Thursday, August 10, 2006

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about R

Random Thoughts

1. We had our hardwood floors finished yesterday. They had been covered with stained gray yucky wall to wall carpet. The "Sand Free" company moved the furniture, pulled up the carpet and staples, and then did all kinds of stuff to the floor to finish it without sanding.

2. I thought we would be able to go upstairs without going through the living room and dining room, but the furniture from those to rooms was blocking our way.

3. I decided that it would be easier for A to sleep at my parents' instead of seeing the house all mixed up, so the kids and I spent the night here.

4. I woke up with no voice at all. It takes so much effort to communicate to the kids using only a whisper and body language!

5. I'm hosting a playdate in my backyard at 9:30. Wish I had just cancelled it - love having people over, but I feel miserable now. And I don't have a voice to call them up and cancel!

6. I think I'll have DH call my tutoring student and cancel today's session. Kind of hard to give one on one instruction like this!!!

7. I can't wait to get home and see how the floors turned out, even though the furniture won't be moved back until this afternoon.

8. I feel like crap.

9. Why is it that I'm friendly with lots of people, but don't feel like I really have any friends?

10. I see other moms talking about getting together, or going out - why am I never included? I do make the effort once in a while to invite people to get together, but it's not usually reciprocated.

11. Many moms joke that I'm some "Supermom" - is that what distances me from them, or am I acting in some way that make them distance themselves from me? It's actually one of the reasons I started this blog, so people could see that I'm normal!!

12. I shouldn't feel this way - like I said, lots of moms are friendly towards me, and I have a few groups of people that I could turn to if I needed help, but I would love to be included more.

13. Why do I still feel like I'm in high school with all this crap?!!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


homegirls said...

I'm sorry about you losing your voice. You know that has NEVER truly happened to me. I've been a bit hoarse, but never COMPLETELY lost my voice! anyway, I hope it comes back real soon or that you can MILK IT FOR ALL IT"S WORTH! :-)

Also, I relate to your last few posts. I think where I am, the reason for not having true "friends" is that I didn't grow up here... seems like that's the way to get "in". Otherwise your just an outsider. I've heard several people mention that.

Anyway, there's always the blogosphere, huh? I know, not the same! :-) Good Luck, and don't forget... there's always prayer!

oh yeah, my TT is up! happy Thursday!

Carmen said...

i sure hope you feel better very soon, so you can enjoy the new floors!

Amanda said...

So sorry to hear you're feelin so crummy!

Shannon said...

OMG! I feeel the same way as a mom. Nobody wants to play with me!

I hope you feel better.

Meg said...

Oh I agree with #10. I would love to have another mom in my area (preferrably with a child close in age to my own) to do things with, but it hasn't happened. There are not a lot of opportunities to meet moms in this town. I did try one morning when we were out for a walk at our rec center. There was a whole group of moms with strollers ahead of us. They were all dressed in lime green running suits. Even though I was laughing at their clothing, I went and tried to strike up a conversation. They would have nothing to do with me! Oh well, I don't want to be a part of a cult that makes you wear such horrible clothes, anyway!

Happy TT. Mine's up!

Write From Karen said...

Hi Rachel! I'm sorry about your voice - I lost my voice at least once a year so I know how frustrating it can be.

I'm in EXACTLY the same boat as you. I'm friendly but am never included. I guess I'm being perceived as stand-offish, though I have no idea how to correct that. I've been volunteering at my sons' schools for years now and yet, no friends!

Oh well, their loss, right? Hang in there kiddo and I hope your floors look fabulous!

Lori said...

Oh, Rachel--How your post touched my heart. I can't tell you how many times I have asked myself those same questions. In fact, just this morning as I was doing my Bible study, I wrote that that icky left-out feeling and the scenarios associated with it are the memories that bring out the most bitterness in my soul. In fact one of the reasons my husband and I left our last church was because of the lack of fellowship and the fact that nobody cared that we were suffering from lack of fellowship. (There were others issues as well, but this is the one that made me the most angry and hurt).

If you fidure out the answers, please post because I have shed many tears over this!

TracyRuth said...

I do know what you mean. I have a few friends, but none close by. I figured it was because we moved fairly recently. I hope you post about your floors. I wondered how that sand free floor refinishing was. Sorry about your voice. I hope you feel better.

LovinLifeJjtst said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Heather said...

UMMMM Rachel!? Hey! What are we Flybabes? I am calling you later this afternoon chickee - I'm not at home right now.

And I feel the smae way sometimes. Especially when the group plans get togethers that just don't work for me or I have to cancel for kidlet reasons.

(sorry! I forgot I was on someone else's puter!)

pkzcass said...

Sorry about your not feeling well. Hope you get better soon.

About Nos. 9-13. Gosh, I thought I was the only one who felt that way. I do things with my neighbors, but don't necessarily feel close to any of them. There are a few who have daughters the same age and they've formed this clique that you just can't break (unless you happen to have a daughter their age). Also, I agree with Betsy, I didn't grow up in the area so I don't have any roots here. It does seem to make a difference.

The other thing that has made a huge difference is the fact that I work full-time. Many of these friendships are formed on the playground among mothers who've just dropped their kids off at school. I often feel that no matter what I do, I just can't break through. I volunteer for the PTO, go to every flippin' party I'm invited to, remember people and their stories, try to talk to everyone, and yet I feel as though I get nowhere.

After seeing so many responses on your post, maybe there really isn't such a thing as true friends anymore? Just people who meet each other through their kids' activities and bond that way. My question is, what will they all do when their children have moved on and are no longer the center of their social lives? I don't plan to be around because I'm making sure I meet all kinds of people with certain activities I'm undertaking now while they're all yakking about their kids and whose birthday parties they're going to today. But I'm not bitter.

The way I figure it is, when our kids are grown and gone, what will I really have in common with these people anyway? Not much I'm afraid. Different educational levels, different political opinions, different interests...

Cheer up pumpkin. Like Heather said, we flybabes are here for you.

Faerylandmom said...

Been there, done that, and nothing anyone says can probably make you feel better. I would just encourage you with this:

Do your best to be friendly, and if it's not reciprocated, move on. Don't avoid the other person, but don't knock yourself out to make them like you. It's not worth it. Like I said, I totally understand that feeling!

If I knew you, I'd so get together with you!

My T13 is up if you want to hop on over for a bit.

M-j said...

Hey babe,
you need a hug, wish I was there to give one for you.
And, I feel the way you do sometimes, like i want friends to hang out with all the time, but can't because of A, B, C, etc.
You know we are always here for you! We need a get=together!

Mom Nancy said...

Okay, I just read your note to the list and came over here. Then I read all these comments and thought, "WOW! I'm not the only one???" This is the exact same thought I had when I found FlyLady! You mean it really ISN'T just me???

I kinda feel like betsy - I'm not where I grew up and I don't have a network of friends here. It took me about three years of being in Lansdowne before I found you guys (the Delco Chicks) and even then, not really friends nearby I could call up just to chat or whatever. Maybe that idea is an illusion based on Ozzie and Harriet or Mary Tyler Moore. I went to Atlanta with another writer friend and we've gotten to know each other pretty well and had a fabulous time, but I don't just drop in to visit her. Our kids are different ages (her only child is in college) and she's got her life. I guess it's just something a lot of us feel - why doesn't anyone like ME? Steve and I talked about it once and both of feel like we're the kind of people who make ONE best friend not TONS of best friends, and we have lots of good friends or acquaintances. I guess I've come to terms with that, but it does kinda hurt to go to a preschool parents' meeting (like I did this morning) and see little groups or even just one or two ladies chatting away, while I sit alone.

Danielle said...

So I guess we're all alone? I guess it's a myth that we should have a best friend? I feel this same way. I thought I only felt like that because I don't drive so I never get to do the playdate things.

Thanks for posting this. It makes the loneliness easier to bear knowing there are others out there. The hardest part of motherhood is the loneliness without ever being alone.

Staci said...

Great list!

Chaotic Mom said...

You're one of my favorite friends I've met here so far.

I've burned out on continually making friends every time we move. I think that's why I DON'T go out with other moms much.

But as for you? You're so cool you've been like a breath of fresh air for me and family. We LOVE "The Pirate Teacher". ;)