Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Random Thoughts R Thinks Today 1. Effexor is a BITCH to wean off of. Man, I'm STILL not 100%! 2. I just spent 30 minutes trying to link to Monday's post so anyone who was curious to know more about the first thing I listed could just click there but I still couldn't get it to happen. AARGH! 3. We are planning to start a more intense behavior plan to get A to go in the potty at least once this summer. We will be setting the timer for every thirty minutes, keeping him on it for 5-10 minutes at a time. This starts on Monday. I hope this helps. He's four and a half and still does not seem to have any mind/body connection with regards to his bodily functions. Please pray that this is the answer. 4. DH has been in charge of the kids all week as my birthday present this year. Ha ha ha. :) He has already said to me that he just had no idea how tough it was to do this day after day after day. He's doing an incredible job with them, but it's so nice to hear that he has a "new found respect for what I do." 5. Our painting party is on Saturday. Yes, we found eight incredible friends who are willing to come help us paint our house. Woohoo!!! 6. Today I will clean the walls that will be painted with something called TSP, a product I read about in a do it yourself magazine that had an article about (can you believe it?) painting! 7. I got a quart of the each of the colors I will be using yesterday and will try them out on the walls today just to be sure I will really like them. 8. The living room will get a base coat of a cheery yellow and then another coat of a golden color over top, which I will run a new wisk broom over top of to make lines through. Hopefully that will create the effect I see in my mind! 9. The dining room will become a bright red. The color is actually called "Boing!" 10. The stairway and upstairs hallway will become a blue-green teal kind of color. I had wanted bright, electric blue, but couldn't find it on any of the sample cards. I started getting concerned that the color I want will just be too dark for such an enclose, small space. I really hope I like this color! 11. I'm going to try the same color in the bathroom. I think it will go well with the new shower curtain I bought. 12. We hired a financial planner yesterday. We actually took all five kids with us to the office when we met with them to go over all our financial stuff. They were so good! It seems so funny to me that WE would benefit from a planner, especially since we don't really have that much money. At all. Our first goal is to figure out how to create an emergency reserve of at least three months of expenses. Then we'll figure out other stuff like how to start saving for retirement. The planners are going to look at stuff like making sure we have enough insurance and adjusting our withholdings so we don't get that huge tax return check. Right now we have no disability insurance for either of us, and no life insurance for me. We would be so screwed if DH got hurt on the job - we should have insurance for that scenario. And it would be great to get more money each check instead of that big return (though that big check is nice). It feels great knowing that someone is working on all this stuff for us and that in two weeks when we meet again, he will give us a binder with all his suggestions on how to implement everything. 13. I stayed up way too late last night (dumb!!!) so I'm really tired right now, but need to ignore it and get to work taking everything off the walls so I can start cleaning them. Fun. Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Blech!

Just started a new anti-depressant. Which meant I had to wean off of my old one. Big mistake. Oh man, was I sick!!! Even following the doctor's suggestions, I got so sick this weekend. I was a little dizzy/nauseuos Saturday (my first day off the meds altogether) and then really bad all day Sunday. I started the new med this morning around 10:30 and gradually started feeling better this afternoon, but even now I can't stay on the computer long. Moving my eyes made me feel as if my brain was two steps behind. I spent all of Sunday on the couch because I couldn't move my head. I started feeling what I called brain spasms (like muscle spasms but in my brain) - electic shock-like feelings that started in my brain and made my whole body jump and feel tingly (and not in a good way). This morning it was to the point that I would feel that up to two or three a MINUTE!

For the record: Effexor is not fun to wean off of.

Have to get off the computer now before I throw up. Will be back on later after I lay down.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things R Got Done This Week 1. Cleared off my computer armoire 2. Moved the computer and armoire upstairs into our bedroom 3. Cleaned out the hall closet (didn't really had a choice - had to empty it out when moving the armoire so we could make it up the stairs) 4. Set up all the organizers in our new shed and put stuff back in (okay, DH did MOST of this, but I helped!) 5. Rearranged the backyard stuff so it looked a little nicer with our new purchases in it. 6. Cleaned out the dining room furniture (a friend was able to use it so she picked it up - yes!) 7. Found someone to take our LARGE mirror that we no longer wanted (it was five feet by six feet - and I actually found five different people on Freecycle that wanted it!) 8. Went to Ikea (with DH and all five kids - can't get over how many times we got asked, "Are they all yours?!!" I guess that's because they're all so young, and my niece and nephew are clearly biracial, but the looks of shock get old after a while.) to get the new furniture for the dining room and entranceway that we are creating. 9. Worked with DH to put together said furniture late into the night. I have been really doing well getting to bed at a decent hour (well, at least for two nights in a row), but that was shot to hell last night - but the dining room table, six chairs, large bookcase, and coat closet/wardrobe are all together and look great). 10. Brought numerous boxes of stuff to local thrift store. 11. Ordered a laptop on-line at Best Buy (but now have to figure out how to return it or cancel the on-line purchase since I found a better sale price at Circuit City). 12. Cleared out three laundry baskets worth of accumlated junk from various stash and dash runs around the house before company came over. 13. Met with financial planner (free initial consultation) to discuss best ways to begin saving for retirement, kids' education, emergency funds, etc. Not too shabby, eh? It's great splitting the responsiblities with the kids over the summer! And next week is best of all - DH will be in charge of all five kids all week!!! This was a gift to me, and I'm gladly accepting it. :) Now I just have to make sure I make really good use of it. The house is still in a state of flux, and there's a lot more that I want to do to it. I feel (rightfully so) like the summer is the only time that I can really get anything accomplished so I need to make the most of it. I have not been checking in to different blogs as much as I'd like, though tried to get to a bunch of the Works for Me Wednesday posts as I could on Rocks in my Dryer. I'm thrilled that my friend at Chaotic Home is finally getting a chance to blog again. I now have all my blogs up on bloglines and am loving being able to see at a glance which of my favorite blogs have new posts. Alright, have to get ready to go tutor this afternoon. I'm tired. Maybe I should take a quick nap first? That always just makes me feel more tired. Hmmm...what to do? Probably just take a nap. Story of my life, end up doing what feels good first instead of what's good for me. I'm working on it - but right now I'm just really tired!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Works-For-Me Wednesday

My daughter J had her first bad dream a few weeks ago, and it so traumatized her that she couldn't fall asleep for several days, and once she did, she couldn't stay asleep. We ultimately found a cure that allowed her to relax enough to go to sleep. Grabbing a can of room deoderizer spray, I told J that I found a can of "No Bad Dream spray." Each night before she goes to bed I spray the No Bad Dream spray right by her crib as she says "No bad dreams." That protects her from any bad dreams that might pop into her mind. I also had her select a stuffed animal that she could keep next to her (she chose Simba from the Lion King) just in case a bad dream does scare her - Simba will scare it away.

My four year old boys liked the idea so much I now have to spray the No Bad Dream Spray in their room before they go to bed, too.

Hey, whatever works, right?!!

Check out more great ideas at Rocks in Her Dryer.

Fresh Start

I just sometimes feel like in the middle of chaos and stress, we just need a fresh start. So today is mine.

We now have the computer armoire and computer up in our room - wow, that sure made the playroom look a lot bigger - so I'm able to do some work without the kids literally hanging on my arms. That's nice. I have a lot to do, since DH is in charge of the kids all day Monday and Wednesday (I was in charge last week for those two days, so now it's his turn), so I want to be sure to get it all done.

Part of what I need to do (and I've said it before) is get to bed on time. It's hard to get caught up in doing stuff and then realize that it's after 11 and to "start fresh" as you had intended the next day you would need to get up by 7 and you MUST work on getting at least 8 hours of sleep.

My friend came to get the dining room furniture yesterday afternoon, which is great because now I can go get our new DR furniture, but it meant that I had to quickly unload everything still left in and on the old furniture. I know, I should have had it totally cleaned out already, but I didn't. Yep, I'm the Queen of Procrastination. Ellen should dub me that to make it official. Anyway, because I ended up having to do a rush job on that, I then needed extra time (and lots of it) to sort through it all. Thus I ended up awake for a long time, boxing up stuff to take to a local thrift store, throwing stuff away, and finding new homes for other stuff. It was a lot more stuff than I realized, and I had already gone through a lot! I didn't get to bed until 12. Dumb.

So here's my plan for the day:
1) Bring LOTS of boxes to the thrift store to get them out of the house. And I do mean lots. I believe I counted ten, plus a few things that wouldn't fit. Woohoo!!!

2) Go to IKEA (my favorite store) to get the dining room table, new bookcase, and coat wardrobe to be delivered hopefully tomorrow. Once we set up the bookcase and the wardrobe I can put the things that belong in there away and out of the temporary places they now are. That will feel great.

3) Buy a laptop for downstairs. Poor A has been asking since Saturday morning if it is here yet - he is clearly going through computer withdrawal. I hate to be there when he finds out that we're not hooking it up to the internet anytime soon. Should be fun.

4) Work in the bedroom at sorting through all the papers and crap that I cleared off my computer armoire when I brought it upstairs.

5) And this is the most important one = GO TO BED BY 10!

I'm Rubber-Mom!

I'm feeling like I'm being pulled in so many different directions that I have bolted my feet to the ground and am not moving anywhere.

Is that a picture or what?!

This happens a lot with me. I just get overwhelmed and shut down. Distracted by all the numerous things I need to do I end up doing nothing at all. ARGH!

And I know what to do about it. Make a list, set the timer for fifteen minutes, and work my way down the list. Blah, blah, blah. And when I'm done this post, that's what I'm going to do because otherwise I just can't cope. And I know there's a lot going on right now. But there's always a lot going on. And I know of many other people who have it worse off than me. And many of the things that are pulling me are really good things, but they are still things I need to/want to/feel like I should do.

I was given specific things to implement for A last week. One of them is a visual schedule with very specific things listed so he can check them off. For those of you that follow FLYlady this would be like a mini control journal for both daily chores broken down, things like "Get Dressed" with steps written underneath ("Get naked", "Put on shirt", "Put on pull-up", etc.). This would probably be best in laminated sheets for each upstairs job held together with a ring. I'd say use this with a dry-erase marker for him to cross off as he goes, but he's likely to color the walls and himself with it, so that might not work. Plus, if I make something like this for him, B and J will want one for themselves so they don't feel left out, so I need to make one for them. I was originally planning on making a poster to put on the wall with our daily routine, each thing velcroed on so it can be moved around. I might still do this. The indecision is making it difficult to move forward.

I am trying to clean out two different areas in the kids' playroom to free up space. With both of them I'm kind of at a loss as to where else to put the stuff, so I'm frozen there. I know that I can't organize clutter, and I'm trying to get rid of as much as I can, just have to sort through it all to do that.

We just got a new shed and large wooden pirate ship for the kids in the backyard. I'm THRILLED about that, but now I feel that I need to work some in my backyard to make sure things get moved into a logical, nice looking spot. As I write this, DH is digging up a small bush so he can move some large stone slabs that were found under the old shed (probably being used for a foundation) in one spot where we can put our trash cans. He also just laid some down for the BBQ. This morning he hung up hooks in the shed and put back all of our gardening tools so they were off the ground - they look great. I'm trying to focus on the inside of the house this summer but there are so many things outside that need to get attended to as well!

If you saw my Thursday Thirteen list from yesterday you read all the different projects I'm attempting to complete in the next two weeks. Enough said about that!

And then there's just the regular daily stuff that has to get done here, like the laundry, the cooking and clean up, the balancing of the checkbook and the paying of the bills, the vacumming the DR/LR so the food crumbs/chunks don't take over the house - the boring never-ending stuff that has to get done whether we like or not!

I have to make a list, prioritize it, and figure out how to do it. But I feel like that's as far as I get every day! So here goes....

To the Rude Man at the Library Today

What were you thinking when you interrupted my tutoring session to ask my student if he needed a lawyer? Did you think this was cute? I thought you were joking at first. After all, it takes awhile for this particular student to loosen up each lesson, so I do tend to ask a lot of questions in the beginning and get minimal response each time. But no, you soon made it clear that you were not joking when you replied that it sounds like an interrogation and that I needed to "lighten up." Are you a teacher? Do you understand the idea of having a student reach a conclusion by leading them towards it through questioning? Did you realize that I was not accusing the child of "cheating" as you declared but merely trying to get him to explain how he did his revisions since I didn't see them? Were you having a bad day? Had you recently been accused of cheating and now see it everywhere you go? I am trying so hard to understand why you felt the need to confront me while I was TEACHING but I'm really drawing a blank. In any case, as I said to you as you walked away, cursing my teaching ability, thank you for your opinion. In the future, could you please write it down and pass it to me AFTER my tutoring session? You see, I'm trying to encourage this particular student to write, so I want him to see how writing can and SHOULD be used in the real world. So next time you feel so inclined, please put your criticsm in writing and I'll get to it as soon as I can.

Thank you,
The Teacher you tore into this afternoon

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Projects R Wants to Accomplish in the Next Two Weeks Since my wonderful husband is home over the summer, I have more time than I do during the school year to get some things accomplished at home (since we share the responsiblibity of watching all the kids when he is home). As a birthday present DH gave me a full week to do whatever I wanted and I'm using it the first week of August. So....since I have declared this to be the summer of the house, here's what I plan to get done: 1. Clear out scrap area in playroom to ultimately put laptop there for kids to use. 2. Purchase said laptop. 3. Find and buy suitable chair for that area. 4. Move computer and armoire upstairs to our bedroom. 5. Clean off top of computer armoire to prepare for that move. 6. Find and buy appropriate organization system for our brand new shed (woohoo!) 7. Rearrange backyard furniture and toys. 8. Decide upon colors and purchase paints and supplies for painting party on August 5th (there's still time to RSVP if you're local and want to help - just let me know!!!). 9. Spackle and prime dining room (need to cover dark green paint currently on there). 10. Clean out downstairs hall closet so handyman can install shelves. 11. Clean out pantry so handyman can install additional shelf. 12. Find and buy new kitchen cabinet and drawer handles. 13. Take off kitchen cabinets and prep for paint (clean and fill holes from yucky handles). How sad is it that I still have a ton more that I could add to this list? Okay, that is alright. I need to continue my basic daily routines at the same time so the house doesn't fall apart completely while I'm improving it, so if I have too many things I'm trying to get done ultimately nothing will get done.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Works-For-Me Wednesday

Always dieting (or so it feels) I often find myself craving a substantial snack between lunch and dinner. I found one that I love! I took a fat-free yogurt and stuck it in the freezer. Poof - a cup of frozen yogurt. I know, seems pretty obvious, and many of you may have already figured this one out, but it was new to me! It took a while to eat (definitely a plus for me) and tasted similar to ice cream (well, I can pretend). Hope you like it!

Go check out more ideas at Rocks in my Dryer.

Tuesday To Do

One of the strategies we came up with at A's IEP was to have a very specific schedule posted so he could clearly see things like when he was allowed on the computer so he wouldn't ask us about playing on the computer twenty times a day. I had created a schedule last year that I had in a pocket chart, each task on a separate card so we could move them around as needed, but I haven't really been keeping it up-to-date. This one is going to be velcroed (making it harder for Miss J to knock the cards out) and laminated (making it harder for the boys to fold up each card as the mood hits them. I think it will be really good for each of us. So that's something I plan on working on today.

We ordered a new, much larger shed back in May and the guys are here right now to 1) tear down the eyesore of a shed that is there now (that my wonderful husband emptied yesterday in the heat) and 2) put down the stone foundation in preparation for the new shed to arrive tomorrow. We also got a wooden pirate ship for the kids to climb on, and they are both arriving tomorrow. Cannot wait!!!

I actually went to the gym yesterday AND watched what I ate all day, and this morning actually saw a difference when I took my clothes off to jump in the shower. I'm not saying I looked incredible all of a sudden, but I could see (and feel) a difference in my body. It should have inspired me to get to the gym again this morning, as I had planned, but J was up a lot again last night ("I have to pee!" "I want to sleep in your bed!" "Will you rock with me?") and my period started today (sorry if it's TMI, but it played a big part in my decision) so I decided to hold off until tomorrow. My head hurts a lot from lack of sleep and my body isn't feeling that great from cramps. But I DO plan to go tomorrow.

Ooooo - they just knocked over the whole shed. So cool!

Okay, I'm going to go fold laundry and then rearrange my bedroom furniture (the boys are at a two hour art camp for the week and the baby is sleeping, so with just J around I should be able to get a lot done!) to accomodate possibly bringing our computer armoire upstairs to free up more space in the playroom for the kids to play. J is happily playing with the playdough, loving the fact that she has all the playdough toys to herself ("I need the rolling pin because I need it!"), so I should be good for a little. Here goes!

I'm Baaa-aaaack!

Did you miss me?
In my car ride home by myself from the Jersey Shore today (about two hours), I decided that I need to express when I'm proud of myself in addition to when I'm having pity parties. So...here are a couple things that I'm really proud of myself about:

1) I made the drive down the shore and back by myself. I have never really done a long car trip like that by myself before. I did it and I didn't panic or feel weird. It was actually kind of fun.

2) I went to this fabulous weekend of scrapbooking knowing no one else who was going to be there. I had met the consultant who was hosting once before, and know others who know who well, but that was it. This is a feat that would have been literally unimaginable before I had kids. Before kids, entering a room of people by myself - even if I KNEW most of them - was so difficult I would become almost physically ill. I had a great time getting to know the three other women there this weekend and did not even awkward or weird - it was very relaxing and fun!

That being said, I did something very stupid when preparing for my weekend. I forgot to pack my pills (anti-depressants). When I miss a dose, I know by the afternoon because I begin to get dizzy. It gets worse as the day goes on. So by Saturday afternoon I was not feeling so great. I had to drive home on Sunday like that. It was okay with my eyes facing forward but kind of nauseating when I had to look around a little. I did make it home okay, took a pill, and laid down on the couch until the kids and DH got back home.

They were all so excited to see me (luckily J did not stick her nose up in the air to show how mad she was that I left her for the weekend). We sat down and I showed the book for 2005 that I finished while there - they loved it! It was so nice to get such incredible appreciation for the time I put into the book.

So I'm home and ready to start a new week. I had lots of time to think while driving and I am recommitted to losing weight. Fresh week - here we go!

The IEP

A's IEP went great. It took us two hours, but we came away with something that will provide him with an itinerant teacher in his classroom twice a week, forty-five minutes each time, physical therapy once a week to work on gross motor skills, social skills group once a week, and an OT that will consult with both his teacher and us on how to help improve his sensory issues both at school and at home. We got information on how to make social stories to teach him appropriate behaviors (ie. it's not okay to go up to strange woman and grab their breasts), and advice on how to make the various schedules and chore charts we've been trying even more effective for A. The only thing we couldn't get written in is the potty training. They gave me some new stategies to try out (observe him for a week to figure out how often he pees/poops and when to get a baseline and then work on bringing him to the potty at those times, provide him with support while on the toilet with handles or something for him to hang on to so he has more stability while sitting) but told me that it's not something they can help with directly. They did tell me that he won't be turned away from Kindergarten if he is still in diapers (uh, great, but I want this resolved before then!) and that if we qualify for medical assistance (which is simply because he has a disability) it should pay for his diapers.

Bottom line, I think it was an extremely productive meeting and I feel really good about it. I will be receiving weekly updates as well as quarterly reports, so we'll see how he's progressing.

As for me, I have to get off the computer so I can start getting ready for my scrap weekend at the shore. Are ya' jealous?!! I'm quite excited!!! I'm taking the kids to the gym in a little (the boys first time there) so I can work out for a little bit (I'm REALLY tyring to get back into that being a habit) and them I'm taking them all with me to A.C. Moore (a local craft store) so I can stock up on stuff I need. Hopefully the kids will behave there!

I'll be back on Sunday. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things That Make R Grateful This Week 1. After waiting and waiting and waiting, we have A's IEP meeting today. I hope we are able to agree on good goals for him and are able to get all of his needs addressed. 2. I will be leaving tomorrow afternoon for a scrap weekend down the shore!!! The consultant who is running it will be making all of the food, we will be staying at her beach house which is across the street from the beach, I will have my own room - it sounds perfect! 3. My husband is home for the summer. 4. My husband agrees that watching the kids is a full-time job. 5. After being in charge of all five kids all day, DH expresses exhaustion and amazement that I do this every day. Hee hee hee. Glad he feels that way! 6. After describing all the different jobs I do around the house in addition to watching the kids, DH and I are working on different things each night to make the next day easier. I'm in charge of prepping the next day's dinner and he's now in charge of making the kids' breakfasts and lunches for the next day. And he's doing it without me nagging - sweet! 7. DH and I are on the same page with disciplining the kids. B just knocked over DN-A's Lego creation (we've been working on the rule that the kids are not allowed to knock over other people's stuff) so I sent him to time out. When he trudged into the living room where DH was sitting, he instructed B to sit down on the chair without missing a beat, even though he didn't even know what B did. 8. J is potty trained. 9. So is B. 10. We have A's IEP today and MAYBE will get some help written in with his potty training! 11. We got an appointment for a developmental pediatrician for A that is only three months away. 12. The archway between the living room and dining room has been widened and gives us a lot more room! 13. I went to my first Mothers and More meeting last night as co-leader - I LOVE that the position is CO-leader and that the other co-leader has been doing this for six months already. Very nice.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Asperger's, Twins, Emotional Eating, and Banishing Nightmares

So I couldn't think of a real good title - that about sums it up!

Read a book last night called Eating an Artichoke: A Mother's Perspective on Asperger Syndrome by Echo R. Fling. Could not put it down. I identified with so much in the book. It made me realize how lucky we are that A has a twin. He would be that kid on the playground hanging out with the grown-ups or playing by himself if not for B. While A rarely initiates pretend play, he will do it if B pulls him into it. And he has learned so much socialization just from having another kid the same age always there.

But the book also left me feeling kind of numb. Kind of sad. Kind of seeking out food (yeah, I'm an emotional eater).

We have A's IEP tomorrow at 11. I cannot wait to get the ball rolling on this! I contacted CHOP (Children's Hospital of Philadelphi) which on its web site has an incredible description of all they could do. Unfortunately, not only do they have an EIGHTEEN MONTH wait, they have an age cut-off of no older than 3 years, 11 months. A missed that deadline by five months! Luckily I received a return call from another highly recommended Developmental Pediatrician for an October appointment. Since the appointment we got at DuPont isn't until January, I'm jumping on this one! Who knows - maybe I should keep them both to get two more opinions?

Okay, need to get to bed.
And for anyone who's curious - J slept through the night completely last night. The "No Bad Dream spray" along with her small lamp being turned on along with her large stuffed Simba in her crib by her head to protect her apparently did the trick. Of course, she refused to nap today, but that's another story . . .

J's Update

So sorry, Kathy! :)

J had a much better night, though not good yet. She did wake up four times. Each time as soon as one of us went in, we told her to lay down and she did, instantly and with no complaint. After tucking her back in, she went to sleep almost immediately. By the fourth time, we didn't even need to say anything - she laid down as soon as we opened the door.

Hopefully she will sleep through the night tonight, especially since last night was so much better.

The "No Bad Dream" spray seemed to do the trick!

New header

What do you think?

Keep your fingers crossed!

Just shut J's door.
So far so good.
She's in bed early (refused to sleep at nap time - after being up/dosing most of the night, can we say over-tired?) having had a bath around 5 and getting changed into her pjs then. I gave her a dose of Benadryl (hey, she tried a new sunscreen today and has a rash - really!) which hopefully will add to her tiredness. We sprayed around her crib with Glade, I mean, "No Bad Dream Spray" and we changed "No bad dreams" together three times. I rocked with her while singing her current favorite song (Puff the Magic Dragon). When I laid her down I foolishly reminded her that we sprayed the magic spray so therefore she won't have any bad dreams (yes, I did say that, reminding her what she's scared of - DUH!), so she immediately started crying. I helped her think of a stuffed animal that might help keep her safe too, and she chose B's Simba, which she now has right by her head, her "Mine" in her other hand (the bear/blanket she has slept with since birth).

Oh, PLEASE go to sleep (1/2 the problem) and stay asleep (the other half).

In other news . . .
I went to Border's this afternoon since DH was in charge of the kids and there was no way I wanted to stick around J's overly-tired-no-way-am-I-taking-a-nap mood. I gathered up all the papers from around the house, put them all in my "To Do" box, and away I went. I managed to sort through every piece of paper, made a master to do list to work on some tomorrow, and got rid of over five inches of paper (yes, I am that much of a dork that I estimated how much paper I was throwing out - whatever works!). Feel great that I got that much done (though I'm sure the Chai Tea that I had there, with all that caffine, isn't adding to that feeling at all) and am motivated to work hard tonight too on a) prepping dinner, b) clearing out my scrap area, and c) going to bed EARLY!!!

Hopefully I will get more sleep than the few interrupted hours I got last night!

Long Night

So tired.
J had a really rough time going to sleep. She had some kind of nightmare the night before, something about a teddy bear coming into her crib, and obviously she was scared to fall asleep again. She wanted to sleep in the boys' room, so I let her try, but none of them were falling asleep, so I put her in her room. She kept crying, so finally I grabbed a book and sat right outside her door so she could see (and so could A, who was also having a tough time falling asleep). That worked, kind of. A eventually fell asleep and J got quiet. Every time I tried to leave, J started crying. Eventually she fell asleep and I crept downstairs. Thought I was homefree, but she started crying again.

DH's turn. He tried for a while, but she kept screaming. He thought she was saying "Because it hurt me" and he was trying to figure out what she was talking about. I listened for a little and asked her some questions and finally figured out she was saying "Be close to me!" So I sent DH back downstairs and put the now hysterical J onto my lap and rocked her. It took so long before she stopped taking that awful gasping breath that a truly hysterical child takes. I rocked her longer and eventually put her still awake into the crib but sat back down in the rocking chair and rocked for another half hour or so, leaving only after she was sound asleep, around 9:15, over two hours from when we first started.

You have to understand that out of all three kids, J has been the child that we have NEVER had any sleep problems with. We learned from our mistakes from the boys. We put her down awake within her first two weeks and she went to sleep on her own, no complaints. She even slept through the night early! So this is all totally foreign territory for us with her.

Around two, J woke up screaming. I went in and got her to lay down on her own, but within a few minutes she started again. DH went in (we always take turns in the middle of the night), planning to lay down on the floor and just sleep next to her crib for awhile. It has always worked for A. Well, it didn't work for J. She would sleep for a little, then scream. Since DH was asleep by then, he didn't respond right away, so it would escalate. Eventually I went in and sent him to bed. That was around 3. I rocked in her chair until the sun began to rise this morning. That girl never totally allowed herself to go to sleep, but everytime I stood up or moved, she would quickly turn towards me to make sure I wasn't leaving. I finally did leave after the sun started coming up only because my body was so sore from sitting in the chair for so long. She started crying, but I told her that I would come back in soon and that she had to stop crying. I guess it worked, because she's still asleep now at 8. And I'm just SOOOOO tired!

Suggestions, ANYONE?!!!

Disappointed

I'm really disappointed with myself. I wasted Friday and Saturday, two days that I had the opportunity to do so much around the house. Friday I had 8 until 1 that DH would be in charge of the kids. What did I do? Sleep and read. That pretty much sums it up. Saturday I had the whole morning. We were having friends come over for dinner and I needed to make burgers and straighten up. What did I do? Sleep and read.

Now today I have a good reason to sleep a lot - J apparently had a bad dream. She woke every ten minutes between 2 - 3, at which time I told her that Mommy and Daddy weren't going to come in anymore. She freaked and begged to sleep with us. She'd never done that before, so I agreed. She finally fell asleep at 4, after poking me and touching my face, very sweet but NOT AT 3 IN THE MORNING!!! At 5 when she woke up DH put her back in her crib and she slept longer until 9. I tried something this morning with the boys that I had never tried before. I got them their breakfast, put on a DVD, and told them if they needed me to come get me. Then I went back to bed. I was tired!!!

But my point is, I had no such excuse on Friday or Saturday. I was just being lazy. And I'm pissed! DH takes over with the kids at noon - I better put the time to good use!!!

Hmmmm....

Should I be proud that B read an entire video title by himself, or slightly disturbed that he is now begging to watch the movie Day of the Dead?

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things Ris Grateful for This Week 1. DH is home for the summer. 2. We are able to communicate and listen to each other. 3. When we fight, we're able to take a break and come back to the discussion after we've had time to think about it, as we did today. 4. I'm making progress around the house! 5. I cleaned out J's room on Monday and it still is cleaned out today! 6. I've had some of my friends respond to my painting party evite that they can come on August 5th and help (we plan on painting EVERYTHING!) - if you are reading this and live in the area and did NOT receive an evite, let me know!!! 7. I was able to plan out when I can fit in various house projects for the next few weeks. I'm feeling really motivated - let's hope it keeps up! 8. I was able to come up with a system that DH and I think will work to make sure we both are helping equally (somewhat) around the house. 9. DH gets up with the kids tomorrow! 10. I'm going to a scapping weekend down the shore next weekend - woohoo! 11. A's IEP is next week - cannot wait to start therapies for him. 12. America's Got Talent was on last night - DH's and my guilty summer pleasure. 13. We chose not to go to a BBQ on July 4th, instead walking through IKEA together as a family and agreeing on lots of different things that we will be purchasing by the end of the summer. AGREEING is the key word in that sentence - so glad we were on the same page with all this stuff! Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

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Works-For-Me Wednesday

I've tried to do Once a Month Cooking before and it has worked really well, but I usually am not able to make the time to do the whole months worth. One of the things I took from reading about this is a great trick that I use all the time - making a ground beef mix to use in lots of different recipes.

Most recipes that call for ground beef tell you to brown the beef with onions and peppers. Any time I made something that calls for this, I just pull out a serving of ground beef mix which cuts down my cooking time tremendously. To make it, I buy the big family packs of meat. In a large soup pot I boil all of it. Once it has boiled and is no longer red, I pour out the water carefully and add cut onions and peppers to the mixture, mixing it all up and letting it simmer with the lid closed for awhile. When the veggies are cooked I let it cool and then scoop 2 cups worth (about a pound of meat) into ziploc freezer bags. Seal them flat, pushing all the air out of them, laying them down like a record. The bags go in the freezer, stacked one on top of another. And then they ready for me to pull them out as I need it.

Enjoy!

If you're also participating in Works-For-Me Wednesday, leave your link below. If not, you can still leave a comment (hint hint)!

The Summer of the House

Now that we've decided to stay instead of move, I'm focused this summer on doing tons of projects around the house. Last week we had contractors widen the arch between the living room and dining room and that makes a huge difference! We're going to IKEA this afternoon (I LOVE that store!) to get some other things I saw that I'm really happy with: a new rug for the living room (going for a whole new color scheme), a wardrobe for the entranceway that I'm trying to create, a desk so we can move our desktop computer upstairs to our room to give the grown ups a place to work without kids hanging on us (we're going to get a laptop for downstairs which we can fold up and put up high when we're done with it so our computer genius doesn't do damage to it). Our current dining room furniture (handed down from my great uncle) will be picked up on Friday by a group called Second Mile that benefits the homeless. Once it is we're having the nasty stained wall to wall carpeting pulled up (finally - I've hated the gray color since we moved in!) and the floors done (the wood looks like it's in good condition underneath). And we're having a painting party August 5th to paint the Living Room, Dining Room, Playroom, Kitchen cabinets, Wardrobe, and Hallway. Too ambitious? I'm also looking for a handyman to hire to put in shelves in our hall closet and a bunch of other small things. Can you tell I'm a little excited about all this?

Today the boys and I marched in the local parade with my MOMS Club (well, I marched, they sat in the wagon that I lugged behind me in this heat!). J wanted to go with us, but we still haven't found a sunscreen that doesn't make her break out into a rash all over, so we convinced her to watch us with Daddy. When we got to our street (towards the end of the parade) I let her join us. She waved like a pro and told me proudly, "I a big girl now!" She kept her two ponytails in and looked adorable! DH let me take a nap when I got home (Thank you!), so I'm now returning the favor, and as soon as J (and DH) get up we're heading to IKEA. Woohoo!

Yesterday the kids and I went through everything in J's room and purged/cleaned as much as possible to give her room to dance and play in her room. It was a heck of a job, especially with all the "help" I got from the kids, but the end result is incredible. I started on the boys' room. Guess I should go work on that some more since I have a little time right now. The kids were so thrilled with the extra space we have between the living room and dining room, stating that they now had so much more room to dance, that I knew I needed to jump on that feeling and attack their rooms while I could. Alright. Very tired, but better get moving while I can. In 3...2...1.......

My A

A had his first full blown "episode" in front of others today since he's been diagnosed with Asperger's. Sure, we've been to Chuck E Cheese once before which obviously is overstimulating for EVERYONE and he wouldn't take his hands down from his ears the whole time we were there. We got strange looks, but at least he was willing to walk around a little. And he froze on a carnival obstacle course because of an unexpected noise and needed to be carried step by step up the rope ladder with me on top of him. But today was different.

My sister and I took the kids up to see my "blond sister" - a good hour+ drive but she's worth it! Apparently something scared A when he first entered the house and he immediately fled upstairs with his hands over his ears. I was getting J out of the car still, so I didn't see any of this. My sister followed him up the stairs to where he was standing, frozen in terror with his hands clenched to his ears, in one of the back bedrooms. She tried getting him to communicate with her but nothing worked, and just as I was noticing that he wasn't downstairs, she called me up. It took me a while, but I was finally able to understand that something on the tv bothered him. After I went to the stairs and called down for the tv to be changed, I was eventually able to convince him to come down with me with the promise of food. Every other time there's been a problem I have witnessed the start of it and was able to figure out what caused it. This time, because I couldn't, it escalated.

At a playdate yesterday, I told some moms that we finally got the Aspergers diagnosis. They all expressed such shock that someone as social and friendly and happy as A would be diagnosed with that. As the playdate progressed, I found myself pointing out the various behaviors that he displayed during the hour and a half that we were there that supported the diagnosis. The chapstick he found and smeared all over his face. The tv in the kitchen he turned on five different times. The toy that terrified him, causing him to be frozen with his hands over his ears until I could figure out which toy it was and remove it from the room. The empty box that had held an interactive tv game that facinated him so much he escaped from me three separate times to go back and stare at it some more as we were trying to leave. And this was all while I was "right on top of him" since I never let him out of my sight for more than a minute. Part of me was thinking that others might be surprised because I always am so on top of him and am able to cut off so many things before they even happen, and the other part of me was somewhat shocked at how many things he does even with me right there.

He is a great kid. Even without making much eye contact, A is one of the most social, friendly kids, almost always smiling (when his routine is still consistent and he's not scared) and singing. And I think his amazing personality and intelligence have allowed him to get this far before a diagnosis was made and with most people believing he is still perfectly fine. And I'm really glad he has all that going for him.

I know so many parents have it so much harder than me. I'm trying to look at the positive side of things. And I think I will feel much better when we meet for his IEP (July 13!) and get some strategies in place and start some therapies for him. But for now, having the official diagnosis and not much else, it's kind of hard to not focus on everything he does that supports Asperger's instead of just focusing on everything else about him.

And tomorrow is another day. What new adventures will we discover?

Celebrating 11 Years of Marriage

If you ran a fancy hotel and had a couple purchase your "Romance Package" for a night, would you put them in an adjoining room with a family with young children?

Our weekend without kids was such a treat! Friday night we had dinner and saw a movie, then hung out at a bookstore for a little, all without worrying about how much we had to pay the babysitter. Saturday we slept in then went out for breakfast, bringing our bagels to Borders where we spent a nice relaxing portion of the day. We went to a party for all our theater friends, many of whom we haven't seen all year. So nice to be able to relax at a party without chasing kids around. I was able to drink lots of fruity drinks, dangle my legs in the hot tub, chat with a whole bunch of different people. DH only got roped into reading one script to consider doing the show, which is not too bad. We both had a great time, and ended up staying WAY later than we thought we would. Next year (since my sister has agreed to do this again and the party is an annual event) we won't reserve a hotel room, since we didn't end up getting there until 12:30. And since the kids in the adjoining room woke us up around 7, it wasn't the best hotel experience in the world. I managed to put a pillow over my head and doze, but it didn't end up being what I anticipated. DH and I did manage to make the best of it, and let's just say without going into too many details that I hope the kids next door didn't hear too much! We spent a few more hours at another bookstore and then went to my sister's to get the kids. We were actually missing them by then!

The boys were thrilled to see us, throwing themselves at us and telling us how much they missed us. J, on the other, was pissed! She literally turned her back on us and stuck her nose in the air. She was NOT happy to see us - she seemed to want to punish us for being away for so long. Eventually she seemed to get over it, but it was a hillarious, unexpected reaction.

All in all, it was a great anniversary weekend. Happy 11th anniversary, DH!

It's almost the weekend!

Tired - stayed up until 2 again unintentionally finishing a book.
Excited - cleaning the house and making preparations for our weekend!!!!
But still very tired. Definitely will need to take a nap again - soon.

And by the way, whose idea of some cosmic joke was it for me to get AF yesterday?!! Sorry if that is TMI, but c'mon!

In any case, we bring the kids to my parents to meet up with DS for Shabbat dinner and then we're "free."

Have to share last night's pre-bedtime discussion. Some I started telling the kids that J used to be tiny and in my belly and now she's a big girl. J actually started crying because she wanted to be tiny and in my belly again. I tried hugging her and explaining why it's better that she's on the outside, but she would have none of that. Finally I suggested that she take a turn pretending to be in my belly. She like that idea, so I lifted up my shirt, she snuggled close, and I rocked with her. The boys came over and we all sang to my "belly" and then she was "born." Then, of course, the boys needed to try that - together. And then J needed another turn. And then the boys wanted to both try it again, separately. And then they were all okay to go to bed. Interesting evening! :)

This morning as I was lounging in bed, I heard DH explaining to B that he shouldn't be playing with my make-up. "But Daddy," B answered, "I want to be beautiful for the sleepover tonight!" How to respond, how to respond? After laughing hysterically at DH's discomfort on coming across his son wearing his mommy's make-up, I finally decided the approach should just be that he is not allowed to play with Mommy's stuff. Period. And if he wants to buy his own sometime, we'll deal with that then. LOL! Kind of hard to tell him that boys don't wear make-up when he saw "Daddy's friends" putting it on at "June June" (DH helps direct the shows at his high school. The first show the boys saw and A was IN was Carousel, which has the song "June is Busting Out All Over" in it. After that, the school was known as "June June" for the boys, and now for J.) each time they have gotten ready for a show.

Alright, gotta get my butt in gear so I can get this house cleaned before my manicure and pedicure this afternoon. Ooo, I feel like a lady of leisure!

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about R 1. I am tutoring this summer. So far I have a ninth grader who needs a little help with writing. I'm planning lots of cool writing activities to get him excited and comfortable with it. 2. DH and I are having a romantic weekend to celebrate our eleventh anniversary - my sister is taking the kids for the whole time! 3. We will be going out to dinner and to see X-Men 3 (on Nancy's recommendation). 4. I hosted a Passion Party last night - we all had a blast! 5. Not only did I have fun at the party last night, I had a great time planning for it. Ever look up "sex" on Allrecipes.com? Very interesting. ;} 6. We have worked out this week so that DH had two days to himself and I have today and tomorrow. While I did sleep in very late (good thing since I stayed up until TWO yesterday - or was that today?) this morning, I have been called upon to help many times. Granted, watching five kids is very tough, but he is quite a capable guy!!! 7. Tomorrow I will be spending most of "my day" OUT of the house. 8. I think I forgot to give a final update - we have decided to stay at this house instead of moving. Instead of doing the big addition that I would LOVE (too tough to live through with five young kids), we are doing a mini-renovation: enlarging the division between the living room and the dining room and refinishing the hard wood floors underneath the stained wall-to-wall carpet. 9. Got an estimate from someone local on doing the expansion and he said he could do the project next week! 10. I have lots of other painting projects that I think will make a huge difference here that I want to do this summer. 11. It's hard to type and think with a four year old attached to my elbow asking for a turn on the computer. 12. It's equally hard to concentrate with the sound of a baby crying in the other room (even if I'm not the one in charge). 13. I'm going out for the rest of the afternoon! Links to other Thursday Thirteens! Please don't link and run! Leave a comment. :)

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Works-For-Me Wednesday

Edited to add: Chaotic Mom, you rock! Thanks for explaining how to get a picture on my blog!!!

This is my first time posting a Works-For-Me Wednesday idea, but I found it on Rocks in my Dryer's blog (love the name, by the way) and loved it! So here goes.

Anyone who knows me has heard by now that my boys get up early. No matter how late they go to bed (and we've tried) they get up around six. When they were much younger, they used to get up around 5:30! At that time I finally found a source that explained that if you put your kids down for the night earlier, they will sleep later. It made no sense, but we tried it, and it worked. When they were a year or so, we were putting them down around 6:30 (so early!) and they would sleep until around 6:30/7. Such an early bedtime became really tough to maintain, so eventually we moved to 7 for their regular bedtime.

Since they were getting up, raring to go, before 6:30, we decided that 6:30 would be a good goal to shoot for. I bought a digital clock with big numbers and told them they had to stay in bed until 6-3-0. That worked for a while, but eventually they were getting up earlier and I had to take them back to bed reminding them to stay in bed until 6-3-0. Sometimes A would come in at 5:45 and would have a fit when I reminded him how long he had to stay in bed.

So I did two things (I know, this was a very long build up to get to what finally works, deal with it!) that have been working (at least for the last two weeks):
1) I have moved the time on their clock back little by little without telling them. Right now it is twenty minutes early. I know, very sneaky, but it helps!

2) The boys now have radio alarm clocks in their room. The rule is they have to stay in bed until the music goes on. And it's working!!! Plus I've been moving the time for them to stay in bed later and later, so as of last night it set for 6:45 (which is really 7:05 - shhhh, don't tell them!).

And that is how I've got my boys to "sleep in" - works for me!

If you are doing Works-For-Me Wednesday as well, please link to your post below. And remember, don't link and run - leave a comment! :)

Pity Party's Over

Time for action.

DH's grandmother was released from the hospital yesterday night. Apparently she did not have a stroke, and even though PT and OT are not happy with what she's able to do, she still thinks she's moving into her own apartment to live on her own. Right now she's back with my in-laws. This is such a hard time for the whole family!

Okay, I have a list of things to do, ten minutes/room, calls to make, a plan of action. That should help. Here goes.

Mini-Pity Party

I'm giving myself five minutes to whine about the stuff I'm feeling down about right now. Here goes:

1) Can't find the stupid timer to set it for five minutes like I wanted to do! Have to try to guesstimate.

2) My head hurts and I'm tired. Keep waking up around 3 and not being able to really get back to sleep too well.

3) Had to get a tetnus shot Saturday because I cut my leg on a metal tag at a BBQ we were hosting and my arm still hurts.

4) DH's grandmother may have had a stroke leaving my sister's house last night. She had a LOT of trouble using her walker to get to the van, even with my FIL and DH on either side of her - her left leg was NOT working right. Now DH and my in-laws have been at the hospital since last night (they all went home to sleep) and are trying to figure out what to do. His grandmother still thinks she's going to be moving into her own apartment on July 1st, but it doesn't seem like such a great idea for her to live on her own. They're looking into other situations, but with no savings, there just aren't that many options.

5) I'm tired.

6) A really has Asperger's. I'm glad we have the diagnosis from the IU, but I still need to persue Dupont and Crosier to get him seen by Developmental pediatricians.

7) I was toying with the idea of laying down for a few minutes since the boys and J are having "quiet time" and DN-A and DN-J are still napping, but someone else might be awake up there - have to check.

8) Had a good morning food wise, but blew it after one update from DH and am kicking myself now. I'm the perfect example of an emotional eater.

9) The house is a mess!

10) My ears hurt...again.


Okay. Party's over. Gotta get back to being productive.
If you pray, please keep DH's grandmother and his parents in your prayers. This has been a really tough time for them and I think it's going to get worse before it gets better.

So, what's it REALLY like in Holland?

Yesterday we got the results of A's evaluation. And it turns out that I nailed it: A officially has Asperger's Syndrome. We meet in July to create his IEP (Individualized Education Plan).

It's funny. I really wanted him to get this diagnosis. We've known something was wrong from early on. At 18 months we had his hearing tested to see if there was a medical reason that he would ignore us so often. Nope, it was fine, he was just ignoring us. He used to decorate his crib with the contents of his diaper. Gross, I know. When I started researching Asperger's and Sensory Integration Disorder, the idea of "seeking" sensory stimulation really jumped out at me, especially with regards to tactile stimulation. It explains a lot. But, cleaning his crib 5+ times a month for about two years, I just was mad. And frustrated. And confused. I remember another mom at a playgroup at my house a couple years ago commenting on how her son had once done something like that. She went on to say that it wasn't like he was doing that all the time, or smearing in on the walls, because that would be the sign of a truely disturbed child. I laughingly explained to her that A has been doing this for a while, that we keep figuring out ways to keep him out of his diaper (put a onesie on under his pajamas, put him in a one piece zippered pajama, pin the pajamas shut) and he kept figuring out ways to get into it. She apologized profusely like she had made the biggest faux pax in the world. She was so embarrassed. And yet, here we are.

I'm happy about the diagnosis. Really, I am. This is what we needed so A could get the services he needs. And the more services and therapies he gets now might mean the less he'll need as he gets older. But the emotional, non-rational side of me has wanted them to tell me yes, he has some issues, but it's not as bad as you thought, so we'll work on them a little bit and then he'll be just fine.

Like I said, I know that was not rational, but in the back of my mind I guess I was kind of holding out hope that I was exagerating the whole situation. Everyone that I have mentioned my suspected diagnosis to (except his teacher and his doctor) has been shocked. "A?!!" they always say, "Really?!!" And that's because my A is one of the most social, outgoing kids you'll ever meet. And he loves talking to grown-ups. He loves going up to them and introducing himself: "Hi, my name is A." Most adults are so blown away with this they don't really pay attention to the fact that he's not really making eye contact with them. And when he goes on to introduce everyone else he knows ("That's my brother, B, and my sister, J, and my cousin, DN-A, and my other cousin, Baby DN-J.") most people just think it's cute that he then shares his address and phone number, not really catching on that A - He's still not making any eye contact, B - He's talking to a total stranger, and C - Should he really be sharing all of this personal info with someone he doesn't know?! And while A is like this with adults who think this is cute, kids kind of look at him strange when he starts talking like this.

He made his first "friend" last Saturday at a Mother's and More BBQ. DH and I were so excited as he brought his friend over to let us meet him. I tried sharing with a couple moms there what an incredible milestone this was, but I don't think they really got it. B is the one that can just start playing and talking with other kids at the park and then play with them for a while. A tries to do this but just never has gotten the hang of it. One of the areas that was mentioned a few times on the eval was the whole social thing, so I know that is something we'll be putting in his IEP to help him learn.

I guess I need to get over my "shock" that I had hit the nail on the head with my diagnosis. I had kind of been hoping that I was wrong, that I was exaggerating the problems in my head so I could get lots of help for him. But I wasn't. And I know I wasn't. And it's now been confirmed that I wasn't. And that's just the way it is. He's still the same loveable kid, the one who loves to read, the one who loves computers and all electronics (well, he's obsessed with them, but he still loves them!), the one who will perform any song at the drop of the hat, my surprising first born. He just now officially has Asperger's.

And I now join a club that I never really thought I'd be a part of. I had read the "Holland story" before (comparing the experience of parenting a child with special needs to taking a trip to Italy and ending up in Holland - there's lots of great things about Holland, you just weren't planning to go there) and had kind of thought that being the parent of twins was kind of like that. I just never thought that I would be able to relate to the story the way it was really intended.

Not really liking Blogger right now

Three times. That's how many times I have written this post.

The second time was because A got to the computer when I left for a moment to investigate B's long absence upstairs. I came back to his Thomas website and my post gone.

This third time is because Blogger suddenly gave a message that there is no connection all of sudden to Blogger so I went to save the draft so I could investigage this and my almost finished post got erased. Again.

So I don't have the heart to rewrite the whole thing for the third time, but know that it was impressive. Possibly the best writing I ever did. It was, dare I say, brilliant, the kind of post that makes you laugh, and cry, relate to every aspect of it, want to quote me and link to it. Just know that I am capable of that kind of writing ... even if you never get to see it.

The jist of it was that I keep making fabulous plans and reality sets in like a tantruming two year, screaming and crying and changing everything I was trying to accomplish (can you tell my daughter is having a hissy fit at my feet?). After listing many examples of recent plans vs. reality, I decided to start over all over again with each of them. Fresh start and all that.

Feel inspired? Trust me, if you had read either of the two original posts, you would be. For now, you'll have to take my word on that.

Pros and Cons

Pros of staying here and renovating:
1) Worked with my mom and have a great plan on what to do with the house - two story additon, second floor would add a master bedroom suite (sweet!) and would make the current master bedroom into a guest room/office, first floor would make the current dining room into an extension of the living room, would make my current kitchen into a walk in pantry and laundry room (very nice), current laundry area would become a powder room, then addition space would be an open kitchen/dining area with lots of space and counters and cabinets, plus a mudroom.

2) Am getting a huge shed delivered soon which will give us so much outdoor storage

3) The pirate ship that we fell in love with will also be delivered at the same time and will give the kids even more climbing area outside

4) Have now come up with fabulous painting ideas for the whole house

5) Went to Linens and Things with my sister on Sunday for a new shower curtain for my bathroom with the ugly peach tile. Ended up with a shower curtain and bath rug, matching hand towels, and above the toilet cabinet which all completely change the look of the bathroom. I smile every time I walk up the stairs and see it.

6) Low taxes

7) Great neighbors

8) Good school district

9) Wouldn't have to pack everything, though I'm trying to go with the mindset that we DO have to pack so therefore we need to get rid of everything we don't love.


Cons of staying here:
1) Living through construction

2) No finished basement (but could utilize the current playroom solely as a playroom, so that would give the kids more space)


Gosh, looking through that list, it seems pretty clear.
Of course, it depends on what we find out there and how much contractors will charge to do all that I want.

Okay, better call the contractors! We're going to check out three houses tomorrow afternoon. We'll see...

The road less traveled

Two roads diverged in the woods.
And I . . . am going nuts trying to see all the way to the end of both of them!

Uncertainty was never something I handled very well. I've always liked to know exactly what I'm getting into before I step, let alone leap. I know this has been an issue all my life. I never looked at colleges - there were too many to think about. I knew I had to pay for it myself, so I picked a state school that was relatively nearby that had a great reputation for music and education. Done. Graduating college and not knowing the next step nearly killed me. I survived because I knew that DH and I were going to be married in a year, so I had the wedding and marriage to think about, plus I threw myself wholeheartedly into day to day subbing. I had even been a vegetarian for awhile, one of the reasons was it limited the choices for me on the menu!

Right now, looking at our options of possibly moving to a neighboring town or staying here and expanding is really tough. I want to just pick one, either one, and start wholeheartedly thinking about and planning for it. I know that is not smart decision making, and I know that I really need to think through both options because there are pros and cons with both of them. I know, I know, I know. But I want to take the easy way out, which in reality is what we've been doing for the past eight years that we've lived here. We haven't been happy with lots of elements of this house, but except for converting the garage into a playroom that also houses our computer armoire, we haven't done anything about it. So at least now I'm moving forward, but each time I take a few steps down one path, something calls out to me about the other, like I come up with a great painting idea for our current living room, or our real estate agent just e-mailed us pictures and details for a bunch of houses that are in the price range we decided on Wednesday we could handle that seem great on the computer. We're setting up a time to see three of them that DH and I both liked. And on Monday I will call a few contractors to come out and give us estimates on building an addition. Of course, since I don't have a perfect idea of what I want in an addition, only a fairly vague sense (a powder room, an open kitchen/great room, possibly a second floor addition as well as is being recommended to us by the real estate agent), I'm not sure how they can really give us an estimate, but I figure it can't hurt.

I want to move forward NOW. If we're moving, I need to get new carpeting in the living room and dining room. I need to paint the stairway/hallway a nice neutral color. If we're staying, I need to find out how much it would cost to open up the archway dividing the living room and dining room and at the same time rip up the carpeting and get the hardwood floors sanded and stained. If we're moving, I need to do something about the awful linoleum in the kitchen. If we're staying we will be ripping it all up anyway to build the addition so it's no big deal. Either way, I'm trying to get DH on board with at least getting in the mind set that we're moving and will be packing up everything, so we need to start flinging more and more, like the boxes that have been in the attic for eight years now. Or the junk that is all around the basement. One way or another it will feel so great to go through all that stuff and fling most of it.

Okay, I have a direction, a job: to find out as much info as I can about both choices so I can make an informed, grown up decision.

And going back to bed is not an option.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things R is Thankful for . . . AGAIN I know I did this topic last week too, but I went to bed feeling so great (which is not very typical for me, unfortunately) I thought I would type up a new list this week. 1. I "brought the box to Borders" last night again. :) I boxed up all the papers in the house and spent five uninterrupted hours by myself. Aaaahhhh... I first went to Panera's and ate a fabulous salad while reading a good book (Little Earthquakes - I'm really enjoying Jennifer Weiner). 2. Then I went to Borders and sorted through all the papers. I threw out a ton of trash and paid a few bills. 3. I made a list on my steno pad (love steno pads!) of all the things I need to do based on the papers I found which are now stacked neatly in my TO DO box in order. 4. I went to bed feeling so on top of that aspect of my life, mainly because I had a plan on how to get everything accomplished. 5. I have a great husband, because all I had to do was e-mail him during the day yesterday that I needed him to take over at five so I could do this and he did it. I had two other great places that I could have also gone last night (book club and Mother's and More meeting) but this left me feeling so wonderful in a totally different way than going to either of those would have, even as exciting and fabulous they both would have been. 6. My wonderful MOMS Club Board gave me a Visa gift card as a thank you for being president. So great! I had fun yesterday treating myself to dinner, a Chai tea at Borders, and two decorating magazines that are now full of post-it notes of things I want to do around the house. And I still have more on it! 7. I discovered an amazing chore chart that we started using on Monday. It's working so great!!! The kids are so motivated to do their morning routine (yes, it's like a baby control journal) just so they can move the ticket naming each step into the "I did it!" box. 8. My super sister came up with the idea of doing a kid sleepover exchange to allow each of us to have a kid-free weekend to celebrate our anniversaries. And since my anniversary is coming up - I'm thrilled!!! 9. I made reservations for us to spend a night in a fancy hotel in town with their Wedding Night package during our kid-free weekend. It includes breakfast in bed! 10. We also plan on spending one night at home, after we enjoy a nice leisurely dinner and an eight o'clock movie. We will get to sleep in both mornings. Aaahhh... 11. I met with a real estate agent yesterday afternoon. She is on the same page as us. We want to compare our options: building on to this place or making a "lateral" move to a larger house in a neighboring town where we can get more for the money. I'm honestly leaning more towards staying here, but after giving the agent my must haves (an entranceway, a finished basement, a yard, an open kitchen that is large enough for people to gather) she promised to look to see what's out there for what we're currently paying. 12. A's evaluation was completed yesterday when the psychologist from the IU got a chance to observe him at school. She left before the end of the school day, but told his teacher that she defintely saw the things we were talking about. 13. It's my brother-in-law's birthday today, so even though C is working late again, I don't have to do dinner alone as my sister is making it for all of us at her house.

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Bedrest

Anjali found a NY Times Op-Ed article about bedrest which prompted her to ask the question on our Mothers and More message board if any of us were ever on bedrest and what it was like. I began writing this response there but soon found that it was probably way more than she probably was expecting so thought it would be better to make it a blog post.

When what I thought was my boys pushing against my uterus as they battled for more space was diagnosed as preterm labor at 26 weeks, I did whatever the doctors said. And that began my 8 weeks of bedrest, a true roller coaster ride of emotions, various medications (with a variety of nasty side effects), and hospital trips.

While home, my laptop was my lifeline. I don't think I could have kept my sanity without it. Unfortunately, some of the medications I was sent home with made it very difficult to type since my hands were either shaking so much or my brain was a little too clouded with muscle relaxants. The highlight of my day was the change of scenery I was allowed: my once a day trip down the stairs to the couch which I saved for lunchtime when my mom or mother-in-law would come over to make me lunch.

Twice a day I was required to monitor my contractions for an hour. One hour of doing nothing but lying still, notebook next to me, hand on my stomach so I could feel each time my uterus became hard. I would be given a certain number that would be "okay" and was told to call the office if I felt more than that. In the beginning four was the magic number, but that soon increased to five, than six, all the way up to eight. Each time I felt more contractions than I should, the hour became two hours while I layed on my left side, increased my water supply, and monitored for another hour. If I felt the same number of contractions, I generally had to journey to the hospital. Virtually every time we had to make that drive to Labor and Delivery, never knowing if this trip would be "the one," it snowed. It got to the point that if the weatherman predicted snow, we packed a bag and put it by the door. Usually I was monitored, given IV fluids and more medication, and then sent home after a day or two.

Eventually the number of contractions we felt at home got to be too many and I was kept at the hospital for the duration on Magnesium Sulfate, a strong and truly nasty muscle relaxant. Every day in the hospital for these final two weeks, taking one day at a time, never knowing when I would deliver but hoping we could keep the boys in to grow stronger one more day, then one more day, I discovered how different hospital bedrest was from being at home. At home, in addition to being allowed my one journey up and down the steps, I was also allowed to take one short shower a day AND walk to the bathroom as many times as I needed. In the hospital, I was given a commode at the side of my bed and a bottle of waterless shampoo and a washcloth to "bathe" while lying down. In short, I didn't get out of bed much at all.

A strange complication soon began while in the hospital, mainly annoying and embarrassing at first, but soon so uncomfortable I was unable to hide it. I began swelling between my legs. My OBs would tell me that everyone on bedrest experience some swelling, and that they have to worry about all three of the patients, in essence, telling me to suck it up because the two babies growing inside of me are more important than my health and aren't I a bad mother for even suggesting that something be done to relieve my discomfort. The swelling soon got to the point that each of the nurses would come in to look because they had never seen anything like it. They would come in at the beginning of their shifts offering new remedies for me to try, everything from witch hazel to ice packs. I learned after the fact that my one main nurse went home and cried for me - you don't often hear of nurses doing that! Eventually it became so severe that I could no longer keep my legs on the bed; they had to be spread so that my feet were on the sides of the matress. The nurses had to find an extra wide commode for me to use, and during the last few days I needed four nurses to help me use it - two to help lift me and one on each leg. And yet my OBs continued to discount my situation as common, though they refused to examine me. In the early hours of my last day on bedrest, three nurses came in to explain to me, in no uncertain terms, that it is within my rights to refuse medical treatment, and that if the OBs don't agree to do a c-section that morning they would go over their heads to the chief of obstetrics.

My emergency c-section was performed that morning. By then the swelling was so severe that a catheter was impossible to insert (though they tried and my screams are what my husband heard as he came running down the hall that morning) and I was unable to sit up to be given an epidural. I was given general anasthesia to knock me out and the boys were taken out within seconds of each other. The swelling was so extreme at that point that my bladder ruptured during this procedure and a urologist was called in to sew it back together.

After my eight weeks of bedrest, I needed a catheter for two weeks and physical therapy to help me begin walking again. After the surgery, the swelling moved down my legs until my legs, ankles, and feet were so swollen it was near impossible to move them. I used both a wheelchair and a walker for many weeks. My husband had to go to K-Mart and buy me men's flip flops that had velcro so I could fit my swollen feet into them. I made quite a fashion statement when I journeyed back to the hospital to spend the time with my babies in the NICU, wearing heavy socks with my flip flops to combat the cold and a button down dress: the button down part so I could pump every two hours, the dress part so I didn't have to have anything too tight between my legs, since it was still quite swollen and I needed to continue to wear the catheter as my bladder healed.

And I have to say, as awful an experience it was, I would do it all over again if I found myself in the same situation, pregnant with twins and dilated, effaced, and contracting at 26 weeks. Even with no definitive proof that bedrest works, following the OBs instructions as closely as possible made me feel like I was doing something in a terrifying situation, gave me a sense of control in something that was truly not in my control at all. Ultimately, it worked. Who is to say if the boys would have stayed in that long even if I had done none of it? Bottom line, they are healthy four year olds now, and that's all that matters.

Books - my drug of choice

Books have always been my drug of choice. They numbed me, allowed me to escape into their stories, become part of their lives, without affecting me too much. I relied on them anytime I became too overwhelmed, relished their easy friendship, their welcoming words, knowing that I can become any of the characters by simply opening the cover. They helped me survive.

The years following college were tough for me.

I think I did a really good job faking it, but oh, the uncertainty of my life was so unsettling, so unnerving, I had trouble remembering to breathe in and out sometimes.

I remember my final semester of college, student teaching done, weeks away from graduation, and no job lined up for September. I remember lying in bed on my left side, facing the door, sobbing. Not being able to function. Not being able to get up enough energy to get out of bed. By most accounts, I should have been on top of the world. I was getting married the following year. I was finishing college magna cum laude, having worked numerous jobs in order to pay for, but I had done it. But for once in my life, I had no idea what I was going to do in September. I applied to district after district, but none were hiring. I would need to be a day to day sub to make money and gain experience, and the nonpermanance of that was almost more than I could bear.

But I survived. I sucked it up, pushed those feelings deep inside, and moved on.

The next year I got married and we moved into our first apartment. A small, one bedroom apartment. I also started my first year teaching, working with a classroom of gifted fifth graders (or fifth graders whose parents insisted they were gifted), figuring out how to write lesson plans, grade papers, stay one step ahead of my very gifted math students, write IEPs, deal with very demanding parents, all while learning how to live with a man, make dinners, and take care of our home. It was a challenging year. And those feelings, still pushed deep down, kept threatening to explode. They would bubble out of me in arguements I would have with DH over the stupidest things, ooze out of me by making it near impossible to remember each child as an individual without my copious notes since the anxiety I was living with made my memory mush, even encompass me in a great fog when all I wanted to do was play solitaire on the computer and read romance books.

I don't play solitaire much anymore, but my idea of heaven is still a stack of books that I haven't read yet and uninterrupted time to read them. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with reading, with diving into a book and losing yourself in the characters completely, barely coming up for air until the book is done. I remember one summer before we had kids when DH was working all day. I had gotten a job at a summer writing camp, working in the afternoons, and had plans for how to use each morning: rewriting unit plans, coming up with fabulous activities for my classroom, reorganizing closets and cabinets. And yet I never did any of it. Every morning, no matter what my intention was, I would escape all of my responsiblities by reading. Book after book, one after the other, no breaks in between. I would try to set limits, to set a timer for half an hour to ensure I would get up and accomplish something before I had to leave for camp. The timer that I would end up pushing for another chunk of time, and another chunk of time, until it was the last possible minute that I had to leave to arrive at camp on time. And so it went, day after day, all summer long.

Some time the next year I was diagnosed with depression brought on by Post-traumatic-stress disorder, brought on from growing up with my brother, a story for another time. So many things began making sense to me, my inability to function in social situations, my need for control, my detattchment from my feelings. My need to escape. I saw how my reading was one method I had been using to escape from my real feelings, from my real life.

I've written before how something changed for me when I got pregnant with the boys. Maybe it was something chemical, maybe just the fact that I had an instant conversation starter, that people remembered me because I was the one with the twins, I don't know, but life changed. I guess it's really my ability to cope with life changed, but things seemed different. And then I discovered FLYlady, which gave me an approach to dealing with things around the house when they got too overwhelming.

I don't really know where I'm going with all of this, why I felt the need to write about it today. I guess it's because I've been reading a lot recently. I think I needed to remember how I used to use my books because I see myself moving in that direction the past few days, or at least skating dangerously close. I've wasted so much of this weekend in reading. I've read some really great books, but didn't get to do any of the things I was planning to do, things I was really looking forward to getting accomplished. I'm feeling really down on myself because of it. This last week was a blur for me because I was so sick and felt so crappy. I guess everyone needs a weekend off once in a while. Even moms. But I have to remember that reading is my drug of choice to numb myself from all I feel, and clearly it's a slippery slope for me. I just finished a book (In Her Shoes was a lot better than I expected it to be) so I think I need to take a break from reading for a little, lift up my head again, take a deep breath, and continue to plod through this life of mine once again. Here goes.

My great sister

I have a great sister.

Fridays are her day off. Knowing how sick I've been, she called me to see if I wanted her to take my kids with her when she goes to this Playhouse in the city with her neighbor. Uh....yeah!!! I drove to her house so she could take my van (which has the five carseats in it) and she left me alone there. She took the kids all morning and into the afternoon, stopping at McDonald's to give them all lunch. I laid in her bed all morning watching cable, reading my book, and just relaxing. I feel so much better! I mean, I'm still hacking up a lung, blowing my nose like crazy, and dealing with painful pressure behind my ears, but I have more of my voice back and don't feel like my head is in a fog. I just put J down for a nap and the boys are laying on the couch watching tv. Life is good. :)

So let me tell you about yesterday. A's eval went really well. When he met the first person and said to hi to her while focusing squarely on her right shoulder, I was quite pleased. Is that wrong? I was so worried that we would arrive there and he would do so well getting the undivided attention of a bunch of grown-ups that they would finish up and look at us like we were crazy for even thinking there's anything wrong. I know he's very verbal and is very bright and is very social with grown-ups, but he still doesn't really play with other kids his age (besides his twin), isn't great with eye contact, is unusally obsessed with computers and other electronics, and has a whole bunch of sensory issues to boot. I shared my concerns with the first tester (the speech and language person) and she reassured me that the evaluation that day was only part of what they would use to make a diagnosis, that someone would be evaluating him at school next week, plus DH and I had a bunch of checklist type forms to fill out. One of them was specifically for Asperger's, so at least they were taking that theory seriously. All in all, A blew them away with is reading ability (tested in the 99th percentile) and his verbal skills (he doesn't miss anything, even stopped the testing to show the one man where the stickers were in the room when he commented that he wished he had a sticker for A's picture). We were allowed in the room the whole time (really glad DH insisted on coming!), even though we were supposed to be filling out the checklists. It was a lot of fun, truth be told, to watch A answer all their questions with A logic. At one point they were trying to figure out if he knew his whole name. They asked him his name, and he spelled it for them (he loves to do that). Then they asked what his other name was. He paused, and then replied, "B!" That cracked me up. I told them in a separate room that if they asked him what his whole name was he might know, but they didn't word it that way. Bottom line, one of them told me that he definitely qualifies for some services (YES!) and that they would get the report in the mail to me in a few weeks, and we would meet to discuss it in July when they get back from their break. I'm so relieved that we got that over with. And A LOVED it! Even threw a fit when it was time to go.

Since I have a little energy this afternoon, I'm going to attempt to move the furniture in my bedroom. Well, it's not like I can lay down anymore today!

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things R is Grateful for Today 1. My cold is finally starting to get a little better. 2. A's eval at the IU is today!!! 3. My friend Heather has volunteered to watch DN-A and B here today so I don't need to take them with me to the IU. 4. The preschool director (who I'm friends with) volunteered for me to drop off all the kids at school today so I didn't have to bring them with me. I'm taking her up on the offer for J, who wants to go to school so bad, since it's just a young 2s class that has room right now. 5. My DH feels strongly enough about helping A that he found coverage for his classes to come to the eval with me, even though I told him we'll just be sitting in the waiting room. 6. J is STILL sleeping, 2 hours later than usual! (Yes, I already checked, she is still breathing.) 7. J is so verbal that when she woke up screaming last night, she was able to tell me, "I'm scared of the monkey!" allowing me to lift up all the covers, show her there was no monkey in her crib, and help her lay down and go right back to sleep. A still wakes up screaming and crying and even being as verbal as he is, cannot tell me what is wrong. 8. B has a cold and began complaining that his neck hurt last night, which could possibly be a sign of menengitis. The doctor could see him last night, with no trip to the ER necessary, and said that he was fine. Even his lungs sounded clear, even with all the coughing he is doing. 9. DH has been so great the past couple days with me being sick, helping as much as he can. 10. I had two other friends who also offered to watch the kids today so I wouldn't have to take them to A's eval. 11. I figured out a way to create an entranceway to my house by rearranging the furniture in my living room. An entranceway is one of the things I really want in a house, one of the things I like when looking at other houses, so now I'm leaning towards staying in our current house and building on. 12. My sister was able to work from home today to help me out, so she will keep the baby with her today and will be able to pick up J from school at 1 and come here to relieve Heather. 13. A was able to get dressed ALMOST by himself today with relatively few tantrums of it being "too hard." Today it worked by breaking it down one step at a time ("Okay, I'm going to go put my shirt on. Let me help you get your arms out of your pajama top and then you put your shirt on. Let's see if you can beat me. Ready? Go!") - a little time consuming, but he still did the majority of the work himself! Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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