Summer Goals

Today was the last day of preschool for the kids. The summer has officially begun. I have to admit that I was one of those corny moms who actually cried watching the Rabbi and Cantor bless all the Pre-K kids who are "graduating" while they stood on the bimah under the Chuppah (the special canopy) the names of everyone in the class on a new ribbon hanging from it. So sweet.

Anyway, now I'm thinking about summer and our plans. We are sending all three kids to a local JCC (Jewish Community Center) from 9-1 five mornings a week for the whole summer beginning June 25. DH will be home for the summer as well since he is a teacher. I will be teaching at a writing camp (PA Writing and Literature Writing Project Camp) for the afternoons in July, but DH and I will have lots of time every morning this summer to do lots of stuff together. I am SO looking forward to this time!!!

Now that I have my upcoming teaching job at the kids' preschool beginning in September, I'm trying to decide if I can continue the other teaching jobs as well (Religious School for Kindergarten on Sundays, Hebrew School, and our Preschool Shabbat Program for parents and kids). It sounds like a lot, but it really only comes to 25.5 hours a week. I'm trying to figure out if I can do it all (since I REALLY LOVE doing them all) and not get overwhelmed, plus continue marketing, planning, and doing my new business.

Here's my idea: if I can use some, even half of my time this summer planning out my school years, I can do it. It's the planning that gets me, the prep work, but not the teaching.

Now some of you reading this might be thinking why would I want to spend so much of my free time WITHOUT kids planning my school year. Before DH and I had kids, when we were both teaching full-time, we used to spend our Saturday mornings hanging out at Borders doing our school work. I know, we're dorks. But at least we got out of the house, spent time together, and got our work done. This summer, DH is in charge or rewriting his district's 12-3 English curriculum (for the seniors who are not on the college track, that are struggling). He has some exciting ideas, but will need a lot of time to plan it out and do all the reading of young adult literature he needs to do to prepare. I can picture the two of us hanging out at different coffee shops/book stores, doing our planning and hanging out. I'm getting excited just thinking about it!! And if I'm able to plan out all the units that I plan on teaching in preschool, Hebrew school, religious school, AND plan out all projects for the Shabbat program, I will feel so great and ahead of the game.

I'm hoping we can do some house projects this summer, some really fun ones like cleaning out the basement and the attic. But I'll think more about that later, after I get a chance to go over my ideas above with DH. For now, I have to watch my imaginative children act out their version of Fetch with Ruff Ruffman.

Kicking Depression in the Butt

I fought back yesterday and ultimately did fairly well.

My calorie goal each day is between 1200-1500; I stayed below 1300.

I took the kids out for a "scavenger hunt" around a few blocks. They ran to the next object (a sign with four letters, a baseketball hoop, etc.) and I jogged to keep up. Nice exercise!

J actually did a good job helping me tackle each room for ten minutes. Upstairs she picked up all clothes on the floor, downstairs she put away each toy I put on the coffee table. It kept me motivated and I was able to clean up a lot.

I set up my financial stuff on the laptop so I'll be able to balance the checkbook dowstairs with the kids, even outside if we want.

I got a call from my local library asking me to do the baby/toddler story time this summer, eight weeks, 30 minutes a session, paid, of course. Love that they thought of me!

I met with a friend from the MOMS Club to learn how to do the newsletter since I'll be taking that over in July (don't yell at me, Kathy!). We worked together to come up with deadlines for everyone involved so it won't come down to a last minute rush trying to pull everything together. Plus I have the two newsletters that I do on alternating weeks, so I won't ever have to pull them both together at the same time. I really enjoy creating the newsletters, and since I have everything on the laptop, I can work on it around the kids without a problem.

I'm about to do my Weekly Home Blessing; since I cleaned up the floors/trash yesterday with J, I should be able to stick to 10 minutes per task. And I just made plans to meet tonight with a friend from the community theater that I have worked at a lot to get Annie costumes for the party I'm doing this Saturday.

I was very productive yesterday, and for me productivity keeps the depression at bay. Gotta keep moving so I can be equally productive today.

I Keep Fighting

Depression is just kicking my butt.

It's such a Catch-22: I don't do well with time on my hands. I find I typically don't get done what I had planned to get done, instead escaping in a book or sleeping. It's really hard to get the energy to fight through the veil that depression pulls me down with, even harder when I'm by myself. So I keep myself busy. And in doing that, I end up getting overwhelmed by the stuff around the house that I don't get to and all tha I have to do. I can't seem to find a happy medium.

And so. I have written a very detailed to do list for today (at my new favorite site: www.tadalists.com) and will keep the computer open to my list. I really need to push myself today because I once again did not go to bed when I should have and am extra tired today. I think if I allowed myself I could go back to bed and sleep all day. Real productive, right? The state of the house is driving me crazy, so I know I'll feel so much better if I tackle it.

I just want to get to the point where I'm NOT playing constant catch-up. How do I get ahead? I know my Flylady friends would say "babysteps" but I want instant results.

I checked out another website yesterday called Messies Anonymous and they suggested if the house was REALLY bad (which mine is not) you should buy six white cardboard storage boxes and go through each room picking up everything and putting it in one of the boxes (marked Papers, etc.). At least then everything would be out of sight. Then you can tackle one box at a time. I've tried variations of this, but don't usually end up getting to the box or basket for a long, long time so I end up with baskets of clutter just sitting around for weeks and weeks. But what if I could do this and actually tackle them in a timely manner? Heck, what if I could do this once and then not need to do it again?!

Alright enough complaining. Boy, you guys who do read my bog regularly must be so sick of hearing about it: I'm depressed, blah, blah, blah, I can't get my butt in gear, blah, blah, blah, I don't have my eating under control, blah, blah, blah, my house is a mess, blah, blah, blah. I'm sick of thinking it - you must be sick of reading it. It would be so much easier to just say forget about it all and just escape in some way (reading, sleeping, etc.) but clearly I can't do that.

So here we go, fighting through another day.

Uh-Oh

Words you don't want to hear after the toilet has been flushed three times quickly in succession:

"I put all the wipes in the potty. Sorry."

Live and Learn

Next time I write a contract for a party, I need to spell this out:

I will arrive at your house a few minutes before the party begins. I will be ready to begin at the contracted time and will engage the children for a full hour. If you need me to stay later due to late arrivals, wanting me to stay for pictures, or any other reason, there will be a charge of $25 for each additional fifteen minutes.

Today's party went great, but I agreed to wait an additional five minutes to begin past 3 (my first mistake). I then attempted to do all the activities I bought, even though the younger girls clearly wanted to linger on their tierras (they had already spent about 20+ minutes on it) and the older girls wanted to continue painting their fingernails. Even when 4 had come and gone, I was still pushing them to finish their make-up (the older girls) or selecting their dresses (the younger girls). I had promised they would get to do a fashion show, so I had to allow that to happen. When the party was over, the parents asked me if I would mind waiting for the cake so they could take a picture of all the "princesses" in their dresses with the cake. It didn't seem that time consuming, so even though it was already 4:30, I agreed. Well, the dad had to run to get the ice cream cake from the store across the street still!!! At 4:50 we were finally singing Happy Birthday (three whole verses!), then the girls took the dresses off and I could finally go home. ARGH!!!

Since I didn't have anything about staying past the contracted time in writing, I didn't think it was a good idea for me to push it. I really wanted this family to recommend me to their friends.
But I will definitely make sure I have something in writing for the next contract I write.

And as always, please keep me in mind for your child's birthday party (www.missrachel.net)!

So very tired

My weight is going in the wrong direction. Have to stop this emotional eating. I start the day with the best of intentions and then stop keeping track as the day goes by. That stops today. It has to - I'm sick of this!

I'm just tired. All I want to do is sleep. I don't even want to interact with the kids. Just want to sleep. And I can't, of course.

It looks like J's allergies have progressed into a full blown cold. She keeps crying, "I can't breathe!" because her nose is all stuffy. And mine keeps running too so I don't feel like blowing her nose along with mine.

Well, I'm super negative today. I'm drinking my chai tea which will hopefully help me wake up. And I'm going to try to keep busy today, even though all I want to do is sleep.

Life is Full of Questions

Why does the IU need to meet with me in July to write an IEP for A to ensure he receives services over the summer (you know, for the month of August) when the school district and I are meeting in June to write his IEP for the upcoming school year?!!

Why do people leave their telephone number so fast on my machine, making me repeat it several times before I get it, and when I copy it down and then erase the message, why do I find out that I must have copied it wrong and now have NO WAY to contact them?!!

Why did I take so much time to fill out the financial aid form for the camp I want the kids to attend this summer if they were going to lose it and make me fill it out all over again?!!

Why did someone steal my debit card numbers and buy over a fifteen hundred dollars worth of stuff that comes out of my bank account, thus making it impossible to pay our bills this month until we get credited by the bank for the stolen amount?

Why can't I download my financial info onto a CD so I can use it on my laptop?

Why am I still sitting here asking why? I need to fold a load of laundry and sort through two baskets worth of papers before I go pick up the kids at 12.

It's All About the Clothes

And now we're on to Day Seven: Pick out tomorrow's clothes before I go to bed at night. This will definitely be a good habit to get into, making the next day easier. Yesterday I didn't exactly tackle my hotspots the way I intended, but I did get the dining room table and the console table in the living room, and continued cleaning the living room and dining room this morning. Bottom line, they look good. But I'm going to work hard to stay on top of all the hotspots, keeping them cleaned off so they don't become full fires taking over the house.

In other news, I met with A's team at his elementary school for September this morning. Since DH couldn't get off work, my sister went with me as an additional pair of ears. The meeting went extremely well. The report results painted an extremely accurate picture of him, acknowledging all of his needs and strengths, even pointing out any discrepancies between very superior scores in many categories in one area (like speech) and average scores in another category. While average scores would not normally indicate a need for services, the fact that there is such a discrepancy does indicate that, and the speech teacher and psychologist both saw that. So far, so good! His IEP meeting is in June.

Since A is now reading over my shoulder, I am ending this post so the kids can begin "quiet time" and I can return some business related phone calls.

Putting out the fires

Day six: Hot spots. My job today is to spend two minutes on each hot spot around the house. Hot spots in my house include: the dining room table, the console table in the living room, and most of my bedroom. Okay, if I had to narrow it down in my bedroom, it would be the rocking chair that ends up holding everything we can't put somewhere else and the floor on my side of the bed. Two minutes for each, that's doable. The kids are currently playing on their own (not sure how much longer that will keep up) so I better get started. Then I'm off with them to K-Mart (never made it yesterday).

Here goes.

Steps two through five

Okay, Day two of babysteps: Get dressed to lace up shoes. This is one routine that I started doing when I joined FLYlady and it has stuck with me. I used to be a barefoot girl. And I had incredible foot and back pain which got worse as the day went on. When I started the day my first steps were extremely painful. When I started consistently wearing shoes, the pain stopped. I'm a believer!

So moving on to Day Three: Do what we have already done. And read some of the website. Well, I've read the website plenty of times, and I have done what we already have done. My sink is shiny (except for the stuff DH left in it this morning - grrr) and my shoes are on. I'm moving on.

Day Four: Write these things down. This is the start of a control journal. I have one already, written out on my white board. Next...

Day Five: Write down what you hear. This one I can do. Write down those negative voices inside my head and answer them. Okay, here goes:

Why are you bothering with this? Why not just get off your lazy butt and go clean the house?

Because I could clean the house right now, but I don't have the routines in place to keep it clean. I need to build that into my life so it will be my autopilot to follow.

But look at all this crap around the house! It's really not that complicated to just pick it all up!

I know HOW to pick stuff up. But clearly it gets overwhelming. And after keeping three young children alive and relatively happy all day, preferrably better at the end of the day than they were the day before, feeding them, cleaning them, reminding them to go the potty (still dry!!!), following up on phone calls and inquiries about my new business, keeping track of the money coming in and out of our house, trying to exercise, cooking, gardening, I'm just tired by the end of the day and it's easier to just ignore it all. I don't want that anymore.

Well, there you go. I don't want the house to overwhelm me anymore, so I believe FLYlady is the answer.

Now I'm off to K-Mart to pick up costumes for the princess party I'm doing on Saturday. I'm picking up four packs and possibly an instant polaroid camera to take pictures for the Annie party I'll be doing the following week. Then I'm picking up J and taking her to my sister's where we will all travel to Jersey for a cousin's BBQ. DH will stay here with the boys at his parents to have dinner. And that's all I have to say about that.

Babysteps

I'm jumping back on the Flylady bandwagon. Inspired by Mommy Brain, I'm going to start over by using the beginner babysteps. Luckily so many of the steps have already become ingrained habits, so for those, I will just acknowledge and move on to the next step.

Anyone interested in joining me on my journey? Leave a comment to let me know how you're doing. I would love to have friends accompany me along the way. I highly recommend the process. And my house right now is crying out (or is that just me) for me to do something about the chaos. So here's my answer: shine my sink. And clean off the counters in the process.

Miracle of miracles Part Two

Yesterday A started the day with again peeing and pooping in the potty. He stands there waiting very patiently, straining his muscles until finally a couple drops, then a couple more, and then a whole stream comes out. It seems to take him a lot to get it started, but he clearly has made the mind/body connection and is able to make it happen. Finally. Yesterday he was so excited about his accomplishment, he left the bathroom shouting, "Now I get to wear underwear!" I wanted to wait a few days to make sure he stayed dry longer, but he was so excited I decided to just go with it.

I prepped him on what to do if he felt like he had to go, told him that it's okay if he makes a mistake and has an accident, and brought him to school with a full change of clothes wearing Thomas the Tank Engine underwear.

He was still wearing the same dry pair of underwear when I picked him up at school. He had peed in the potty at school about five times (in three hours).

At night when we were getting ready for bed, he took off the same dry pair of underwear he had started the day wearing.

I had suggested a few times that he go to the potty, but most of the trips to the potty were his idea. All day long.

Could it really be this "easy"?

My heart aches

Yesterday a letter went out to my congregation stating that our rabbi's contract will not be renewed next year. The Board of the Temple had been working with the rabbi for months and very intensively for the last week behind closed doors, and ultimately the decision was made. There are many reasons why this happened, and it did not happen over night. The rabbi will still be our spiritual leader for the next year, and the elected Board, representative of the congregation, people who stepped up when asked to help lead the congregation, participated in a long, drawn out, excruciating process, and made the decision that the details surrounding the reasons for the contract to not be renewed be kept confidential.

I just returned home from the annual congregational meeting. While the president of the congregation tried to keep to the agenda, so many of the people attending the meeting wouldn't allow that to happen. The yelling and anger that I saw in our sanctuary, in the place that we pray, our holy place, made me cry.

I personally stayed a member of my synagogue in spite of the current rabbi, not because of him. I contemplated leaving many times, but ultimately decided to stay because I have been a member my entire life. I have so many connections to the synagogue, feel such a connection to so many people within the congregation, how could I leave? I stayed in spite of, not because. But I stayed.

My heart aches.

The anger. The power plays I witnessed tonight, the threats to leave. The knowledge that so many of the people there tonight were riled up because they spoke to the rabbi and received one-sided information that I truly believe was inaccurate. I believe that our spiritual leader purposefully called our major financial contributor to get him on "his side" and encouraged him to gather supporters, creating a rift. How can a holy man act like this? I don't know all the details, but personally I am so relieved this decision has been made.

I know this is rambling. My heart truly aches over what I just saw and over the repercusions from the devisive actions that have occured and I'm having a hard time calming down from what I just experienced.

I come to the synagogue to pray, to feel closer to G-d, to be connected with other Jews, to teach, to feel a sense of community, to be with my other family. Just as a child is traumatized when the parents get a fight, I am traumatized to see so many members of my extended family fight.

I don't even have a point or a way to summarize this or even an idea on how to end this. I am feeling so unsettled and so upset I just need to end it. I'll write more tomorrow.

Check this out!!!

www.tadalist.com

I can now easily have multiple to do lists and keep tack of them all on the computer. So easy to use and, oh yeah, did I forget to mention, it's free!

J's tired

Last night J was so tired she began crying as we were getting ready for bed.

I comforted her, and told her that she was crying because she was just so tired.

"That doesn't make any sense!" J wailed.

Everyone's a critic.

Miracle of miracles

A peed in the potty this morning! Now he is laughing and smiling beside me because he read the first sentence (and what I'm currently writing). And now he is screaming and crying because I can't find where Daddy last put his Gameboy, A's prize for when he does anything in the potty. And now he's laughing through his tears because I just found it. Wow, fast mood swings!

A has been trying to pee (his own idea) the last few mornings. He'll stand at the potty and push using all the right muscles. He will usually end up sitting on his special potty seat (has handles and step up to rest his feet on). Today he actually was able to get a very short stream (the pee lasted for about a second, maybe less) but it was actual pee and he was so proud.

So was Mommy.

A B Funny

The boys' teacher pulled me aside Friday to tell me my son's latest ego-centric conversation (my words, not hers):

The teacher was talking to another parent, telling her that, "the good news is (her son) did not use his hands but instead used his words."

B approached her very excitedly and asked, "But did you tell her the REALLY good news?"

"No, B," his teacher turned to him, "What is the really good news?"

"Our daddy is directing Seussical this summer!"

To B the best thing in the world is that daddy is going to be directing one of his favorite musicals again. It doesn't get much better than that for B, and he just had to share this amazing news with everyone.

A Three-Year-Old's Body Image

Last night J broke my heart.

I had taken her out of the bathtub and she was wrapped up in a towel on my lap, looking down as I brushed her hair. "Mommy, why my belly like a baby?"

"What do you mean?" I really had no idea what her question meant or where it came from.

J was poking her belly as she replied, "When will it go in?"

I really couldn't figure out what she was talking about. The questions seemed to come out of nowhere. Trying to get more information out her, I asked, "Can you show me what you mean?"

At that she sucked her belly in and asked again, "When will it be flat and not stick out like a baby?"

My three-year-old daughter is expressing disatisfaction with her body. How is that possible? Where do those thoughts come from? I was anorexic for about five years growing up - I'm hyper-aware of the different things that a mom can do that might trigger unhealthy thoughts in their daughters. She doesn't watch commercial tv - I don't think she's really seen that many images of models or teen actresses. I don't talk about losing weight; I talk about trying to eat healthy. I NEVER express disatisfaction with my own body in front of her. And somehow she still picked up that her body is still round with a little baby fat.

As shocked as I was when I finally realized what J was asking, I knew I had to respond. I wrapped the towel more tightly around her in a hug and whispered, "But J, your body is perfect just the way it is. Your body is the perfect J body. When you get older it will change some, but right now it is exactly the way it is supposed to be. You're beautful."

Within minutes of our deep, heartfelt conversation my J was streaking through the upstairs, clearly not concerned about her "baby belly" while running naked through the boys' room.

I will do everything I can to keep her feeling that carefree about her body.

Sweating at Home

I found a FABULOUS website (well, my fabulous neighbor sent me the site, but still) that I'm really excited about it. It's called www.sparkpeople.com and it has a food tracker and a fitness tracker and it tells me exactly how many calories I have eaten and how many I burned. It even inspired me to exercise tonight while I watched tv. Woohoo!

And I learned that even if I can't go walking/jogging around the neighborhood like I want to do early in the morning because DH leaves before 6, or in the evening because he doesn't always get home too early, but I can jog in place and still work up a good sweat. I'm thrilled that I have found a relatively easy way to do cardio at home.

Contest

Click below for a new contest:

http://ww1.checkoutsupervalu.com/acm/index.php?Plink=L1179351295126156385

Trying to Keep Moving

Of course I missed the return call from the doctor yesterday, so I'll need to call her back today. I had the phone next to me for all but forty-five minutes yesterday while home, even brought it outside, so it's just my luck that I missed the call. Hopefully I will be able to talk to her today and work out the appropriate dosage for my meds. I have no qualms admitting that I need some chemical help. Major clinical depression is a condition that runs in my family. It has to do with an imbalance in my brain that the medication can make right. I have a hard time understanding why some people are so resistant to either admitting there is a problem and/or accepting medical help for this medical condition. Do they think that because it's in your brain that it's all in your head?!!

I held it together yesterday until DH got home. Then I let him take over with the kids and I went upstairs to lay on the bed. It was not so great - I didn't even want a book or to tun the tv on, just wanted to stare off into space. It took so much energy keeping a smile on my face for the kids all day that I had none left for myself.

But today is a new day and I'm going to do my best to keep moving, which I've found helps a lot with the depression. The boys have their kindergarten orientation this morning, which is very exciting, so we drop J off at preschool and then head over to their elementary school. After that is over and I bring them back to preschool I plan to hang out at my favorite Starbucks sipping a chai tea latte while I sort through the pile of papers I have in my "in basket" upstairs.

Okay, A is now hanging on my shoulder reading what I write, J is begging for grapes, B is hiding upstairs, and we need to leave in five minutes! Just enough time to have everyone brush their teeth, clean up their breakfast dishes, allow me to brush their hair, and run out the door. Here we go!

Down in the dumps still

I'm down.

Just can't get over this funk.

I walked with my sister this morning. Exercise is supposed to help increase endorphins, make you feel good. And it did at the time.

But by the time I got home I felt ready to cry. No particular reason. The house is messy, but it's been worse. Maybe that will help.

But after trying to get over this on my own for a while, I'm going to talk to the doctor about upping my dosage on my anti-depresion medication.

I've Been Tagged!

Thank you, Nancy, for tagging me!

Here Are The Rules
1. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
3. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Eight Random Things About ME

1) I am quite good at tuning out my children when I need to (like right now) and continuing an adult conversation with another mom even through ten different interruptions.

2) I love reading good romantic suspense novels.

3) I ABSOLUTELY love the book 1, 2, 3, Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12. It saved my sanity and the life of one of my children.

4) I have a pirate ship in the backyard.

5) I used to sing professionally at weddings but haven't done that in a few years.

6) Even though my daughter was incredulous that I knew how to teach, I was a public-school elementary teacher in my former (pre-kid) life.

7) I used to pretend my bike was a horse and would ride it all over the yard (give me a break, I was ten).

8) I spend WAY too much time on the computer (oh, wait, that would be true for most of us, wouldn't it).

And let's see, now I have to tag eight people. I'm not on my desktop computer right now which has all my favorite blogs on it, so let's see if I can think of eight blogs I like to read that have NOT already been tagged. I tag:

The Adventures of Dino Boy
I'm an Organizing Junkie!
Life in the Hundred-Acre Wood
Looky, Daddy!
Mama's Ramblings
Random Musings of a Crazed Momma
Rocks in my Dryer
Your God Loves Me Too

Singing in the Choir (Just singing in the choir....)

Yesterday the cantor at the synagogue asked me to sing a solo at services because her voice was not 100% due to allergies (see, they're kicking everyone's butt). Very flattering. I had joined our all-volunteer choir when I was twelve and only recently had to drop out due to time constraints. DH's rehearsals are now at night (which is when choir rehearsal is), which just makes it extremely challenging to make it.

In any case, it was so nice to sing in a choir again! It feels like it's been so long since I've done any "real" singing, something besides singing the kids lullabies and changing the words to amuse myself. Most times if I try to sing in the car the kids oh so politely ask me to stop. I have to remind myself that people used to pay me to sing for them. It's a little bit of a kick to my ego to have my children beg me NOT to sing.

It was fabulous to hear compliments about my voice again. I'm an incredible perfectionist but even I could tell that my range has grown and my voice has gotten more resonant. I had always heard that women's voices do not fully develop until their mid-thirties. I'm a believer now! I was even able to easily hit the high g at the end of one song, something that used to always be a challenge to get a pure sound that high.

One of the ladies that I'm friendly with at the Temple is in the advanced stages of MS. She has been in an electric wheelchair-type chair for a while, but her speech is starting to be more halting and she is clearly starting to lose her memory. When I approached her after services last night, she complimented me, stating that she had never heard me sing before and questioning why I haven't sang solos with the choir before tonight. I've been a soloist in the choir for over twenty years, plus substituting for the cantor any time she can't make it. I know she has heard me sing before. That must be so awful to live with. I just can't imagine forgetting things that I used to know. I have never had a good memory, but to lose memories like that...I hope she doesn't even realize that she once knew it. Maybe that would make it easier.

Allergies are kicking my butt

The kids have their Mother's Day program at school in a little bit, so I just have enough time to check in before I run off to be blown away by their singing. I'm all ready to go, "Aaawwww...."

Okay allergy sufferers, this question is for you: I've been taking OTC generic Claritin. It says non-drowsy. Does it make anyone else drowsy? I've been really good this week getting to bed on time, but I'm still feeling like I could take a nap at any time. I'm tired!

I drove over to our local Produce Junction (my normal weekly Friday trip) and could not even find a parking spot. I have veggies, really just need fruit, but it was so unbelievably crowded that I just gave up and came home. Now I have no fruit, didn't have any time to clean, need to leave home and won't be back until 2 because I'll be in charge of anywhere between three to twenty preschoolers which really zaps my energy, and I have so much to do around the house to make me feel better and not leave me in a funk this afternoon before I leave for my parents' house for Shabbat dinner at 5.

Sorry this post was not more interesting, but I'm tired!

I'm Still Here

Don't worry, my faithful readers, you don't have to remove me from your favorites list (Okay, Kathy?!!), I'm still here! That stomach bug really threw me for a loop, and my computer is annoying the heck out of me, and I had a lot to make up for from being sick for a week, but I'm still here.

To summarize the past week:
* B sang me a "surprise" Mother's Day song (they're performing on Friday a special program for moms but he couldn't wait) which was so cute I couldn't help laughing as he sang and clapping when he was finished. Both B and A looked at me and quite indignantly told me that I was supposed to cry now - that's what their teacher told me all the moms would do.

* Got caught up on paperwork - woohoo!

* Did my first library show - 50 preschoolers from a local daycare whose teachers sat in the back and talked and I had to keep their attention, entertain, AND stop the few in the front from beating the cr*p out of the kids around them. Most of the kids were really, really into it, which was so cute to see, and the librarians and teachers all told me that I did a great job when the show was done. Not bad!

* I have been taking A for all kinds of evals the last couple weeks in preparation for kindergarten. Yesterday was speech, today is PT, last week was with the psychologist, the week before was OT. Time consuming, but he loves it!

* Been able to work in the yard a lot this week while the kids play around me. So nice that they're older now and can play more independently now.

* I've been rewarding myself for going to bed on time with a Starbucks Chai Tea Latte the next day. Two days in a row now! :)

Alright, have to pick them all up now. I'll try to get back in the habit of blogging every day.

I've felt better

Why does the sight of Mommy on the toilet, unable to get up without....making a mess, clutching a bucket as she also throws up over and over again, tell children that it would be a perfect time for all of them to clamor for attention?

I started getting sick a little before six AM. When I was finished, I crawled to the bedroom and called DH to come back home. He had to rearrange his schedule a lot, but he told me he'd be back by 7:30. I was sick again at 7 (that time the kids were awake). At that point I just kept reminding myself that DH would be home soon. I kept lifting my head from the bucket to tell them to stop talking to me or to get dressed, but they were a little freaked out and weren't being such good listeners. DH got home just in time for me to run to the bathroom and get sick again.

I was hoping to be able to just suck it up and have DH drive me to my first library show, perform, and go back home to bed, but by 8:30 it was clear it was not going to happen. Luckily the children's librarian was fine with rescheduling for the next week.

Not to go into too much detail (too late) but bottom line, starting around noon I was able to start keeping small sips of fluid down, but still have not been able to manage any of the foods on the BRAT diet. I had a high fever and such stomach cramping I was totally miserable.

I tried a little toast this morning, but obviously wasn't ready for that yet as I got sick right away. A was sick during the night and again this morning with major diarhea, so he's staying home again with me, but considering how weak I am right now, he better be content to just lie on the couch! My sister is picking up the other two for school so I don't have to drive this morning, but is unable to pick them up after school, so I better feel better by 12!

Okay, let's see if I can finish getting J and B ready for school now. My head hurts, my stomach hurts, I'm hungry (but can't eat), and upstairs smells like crap due to A's problems during the night and early morning (have to get enough energy to at least wash all that stuff). Here goes!

What do I want?

What do I want out of my home life?
I want to have joy and laughter.
I want the kids to be happy, to be able to play independently and cooperatively.
I want DH and I to have peace when we walk into the house, to not feel stressed from the clutter and mess.
I want to be on top of all the paperwork that flies into my house each day, to not miss any more deadlines ever again.

What do I want out of my professional life?
I want to teach preschool, at least for now. When the kids are all through elementary school, or maybe sooner, I can envision teaching in public school again, hopefully kindergarten. But for now, teaching preschool part-time during the exact hours the kids are in school would be great. I would be able to help out with our financial difficulties - maybe we could even afford to take a vacation! Plus I LOVE teaching. Everytime I leave any classroom in which I have just spent time teaching I just feel like walking on air. I feel so great working with kids. I love figuring out how their minds work, and exposing them to new ideas and new activities. Can't wait until I find out for sure if I have the job or not.
I want my business to take off. I want to have about three to four parties a week. I want to have clients enjoy my service so much that they pass my name around to friends and that I actually have to tell people that I'm not available for the first date they ask about. I want to gain a reputation for entertaining kids so much that when someone (other than just people who know me) hears that I'm performing somewhere they make a point of bringing their kids to see me.

Can you tell that we had a life coach come to our last Mothers and More meeting last night? I'm working on getting my image of my ideal life written down so I can figure out the steps I need to take acheive it.

So what about you? How would you answer those questions? What do you want your home life and your professional life to be like? Write a post about it and link it back here! If you don't have your own blog, take some time and write your thoughts in the comments section. I'd love to know what you lurkers are thinking too!

Random Bits of Tiredness

I handed in my resume on Monday and the director gave a big sigh of relief and started telling me all the thoughts she had about how I could handle the logistics of getting all three kids to school and picked up - she had a couple ways all planned out for me. That sounds promising! I can't wait until I know for sure. I don't do too well with waiting in limbo.

Monday night both A and J were coughing. A lot. A was coughing more, but it was keeping J awake and she was complaining about everything else: she was thirsty, she was hungry, she wanted to be tucked in again, she didn't want the cover on her, etc. A kept crying hysterically, and then J, while B on his top bunk had his pillow over his head to try to tune it all out. We finally got A settled but J kept going. After multiple threats, we finally had to move her into her room for the night. She was NOT happy. She had not slept on her own for many months, so we ultimately needed to do a gradual journey out of her room: first I sat in the rocking chair, then the floor near her crib, then by the door, then outside her door, each time I moved she looked up accusingly until I reassured her that I was right here, it's okay, go back to bed. This kept up until TWO in the morning, SEVEN hours past her regular bedtime!!! And yet she still woke up at 6:30 ready to go.

Last night I had a drink of iced tea without really thinking about caffiene and could not fall asleep. At all. Two nights in a row with very little sleep? I'm tired. And DH needs me to figure out a way to go to his brush up rehearsal tonight for the middle school show he has been directing. ARGH! I'm tired!!!

Alright, better see if I can find a babysitter for tonight before I go pick the kids up.

Random Bits of Craziness

I finally connected the desire to go to sleep all day if I could, wanting to go back to bed the moment that I get up, craving just lying down and pulling the covers over my head, with the feeling of being overwhelmed and out of control. Yep, I think it's time to up my depression meds. Or something.

I'm depressed. DH started giving me a hard time on Saturday about how stressful it is for him to come home to a messy house. Totally get that feeling - it's stressful for me too! When I explained to him the fact that I have been unable to get off my butt for most of this week except when I had a planned activity due to a flare up of my depression, he backed off immediately. And I did what I usually do to get back on track: I worked on organizing my upcoming week so that I won't feel so out of control. I made a meal plan spreadsheet for me to check off as I go as a way for me not to lose control with my eating. This should help with my weight loss. I finished my resume to hand in today (cross your fingers) to the kids' preschool, where the upcoming job opening is no longer confidential and I am HOPING I will be at the top of the list to get the job. And I sent out an e-mail to all people in my Mothers and More chapter to let them know that newsletter submissions HAVE to be handed in by today at noon so I can put the newsletter together by tonight. I should have sent out that e-mail last week, but kind of got lost in the whole out of control thing.

I had another library realize that they could not live without me providing entertainment for the kids that attend there. So now I'm up to four libraries that I will be performing at this summer, begining next Tuesday. Guess I better finish putting the show together!

I was able to meet with an old theater friend of mine yesterday at a fun fair that Mothers and More had a booth at. She has agreed to be my costume source for any and all parties (woohoo!) which is fabulous since I had a request for an Annie party and want to provide orphan dresses to all the girls and an Annie dress to the birthday girl so they can do a couple of songs from the show. My last communication from the mom was to check on a specific date, so it looks like 95% sure that she will be booking me.

My desktop computer is driving me crazy! Last night I used the laptop to check my work e-mail - totally necessary since this computer literally kicks me off at least a few times a session when I go to check my work e-mail. I know the computer is messed up, and I would like to bring it in to get it checked out. Maybe it won't cost too much to get fixed. DH is pushing to just get a new computer. That seems wasteful to me, but maybe cheaper in the long run. Maybe we would just get another laptop and leave it in the armoire.

Have to run - the kids just informed me that A has gotten the honey. Fun, fun, fun.

I Look Like WHAT?!!

Just saw some recent photographs of myself.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I'm able to turn my head this way or that way to avoid seeing what I don't want to see. If I see the hint of a double chin I lift up my head a little. If my face appears too full I adjust my hair to attempt to make it look slimmer.

But photos don't lie.

I'm really sick of my appearance. I don't want to be overweight. I don't feel good about myself, my clothes don't look good on me. I'm tired of the tire around my middle. I just don't like it. If I lost weight/was in shape I would have more energy. That is HUGE in my life.

And it comes down to willpower. I know there is no magic pill, no huge trick, no big revelation, I know I need to eat more fruits and vegetables, cut out all soda (can't stand the taste of diet and I've gotten into order a coke from McDonald's every time I need a caffine burst), avoid eating after 7:30/8, watch my portion sizes, keeps snacks down to no more than two a day, and get more exercise. I know it's not rocket science! I also know that I'm an emotional eater: I eat when I'm upset, or bored, or tired, or happy. I can make myself feel hungry if I think about it too much, so obviously I can't use that as a guide. I need to eat three healthy meals a day, allow myself two snacks, and drink more water when I feel empty.

And I need to keep a couple photos of myself on the fridge.

My Incredible Sister

Have I mentioned recently what an incredible sister I have? DH has been having MAJOR problems with the middle school show he is directing. When he came home so frustrated on Monday, DS and I offered to help, me going to the rehearsal and DS watching the kids. While I taught Hebrew School, DH brought the kids to DS' house after he gave them dinner. DS took care of giving them baths (my three plus her two), getting them all changed and ready for bed. When her husband came home, she drove my three back to my house and put them to bed.

That would be incredible unto itself, but here's where the REALLY incredible part took place. I have mentioned before that my sister does not really understand the meaning of "down time" - if I ever complain about that again, please remind me of this post! On Tuesday night, she cleaned my kitchen: scrubbed the floor, the stove top, the counters, the sink - it sparkled! On Wednesday, she cleaned the bathroom. The bathroom, people! She scrubbed the sink, the toilet, the tub and shower - it's cleaner than it's been in a long time.

I don't know how she does it, but I'm not at all complaining. I guess some people would have felt embarrassed or insulted. Me, I just felt incredible gratitude. Thank you, DS!!!

Even more tired than before!

I have no question about why I'm tired today.

DH and I were up nearly all night taking turns with not one, not two, but all three kids.

A started it. He developed a cough around 9:30 or so. He kept coughing and crying, coughing and crying, no matter what we tried. This kept up until about 12. DH and I kept taking turns going in and trying to get him to fall asleep. We did everything we could: the vaporizer was on full blast, we propped A up on lots of pillows, his chest was smeared with Vicks Vapor Rub, he had a cup of water that he kept sipping from, he had some cough suppresant pills, I even gave him a little bucket in case he threw up from all that coughing. Around midnight he finally fell asleep. DH and I both dropped into our bed. But only for about fifteen minutes.

J began crying hysterically around 12:15. DH's turn. She couldn't find her pacifier (Yes, she still sleeps with a pacifier. Let's stay focused on the big picture here - she normally sleeps fine!) and clearly didn't feel great so she was very upset. DH searched all over her room and the boys' room for about thirty minutes but couldn't find it. Finally I joined him and found it within two minutes. No comment. J laid down, so did we. Within five minutes J was up and crying again about needing a drink of water. My turn. Two small cups of water later, we were all laying down and quiet.

B's turn: four times in a row, about an hour between each time awake, he began crying because of either a bad dream or because he was calling for his brother and his brother wasn't answering (B is now on the top bunk of their new bunk beds and is still not used to not seeing his brother at night). DH and I took turns responding to him.

J woke again around 4.

A coughed himself awake around 5.

B cried himself awake around 6, at which time I invited him into bed with me (DH had just left for school). He did not fall back asleep, so I while I was able to shut my eyes some more, I kept waking up because he was touching my face (I hate that!) or trying to talk to me.

A slept in until 8, and J slept in until 9:30 (three hours later than she normally does).

It's 10 AM, I'm still in my robe, the kids are downstairs watching a movie, a friend of the family is arriving at 11 so I can go to the Temple and set up for my preschool Shabbat program. She agreed to stay at home with all three kids so they can just rest and not expose everyone at school to their colds.

I have to jump in the shower and dress. I would LOVE to fall back asleep right now, but that's not possible. I was planning to have my incredible sister (see the next post) watch the kids after the preschool program so I could help DH at his rehearsal this afternoon, but I don't think that's happening today. Gotta make it through the day.

So tired

I'm tired.

I don't know why. I was in bed by 10, lights out. The kids woke us up a few times, but only for a little bit each time. I had set my alarm for 6:30, but couldn't get my butt out of bed, even once the kids were awake and in my room. I finally rolled out of bed around 7:30. Maybe starting the day like that, hitting the snooze alarm so many times, is the reason that I am still so tired even now.

I ended up being needed to sub at the kids' school, which was fun, but meant I couldn't get the huge pile of laundry done or finish my resume to apply for the preschool teacher position I want.

At 3:30 I will leave to go back to the Temple to teach Hebrew School.

When I get finished, I will drive the kids over to my sister's with DH so I can go with him to his rehearsal for the show he's currently directing at the Middle School. He is having such a hard time working with these kids! I don't know if it's the age (middle school kids are tough) or if the kids are actually trying to make it hard for him because they miss the teacher who is out on maternity leave. I told him that I would help however I could, so I'm going to rehearsal tonight to try to whip these kids into shape.

And to top it all off, my back hurts so bad. I know it's muscular because I can pinpoint the exact spots where it hurts. I have to get in to see the chiropractor immediately! I know he will make it better; just have to make the time for it.

But, bottom line, I'm tired. REALLY tired. I have to continue to get to bed before 10. It's sad that by 2 today I was counting the hours until I could go to bed. I'm hoping that if I keep getting to bed on time and STOP hitting the snooze button, I'll start doing better. For now, I'm going downstairs to make myself a cup of Chai Tea Latte - I keep bugging Giant until the restock the shelves with the concentrate that Starbucks uses. This last time they called me when the new shipment came in and kept a case behind the customer service desk just for me.

Brrrrr!

It's just not right that we had to put on our winter coats so we could go outside and look for eggs at my in-laws' house this morning. It's not right that even with our coats on and zipped we were still trying to rush so we could get back inside. It's not right that Christmas was WARMER than it was today.

I've got to close this computer down and get under the covers with DH - it's cold!!!

You Say It's Your Birthday . . .

It's my birthday too, yeah...

Happy birthday to me!

Being the organizing dork that I am, as a birthday gift to myself I had two incredible friends come over this morning and they did a Clean Sweep of the kids' playroom/my pantry. The room looks incredible now. After we had pulled everything out of the pantry/closet where everything went when I couldn't figure out where else it should go, I got to the point where I was so totally overwhelmed I wanted to shove it all back in and forget about it. That's when good friends come in handy. They kept shoving things at me to make me sort, focusing me on one thing at a time. And any time I started vascillating on whether or not I should keep something, like the bookends I was given when the boys were born (FIVE YEARS AGO!) with B's name mispelled that I had always meant to return to the store and have them fix, they said my name sternly and MADE me get rid of it.

I have good friends.

Gratitude and Support

I started reading Strange Son by Portia Iversen (the co-founder of CAN) last night and I just can't put it down. Much of the book is about her relationship with a boy named Tito, a severely autistic nonverbal boy from India whose mother taught him to read, write, and communicate. He has an IQ of 185 and has written two books, being able to offer an incredible insight into the inner world of children with autism. It is fascinating! I know how lucky I am that my son is so high functioning, but reading about this child who after communicating with Portia his thoughts and feelings comes to her house and must obsessively make eight destructive laps of her entire house, with seemingly no control over his body, who cannot seem to utilize more than one of his senses at a time, it in turn makes me understand some of my own child's idiosyncracies a little more and incredibly grateful that he has as much control over himself as he does. And as he runs over to me three times as I write this to announce, "I love you," and am again reminded of what an incredible gift this ability to communicate verbally is, which I need to remember when he chatters on incessantly all day long, demanding responses or he will continue to repeat his questions or comments without end.

I signed the kids up to a local kids' gym for the next two days. They are so excited to spend the day running through the tunnels and ball pits and participate in the organized gymnastic activities. The only down side is that DH or I will have to be in the building 100% of the time since A is not potty trained yet. My day to be there is today, so I'm packing up a lot of stuff to work on while they play. I'm bringing Strange Son to finish reading along with lots of paperwork, but the most important thing I'm bringing is my laptop and two books of sample resumes for teachers. Yes, I'm going to apply for the preschool teacher position and work out the logistics if I get it. DH was not thrilled; he's concerned that A MIGHT have trouble adjusting to kindergarten and need my help during those first few weeks of school. I plan to expose the boys to their new school and teacher gradually over the summer during the last few weeks of school to help with any transition problems he might have and line up trusted loved ones to be on stand by in case they are needed, but still I get guilt from my DH that I won't be the actual person standing by, ready to run to school in case our child is having a temper tantrum. I pointed out to him that he actually does better at school than at home, having few irrational fears and less temper tantrums than he does at home, and that made DH feel a little better. I also feel that to not apply for and attempt to get a part-time teaching job that will make me feel so fulfilled and happy on the off chance that I might be needed by my children during the three hours that I'm teaching (the same three hours that ALL THREE of them will be in school) is not fair. I have never needed to come to school to assist with A in any way, so I am not sure why DH feels that kindergarten will be so incredibly different. In any case, I think I got DH to understand that I mainly just needed his support on this, needed to hear him say, "I will support you in this endeavor because I know it's something that you want. Here are my concerns; let's figure out how we can address them." We ended our discussion last night pretty much on the same page, and we're going to take it one step at a time.

April Adventures

I'm accepting the challenge to post every day during this month. And that's all the time (and energy) I have to post right now, but I plan on going to bed on time tonight and will therefore have more energy tomorrow.

Passover is coming! Passover is coming!

Today is my day to clean. And not just the bathroom or vacuum the rugs. Passover is coming, so we're talking SERIOUS cleaning!

So far today I have cleaned out the toaster (how many crumbs were in there - can we say "Fire Hazard"?) and scrubbed down the coffee maker, took all my cooking and baking foods out of the cabinets, sorting them into piles of Kosher for Passover and Chumutz (non-Kosher for Passover), scrubbing out the shelves in said cabinets, and putting all Kosher for Passover foods back in the cabinets. All other foods went into either one cabinet that we won't open for the week of Passover or a box. My children have now learned that there is a tradition to "sell" your non-kosher food to someone who is not Jewish and then "buy" it back when Passover is done, so I'm going to have to call my neighbors to find someone willing to store a box of food for the week. The kids are very excited about this idea.

My goal is to be done the kitchen in the next hour and a half. At two I need to be at my in-laws for Easter egg dying with the kids (yes, I'm aware of the incongruity of these two events). When I return I will begin my baking for the week, starting with the Kosher "bagels" my Aunt Yetta passed down to my mom who passed it down to me (or at least she will when I call her as I do every year to get the recipe - you'd think I'd finally write down my own copy).

And my timer just went off, so my ten-minute break is over. Back to work!

A J Funny

J: When I grow up I want to be a kitty cat and Santa Claus.

Mommy: Why?

J: So I can go "Meow, meow" and "Ho, Ho, Ho!"

Well, duh, why didn't I think of that?!!
Special note: J is terrified of all animals, especially cats, and as for Santa Claus - Hello, we're Jewish!!!

Unexpected Opportunities

I was offered a potential job teaching a preschool class from 9-12 five days a week. It's not a guarenteed job, but I'm being given the heads up from the director to hand in my resume if I'm interested.

So...am I interested?

I had planned to begin teaching preschool when the boys were old enough to attend. Then I got pregnant with J and that plan had to change.

Teaching part time would give me the opportunity to teach again more than I'm doing now. I leave school every time I teach (Hebrew School, Religious School) so energized, almost walking on air. I really, really enjoy it.

My first concern was how I would deal with driving the kids to school, since they would need to be at kindergarten AFTER I would need to be at school and be picked up BEFORE I would be done. My sister thinks she can help with this, but can't 100% commit because she is consulting with her old job for a big project that will occur in October, so September and October might be a little crazy for her. But my mom also agreed that she would be able to help with driving. I also have a friend whose son might be in the same kindergarten class as the boys, and I might be able to get her to drive the boys to and from school, but that might be a huge imposition.

My other concern is how I would be able to continue getting everything done around the house like I've been doing. I've REALLY been enjoying having three mornings with all three kids in school, and I would lose that. BUT with the extra income I could afford to have all three kids stay at J's preschool twice a week after school for the enrichment program, giving me about two hours twice a week sans kids that I could use to pay bills, do paperwork, etc. PLUS I would have from now until September to "finish" organizing the house, in theory, which would make life easier. And I seem to think I might even use my time better if I had a set schedule every day.

Hmmmmm.....

This Was Not in the Manual

If someone had told me before I had kids that I would have to physically hold them down so I could pour drops into their ear to wash out the canal full of wax and dried blood while my daughter screamed, "No, Mommy, I don't care if my ear feels better! Stop, Mommy! Ow, it hurts, it hurts!" and that when it was over she would only go to my husband for a hug and not let me touch her, I don't know if I would have agreed to all of this.


J woke up Thursday from her nap complaining that her ear hurt. Took her to the doctor that afternoon (The other two were on amoxicillan at the time for various things, what's one more?) to get checked out. The doctor looked in her right ear but couldn't see anything due to the large amount of wax in the canal. He got his little tool, had me hold her down (fun), and began digging to attempt to remove the wax. The tool he had was not working so he had to stop, go into another room, get yet another tool, and start again. Finally he removed a large chunk of wax, but there was still too much in her ear for him to determine if she had an infection. By this time she was hysterically crying, so I scooped her up and comforted her. He told me that he accidentally nicked the inside of her canal. There was no blood, it looked fine, we left with a prescription to fill in case she continues to complain about ear pain and instructions to give drops of equal parts hydrogen peroxide and water to clean out the wax. She was hysterical even after we got home, at one point crying, "I can't stop crying!" It was really pathetic.

That night she had a hard time falling asleep. Apparently she usually sleeps on her right side and laying on her ear hurt (understandably). When she woke up and came to me in the morning, I had to check myself to stop from gasping too loud. Her entire ear and side of her face were covered with dried blood. She hadn't realized this yet (though was puzzled at the red on her fingers) so I was able to casually clean off her cheek somewhat, but going near her ear made her scream and put her hands over it. I totally understood that she was terrified to let me go near her ear after the day before, but I had to clean the dried blood out of her ear. I worked on it with a warm washcloth several times that day and managed to clean all but the inner ear.

Which brings us to tonight.

Nothing says love like doing what needs to be done to make your child feel better even if it makes them scared of you in the short (oh, it had better be short) term. Really. Now if I could just convince myself of that....

I've Updated - finally!

Yes, it's true, you can now read an updated list of blogs, websites, and a new and improved profile. Woohoo.

I Feel Huge

I'm tired of this.

My weight is going in the wrong direction. My clothes aren't fitting, I hate looking at myself in the mirror, I don't even want to be in any pictures.

I'm praying that this feeling will give me the motivation to stick with the my plan to eat right. I can't take this anymore.

BLECH!

Comedy of Errors

The whining, the screaming, the crying - and that's the girl who's not sick!

Monday afternoon, with B sick sick sick (we found out yesterday it was strep, he's now on antibiotics and feeling much better, but as of Monday he just had a very high fever and felt like crap) and A at a birthday party (another mom from school took him and he did great without me there - yes!), J decided it was time to just cry. She cried if I talked to her, she cried if I didn't. She screamed if I ignored her and screamed louder if I gave her attention. It was a very long day, and no, she wasn't sick. She was making me sick, but she herself is fine.

After offering a huge list of different things that we could do, I finally silenced her with the offer of painting her nails. We had never done that before, so I hoped the novelty of it would not just silence her but actually make her happy. I was half right.

J sat on my lap and quietly watched while I painted her nails. She seemed to love the attention and I thought I had found the solution, the antidote to her unhappiness. It was short-lived. She soon touched a nail and became very upset that some of the polish was now on her finer and the nail was very smudged. I tried to fix it, but then two fingers on the other hand got stuck together when the nail touched the other finger. By now she was crying hysterically again. So I ran to the closet to get the polish remover (and almost sent an emergency call to anyone to run out and buy us some more nail polish remover when I couldn't find it, but luckily I eventually located it).

I calmed her down again when I started removing the polish. Okay, no big deal. Until she touched her still damp finger to her tongue and began gagging and crying hysterically at the awful taste. I grabbed her and brought her to the bathroom were I got her to drink a lot of water and rinse out her mouth as much as possible. Then we washed her hands multiple times so she wouldn't get the smell or taste in her mouth again.

Wow, what a winning idea painting her nails turned out to be.

Busy, busy, busy!

B woke with a high fever today, so we cancelled the playdate I had scheduled for today for J and made arrangements for A to be taken to an afternoon birthday party for today.

Arrived at the Temple yesterday for religious school only to discover that the parking lots were a thick sheet of ice. We quickly made the decision that we had to cancel for the day since we didn't want anyone to fall. Spent the next hour calling all the kids in our classes to tell them not to come. Had time at home to relieve DH from watching the kids so he could get some school work completed, then had some time alone to work on some paperwork before heading to my in-laws for dinner.

J's birthday party was Saturday, and while we contemplated having to cancel due to the freak snow/ice storm from Friday, we didn't need to and she loved having her friends come over for a Wiggles party. Later that day we hosted the whole family for dinner and cake.

Friday A woke screaming that his ear hurt. Knew it was an ear infection, but still needed to bring him to the doctor for confirmation and medication. Sleet/freezing rain began early in the morning and soon gave way to snow and ice. We had to cancel my preschool lunchtime Shabbat program. My incredible sister came over with my niece and nephew for lunch and then stayed until dinner. We tried to get the kids to take a nap, but they all refused, making it a loooong afternoon. Got in a big fight with DH since I saw no problem with going to my parents' for Shabbat dinner (especially since we had to shovel their driveway anyway) but I found the roads fine as long as I drove carefully. My sister, DH, and I all took time shoveling out their driveway, though when we left after dinner, my parents' driveway looked like we hadn't even touched it.

It's been busy over here!

I have a ton of laundry to do today, and a lot of little areas to declutter and clean around the house, so B and J are camped out on the couch watching tv (only way I can get B to rest, and there's no way I can make B do it and not let J). I'm off!

Money, Money, Money, Money

I just read a book about a mom with three kids who was homeless - they all lived in the car. She worked, waiting tables, trying to save up enough money to be able to afford a security deposit and first month's rent for an apartment, which she eventually does.

How dare I complain about money?

Yes, money is tight here, and we are currently living paycheck to paycheck. Yes, it's hard some months to pay the mortgage, and I need to budget very carefully to pay for the groceries. BUT I have a roof over my head. We have insurance. We are all wearing clothes and even have our own washing machine and dryer to keep them clean, and the electricty to run it.

I need to stop looking at the glass as half emtpy. At least we can afford the glass.

Finally

I'm not too fond of Blogger these days.

I have had so much to say, so much to record, so much I've been thinking about, and for some reason, Blogger has not been letting me get on my account to update my blog.

One really important thing happened Monday - did you hear the cheers coming from our house? A told me that he just pooped (a huge thing by itself since he usually has little awareness of his bodily funtions) and while I was cleaning him off, he told me that he thought he had a little more poop inside of him. He agreed to sit on the potty and actually managed to push a little bit of poop out. The smile that came over his face at his accomplishment was priceless (though the pricetag on the Gameboy he received as his reward, promised months ago, was HUGE!) - clearly he was not scared or upset about the poop going in the toilet instead of his pull-up or any such scenario as I imagined. He hasn't repeated this enormous event since then, but did voluntarily sit on the potty at school to try to do it again. Hopefully this is the start, the "breakthrough" that we needed, and we will be able to get him to do this more and more often. I'm just so incredibly proud of him!

What Do You Think?

I need some advice.

I just got a call from someone who wants to hire me for her son's birthday party. Great! However, it's a very specific theme (Herbie the Love Bug) which I doubt anyone else will want, though I might be able to use some aspects again with other more common themes (cars, racing). This wouldn't be a big deal, but she won't commit until I send her the proposed list of things I will do with her kids. She wants to make sure it will definitely keep the kids' attention.

My concern is what if I do all the planning, send her the ideas, and she doesn't hire me, choosing instead to do it herself (using my ideas). I will have spent the time researching/planning without any compensation for it.

I guess I can plan stuff out and try to keep it more general. I just don't know.

What do you think?

Thirteen Letters To Whom It May Concern

To Whom It May Concern:

1) Blogger hijacked my blog until I agreed to sign up for the new version. Since I did that it has given me more trouble than I ever had before to get into my blog to write a new post. I would like to switch back to the old version immediately OR have this problem resolved so I don't end up with five different blog posts floating around in my head.

2) Please find the sweet little girl that you stole from my house and replaced with this whiny, pushy, bossy one. The boys and I would really like her back.

3) When I took my five year old son to the "Dysfunctional Outpatient Voiding and Eliminating" Clinic (DOVE for short) I expected to receive some advice on helping him learn how to use the toilet. I did not want to hear that he just might not be ready to learn yet since he still has bowel movements in his sleep. That is NOT helpful. He is five. I do not want him going to kindergarten in diapers. Please rethink your advice and create that magic pill that I was seeking.

4) The parking garage at the DOVE clinic is the most poorly designed that I have ever seen. I spent literally twenty-five minutes driving around the garage to find a spot. Granted, it was a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate to my son various techniques to use when upset (see how Mommy takes deep breaths) it would not have been necessary it the garage was not so counter-intuitive in design. Please create a new design and submit it to me by next week.

5) The dishwasher fairy no longer lives in our house. Do not lay your used ice cream spoon on the side of the sink and expect her to magically transport it into the dishwasher - please do it yourself.

6) When you receive the flyer advertising an incredible new birthday party service and it has a coupon attached to it that expires at the end of the month, please be inspired to book your child's next birthday party immediately. Miss R's new business is still in the red.

7) My family quite enjoyed the warm weather that we had next week and was quite surprised when the cold weather appeared and the snow fell on Wednesday. Please keep in mind that it is now March. We expect spring to be arriving any day now. Please cooperate with this expectation.

8) Removing Thursday from my consciousness was not a very nice thing to do. I was quite surprised yesterday when I looked at the Thursday Thirteen site and saw so many postings, especially since it was Wednesday (at least in my mind). I have too much to do to lose a day like that.

9) I just started the Best Life Diet and am loving it.

10) If you are a library and you received an e-mail describing an incredible show based on the state's summer theme "Find a clue at the library" you should be falling over yourself to book a date for your library. Again, Miss R's business is still in the red.

11) We are waiting quite impatiently for our income tax return to arrive.

12) My children are quite desperate for the bunk beds we will be buying as soon as we receive it, especially J since she is currently sleeping on a mattress that is on the floor of the boys' room.

13) Finding thirteen ideas for letters was NOT as easy as I thought it would be. Please remind me of that if I ever want to do this again.

300th post

I believe I have earned some sort of celebration - this is my 300th post! Wow, that sure seems like a lot to me!! :)

My big brother

I have had so many posts bubbling and percolating in my brain that I actually am starting to dream about them. And I don't just mean dreaming about what I'm going to write about, I mean actually dreaming of my fingers hitting the keyboard as the thoughts spew out on the computer screen. That's not weird, is it?

I had a dream two nights ago about my brother. He and I were sitting in his old bedroom of our old house, just kind of hanging out.

To understand how truly bizarre this dream is you have to understand that my brother and I have NEVER hung out together. We never had a "typical" brother/sister relationship. My brother is clinically hyperactive, and if you look up the symptoms of what that means, my brother fits every symptom to the nth degree. Growing up I didn't know that - I just knew that living with him was challenging, to say the least. He was extremely impulsive and violent, especially to me. I came home from school one day and he flew down the steps at me and pinned me against the door, my arm twisted behind my back. I had followed him next door to our neighbor's house one day and climbed the tree after him and his friend. Once I was sitting on the tree house's ledge, my brother pushed me out, face first. My very first memory is of us walking back home from our neighbors after retrieving a railroad tie that for some reason they allowed my brother (who was four at the time, two years older than me) carry. That was my first trip to the hospital, taken there after my brother threw it at my head.

And when "I" wasn't being violent in action, he was being violent with words, intimidating and yelling at all of us. My parents did the best they can, but it's hard to remember family dinners without remembering the screaming matches between my parents and my brother. All in all, my brother really colored my memories of my childhood, enough for me later to get diagnosed with PTSD. But that's another story for another time.

Back to my bizarre dream. "I" was showing me how he was selling so much of his stuff on this version of e-bay. He told me how angry he was that Mom and Dad threw him out and made him take all his stuff, so this is what he was doing to get rid of it all (by the way, my parents never threw him out, so this was interesting - wishful thinking on my part?). He also told me about his two girls that he now has, one named Isabella and the other named Quiet (?) but he had some nickname for her that I forget. It was very interesting having an adult conversation with him, even if it was in a dream.

I have talked with my brother since we have become adults, but he is a very superficial person, so it's hard to have any kind of "real" conversation with him. He has chosen to separate himself completely from us. My parents still talk to him on the phone once a week, but he comes to very few family events and never returns my sister's phone calls (she still tries to have a relationship with him, I don't bother).

I don't feel anger towards "I". I have forgiven him for the traumas in my childhood. I know much of it was beyond his control. I have learned that my mom did everything she could to make sure I was never left alone with him, but she couldn't be there 100% of the time. I feel indifference to him. Sometimes that makes me sad that I never got to have that big brother that I've heard others talk about. But that's just the way things worked out.

I suppose I could work on this some more, revise it, make it look clever and insightful, but I mainly wanted to record this dream so I could remember it later. So for now, that's all I have to say about that.

Five Years Ago....

Five years ago today .....

• I had been on bedrest for eight weeks
• The last two were in the hospital on a Magnesium Sulfate drip
• WARNING: DON'T READ THIS ITEM IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH! I had endured major humiliating indignities all to keep my two precious boys inside of me a little bit longer, the main one being that the area between my legs had become so incredibly swollen that the nurses all used to come in with various remedies for me to try, all telling me they had never seen anything like it before. It eventually got to the point where it took FIVE nurses to get me off the bed onto the extra wide commode they put right next to it for me to pee: two on each leg (to make sure my legs didn't close at all) and one behind me.
• In the early morning of February 28th the nurses came in to tell me that it is within my right to refuse medical treatment, and that if the doctors don't agree to do an emergency c-section that morning, they would go over their heads to the chief of obstetrics in the hospital.
• As soon as the doctors came on duty that morning, they spoke with the nurses, came in a did a cursory exam of my body, and told me they were doing an emergency c-section in an hour. This is after they had responded to my mom's request that I be examined earlier in the week by glancing under the covers, saying that lots of women pregnant with twins get swollen, and leaving.
• They tried to catheterize me but the amount of swelling made it physically impossible to do. My husband arrived that morning to the sounds of my screams as they tried for fifteen minutes to make this happen before they gave up.
• The doctors attempted to give me a spinal but the amount of swelling was so extreme that I was no longer able to sit up.
• I was given a general and the boys were taken out as fast as possible as soon as I was out, within seconds of each other. They were six weeks premature.
• While DH was watching from behind the glass, he witnessed a big splash as my bladder ruptured. He continued watching in amazement as they paged a urologist STAT to do emergency repairs.
• A weighed 5 lbs 4 oz.
• B weighed 5 lbs 6 oz.
• They were taken immediately to the NICU and given C-Pap to help them breathe, but only for that first day and night.
• Supposedly I was wheeled through the NICU to see them after I woke up from my general, but I sincerely have no memory of this whatsoever.
• I began pumping as soon as I could sit up that day (whew, what a relief to be able to do that again) and was amazed at how much it HURT!!! But I kept it up every two hours and eventually it stopped hurting. Those first couple of days were so incredibly frustrating - I knew I had to do this to force my milk to come, but I was physically unable to get out of bed so I needed to ring for a nurse each time I had to pump. And each time I pumped I got a little bit more, but in the beginning it was literally a drop of collostrum. Some of the nurses acted as if this was a waste of time, but others encouraged me, stressing how this was liquid gold and that every little bit helped.
• I was allowed to see my babies the next day and one of the nurses took Polaroids of me holding first one boy, then the other, then both together. I looked at these as I continued pumping every two hours.
• I had a long recovery, so I guess it ended up being a good thing that the boys had to stay in the NICU for a couple weeks. I ended up needing physical therapy to walk again - had a walker that I used for those first two weeks and a wheelchair that I used whenever I returned to the hospital to visit. And of course, my catheter bag stayed with me for a good couple of weeks so my bladder could heal. Since all the swelling went to my legs and feet, it was probably a good thing that I didn't have to get up to pee!

I look at the boys now and find it impossible to mesh the picture in my mind of them in the NICU with how they look today. It's amazing how big and strong and active and verbal they are.

B is my sensitive child. He gets worried when people (whether real or on tv/in stories) do the wrong thing. And he always comes up with great ideas, which he announces by saying, "I've got a great idea!" He loves building things with legos and blocks, and is currently in love with the musical "Joseph" and performs bits of it for us every night.

A is my challenging genius. We figured out this year that he has Asperger's which finally explained so many of his behaviors that we just couldn't understand. Now we know that, for example, he just can't help himself from touching electronics, so we have been working on adapting the environment so he doesn't have access to things like the computer, and teaching him strategies to help him find other things to do when he feels the compulsion to touch stuff he shouldn't touch. He is now such an incredible reader that while he's not interested in sitting down and reading bigger books like we know he is able, he can read all mail we receive and read what I write as I write it! He loves to sing and dance and clearly has the music in him!

I love listening to them talk to each other and play together. I'm so glad that I had twins first - they learned to share and compromise so early really because I gave them no other option. They are both so incredibly affectionate and outgoing I just have to laugh.

I feel so blessed that God allowed me to finally conceive these two incredible boys and carry them almost to term after five long years of trying. Hard to believe that it was about ten years ago when we started our journey to become parents. So many twists and turns happened along the way, but ultimately I'm so grateful things happened when they did, even if I couldn't see it at the time.

Happy birthday to my beautiful boys!

Business Calls

Received a message on my business answering machine from a mom asking about themes for her 8-year-old daughters party. Put together a list and called her back. I was a good mom. I waited until the kids were all in bed. They were read to, sung to, tucked in, music turned on, door shut, down for the night. How did they know I was on the phone with a potential client, trying to sound professional? How did they know that tonight was the night to come out of their room (something that all three of them together rarely do) and try to talk to me, all at the same time? How did they pick the exact moment that I was on the phone with said client to whine and cry and try to do things in my room that they are not allowed to do?

Mish Mash

Okay, here's a recap of my life since last I posted:

* I did TWO parties this weekend! One was my first "stranger" party, a person who saw my ad on-line and called me Friday to see if I could do her son's party on Saturday. Yikes! But I did it. :) And then I did my friend's son's party on Sunday. Both were so much fun!

* A woke up Monday complaining bitterly about his stomach. I thought it was because he was hungry and encouraged him to at least eat some Cheerios, but he only ate one. As we got ready to go to school he threw himself on the ground clutching his stomach, so I let him come back home with me after we dropped off B. He laid on the couch moaning all morning, needing me to sit with him. At lunch time, he looked so pale, I pushed jello. Big mistake. Let's just say that bright red and bright blue jello don't look so good coming back up. He stayed on clear liquids after that and kept them down, so today we moved onto the BRAT diet and he's doing better. Just in time for the boys' birthday tomorrow!

Okay, that's all I can think of right now. I have had LOTS of post ideas in my head, but not enough time to write them! I'll work on carving out more time.

Just had to answer the phone and talk to someone begging for money for their organization. What part of "We just can't afford to help this year but hopefully we will be able to next year." Do they not understand?!!!

Whew!

I read some REALLY funny blogs the other day and kind of got somewhat intimidated about writing my own posts, but I'm over it now! :)

I spent all morning yesterday doing paperwork and I'm actually finished now. What a fabulous feeling. All bills are paid, paperwork sorted and filled out, shredded or filed. Aaahhh. And today I worked on all of A's paperwork and appointments. I literally just worked for two straight hours, but I was able to:

1) Set up a pediatric urologist appointment (let's just make sure there isn't any physical reason he's not potty trained)

2) Switched his health provider to one that covers all the hospitals we have taken him to

3) Found child psychologists covered by his new insurance

4) Made an appointment for him with Child Guidance Services

5) Found out how to receive diapers for him (took numerous calls to figure this out)

6) Contacted our pediatrician to make well appointments for all three kids and for them to contact the DME (AKA the diaper company)

I was also able to do a load of laundry and put it away.

Not bad.

So glad I designated Wednesday mornings to focus on all A's "stuff".

My sister took J and A after school yesterday so I could work with B on finally finishing all of his paperwork to get HIM evaluated by the IU. I don't think he is autistic too, but he is extremely sensitive to any conflict (in real life or pretend) and drools a LOT, so I want to get it checked out. So that's all done too.

Okay, that's all the time I had this morning. Now it's off to pick the kids up at school.

Oprah changed my life

Well, no not really. But I watched my TIVOed episode of yesterday's show last night and it seems that thousands of people wrote her to tell her that her show last week on The Secret did just that. Yesterday the episode was all about the reaction to last week's show.

Here's what I got out of it:

The "Secret" is all about the Laws of Attraction. You will get back whatever you put out there. If you are negative and are thinking negative thoughts, things around you will be negative. Whatever you choose to focus on, be it your weight, the things about your spouse that annoy you, the things in your life that you don't like, they will become the biggest thing in your life. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this right, but last night it made a lot of sense to me! Bottom line, to quote Monty Python, "Always look on the bright side of life!"

One of the ideas they presented was to list all the things you don't want and then write the polar opposite. I think I'm able to just jump right to the polar opposite (woohoo, go me) and write the list of what I DO want in life. Here goes, in no particular order:

1) I want my children to be able to lead independent lives in which they are doing things that make them happy and are socially responsible.

2) I want my husband and I to have time together on a regular basis to communicate and stay connected.

3) I want financial freedom, the ability to pay my bills without worrying about when the next paycheck comes, the chance to take the kids out to lunch without having to cut way back on what we order just to ensure that we can afford it, the opportunity to take the family on vacation once in a while, an emergency fund set up to cover three months worth of expenses, a retirement fund so we can retire at some point, an education fund for each of the children to ensure that they can go to school without having to declare financial independence and work many differnt jobs to be able to pay for it as I did.

4) I want a peaceful, non-chaotic, organized home.

5) I want to be physically fit, to make good choices with the food I eat, to exercise regularly, to fit into my size 8 clothes.

6) I want to make money from my business and enjoy it, doing at least two parties and/or assemblies a month.

7) I want to study the Torah and the entire Tanakh, being able to question and share ideas with other like-minded Jews.

8) I want to continue developing friendships with other women.

9) I want to scrapbook at least two times a month.

The idea is that once you clearly know what you want, you need to work on making steps towards achieving it. The more I write about this, the more I think this is something I have been living all my life already, but I think it's good to state what you want out of life and figure out how to make it happen.

What about you? What are the things you want in life? If you have your own blog, I challenge you to post about it and then leave a link in my comments. If you don't have a blog, list what you want in the comments section. I'd love to read what other people want out of life!

The Birds!

Yes, the birds are back. Birds seem to like my bedroom windows. They frequently make nests there, which is very sweet and the kids like to take a look at them. Once we even got to see the eggs in there (I didn't tell the kids when the next fell and all the eggs were crushed and the baby birds died - we just said they all flew away.) which was truly amazing to watch up close.

Hearing the chirping once in a while is sweet.

Having the chirping wake you up and listening to it all day long whenever I'm in my room - not so sweet.

Snow Day!

Finally! Snow actually fell and accumulated. We've had a few snowfalls, but they have only been teases - leaving a small dusting behind that melts before the kids get out of school. Today we were awakened at five by the automated voice of DH's school district stating that school was canceled for the day. Woohoo! DH didn't have to get up at his normal 5:30 and got to sleep in until 7 when the kids are finally allowed to get up. And then he treated me to a morning vegging in bed while he got up with the kids and took care of them. I can't remember the last morning I slept in, between him working on Saturdays and me working on Sundays, so this morning was such an incredible present. Happy Valentine's Day, indeed!

A just read all this out loud over my shoulder and wants me to write the next story about Hammer the Nails (that's what he says the title should be). Yesterday was a very long but productive day. I had A's IEP meeting which ended up being three hours long. We brainstormed lots of ideas for his increasing anxiety and screaming tantrums as well as suggestions about the non-existent potty training. I brought with me to the meeting a one page document that I had written that included every single thing I have tried to get this kid to go in the toilet. I described every incentive plan we have had, every chunk of time that we have required him to sit on the potty and every chunk of time that we have tried between trips to the potty. I described all the special toys he was only allowed to play with while on the toilet, the games that we tried (like "Sink the Cheerio") even how we tried pouring luke-warm water over him while he sat on the toilet. And bottom line, he has never ever done anything but sit or stand on or at the potty. I asked for a special group to come out and work with him. The IU finally agreed, though they won't pay for it until this summer, seeing as then he will officially be "school-aged" since he goes to Kindergarten in September.

After that meeting, I had just enough time to get J down for a nap and the boys down on the couch for "quiet time" when my next meeting for the day began with a knock on the door. A young rabbi arrived to talk with me about a group called "The Friendship Circle," a Jewish organization that sets up trained teenage volunteers with families that have kids with special needs so the child can have a teenage "friend" and the family can have a little respite. Very nice. He wanted to meet with A and get a sense of him, finding out if he would take a while to warm up (not a problem with my overly social son) or would even acknowledge him at all. It was great to have someone rough house with the kids for a little while I got to sit on the couch.

And then DH got home early. My Hebrew School was canceled for the night as was his rehearsal, so I took advantage of all that extra time and cleared out a lot of junk from the bedroom. I just had gotten rid of a large bench we had in the room (took up too much space and wasn't getting used much) - I LOVE Freecycle! - and bought an inexpensive file cabinet from Staples to create a small office nook for my business stuff. DH helped me move the computer armoire over which really opened the area up. After I cleaned up a lot I started hanging pictures back up around the house. Which brings us back to why A wanted this to be called "Hammer the Nails."

Whew!

Okay, I have to get the chicken out of the crockpot (Southwestern chicken - so easy - two cans of corn, one can of black beans, one bottle of salsa, chicken pieces, stir and cover, cook) so we can eat dinner. Hope you have had a great snow day!

Is it snowing yet?

I have to get back in the habbit of blogging every day. Not that my life is that incredibly interesting, but I think it helps to have an outlet for everything I'm thinking and doing, especially with DH working almost every night. I really don't have much to write now except that I'm tired but just got the kids in bed for the night and must go downstairs and clean up the styrofoam snow they made all over the downstairs while I was in the bathroom. Fun.

So it begins . . .

Just before it was time to go up for her nap, J kept coming in to me as I finshed eating my lunch with two fingers raised. "Two more minutes, Mommy," she announced, returning every two minutes or so to repeat her proclamation. Since she was playing quietly in the other room, I didn't think too much of it as I finished my McDonald's Asian salad (LOVE them!) in relative peace. When I went to throw my trash away, I poked my head into the playroom and tried to make her smile. J smiled and then said, "No, Mommy, go away." Okay. Whatever. I'd like to say I got suspicious then, just knowing that something was up. But, I didn't.

When I went into the playroom to bring J upstairs, I noticed that she was chewing. "What are you eating?" I quickly asked her, and she matter-of-factly replied, "Chocolate." Of course. What else would she be eating now? I looked at the playroom floor and realized the true reason J hadn't wanted me to come in. She had stolen an entire box of chocolates that I had left too close to the counter's edge and was systematically going through every gold wrapped piece, leaving a pile of foil in their place. She knew she shouldn't do it, so she was hiding it from me.

Lovely. She is still two and she has learned to hide from when she wants to do something she shouldn't. I don't think either of the boys has really learned that one yet. I'm just so proud.

Why?

Why, oh why do they print the instructions on how to open a child-resistant cap ON the said child-resistant cap?

Having a child who can read at an early age is interesting, but very frustrating when he is able to read things that he really shouldn't be reading!

Don't worry, the Poison Control Center reassured me that the vitamins he ate won't harm him, but didn't have any good solution for making him forget the instructions he already read and proved to me that he knows how to use.

P.S. As I type this, said child is hanging on my shoulder (literally) reading every word I type. Whenever I pause, he suggests a word for me to put in. And since he's insisting on it now, I must type in his name: A. There, is that better, A? He's now moved on to my box of business cards, pronouncing that he needs to create his own party productions when he's older.

Well, it's never dull around here.

Since last I posted, in no particular order . . .

* Dropped the kids off at school this morning and then went with my sister to the funeral of our next door neighbor from the house where we grew up. My family lived there for about 25 years or so, and we were all pretty close. I think of them as my surrogate grandparents. The Ds had a pool that we were welcome to use any time, and we all wore a path between our yard and there's through the years. Some of my fondest summer time memories are of going over to the D's pool and sitting under the shade of one pool umbrella, Mr. D. under the other, both of us reading The Star or The Enquirer, or some other stupid newspaper like that. Just the two of us, spending the afternoon together, laughing at the incredible articles in there.

* Once we got to the funeral and got a chance to see everyone (big family, lots of kids, many we hadn't seen in years and years) my cell phone rang - school was closing because the heat wasn't working properly. We had to go back and pick up the kids. So NOT the way I was planning to spend the day!

* Okay, my website is up and running, I've been sending out e-mails to spread the word, passing out business cards and flyers, have an ad on Google, signed up to be on the various search engines, added "metatags" to my web pages . . . NOW WHAT?!!!

* Made a HUGE financial mistake the other day and started my business checking account with our home equity line of credit. Only problem is we refinanced our line of credit over the summer into a fixed rate and did away with the line of credit part of it. OOoops! So now I have to go over to the printer's with my credit card and apologize like crazy!!!

* Had a FABULOUS weekend away scrapbooking with good friends. Finished my entire album for 2006. The secret? Take less pictures.

* Have to go tackle the ENORMOUS pile of clothes before it makes good on its promise to take over the house. Think I'm kidding? You haven't seen the pile.