I was so thrilled to get such supportive comments yesterday - really made my day to see that I was not alone in FEELING alone! :)
Took the kids to the park today (what a fabulous day!) to meet up with other moms from my Mother's and More group. J had brought her dinosaur flashlight with her. I lowered my dashboard mirror so I could watch her while I drove. I tried giving her lots of attention and complimented her a lot about remembering not to touch Baby DN-J and she did much better. I kept telling her to either hug her dinosaur or sit on her hands. So no hitting for this car trip. She pinched DN-J hard enough yesterday that she left a mark, leaving me to realize that I just cannot leave her alone with Baby DN-J even for a second until she gets over this stage. Not the easiest thing in the world. I'm also trying to give J lots of positive attention whenver I can. Hopefully all of this will work!
All the friend stuff that I was writing yesterday reminded me of high school. It's amazing, even when you think you're over all that stuff.... Anyway, I had mono in tenth grade - really bad. Didn't help that I was severely underweight (that will happen when you're anorexic for four years prior). I ended up being homebound for about half the year. I don't remember anyone calling or stopping by at all. Maybe they did - I have a bad memory - but I don't really remember it at all. Made me feel really invisible. Like I could just disappear and no one would even miss me. When I stopped working to stay home with my boys, the same kind of thing happened with all my work colleagues. I realized that they weren't really friends, just people that I saw day in and day out. But again, that same feeling about disappearing and not even being noticed sprang up again.
I don't even really know what my point is. I mean, of course I'm important to my family, but all these thoughts I've been having were making me feel that if I disappeared no one else would really miss me. That's a sucky thought! It really helped to be reminded of all the people IRL that do care about me, plus all the people in the "blogosphere" who care about me too.