be getting together to be the first official stop on her Road Trip.

WHY?!!!

I just wrote a REALLY long post as an introduction to myself for any new readers. It is great - I have LOTS of links to past posts and to the Blog Party at 5 Minutes for Mom. Every time I try to post my long post, the computer gives me an error message. ARGH!!!

Edited to add:
Look below! That LONG post I was talking about is there. It's so long I actually started it yesterday and just finished it. It wouldn't post for some reason, but now if FINALLY did. Enjoy!

Welcome to the Party!

Let's get this party started!







I decided to join the ultimate blog party over at 5 Minutes for Mom. If you want to join, here's your personal invite! Head on over and start jumping from blog to blog to check out everyone's party post. I can't wait to meet some new bloggers. Yeah, that's just what I need, something more to distract me from all the stuff I have to do!


If you are visiting for the first time - welcome! I recently spruced up the place, redecorating the template and adding lots of new page elements. I had somehow missed when Blogger changed the way you can revise your template, but now that I figured out how simple it is, I feel like I'm adding new links or buttons every other day. Hope you like it. As for this post, I had so much fu putting in links to past posts I've written. Click on any you want to get more info about ANY topic I've written. Feel free to ask about any aspect of my life. If it is too personal, I'll just let you know, but you will probably figure out soon that not too much is off-limits!

Let me introduce myself to anyone who is visiting. My name starts with an R. I started this blog when I was a full-time SAHM, hence the title, and even though I work a lot more outside of the home now, I still view myself as a part-time teacher and part-time SAHM, so I have not changed the name of my blog even though SOME people suggest it to me every time I see them. I use this blog because it's cheaper and easier than therapy. I find that I do better when I keep a journal and write in it every day. Every time I have tried to do that in a paper journal I've only been able to keep it up for a few weeks at most. Using this blog as my journal inspires me to use it every day (well, at least more often than if it had been a book for me to write in). Be sure to look on my sidebar for a description of my "cast of characters."

I met my DH in high school. We were good friends, nothing more, for about three years before we ended up dancing together at a friend's party the summer after my first year of college. The sparks started flying; we've been together ever since.


During our first seven years of marriage I taught elementary school. As much as I loved teaching, we both LOVED the idea of having our own kids, so for five of those years we tried everything we could to conceive. Eventually our 2nd attempt of IVF was successful and I became pregnant with my two beautiful boys. My pregnancy with them turned out to be a little more complicated than I expected, but all's well that ends well. And fifteen months later we were amazed to discover that my body actually worked on its own - I became pregnant with J. The kids are two years apart. It's so hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that the boys just turned six last week and that J will be four on St. Patrick's Day.

When the boys were born, I couldn't do much of anything besides nurse and change their diapers, but as they got a little older, I needed to find alternative ways to bring in more money. Basically I started doing everything I could to use my teaching experience and still stay home with the boys. I started watching my nephew full-time and running a Moms Morning Out out of the house. I also taught part-time at the synagogue. Things got more complicated when I got pg with J, so I took a break with all that then, but once she was born we started things up again. Eventually my sister gave birth to my niece so I added her to the mix.

When A was finally diagnosed with Asperger's I told my sister I couldn't watch my niece and nephew anymore. I just needed more time to focus on him. But I kept up with all my part-time teaching at the synagogue so I could still bring in more money. This year I started teachig preschool at the synagogue 5 mornings a week as well as all the other part-time teaching I've been doing. I also started my own business providing entertainment at kids' birthday parties. And I'm STILL a SAHM for the most part when my kids are home.

Writing this post has been so much fun. I got to look through so many past posts that I have written. I know it may not have been that funny or exciting for all of you reading, but with three kids running around trying to get my attention I had to spread the writing of it over two days and it was the best I could do. For those of you visiting for the first time, I gave you a small explanation and description of my life. Hope you enjoyed it. PLEASE leave a comment to let me know you've been here - I promise to return the favor!

EDITED TO ADD:
Just read some of the fine print at 5 Minutes for Mom and realized if I wanted to win one of the incredible prizes, I needed to post which ones I like! So here are the prizes that look great to me:

1) A new blog design by Sweet 'n' Simple Design
2) A new blog design by Summer
3) A blog makeover by Shauna

Notice a theme?

Of course, if these are already taken, I would love a couple others, like #8 Fifty Nights of Family Fun or #58 a 6 week custom fitness plan (because you KNOW that's why I haven't been exercising, I just didn't have a plan).

Say Cheese!

As I type this post, I'm watching Kadi's episode of Supernanny that I had Tivoed. Did any of you watch it? So neat to see someone that I kind of know (or at least feel like I know since I've read her blog). And I'm totally stealing the hearts idea - writing something positive for each child to give it to them at dinnertime. What a great way to focus on each child as an individual!

I've been thinking a lot about people's perceptions of me. Many people that see me on a regular basis will comment on my constant smile. They seem to feel that since they see a smile all the time I must just be happy all the time. It's really funny to me that people perceive me like that. I have major clinical depression. I have gone through serious bouts where I've been unable to even get out of bed. I have gone through therapy. I am on medication and accept that I will need to be on it probably for the rest of my life. I also have no doubt that over the years my medication levels will probably have to be readjusted. I constantly have to focus on my energy level and making sure I don't get overwhelmed, since those two things are usually the first indicators of having problems with the depression.

In college I read a quote by Abe Lincoln, "People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be." It really changed my life. I know for me and for many other people there is a chemical imbalance to contend with, but I also know a lot of times I have to make a choice. If I don't take care of myself, especially when I end up staying up too late, I have a hard time coping. When I have a hard time coping, I get overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed, I end up staying up too late. And the cycle continues. If I'm tired I often have trouble getting off the couch or away from the computer. I have to push myself, make the choice, to get up and get moving. When I don't, I end up feeling so bad about myself and my day.

I make a choice to keep a smile on my face. It's not always easy; there are plenty of times where I have to make a very concious choice to take a deep breath instead of reacting, to not show my true feelings for fear of scaring my kids or my students or of alienating the people around me. I make a choice to smile. And a remarkable thing happens. Just like Anna in The King and I sings about whistling a happy tune when she feels afraid, "for when I fool the people I fear I fool myself as well," when I keep a smile on my face I often "fool myself as well" too! It's an amazing thing.

So people will continue to comment about my perpetual smile, my constant-state of happiness, and I will continue to make the choice to KEEP that smile on my face. I know I'm faking it sometimes, but I'm still making the choice. And most of the times, even if I'm NOT feeling happy, I can often fool myself into believing that things are okay.

Just watch out for those few times when you DON'T see that smile!

This is the best I can do

Crazy day.

Crazy week.

Too tired to write in complete sentences.

Got kids dressed and out the door. Double-checked that the boys had on underwear AND had their pants facing the right direction (apparently this has been a problem at school - yeah, don't I feel like mother of the year).

Set up room for class today.

Met with parent for a conference.

Taught my two year olds from 9-12.

Drove my children plus my nephew to my sister's for lunch.

Left them there and went for a stress echocardiogram. Yep, nothing like stripping to my waist for a room full of women I just met, getting all hooked up with wires, being poked and prodded and holding my breath till they find JUST the right picture, walking/running on the treadmill until my heart is beating at 90% capacity (?), jumping off said treadmill and laying down immediately to be poked and prodded and forced to hold my breath while I'm gasping for air. Good times.

Set up for my final drama class (after-school enrichement class)/performance. Since we hadn't been able to finalize the show, I thought fast on my feet and created a talk show/interview performance where I had their characters tell the story with my prompting. Luckily it worked great.

Got home and made dinner for my family plus my sister and her kids (DH repaid J watching our kids earlier today by watching hers while she subbed for Hebrew School).

Helped (yay, DH was HOME!) get kids ready for and in bed.

Watched America's Next Top Model ("Wanna be on top?" - best theme song EVER!) with DH. Yes, we were too tired for anything more intellectual.

And now I'm updating my blog.

Then I'm off to bed.

I hope to have more interesting things to write about tomorrow.
For now, this is the best I can do.

I Love Suppernanny!

Trying to ignore J's cries.

She wants her toy/flashlight. I don't know where it is. She doesn't go to sleep with it every night and even has a nightlight on right now, so she doesn't REALLY need it. But tonight she has decided she needs it right now!

Even if I found it right now, I wouldn't bring it to her for fear of reinforcing the tantrum.

So now I sit downstairs and work hard on ignoring her.

When she gets out of bed I will walk her back without talking to her, ala the "Stay-in-Bed Technique" from Suppernanny. But for now, she's staying in bed and I'm just sitting down here listening to her scream. ARGH!

****************************
Couldn't take it. Twenty minutes of crying, then A came out to complain (the three kids share a room) that he couldn't hear the radio. J stopped crying long enough to tell me exactly where the flashlight was, I brought it to her, it's now quiet upstairs. Yes, I totally caved.

**********************************************
On another note, did you check out that clip on the Suppernanny website? I started reading this really need blog named Seven Seeds, written by a mom with SEVEN kids. Her family will be on Supernanny this week! I cannot wait to watch this episode since, after reading the blog, I feel like I know her!

NaBloPoMo

It used to be bloggers used the month of November to challenge themselves to write one post every day. No more shall that challenge be limited to November. Look to my sidebar on the right side! I pledge to write one post a day for this whole month. I know, I know, I missed yesterday. So sue me! I'll try to do two one day to make up for that. Sheesh - some of you are so picky!